the book of snobs-第6部分

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'Peerage'　does　not　lie　on　the　drawing…room　table。

Considering　the　harm　that　foolish　lying　book　does；　I

would　have　all　the　copies　of　it　burned；　as　the　barber

burned　all　Quixote's　books　of　humbugging　chivalry。



Look　at　this　grand　house　in　the　middle　of　the　square。

The　Earl　of　Loughcorrib　lives　there：　he　has　fifty

thousand　a　year。　　A　DEJEUNER　DANSANT　given　at　his　house

last　week　cost；　who　knows　how　much？　　The　mere　flowers　for

the　room　and　bouquets　for　the　ladies　cost　four　hundred

pounds。　　That　man　in　drab　trousers；　coming　crying　down

the　stops；　is　a　dun：　Lord　Loughcorrib　has　ruined　him；　and

won't　see　him：　that　is　his　lordship　peeping　through　the

blind　of　his　study　at　him　now。　　Go　thy　ways；　Loughcorrib；

thou　art　a　Snob；　a　heartless　pretender；　a　hypocrite　of

hospitality；　a　rogue　who　passes　forged　notes　upon

society；but　I　am　growing　too　eloquent。



You　see　that　nice　house；　No。　23；　where　a　butcher's　boy　is

ringing　the　area…bell。　　He　has　three　muttonchops　in　his

tray。　　They　are　for　the　dinner　of　a　very　different　and

very　respectable　family；　for　Lady　Susan　Scraper；　and　her

daughters；　Miss　Scraper　and　Miss　Emily　Scraper。　　The

domestics；　luckily　for　them；　are　on　board　wagestwo　huge

footmen　in　light　blue　and　canary；　a　fat　steady　coachman

who　is　a　Methodist；　and　a　butler　who　would　never　have

stayed　in　the　family　but　that　he　was　orderly　to　General

Scraper　when　the　General　distinguished　himself　at

Walcheren。　　His　widow　sent　his　portrait　to　the　United

Service　Club；　and　it　is　hung　up　in　one　of　the　back

dressing…closets　there。　　He　is　represented　at　a　parlour

window　with　red　curtains；　in　the　distance　is　a　whirlwind；

in　which　cannon　are　firing　off；　and　he　is　pointing　to　a

chart；　on　which　are　written　the　words　'Walcheren；

Tobago。'



Lady　Susan　is；　as　everybody　knows　by　referring　to　the

'British　Bible；'　a　daughter　of　the　great　and　good　Earl

Bagwig　before　mentioned。　　She　thinks　everything　belonging

to　her　the　greatest　and　best　in　the　world。　　The　first　of

men　naturally　are　the　Buckrams；　her　own　race：　then　follow

in　rank　the　Scrapers。　　The　General　was　the　greatest

general：　his　eldest　son；　Scraper　Buckram　Scraper；　is　at

present　the　greatest　and　best；　his　second　son　the　next

greatest　and　best；　and　herself　the　paragon　of　women。



Indeed；　she　is　a　most　respectable　and　honourable　lady。

She　goes　to　church　of　course：　she　would　fancy　the　Church

in　danger　if　she　did　not。　　She　subscribes　to　Church　and

parish　charities；　and　is　a　directress　of　meritorious

charitable　institutionsof　Queen　Charlotte's　Lying…in

Hospital；　the　Washerwomen's　Asylum；　the　British　Drummers'

