david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第77部分
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‘I wish with all my soul I could guide myself better！’
There was a passionate dejection in his manner that quite
amazed me。 He was more unlike himself than I could have
supposed possible。
‘It would be better to be this poor Peggotty； or his lout of a
nephew；’ he said； getting up and leaning moodily against the
chimney…piece； with his face towards the fire； ‘than to be myself；
twenty times richer and twenty times wiser； and be the torment to
myself that I have been； in this Devil’s bark of a boat； within the
last half…hour！’
I was so confounded by the alteration in him； that at first I
could only observe him in silence； as he stood leaning his head
upon his hand； and looking gloomily down at the fire。 At length I
begged him； with all the earnestness I felt； to tell me what had
occurred to cross him so unusually； and to let me sympathize with
him； if I could not hope to advise him。 Before I had well
concluded； he began to laugh—fretfully at first； but soon with
returning gaiety。
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David Copperfield
‘Tut； it’s nothing； Daisy！ nothing！’ he replied。 ‘I told you at the
inn in London； I am heavy company for myself； sometimes。 I have
been a nightmare to myself； just now—must have had one； I think。
At odd dull times； nursery tales come up into the memory；
unrecognized for what they are。 I believe I have been confounding
myself with the bad boy who “didn’t care”； and became food for
lions—a grander kind of going to the dogs； I suppose。 What old
women call the horrors； have been creeping over me from head to
foot。 I have been afraid of myself。’
‘You are afraid of nothing else； I think；’ said I。
‘Perhaps not； and yet may have enough to be afraid of too；’ he
answered。 ‘Well！ So it goes by！ I am not about to be hipped again；
David； but I tell you； my good fellow； once more； that it would have
been well for me （and for more than me） if I had had a steadfast
and judicious father！’
His face was always full of expression； but I never saw it
express such a dark kind of earnestness as when he said these
words； with his glance bent on the fire。
‘So much for that！’ he said； making as if he tossed something
light into the air； with his hand。
“‘Why； being gone； I am a man again；”
like Macbeth。 And now for dinner！ If I have not （Macbeth…like）
broken up the feast with most admired disorder； Daisy。’
‘But where are they all； I wonder！’ said I。
‘God knows；’ said Steerforth。 ‘After strolling to the ferry looking
for you； I strolled in here and found the place deserted。 That set
me thinking； and you found me thinking。’
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David Copperfield
The advent of Mrs。 Gummidge with a basket； explained how the
house had happened to be empty。 She had hurried out to buy
something that was needed； against Mr。 Peggotty’s return with the
tide； and had left the door open in the meanwhile； lest Ham and
little Em’ly； with whom it was an early night； should come home
while she was gone。 Steerforth； after very much improving Mrs。
Gummidge’s spirits by a cheerful salutation and a jocose embrace；
took my arm； and hurried me away。
He had improved his own spirits； no less than Mrs。
Gummidge’s； for they were again at their usual flow； and he was
full of vivacious conversation as we went along。
‘And so；’ he said； gaily； ‘we abandon this buccaneer life
tomorrow； do we？’
‘So we agreed；’ I returned。 ‘And our places by the coach are
taken； you know。’
‘Ay！ there’s no help for it； I suppose；’ said Steerforth。 ‘I have
almost forgotten that there is anything to do in the world but to go
out tossing on the sea here。 I wish there was not。’
‘As long as the novelty should last；’ said I； laughing。
‘Like enough；’ he returned； ‘though there’s a sarcastic meaning
in that observation for an amiable piece of innocence like my
young friend。 Well！ I dare say I am a capricious fellow； David。 I
know I am； but while the iron is hot； I can strike it vigorously too。 I
could pass a reasonably good examination already； as a pilot in
these waters； I think。’
‘Mr。 Peggotty says you are a wonder；’ I returned。 ‘A nautical
phenomenon； eh？’ laughed Steerforth。
‘Indeed he does； and you know how truly； I know how ardent
you are in any pursuit you follow； and how easily you can master
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David Copperfield
it。 And that amazes me most in you； Steerforth—that you should
be contented with such fitful uses of your powers。’
‘Contented？’ he answered； merrily。 ‘I am never contented；
except with your freshness； my gentle Daisy。 As to fitfulness； I
have never learnt the art of binding myself to any of the wheels on
which the Ixions of these days are turning round and round。 I
missed it somehow in a bad apprenticeship； and now don’t care
about it。—You know I have bought a boat down here？’
