the book of snobs-第3部分

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manneither　courage；　nor　generosity；　nor　honesty；　nor

brains；　but　read　what　the　great　Divines　and　Doctors　of

England　said　about　him！　　Charles　II。；　his　grandson；　was　a

rogue；　but　not　a　Snob；　whilst　Louis　XIV。；　his　old

squaretoes　of　a　contemporary；the　great　worshipper　of

Bigwiggeryhas　always　struck　me　as　a　most　undoubted　and

Royal　Snob。



I　will　not；　however；　take　instances　from　our　own　country

of　Royal　Snobs；　but　refer　to　a　neighbouring　kingdom；　that

of　Brentfordand　its　monarch；　the　late　great　and

lamented　Gorgius　IV。　　With　the　same　humility　with　which

the　footmen　at　the　'King's　Arms'　gave　way　before　the

Plush　Royal；　the　aristocracy　of　the　Brentford　nation　bent

down　and　truckled　before　Gorgius；　and　proclaimed　him　the

first　gentleman　in　Europe。　　And　it's　a　wonder　to　think

what　is　the　gentlefolks'　opinion　of　a　gentleman；　when

they　gave　Gorgius　such　a　title。



What　is　it　to　be　a　gentleman？　　Is　it　to　be　honest；　to　be

gentle；　to　be　generous；　to　be　brave；　to　be　wise；　and；

possessing　all　these　qualities；　to　exercise　them　in　the

most　graceful　outward　manner？　　Ought　a　gentleman　to　be　a

loyal　son；　a　true　husband；　and　honest　father？　　Ought　his

life　to　be　decenthis　bills　to　be　paidhis　tastes　to　be

high　and　eleganthis　aims　in　life　lofty　and　noble？　　　In

a　word；　ought　not　the　Biography　of　a　First　Gentleman　in

Europe　to　be　of　such　a　nature　that　it　might　be　read　in

Young　Ladies'　Schools　with　advantage；　and　studied　with

profit　in　the　Seminaries　of　Young　Gentlemen？　　I　put　this

question　to　all　instructors　of　youthto　Mrs。　Ellis　and

the　Women　of　England；　to　all　schoolmasters；　from　Doctor

Hawtrey　down　to　Mr。　Squeers。　　I　conjure　up　before　me　an

awful　tribunal　of　youth　and　innocence；　attended　by　its

venerable　instructors　（like　the　ten　thousand　red…cheeked

charity…children　in　Saint　Paul's）；　sitting　in　judgment；

and　Gorgius　pleading　his　cause　in　the　midst。　　Out　of

Court；　out　of　Court；　fat　old　Florizel！　　Beadles；　turn　out

that　bloated；　pimple…faced　man！If　Gorgius　MUST　have　a

statue　in　the　new　Palace　which　the　Brentford　nation　is

building；　it　ought　to　be　set　up　in　the　Flunkeys'　Hall。

He　should　be　represented　cutting　out　a　coat；　in　which　art

he　is　said　to　have　excelled。　　He　also　invented　Maraschino

punch；　a　shoe…buckle　（this　was　in　the　vigour　of　his

youth；　and　the　prime　force　of　his　invention）；　and　a

Chinese　pavilion；　the　most　hideous　building　in　the　world。

He　could　drive　a　four…in…hand　very　nearly　as　well　as　the

Brighton　coachman；　could　fence　elegantly；　and　it　is　said；

played　the　fiddle　well。　　And　he　smiled　with　such

irresistible　fascination；　that　persons　who　were

introduced　into　his　august　presence　became　his　victims；

body　and　soul；　as　a　rabbit　becomes　the　prey　of　a　great

big　boa…constrictor。



I　would　wager　that　if　Mr。　Widdicomb　were；　by　a

revolution；　placed　on　the　throne　of　Brentford；　people