Daughters'　Home；　&c。。　　She　is　a　model　of　a　matron。



The　tradesman　never　lived　who　could　say　that　he　was　not

paid　on　the　quarter…day。　　The　beggars　of　her

neighbourhood　avoid　her　like　a　pestilence；　for　while　she

walks　out；　protected　by　John；　that　domestic　has　always

two　or　three　mendicity　tickets　ready　for　deserving

objects。　　Ten　guineas　a　year　will　pay　all　her　charities。

There　is　no　respectable　lady　in　all　London　who　gets　her

name　more　often　printed　for　such　a　sum　of　money。



Those　three　mutton…chops　which　you　see　entering　at　the

kitchen…door　will　be　served　on　the　family…plate　at　seven

o'clock　this　evening；　the　huge　footman　being　present；　and

the　butler　in　black；　and　the　crest　and　coat…of…arms　of

the　Scrapers　blazing　everywhere。　　I　pity　Miss　Emily

Scrapershe　is　still　youngyoung　and　hungry。　　Is　it　a

fact　that　she　spends　her　pocket…money　in　buns？　　Malicious

tongues　say　so；　but　she　has　very　little　to　spare　for

buns；　the　poor　little　hungry　soul！　　For　the　fact　is；　that

when　the　footmen；　and　the　ladies'　maids；　and　the　fat

coach…horses；　which　are　jobbed；　and　the　six　dinner…

parties　in　the　season；　and　the　two　great　solemn　evening…

parties；　and　the　rent　of　the　big　house；　and　the　journey

to　an　English　or　foreign　watering…place　for　the　autumn；

are　paid；　my　lady's　income　has　dwindled　away　to　a　very

small　sum；　and　she　is　as　poor　as　you　or　I。



You　would　not　think　it　when　you　saw　her　big　carriage

rattling　up　to　the　drawing…room；　and　caught　a　glimpse　of

her　plumes；　lappets；　and　diamonds；　waving　over　her

ladyship's　sandy　hair　and　majestical　hooked　nose；you

would　not　think　it　when　you　hear　'Lady　Susan　Scraper's

carriage'　bawled　out　at　midnight　so　as　to　disturb　all

Belgravia：you　would　not　think　it　when　she　comes

rustling　into　church；　the　obsequious　John　behind　with　the

bag　of　Prayer…books。　　Is　it　possible；　you　would　say；　that

so　grand　and　awful　a　personage　as　that　can　be　hard…up　for

money？　　Alas！　　So　it　is。



She　never　heard　such　a　word　as　Snob；　I　will　engage；　in

this　wicked　and　vulgar　world。　　And；　O　stars　and　garters！

how　she　would　start　if　she　heard　that　sheshe；　as　solemn

as　Minervashe；　as　chaste　as　Diana　（without　that　heathen

goddess's　unladylike　propensity　for　field…sports）that

she　too　was　a　Snob！



A　Snob　she　is；　as　long　as　she　sets　that　prodigious　value

upon　herself；　upon　her　name；　upon　her　outward　appearance；

and　indulges　in　that　intolerable　pomposity；　as　long　as

she　goes　parading　abroad；　like　Solomon　in　all　his　glory；

as　long　as　she　goes　to　bedas　I　believe　she　doeswith　a

turban　and　a　bird　of　paradise　in　it；　and　a　court　train　to

her　night…gown；　as　long　as　she　is　so　insufferably

virtuous　and　condescending；　as　long　as　she　does　not　cut

at　least　one　of　those　footmen　down　into　mutton…chops　for

the　benefit　of　the　young　ladies。



I　had　my　notions　of　her　from　my　old　schoolfellow；her

son　Sydney　Scrapera　Chancery　barrister　without　any

practicethe　most　placid；　polite；　and　genteel　of　Snobs；

who　never　exceeded　his　allowance　of　two　hundred　a　year；

and　who　may　be　seen　any　evening　at　the　'Oxford　and

Cambridge　Club；'　simpering　over　the　QUARTERLY　REVIEW；　in

the　blameless　enjoyment　of　his　half…pint　of　port。







CHAPTER　VII



ON　SOME　RESPECTABLE　SNOBS



Look　at　the　next　house　to　Lady　Susan　Scraper's。　　The

first　mansion　with　the　awning　over　the　door：　that　canopy

will　be　let　down　this　evening　for　the　comfort　of　the

friends　of　Sir　Alured　and　Lady　S。　de　Mogyns；　whose

parties　are　so　much　admired　by　the　public；　and　the　givers

themselves。




