the choir invisible-第23部分

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He　stepped　softly　to　the　door　and　looked　in。　She　was　there　standing　near　the　middle　of　the　room　with　her　face　turned　from　him。　The　work　of　the　day　was　done。　On　one　side　were　the　spinning…wheels；　farther　on　a　loom；　before　her　a　table　on　which　the　cloth　was　piled　ready　to　be　folded　away；　on　the　other　the　great　open　chest　into　which　she　was　about　to　store　it。　She　had　paused　in　revery；　her　hands　clasped　behind　her　head。

At　the　sight　of　her　and　with　the　remembrance　of　how　he　had　misjudged　and　mistreated　hermost　of　all　swept　on　by　some　lingering　flood　of　the　old　tendernesshe　stepped　forward　put　his　arms　softly　around　her；　drew　her　closely　to　him；　and　buried　his　check　against　hers：

〃Amy！〃　he　murmured；　his　voice　quivering　his　whole　body　trembling；　his　heart　knocking　against　his　ribs　like　a　stone。　She　struggled　out　of　his　arms　with　a　cry　and　recognizing　him；　drew　her　figure　up　to　its　full　height。　Her　eyes　filled　with　passion；　cold　and　resentful。

He　made　a　gesture。

〃Wait！〃　he　cried。　〃Listen。〃

He　laid　bare　everythingfrom　his　finding　of　the　bundle　to　the　evening　of　the　ball。

He　was　standing　by　the　doorway。　A　small　window　in　the　opposite　wall　of　the　low　room　opened　toward　the　West。　Through　this　a　crimson　light　fell　upon　his　face　revealing　its　pallor；　its　storm；　its　struggle　for　calmness。

She　stood　a　few　yards　off　with　her　face　in　shadow。　As　she　had　stepped　backward；　one　of　her　hands　had　struck　against　her　spinning…wheel　and　now　rested　on　it；　with　the　other　she　had　caught　the　edge　of　the　table。　From　the　spinning…wheel　a　thread　of　flax　trailed　to　the　ground；　on　the　table　lay　a　pair　of　iron　shears。

As　he　stood　looking　at　her　facing　him　thus　in　cold　half…shadowy　angerat　the　spinning　wheel　with　its　trailing　flaxat；　the　table　with　its　iron　shearsat　her　hands　stretched　forth　as　if　about　to　grasp　the　one　and　to　lay　hold　on　the　otherhe　shudderingly　thought　of　the　ancient　arbitress　of　Life　and　DeathFate　the　mighty；　the　relentless。　The　fancy　passed　and　was　succeeded　by　the　sense　of　her　youth　and　loveliness。　She　wore　a　dress　of　coarse　snow…white　homespun；　narrow　in　the　skirt　and　fitting　close　to　her　arms　and　neck　and　to　the　outlines　of　her　form。　Her　hair　was　parted　simply　over　her　low　beautiful　brow。　There　was　nowhere　a　ribbon　or　a　trifle　of　adornment：　and　in　that　primitive；　simple；　fearless　revelation　of　itself　her　figure　had　the　frankness　of　a　statue。　　　While　he　spoke　the　anger　died　out　of　her　face。　But　in　its　stead　came　something　worsehardness；　and　something　that　was　worse　stillan　expression　of　revenge。

〃If　I　was　unfeeling　with　you；〃　he　implored；　〃only　consider！　You　had　broken　your　engagement　without　giving　any　reason；　I　saw　you　at　the　party　dancing　with　Joseph；　I　believed　myself　trifled　with；　I　said　that　if　you　could　treat　in　that　way　there　was　nothing　you　could　say　that　I　cared　to　hear。　I　was　blind　to　the　truth；　I　was　blinded　by　suffering。

〃If　you　suffered；　it　was　your　own　fault；〃　she　replied；　calm　as　the　Fate　that　holds　the　shears　and　the　thread。　〃I　wanted　to　explain　to　you　why　I　broke　my　engagement　and　why　I　went　with　Joseph：　you　refused　to　allow　me。〃

〃But　before　that！　Remember　that　I　had　gone　to　see　you　the　night　before。　You　had　a　chance　to　explain　then。　But　you　did　not　explain。　Still；　I　did　not　doubt　that　your　reason　was　good。　I　did　not　ask　you　to　state　it。　But　when　I　saw　you　at　the　party　with　Joseph；　was　I　not　right；　in　thinking　that　the　time　for　an　explanation　had　passed？〃

