还乡The Return Of The Native-第39部分

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“Ah！　but　you　don’t　know　what　you　have　got　in　me；”　she　said。　　“Sometimes　I　think　there　is　not　that　in　Eustacia　Vye　which　will　make　a　good　homespun　wife。　　Well；　let　it　go—see　how　our　time　is　slipping；　slipping；　slipping！”　She　pointed　towards　the　half…eclipsed　moon。
“You　are　too　mournful。”
“No。　Only　I　dread　to　think　of　anything　beyond　the　present。　　What　is；　we　know。　　We　are　together　now；　and　it　is　unknown　how　long　we　shall　be　so；　the　unknown　always　fills　my　mind　with　terrible　possibilities；　even　when　I　may　reasonably　expect　it　to　be　cheerful。。。。Clym；　the　eclipsed　moonlight　shines　upon　your　face　with　a　strange　foreign　colour；　and　shows　its　shape　as　if　it　were　cut　out　in　gold。　　That　means　that　you　should　be　doing　better　things　than　this。”
“You　are　ambitious；　Eustacia—no；　not　exactly　ambitious；　luxurious。　　I　ought　to　be　of　the　same　vein；　to　make　you　happy；　I　suppose。　　And　yet；　far　from　that；　I　could　live　and　die　in　a　hermitage　here；　with　proper　work　to　do。”
There　was　that　in　his　tone　which　implied　distrust　of　his　position　as　a　solicitous　lover；　a　doubt　if　he　were　acting　fairly　towards　one　whose　tastes　touched　his　own　only　at　rare　and　infrequent　points。　　She　saw　his　meaning；　and　whispered；　in　a　low；　full　accent　of　eager　assurance　“Don’t　mistake　me；　Clym—though　I　should　like　Paris；　I　love　you　for　yourself　alone。　　To　be　your　wife　and　live　in　Paris　would　be　heaven　to　me；　but　I　would　rather　live　with　you　in　a　hermitage　here　than　not　be　yours　at　all。　　It　is　gain　to　me　either　way；　and　very　great　gain。　
There’s　my　too　candid　confession。”
“Spoken　like　a　woman。　　And　now　I　must　soon　leave　you。　
I’ll　walk　with　you　towards　your　house。”
“But　must　you　go　home　yet？”　she　asked。　　“Yes；　the　sand　has　nearly　slipped　away；　I　see；　and　the　eclipse　is　creeping　on　more　and　more。　　Don’t　go　yet！　Stop　till　the　hour　has　run　itself　out；　then　I　will　not　press　you　any　more。　　You　will　go　home　and　sleep　well；　I　keep　sighing　in　my　sleep！　Do　you　ever　dream　of　me？”
“I　cannot　recollect　a　clear　dream　of　you。”
“I　see　your　face　in　every　scene　of　my　dreams；　and　hear　your　voice　in　every　sound。　　I　wish　I　did　not。　　It　is　too　much　what　I　feel。　　They　say　such　love　never　lasts。　　But　it　must！　And　yet　once；　I　remember；　I　saw　an　officer　of　the　Hussars　ride　down　the　street　at　Budmouth；　and　though　he　was　a　total　stranger　and　never　spoke　to　me；　I　loved　him　till　I　thought　I　should　really　die　of　love—　but　I　didn’t　die；　and　at　last　I　left　off　caring　for　him。　　How　terrible　it　would　be　if　a　time　should　e　when　I　could　not　love　you；　my　Clym！”
“Please　don’t　say　such　reckless　things。　　When　we　see　such　a　time　at　hand　we　will　say；　‘I　have　outlived　my　faith　and　purpose；’　and　die。　　There；　the　hour　has　expired—now　let　us　walk　on。”
Hand　in　hand　they　went　along　the　path　towards　Mistover。　　When　they　were　near　the　house　he　said；　“It　is　too　late　for　me　to　see　your　grandfather　tonight。　　Do　you　think　he　will　object　to　it？”
“I　will　speak　to　him。　　I　am　so　accustomed　to　be　my　own　mistress　that　it　did　not　occur　to　me　that　we　should　have　to　ask　him。”
Then　they　lingeringly　separated；　and　Clym　descended　towards　Blooms…End。