‘What an extraordinary fellow you are； Steerforth！’ I exclaimed；
stopping—for this was the first I had heard of it。 ‘When you may
never care to come near the place again！’
‘I don’t know that；’ he returned。 ‘I have taken a fancy to the
place。 At all events；’ walking me briskly on； ‘I have bought a boat
that was for sale—a clipper； Mr。 Peggotty says； and so she is—and
Mr。 Peggotty will be master of her in my absence。’
‘Now I understand you； Steerforth！’ said I； exultingly。 ‘You
pretend to have bought it for yourself； but you have really done so
to confer a benefit on him。 I might have known as much at first；
knowing you。 My dear kind Steerforth； how can I tell you what I
think of your generosity？’
‘Tush！’ he answered； turning red。 ‘The less said； the better。’
‘Didn’t I know？’ cried I； ‘didn’t I say that there was not a joy； or
sorrow； or any emotion of such honest hearts that was indifferent
to you？’
‘Aye； aye；’ he answered； ‘you told me all that。 There let it rest。
We have said enough！’
Afraid of offending him by pursuing the subject when he made
so light of it； I only pursued it in my thoughts as we went on at
even a quicker pace than before。
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David Copperfield
‘She must be newly rigged；’ said Steerforth； ‘and I shall leave
Littimer behind to see it done； that I may know she is quite
complete。 Did I tell you Littimer had come down？’
‘ No。’
‘Oh yes！ came down this morning； with a letter from my
mother。’
As our looks met； I observed that he was pale even to his lips；
though he looked very steadily at me。 I feared that some difference
between him and his mother might have led to his being in the
frame of mind in which I had found him at the solitary fireside。 I
hinted so。
‘Oh no！’ he said； shaking his head； and giving a slight laugh。
‘Nothing of the sort！ Yes。 He is come down； that man of mine。’
‘The same as ever？’ said I。
‘The same as ever；’ said Steerforth。 ‘Distant and quiet as the
North Pole。 He shall see to the boat being fresh named。 She’s the
“Stormy Petrel” now。 What does Mr。 Peggotty care for Stormy
Petrels！ I’ll have her christened again。’
‘By what name？’ I asked。
‘The “Little Em’ly”。’
As he had continued to look steadily at me； I took it as a
reminder that he objected to being extolled for his consideration。 I
could not help showing in my face how much it pleased me； but I
said little； and he resumed his usual smile； and seemed relieved。
‘But see here；’ he said； looking before us； ‘where the original
little Em’ly comes！ And that fellow with her； eh？ Upon my soul；
he’s a true knight。 He never leaves her！’
Ham was a boat…builder in these days； having improved a
natural ingenuity in that handicraft； until he had become a skilled
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David Copperfield
workman。 He was in his working…dress； and looked rugged
enough； but manly withal； and a very fit protector for the
blooming little creature at his side。 Indeed； there was a frankness
in his face； an honesty； and an undisguised show of his pride in
her； and his love for her； which were； to me； the best of good looks。
I thought； as they came towards us； that they were well matched
even in that particular。
She withdrew her hand timidly from his arm as we stopped to
speak to them； and blushed as she gave it to Steerforth and to me。
When they passed on； after we had exchanged a few words； she
did not like to replace that hand； but； still appearing timid and
constrained； walked by herself。 I thought all this very pretty and
engaging； and Steerforth seemed to think so too； as we looked
after them fading away in the light of a young moon。
Suddenly there passed us—evidently following them—a young
woman whose approach we had not observed； but whose face I
saw as she went by； and thought I had a faint remembrance of。
She was lightly dressed； looked bold； and haggard； and flaunting；
and poor； but seemed； for the time； to have given all that to the
wind which was blowing； and to have nothing in her mind but
going after them。 As the dark distant level； absorbing their figures
into itself； left but itself visible between us and the sea and clouds；
her figure disappeared in like manner； still no nearer to them than
before。
‘That is a black shadow to be following the girl；’ said Steerforth；
standing still； ‘what does it mean？’
He spoke in a low voice that sounded almost strange to Me。
‘She must have it in her mind to beg of them； I think；’ said I。
‘A beggar would be no novelty；’ said Steerforth； ‘but it is a
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David Copperfield
strange thing that the beggar should take that shape tonight。’
‘Why？’ I asked。
‘For no better reason； truly； than because I was thinking；’ he
said； after a pause； ‘of something like it； when it came by。 Where
the Devil did it come from； I wonder！’
‘From the shadow of this wall； I think；’ said I； as we emerged
upon a road on which a wall abutted。
‘It’s gone！�
