the book of snobs-第23部分

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Ponto　family；　like　our　late　revered　monarch　George　II。；

had　a　fancy　for　stale　fish。　　And　about　this　time；　the　pig

being　consumed；　we　began　upon　a　sheep。



But　how　shall　I　forget　the　solemn　splendour　of　a　second

course；　which　was　served　up　in　great　state　by　Stripes　in

a　silver　dish　and　cove；　a　napkin　round　his　dirty　thumbs；

and　consisted　of　a　landrail；　not　much　bigger　than　a

corpulent　sparrow。



'My　love；　will　you　take　any　game？'　says　Ponto；　with

prodigious　gravity；　and　stuck　his　fork　into　that　little

mouthful　of　an　island　in　the　silver　sea。　　Stripes；　too；

at　intervals；　dribbled　out　the　Marsala　with　a　solemnity

which　would　have　done　honour　to　a　Duke's　butler。　　The

Bamnecide's　dinner　to　Shacabac　was　only　one　degree

removed　from　these　solemn　banquets。



As　there　were　plenty　of　pretty　country　places　close　by；　a

comfortable　country　town；　with　good　houses　of

gentlefolks；　a　beautiful　old　parsonage；　close　to　the

church　whither　we　went　（and　where　the　Carabas　family　have

their　ancestral　carved　and　monumented　Gothic　pew）；　and

every　appearance　of　good　society　in　the　neighbourhood；　I

rather　wondered　we　were　not　enlivened　by　the　appearance

of　some　of　the　neighbours　at　the　Evergreens；　and　asked

about　them。



'We　can't　in　our　position　of　lifewe　can't　well

associate　with　the　attorney's　family；　as　I　leave　you　to

suppose；'　says　Mrs。　Ponto；　confidentially。　　'Of　course

not；'　I　answered；　though　I　didn't　know　why。　　'And　the

Doctor？'　said　I。



'A　most　excellent　worthy　creature；'　says　Mrs。　P。　saved

Maria's　lifereally　a　learned　man；　but　what　can　one　do

in　one's　position？　　One　may　ask　one's　medical　man　to

one's　table　certainly：　but　his　family；　my　dear　Mr。　Snob！'



'Half…a…dozen　little　gallipots；'　interposed　Miss　Wirt；

the　governess：　'he；　he；　he！'　and　the　young　ladies　laughed

in　chorus。



'We　only　live　with　the　county　families；'　Miss　Wirt　（1）

continued；　tossing　up　her　head。　　'The　Duke　is　abroad：　we

are　at　feud　with　the　Carabases；　the　Ringwoods　don't　come

down　till　Christmas：　in　fact；　nobody's　here　till　the

hunting　seasonpositively　nobody。'



'Whose　is　the　large　red　house　just　outside　of　the　town？'



'What！　the　CHATEAU…CALICOT？　he；　he；　he！　　That　purse…proud

ex…linendraper；　Mr。　Yardley；　with　the　yellow　liveries；

and　the　wife　in　red　velvet？　　How　CAN　you；　my　dear　Mr。

Snob；　be　so　satirical？　　The　impertinence　of　those　people

is　really　something　quite　overwhelming。'



'Well；　then；　there　is　the　parson；　Doctor　Chrysostom。

He's　a　gentleman；　at　any　rate。'　　At　this　Mrs。　Ponto

looked　at　Miss　Wirt。　　After　their　eyes　had　met　and　they

had　wagged　their　heads　at　each　other。　　They　looked　up　to

the　ceiling。　　So　did　the　young　ladies。　　They　thrilled。

It　was　evident　I　had　said　something　terrible。　　Another

black　sheep　in　the　Church？　thought　I　with　a　little

sorrow；　for　I　don't　care　to　own　that　I　have　a　respect　for

the　cloth。　　'Ihope　there's　nothing　wrong？



'Wrong？'　says　Mrs。　P。；　clasping　her　hands　with　a　tragic

air。



'Oh！'　says　Miss　Wirt；　and　the　two　girls；　gasping　in

chorus。



'Well；'　says　I；　'I'm　very　sorry　for　it。　　I　never　saw　a

nicer…looking　old　gentleman；　or　a　better　school；　or　heard

a　better　sermon。'



'He　used　to　preach　those　sermons　in　a　surplice；'　hissed

out　Mrs。　Ponto。　　'He's　a　Puseyite；　Mr。　Snob。'