would　be　equally　fascinated　by　his　irresistibly　majestic

smile　and　tremble　as　they　knelt　down　to　kiss　his　hand。

If　he　went　to　Dublin　they　would　erect　an　obelisk　on　the

spot　where　he　first　landed；　as　the　Paddylanders　did　when

Gorgius　visited　them。　　We　have　all　of　us　read　with

delight　that　story　of　the　King's　voyage　to　Haggisland；

where　his　presence　inspired　such　a　fury　of　loyalty　and

where　the　most　famous　man　of　the　countrythe　Baron　of

Bradwardinecoming　on　board　the　royal　yacht；　and　finding

a　glass　out　of　which　Gorgius　had　drunk；　put　it　into　his

coatpocket　as　an　inestimable　relic；　and　went　ashore　in

his　boat　again。　　But　the　Baron　sat　down　upon　the　glass

and　broke　it；　and　cut　his　coat…tails　very　much；　and　the

inestimable　relic　was　lost　to　the　world　for　ever。　　O

noble　Bradwardine！　what　old…world　superstition　could　set

you　on　your　knees　before　such　an　idol　as　that？



If　you　want　to　moralise　upon　the　mutability　of　human

affairs；　go　and　see　the　figure　of　Gorgius　in　his　real；

identical　robes；　at　the　waxwork。Admittance　one

shilling。　　Children　and　flunkeys　sixpence。　　Go；　and　pay

sixpence。







CHAPTER　III



THE　INFLUENCE　OF　THE　ARISTOCRACY　ON　SNOBS



Last　Sunday　week；　being　at　church　in　this　city；　and　the

service　just　ended；　I　heard　two　Snobs　conversing　about

the　Parson。　　One　was　asking　the　other　who　the　clergyman

was？　　'He　is　Mr。　So…and…so；'　the　second　Snob　answered；

'domestic　chaplain　to　the　Earl　of　What…d'ye…call'im。'

'Oh；　is　he'　said　the　first　Snob；　with　a　tone　of

indescribable　satisfaction。The　Parson's　orthodoxy　and

identity　were　at　once　settled　in　this　Snob's　mind。　　He

knew　no　more　about　the　Earl　than　about　the　Chaplain；　but

he　took　the　latter's　character　upon　the　authority　of　the

former；　and　went　home　quite　contented　with　his　Reverence；

like　a　little　truckling　Snob。



This　incident　gave　me　more　matter　for　reflection　even

than　the　sermon：　and　wonderment　at　the　extent　and

prevalence　of　Lordolatory　in　this　country。　　What　could　it

matter　to　Snob　whether　his　Reverence　were　chaplain　to　his

Lordship　or　not？　　　What　Peerageworship　there　is　all

through　this　free　country！　　How　we　are　all　implicated　in

it；　and　more　or　less　down　on　our　knees。And　with　regard

to　the　great　subject　on　hand；　I　think　that　the　influence

of　the　Peerage　upon　Snobbishness　has　been　more　remarkabie

than　that　of　any　other　institution。　　The　increase；

encouragement；　and　maintenance　of　Snobs　are　among　the

'priceless　services；'　as　Lord　John　Russell　says；　which　we

owe　to　the　nobility。



It　can't　be　otherwise。　　A　man　becomes　enormously　rich；　or

he　jobs　successfully　in　the　aid　of　a　Minister；　or　he　wins

a　great　battle；　or　executes　a　treaty；　or　is　a　clever

lawyer　who　makes　a　multitude　of　fees　and　ascends　the

bench；　and　the　country　rewards　him　for　ever　with　a　gold

coronot　（with　more　or　less　balls　or　leaves）　and　a　title；

and　a　rank　as　legislator。　　'Your　merits　are　so　great；'