〃No；〃　she　replied。　〃As　long　as　I　did　not　give　any　reason；　you　ought　not　to　have　asked　for　one；　but　when　I　wished　to　give　it；　you　should　have　been　ready　to　hear　it。〃　He　drew　himself　up　quickly。

〃This　is　a　poor　pitiful　misunderstanding。　I　say；　forgive　me！　We　will　let　it　pass。　I　had　thought　each　of　us　was　wrongyou　first；　I；　afterward。〃　〃I　was　not　wrong　either　first　or　last！〃

〃Think　so　if　you　must！　Only；　try　to　understand　me！　Amy；　you　know　I've　loved　you。　You　could　never　have　acted　toward　me　as　you　have；　if　you　had　not　believed　that。　And　that　nightthe　night　you　would　not　see　me　aloneI　went　to　ask　you　to　marry　me。　I　meant　to　ask　you　the　next　night。　I　am　here　to　ask　you　now！　。　。　。〃

He　told　her　of　the　necessity　that　had　kept　him　from　speaking　sooner；　of　the　recent　change　which　made　it　possible。　He　explained　how　he　had　waited　and　planned　and　had　shaped　his　whole　life　with　the　thought　that　she　would　share　it。　She　had　listened　with　greater　interest　especially　to　what　he　had　said　about　the　improvement　in　his　fortunes。　Her　head　had　dropped　slightly　forward　as　though　she　were　thinking　that　after　all　perhaps　she　had　made　a　mistake。　But　she　now　lifted　it　with　deliberateness：

〃And　what　right　had　you　to　be　so　sure　all　this　time　that　I　would　marry　you　whenever　you　asked　me？　What　right　had　you　to　take　it　for　granted　that　whenever　you　were　ready；　I　would　be？〃

The　hot　flush　of　shame　dyed　his　face　that　she　could　deal　herself　such　a　wound　and　not　even　know　it。

He　drew　himself　up　again；　sparing　her：

〃I　loved　you。　I　could　not　love　without　hoping。　I　could　not　hope　without　planning。　Hoping；　planning；　striving；everything！it　was　all　because　I　loved　you！〃　And　then　he　waited；　looking　down　on　her　in　silence。

She　began　to　grow　nervous。　She　had　stooped　to　pick　up　the　thread　of　flax　and　was　passing　it　slowly　between　her　fingers。　When　he　spoke　again；　his　voice　showed　that　he　shook　like　a　man　with　a　chill：　〃I　have　said　all　I　can　say。　I　have　offered　all　I　have　to　offer。　I　am　waiting。〃

Still　the　silence　lasted　for　the　new　awe　of　him　that　began　to　fall　upon　her。　In　ways　she　could　not　fathom　she　was　beginning　to　feel　that　a　change　had　come　over　him　during　these　weeks　of　their　separation。　He　used　more　gentleness　with　her：　his　voice；　his　manner；　his　whole　bearing；　had　finer　courtesy；　he　had　strangely　ascended　to　some　higher　level　of　character；　and　he　spoke　to　her　from　this　distance　with　a　sadness　that　touched　her　indefinablywith　a　larger　manliness　that　had　its　quick　effect。　She　covertly　lifted　her　eyes　and　beheld　on　his　face　a　proud　passion　of　beauty　and　of　pain　beyond　anything　that　she　had　ever　thought　possible　to　him　or　to　any　man。　She　quickly　dropped　her　head　again；　she　shifted　her　position；　a　band　seemed　to　tighten　around　her　throat；　until；　in　a　voice　hardly　to　be　heard；　she　murmured　falteringly：

〃I　have　promised　to　marry　Joseph。〃

He　did　not　speak　or　move；　but　continued　to　stand　leaning　against　the　lintel　of　the　doorway；　looking　down　on　her。　The　colour　was　fading　from　the　west　leaving　it　ashen　white。　And　so　standing　in　the　dying　radiance；　he　saw　the　long　bright　day　of　his　young　hope　come　to　its　close；　he　drained　to　its　dregs　his　cup　of　bitterness　she　had　prepared　for　him；　learned　his　first　lesson　in　the　victory　of　little　things　over　the　larger　purposes　of　life；　over　the　nobler　planning；　bit　the　dust　of　the　heart's　first　defeat　and　tragedy。