And　as　he　walked　further　and　further　from　the　charmed　atmosphere　of　his　Olympian　girl　his　face　grew　sad　with　a　new　sort　of　sadness。　　A　perception　of　the　dilemma　in　which　his　love　had　placed　him　came　back　in　full　force。　　In　spite　of　Eustacia’s　apparent　willingness　to　wait　through　the　period　of　an　unpromising　engagement；　till　he　should　be　established　in　his　new　pursuit；　he　could　not　but　perceive　at　moments　that　she　loved　him　rather　as　a　visitant　from　a　gay　world　to　which　she　rightly　belonged　than　as　a　man　with　a　purpose　opposed　to　that　recent　past　of　his　which　so　interested　her。　　It　meant　that；　though　she　made　no　conditions　as　to　his　return　to　the　French　capital；　this　was　what　she　secretly　longed　for　in　the　event　of　marriage；　and　it　robbed　him　of　many　an　otherwise　pleasant　hour。　　Along　with　that　came　the　widening　breach　between　himself　and　his　mother。　　Whenever　any　little　occurrence　had　brought　into　more　prominence　than　usual　the　disappointment　that　he　was　causing　her　it　had　sent　him　on　lone　and　moody　walks；　or　he　was　kept　awake　a　great　part　of　the　night　by　the　turmoil　of　spirit　which　such　a　recognition　created。　　If　Mrs。　Yeobright　could　only　have　been　led　to　see　what　a　sound　and　worthy　purpose　this　purpose　of　his　was　and　how　little　it　was　being　affected　by　his　devotions　to　Eustacia；　how　differently　would　she　regard　him！
Thus　as　his　sight　grew　accustomed　to　the　first　blinding　halo　kindled　about　him　by　love　and　beauty；　Yeobright　began　to　perceive　what　a　strait　he　was　in。　　Sometimes　he　wished　that　he　had　never　known　Eustacia；　immediately　to　retract　the　wish　as　brutal。　　Three　antagonistic　growths　had　to　be　kept　alive：　his　mother’s　trust　in　him；　his　plan　for　being　a　teacher；　and　Eustacia’s　happiness。　　His　fervid　nature　could　not　afford　to　relinquish　one　of　these；　though　two　of　the　three　were　as　many　as　he　could　hope　to　preserve。　　Though　his　love　was　as　chaste　as　that　of　Petrarch　for　his　Laura；　it　had　made　fetters　of　what　previously　was　only　a　difficulty。　　A　position　which　was　not　too　simple　when　he　stood　whole…hearted　had　bee　indescribably　plicated　by　the　addition　of　Eustacia。　　Just　when　his　mother　was　beginning　to　tolerate　one　scheme　he　had　introduced　another　still　bitterer　than　the　first；　and　the　bination　was　more　than　she　could　bear。　


5　… Sharp　Words　Are　Spoken；　and　a　Crisis　Ensues


When　Yeobright　was　not　with　Eustacia　he　was　sitting　slavishly　over　his　books；　when　he　was　not　reading　he　was　meeting　her。　　These　meetings　were　carried　on　with　the　greatest　secrecy。　
One　afternoon　his　mother　came　home　from　a　morning　visit　to　Thomasin。　　He　could　see　from　a　disturbance　in　the　lines　of　her　face　that　something　had　happened。　
“I　have　been　told　an　inprehensible　thing；”　she　said　mournfully。　　“The　captain　has　let　out　at　the　Woman　that　you　and　Eustacia　Vye　are　engaged　to　be　married。”
“We　are；”　said　Yeobright。　　“But　it　may　not　be　yet　for　a　very　long　time。”
“I　should　hardly　think　it　WOULD　be　yet　for　a　very　long　time！　You　will　take　her　to　Paris；　I　suppose？”　She　spoke　with　weary　hopelessness。　
“I　am　not　going　back　to　Paris。”
“What　will　you　do　with　a　wife；　then？”
“Keep　a　school　in　Budmouth；　as　I　have　told　you。”
“That’s　incredible！　The　place　is　overrun　with　schoolmasters。　　You　have　no　special　qualifications。　　What　possible　chance　is　there　for　such　as　you？”
“There　is　no　chance　of　getting　rich。　　But　with　my　system　of　education；　which　is　as　new　as　it　is　true；　I　shall　do　a　great　deal　of　good　to　my　fellow…creatures。”
“Dreams；　dreams！　If　there　had　been　any　system　left　to　be　invented　they　would　have　found　it　out　at　the　universities　long　before　this　time。”