'Heavenly　powers！'　says　I；　admiring　the　pure　ardour　of

these　female　theologians；　and　Stripes　came　in　with　the

tea。　　It's　so　weak　that　no　wonder　Ponto's　sleep　isn't

disturbed　by　it。



Of　mornings　we　used　to　go　out　shooting。　　We　had　Ponto's

own　fields　to　sport　over　（where　we　got　the　landrail）；　and

the　non…preserved　part　of　the　Hawbuck　property：　and　one

evening　in　a　stubble　of　Ponto's　skirting　the　Carabas

woods；　we　got　among　some　pheasants；　and　had　some　real

sport。　　I　shot　a　hen；　I　know；　greatly　to　my　delight。

'Bag　it；'　says　Ponto；　in　rather　a　hurried　manner：　'here's

somebody　coming。'　　So　I　pocketed　the　bird。



'You　infernal　poaching　thieves！'　roars　out　a　man　from　the

hedge　in　the　garb　of　a　gamekeeper。　　'I　wish　I　could　catch

you　on　this　side　of　the　hedge。　　I'd　put　a　brace　of

barrels　into　you；　that　I　would。'



'Curse　that　Snapper；'　says　Ponto；　moving　off；　'he's

always　watching　me　like　a　spy。'



'Carry　off　the　birds；　you　sneaks；　and　sell　'em　in

London；'　roars　the　individual；　who　it　appears　was　a

keeper　of　Lord　Carabas。　　'You'll　get　six　shillings　a

brace　for　'em。'



'YOU　know　the　price　of　'em　well　enough；　and　so　does　your

master　too；　you　scoundrel；'　says　Ponto；　still　retreating。



'We　kill　'em　on　our　ground；'　cries　Mr。　Snapper。　　'WE

don't　set　traps　for　other　people's　birds。　　We're　no　decoy

ducks。　　We're　no　sneaking　poachers。　　We　don't　shoot　'ens；

like　that　'ere　Cockney；　who's　got　the　tail　of　one　a…

sticking　out　of　his　pocket。　　Only　just　come　across　the

hedge；　that's　all。'



'I　tell　you　what；'　says　Stripes；　who　was　out　with　us　as

keeper　this　day；　（in　fact　he's　keeper；　coachman；

gardener；　valet；　and　bailiff；　with　Tummus　under　him；）　'if

YOU'LL　come　across；　John　Snapper；　and　take　your　coat　off；

I'll　give　you　such　a　whopping　as　you've　never　had　since

the　last　time　I　did　it　at　Guttlebury　Fair。'



'Whop　one　of　your　own　weight；'　Mr。　Snapper　said；

whistling　his　dogs　and　disappearing　into　the　wood。　　And

so　we　came　out　of　this　controversy　rather　victoriously；

but　I　began　to　alter　my　preconceived　ideas　of　rural

felicity。



Notes。



（1）　I　have　since　heard　that　this　aristocratic　lady's

father　was　a　livery…button　maker　in　St。　Martin's　Lane：

where　he　met　with　misfortunes；　and　his　daughter　acquired

her　taste　for　heraldry。　　But　it　may　be　told　to　her

credit；　that　out　of　her　earnings　she　has　kept　the　bed…

ridden　old　bankrupt　in　great　comfort　and　secrecy　at

Pentonville；　and　furnished　her　brother's　outfit　for　the

Cadetship　which　her　patron；　Lord　Swigglebiggle；　gave　her

when　he　was　at　the　Board　of　Control。　　I　have　this

information　from　a　friend。　　To　hear　Miss　Wirt　herself；

you　would　fancy　that　her　Papa　was　a　Rothschild；　and　that

the　markets　of　Europe　were　convulsed　when　he　went　into

the　GAZETTE。







CHAPTER　XXVIII



ON　SOME　COUNTRY　SNOBS



'Be　hanged　to　your　aristocrats！'　Ponto　said；　in　some

conversation　we　had　regarding　the　family　at　Carabas；

between　whom　and　the　Evergreens　there　was　a　feud。　　'When

I　first　came　into　the　countyit　was　the　year　before　Sir

John　Buff　contested　in　the　Blue　interestthe　Marquis；

then　Lord　St。　Michaels；　who；　of　course；　was　Orange　to　the

core；　paid　me　and　Mrs。　Ponto　such　attentions；　that　I

fairly　confess　I　was　taken　in　by　the　old　humbug；　and

thought　that　I'd　met　with　a　rare　neighbour。　　'Gad；　Sir；

we　used　to　get　pines　from　Carabas；　and　pheasants　from

Carabas；　and　it　was〃Ponto；　when　will　you　come　over　and

shoot？〃and〃Ponto；　our　pheasants　want　thinning；〃and

my　Lady　would　insist　upon　her　dear　Mrs。　Ponto　coming　over

to　Carabas　to　sleep；　and　put　me　I　don't　know　to　what

expense　for　turbans　and　velvet　gowns　for　my　wife's

toilette。　　Well；　Sir；　the　election　takes　place；　and

though　I　was　always　a　Liberal；　personal　friendship　of

course　induces　me　to　plump　for　St。　Michaels；　who　comes　in

at　the　head　of　the　poll。　　Next　year；　Mrs。　P。　insists　upon

going　to　townwith　lodgings　in　Clarges　Street　at　ten

pounds　a　week；　with　a　hired　brougham；　and　new　dresses　for

herself　and　the　girls；　and　the　deuce　and　all　to　pay。　Our

first　cards　were　to　Carabas　House；　my　Lady's　are　returned

by　a　great　big　flunkey；　and　I　leave　you　to　fancy　my　poor

Betsy's　discomfiture　as　the　lodging…house　maid　took　in

the　cards；　and　Lady　St。　Michaels　drives　away；　though　she

actually　saw　us　at　the　drawing…room　window。　　Would　you

believe　it；　Sir；　that　though　we　called　four　times

afterwards；　those　infernal　aristocrats　never　returned　our

visit；　that　though　Lady　St。　Michaels　gave　nine　dinner…

parties　and　four　DEJEUNERS　that　season；　she　never　asked

us　to　one；　and　that　she　cut　us　dead　at　the　Opera；　though

Betsy　was　nodding　to　her　the　whole　night？　　We　wrote　to

her　for　tickets　for　Almack's；　she　writes　to　say　that　all

hers　were　promised；　and　said；　in　the　presence　of　Wiggins；

her　lady's…maid；　who　told　it　to　Diggs；　my　wife's　woman；

that　she　couldn't　conceive　how　people　in　our　station　of

life　could　so　far　forget　themselves　as　to　wish　to　appear

in　any　such　place！　　Go　to　Castle　Carabas！　　I'd　sooner　die

than　set　my　foot　in　the　house　of　that　impertinent；

insolvent；　insolent　jackanapes　and　I　hold　him　in

scorn！'　　After　this；　Ponto　gave　me　some　private

information　regarding　Lord　Carabas's　pecuniary　affairs；

how　he　owed　money　all　over　the　county；　how　Jukes　the

carpenter　was　utterly　ruined　and　couldn't　get　a　shilling

of　his　bill；　how　Biggs　the　butcher　hanged　himself　for　the

same　reason；　how　the　six　big　footmen　never　received　a

guinea　of　wages；　and　Snaffle；　the　state　coachman；

actually　took　off　his　blown…glass　wig　of　ceremony　and

flung　it　at　Lady　Carabas's　feet　on　the　terrace　before　the

Castle；　all　which　stories；　as　they　are　private；　I　do　not

think　proper　to　divulge。　　But　these　details　did　not

stifle　my　desire　to　see　the　famous　mansion　of　Castle

Carabas；　nay；　possibly　excited　my　interest　to　know　more

about　that　lordly　house　and　its　owners。



At　the　entrance　of　the　park；　there　are　a　pair　of　great

gaunt　mildewed　lodgesmouldy　Doric　temples　with　black

chimney…pots；　in　the　finest　classic　taste；　and　the　gates

of　course　are　surmounted　by　the　CHATS　BOTTES；　the　well…

known　supporters　of　the　Carabas　family。　　'Give　the　lodge…

keeper　a　shilling；'　says　Ponto；　（who　drove　me　near　to　it

in　his　four…wheeled　cruelty…chaise）。　　'I　warrant　it's　the

first　piece　of　ready　money　he　has　received　for　some　time。

I　don't　know　whether　there　was　any　foundation　for　this

sneer；　but　the　gratuity　was　received　with　a　curtsey；　and

the　gate　opened　for　me　to　enter。　　'Poor　old　porteress！'

says　I；　inwardly。　　'You　little　know　that　it　is　the

Historian　of　Snobs　whom　you　let　in！'　　The　gates　were