says　the　nation；　'that　your　children　shall　be　allowed　to

reign　over　us；　in　a　manner。　　It　does　not　in　the　least

matter　that　your　eldest　son　be　a　fool：　we　think　your

services　so　remarkable；　that　he　shall　have　the　reversion

of　your　honours　when　death　vacates　your　noble　shoes。　　If

you　are　poor；　we　will　give　you　such　a　sum　of　money　as

shall　enable　you　and　the　eldest…born　of　your　race　for

ever　to　live　in　fat　and　splendour。　　It　is　our　wish　that

there　should　be　a　race　set　apart　in　this　happy　country；

who　shall　hold　the　first　rank；　have　the　first　prizes　and

chances　in　all　government　jobs　and　patronages。　　We　cannot

make　all　your　dear　children　Peersthat　would　make

Peerage　common　and　crowd　the　House　of　Lords

uncomfortablybut　the　young　ones　shall　have　everything　a

Government　can　give：　they　shall　get　the　pick　of　all　the

places：　they　shall　be　Captains　and　Lieutenant…Colonels　at

nineteen；　when　hoary…headed　old　lieutenants　are　spending

thirty　years　at　drill：　they　shall　command　ships　at　one…

and…twenty；　and　veterans　who　fought　before　they　were

born。　　And　as　we　are　eminently　a　free　people；　and　in

order　to　encourage　all　men　to　do　their　duty；　we　say　to

any　man　of　any　rankget　enormously　rich；　make　immense

fees　as　a　lawyer；　or　great　speeches；　or　distinguish

yourself　and　win　battlesand　you；　even　you；　shall　come

into　the　privileged　class；　and　your　children　shall　reign

naturally　over　ours。'



How　can　we　help　Snobbishness；　with　such　a　prodigious

national　institution　erected　for　its　worship？　　How　can　we

help　cringing　to　Lords？　　Flesh　and　blood　can't　do

otherwise。　　What　man　can　withstand　this　prodigious

temptation？　　Inspired　by　what　is　called　a　noble

emulation；　some　people　grasp　at　honours　and　win　them；

others；　too　weak　or　mean；　blindly　admire　and　grovel

before　those　who　have　gained　them；　others；　not　being　able

to　acquire　them；　furiously　hate；　abuse；　and　envy。　　There

are　only　a　few　bland　and　not…in…the…least…conceited

philosophers；　who　can　behold　the　state　of　society；　viz。；

Toadyism；　organised：base　Man…and…Mammon　worship；

instituted　by　command　of　law：Snobbishness；　in　a　word；

perpetuated；and　mark　the　phenomenon　calmly。　　And　of

these　calm　moralists；　is　there　one；　I　wonder；　whose　heart

would　not　throb　with　pleasure　if　he　could　be　seen　walking

arm…in…arm　with　a　couple　of　dukes　down　Pall　Mall？　　No　it

is　impossible　in　our　condition　of　society；　not　to　be

sometimes　a　Snob。



On　one　hand　it　encourages　the　commoner　to　be　snobbishly

mean；　and　the　noble　to　be　snobbishly　arrogant。　　When　a

noble　marchioness　writes　in　her　travels　about　the　hard

necessity　under　which　steam…boat　travellers　labour　of

being　brought　into　contact　'with　all　sorts　and　conditions

of　people：'　implying　that　a　fellowship　with　God's

creatures　is　disagreeable　to　to　her　Ladyship；　who　is

their　superier：when；　I　say；　the　Marchioness　of　

writes　in　this　fashion；　we　must　consider　that　out　of　her

natural　heart　it　would　have　been　impossible　for　any　woman

to　have　had　such　a　sentiment；　but　that　the　habit　of

truckling　and　cringing；　which　all　who　surround　her　have

adopted　towards　this　beautiful　and　magnificent　lady；

this　proprietor　of　so　many　black　and　other　diamonds；has

really　induced　her　to　believe　that　she　is　the　superior　of

the　world　in　general：　and　that　people　are　not　to

associate　with　her　except　awfully　at　a　distance。　　I

recollect　being　once　at　the　city　of　Grand　Cairo；　through

which　a　European　Royal　Prince　was　passing　India…wards。

One　night　at　the　inn　there　was　a　great　disturbance：　a　man

had　drowned　himself　in　the　well　hard　by：　all　the

inhabitants　of　the　hotel　came　bustling　into　the　Court；

and　amongst　others　your　humble　servant；　who　asked　of　a

certain　young　man　the　reason　of　the　disturbance。　　How　was

I　to　know　that　this　young　gent　was　a　prince？　　He　had　not

his　crown　and　sceptre　on：　he　was　dressed　in　a　white

jacket　and　felt　hat：　but　he　looked　surprised　at　anybody

speaking　to　him：　answered　an　unintelligible　monosyllable；

andBECKONED　HIS　AID…DE…CAMP　TO　COME　AND　SPEAK　TO　ME。

It　is　our　fault；　not　that　of　the　great；　that　they　should

fancy　themselves　so　far　above　us。　　If　you　WILL　fling