“Never；　Mother。　　They　cannot　find　it　out；　because　their　teachers　don’t　e　in　contact　with　the　class　which　demands　such　a　system—that　is；　those　who　have　had　no　preliminary　training。　　My　plan　is　one　for　instilling　high　knowledge　into　empty　minds　without　first　cramming　them　with　what　has　to　be　uncrammed　again　before　true　study　begins。”
“I　might　have　believed　you　if　you　had　kept　yourself　free
from　entanglements；　but　this　woman—if　she　had　been
a　good　girl　it　would　have　been　bad　enough；　but　being“
“She　is　a　good　girl。”
“So　you　think。　　A　Corfu　bandmaster’s　daughter！　What　has　her　life　been？　　Her　surname　even　is　not　her　true　one。”
“She　is　Captain　Vye’s　granddaughter；　and　her　father　merely　took　her　mother’s　name。　　And　she　is　a　lady　by　instinct。”
“They　call　him　‘captain；’　but　anybody　is　captain。”
“He　was　in　the　Royal　Navy！”
“No　doubt　he　has　been　to　sea　in　some　tub　or　other。　　Why　doesn’t　he　look　after　her？　　No　lady　would　rove　about　the　heath　at　all　hours　of　the　day　and　night　as　she　does。　　But　that’s　not　all　of　it。　　There　was　something　queer　between　her　and　Thomasin’s　husband　at　one　time—I　am　as　sure　of　it　as　that　I　stand　here。”
“Eustacia　has　told　me。　　He　did　pay　her　a　little　attention　a　year　ago；　but　there’s　no　harm　in　that。　　I　like　her　all　the　better。”
“Clym；”　said　his　mother　with　firmness；　“I　have　no　proofs　against　her；　unfortunately。　　But　if　she　makes　you　a　good　wife；　there　has　never　been　a　bad　one。”
“Believe　me；　you　are　almost　exasperating；”　said　Yeobright　vehemently。　　“And　this　very　day　I　had　intended　to　arrange　a　meeting　between　you。　　But　you　give　me　no　peace；　you　try　to　thwart　my　wishes　in　everything。”
“I　hate　the　thought　of　any　son　of　mine　marrying　badly！　I　wish　I　had　never　lived　to　see　this；　it　is　too　much　for　me—it　is　more　than　I　dreamt！”　She　turned　to　the　window。　　Her　breath　was　ing　quickly；　and　her　lips　were　pale；　parted；　and　trembling。　
“Mother；”　said　Clym；　“whatever　you　do；　you　will　always　be　dear　to　me—that　you　know。　　But　one　thing　I　have　a　right　to　say；　which　is；　that　at　my　age　I　am　old　enough　to　know　what　is　best　for　me。”
Mrs。　Yeobright　remained　for　some　time　silent　and　shaken；　as　if　she　could　say　no　more。　　Then　she　replied；　“Best？　　Is　it　best　for　you　to　injure　your　prospects　for　such　a　voluptuous；　idle　woman　as　that？　　Don’t　you　see　that　by　the　very　fact　of　your　choosing　her　you　prove　that　you　do　not　know　what　is　best　for　you？　　You　give　up　your　whole　thought—you　set　your　whole　soul—to　please　a　woman。”
“I　do。　　And　that　woman　is　you。”
“How　can　you　treat　me　so　flippantly！”　said　his　mother；　turning　again　to　him　with　a　tearful　look。　
“You　are　unnatural；　Clym；　and　I　did　not　expect　it。”
“Very　likely；”　said　he　cheerlessly。　　“You　did　not　know　the　measure　you　were　going　to　mete　me；　and　therefore　did　not　know　the　measure　that　would　be　returned　to　you　again。”
“You　answer　me；　you　think　only　of　her。　　You　stick　to　her　in　all　things。”
“That　proves　her　to　be　worthy。　　I　have　never　yet　supported　what　is　bad。　　And　I　do　not　care　only　for　her。　　I　care　for　you　and　for　myself；　and　for　anything　that　is　good。　　When　a　woman　once　dislikes　another　she　is　merciless！”
“O　Clym！　please　don’t　go　setting　down　as　my　fault　what　is　your　obstinate　wrongheadedness。　　If　you　wished　to　connect　yourself　with　an　unworthy　person　why　did　you　e　home　here　to　do　it？　　Why　didn’t　you　do　it　in　Paris？it　is　more　the　fashion　there。　　You　have　e　only　to　distress　me；　a　lonely　woman；　and　shorten　my　days！　I　wish　that　you　would　bestow　your　presence　where　yo