She　had　caught　up　the　iron　shears　in　her　nervousness　and　begun　to　cut　the　flaxen　thread；　and　in　the　silence　of　the　room　only　the　rusty　click　was　now　heard　as　she　clipped　it；　clipped　it；　clipped　it。

Then　such　a　greater　trembling　seized　her　that　she　laid　the　shears　back　upon　the　table。　Still　he　did　not　move　or　speak；　and　there　seemed　to　fall　upon　her　consciencein　insupportable　burden　until；　as　if　by　no　will　of　her　own；　she　spoke　again　pitifully：

〃I　didn't　know　that　you　cared　so　much　for　me。　It　isn't　my　fault。　You　had　never　asked　me；　and　he　had　already　asked　me　twice。〃　He　changed　his　position　quickly　so　that　the　last　light　coming　in　through　the　window　could　no　longer　betray　his　face。　All　at　once　his　voice　broke　through　the　darkness；　so　unlike　itself　that　she　started：

〃When　did　you　give　him　this　promise？　I　have　no　right　to　ask　。　。　。　when　did　you　give　him　this　promise？〃

She　answered　as　if　by　no　will　of　her　own：〃The　night　of　the　ballas　we　were　going　home。〃

She　waited　until　she　felt　that　she　should　sink　to　the　ground。

Then　he　spoke　again　as　if　rather　to　himself　than　to　her；　and　with　the　deepest　sorrow　and　pity　for　them　both：

〃If　I　had　gone　with　you　that　nightif　I　had　gone　with　you　that　nightand　had　asked　youyou　would　have　married　me。〃

Her　lips　began　to　quiver　and　all　that　was　in　her　to　break　down　before　himto　yearn　for　him。　In　a　voice　neither　could　scarce　hear　she　said：

〃I　will　marry　you　yet！〃

She　listened。　She　waited；　Out　of　the　darkness　she　could　distinguish　not　the　rustle　of　a　movement；　not　a　breath　of　sound；　and　at　last　cowering　back　into　herself　with　shame；　she　buried　her　face　in　her　hands。

Then　she　was　aware　that　he　had　come　forward　and　was　standing　over　her。　He　bent　his　head　down　so　close　that　his　lids　touched　her　hairso　close　that　his　warm　breath　was　on　her　foreheadand　she　　felt　rather　than　knew　him　saying　to　himself；　not　to　her：

〃Good…bye！〃

He　passed　like　a　tall　spirit　out　of　the　door；　and　she　heard　his　footsteps　die　away　along　the　pathdie　slowly　away　as　of　one　who　goes　never　to　return。


XV

A　JEST　may　be　the　smallest　pebble　that　was　ever　dropped　into　the　sunny　mid…ocean　of　the　mind；　but　sooner　or　later　it　sinks　to　a　hard　bottom；　sooner　or　later　sends　it　ripples　toward　the　shores　where　the　caves　of　the　fatal　passions　yawn　and　roar　for　wreckage。　It　is　the　Comedy　of　speech　that　forever　dwells　as　Tragedy's　fondest　sister；　sharing　with　her　the　same　unmarked　domain；　for　the　two　are　but　identical　forces　of　the　mind　in　gentle　and　in　ungentle　action　as　one　atmosphere　holds　within　itself　unseparated　the　zephyr　and　the　storm。

The　following　afternoon　O'Bannon　was　ambling　back　to　townslowly　and　awkwardly；　he　being　a　poor　rider　and　dreading　a　horse's　back　as　he　would　have　avoided　its　kick。　He　was　returning　from　the　paper　mill　at　Georgetown　whither　he　had　been　sent　by　Mr。　Bradford　with　an　order　for　a　further　supply　of　sheets。　The　errand　had　not　been　a　congenial　one；　and　he　was　thinking　now　as　often　before　that　he　would　welcome　any　chance　of　leaving　the　editor's　service。　What　he　had　always　coveted　since　his　coming　into　the　wilderness　was　the　young　master's　school；　for　the　Irish　teacher；　afterwards　so　well　known　a　figure　in　the　West；　was　even　at　this　time　beginning　to　bend　his　mercurial　steps　across　the　mountains。　Out　of　his　covetousness　had　sprung　perhaps　his　enmity　toward　the　master；　whom　he　further　despised　for　his　Scotch　blood；　and　in　time　had　grown　to　dislike　from　motives　of　jeal