Peach…coloured　liveries　laced　with　silver；　and　pea…green

plush　inexpressibles；　render　the　De　Mogyns'　flunkeys　the

pride　of　the　ring　when　they　appear　in　Hyde　Park　where

Lady　de　Mogyns；　as　she　sits　upon　her　satin　cushions；　with

her　dwarf　spaniel　in　her　arms；　bows　to　the　very　selectest

of　the　genteel。　　Times　are　altered　now　with　Mary　Anne；

or；　as　she　calls　herself；　Marian　de　Mogyns。



She　was　the　daughter　of　Captain　Flack　of　the　Rathdrum

Fencibles；　who　crossed　with　his　regiment　over　from

Ireland　to　Caermarthenshire　ever　so　many　years　ago；　and

defended　Wales　from　the　Corsican　invader。　　The　Rathdrums

were　quartered　at　Pontydwdlm；　where　Marian　wooed　and　won

her　De　Mogyns；　a　young　banker　in　the　place。　　His

attentions　to　Miss　Flack　at　a　race　ball　were　such　that

her　father　said　De　Mogyns　must　either　die　on　the　field　of

honour；　or　become　his　son…in…law。　　He　preferred　marriage。

His　name　was　Muggins　then；　and　his　fathera　flourishing

banker；　army…contractor；　smuggler；　and　general　jobber

almost　disinherited　him　on　account　of　this　connection。



There　is　a　story　that　Muggins　the　Elder　was　made　a

baronet　for　having　lent　money　to　a　R…y…l　p…rs…n…ge。　　I　do

not　believe　it。　　The　R…y…l　Family　always　paid　their

debts；　from　the　Prince　of　Wales　downwards。



Howbeit；　to　his　life's　end　he　remained　simple　Sir　Thomas

Muggins；　representing　Pontydwdlm　in　Parliament　for　many

years　after　the　war。　　The　old　banker　died　in　course　of

time；　and　to　use　the　affectionate　phrase　common　on　such

occasions；　'cut　up'　prodigiously　well。　　His　son；　Alfred

Smith　Mogyns；　succeeded　to　the　main　portion　of　his

wealth；　and　to　his　titles　and　the　bloody　hand　of　his

scutcheon。　　It　was　not　for　many　years　after　that　he

appeared　as　Sir　Alured　Mogyns　Smyth　de　Mogyns；　with　a

genealogy　found　out　for　him　by　the　Editor　of　'Fluke's

Peerage；'　and　which　appears　as　follows　in　that　work：…　'De

Mogyns。Sir　Alured　Mogyns　Smyth；　Second　Baronet。　　This

gentleman　is　a　representative　of　one　of　the　most　ancient

families　of　Wales；　who　trace　their　descent　until　it　is

lost　in　the　mists　of　antiquity。　　A　genealogical　tree

beginning　with　Shem　is　in　the　possession　of　the　family；

and　is　stated　by　a　legend　of　many　thousand　years'　date　to

have　been　drawn　on　papyrus　by　a　grandson　of　the　patriarch

himself。　　Be　this　as　it　may；　there　can　be　no　doubt　of　the

immense　antiquity　of　the　race　of　Mogyns。



'In　the　time　of　Boadicea；　Hogyn　Mogyn；　of　the　hundred

Beeves；　was　a　suitor　and　a　rival　of　Caractacus　for　the

hand　of　that　Princess。　　He　was　a　person　gigantic　in

stature；　and　was　slain　by　Suetonius　in　the　battle　which

terminated　the　liberties　of　Britain。　　From　him　descended

directly　the　Princes　of　Pontydwdlm；　Mogyn　of　the　Golden

Harp　（see　the　Mabinogion　of　Lady　Charlotte　Guest；）　Bogyn…

Merodac…ap…Mogyn；　（the　black　fiend　son　of　Mogyn；）　and　a

long　list　of　bards　and　warriors；　celebrated　both　in　Wales

and　Armorica。　　The　independent　Princes　of　Mogyn　long　held

out　against　the　ruthless　Kings　of　England；　until　finally

Gam　Mogyns　made　his　submission　to　Prince　Henry；　son　of

Henry　IV。；　and　under　the　name　of　Sir　David　Gam　de　Mogyns；

was　distinguished　at　the　battle　of　Agincourt。



》From　him　the　present　Baronet　is　descended。　（And　here　the

descent　follows　in　order　until　it　comes　to）　Thomas

Muggins；　first　Baronet　of　Pontydwdlm　Castle；　for　23　years

Member　of　Parliament　for　that　borough；　who　had　issue；

Alured　Mogyns　Smyth；　the　present　Baronet；　who　married

Marian；　daughter　of　the　late　general　P。　Flack；　of

Ballyflack；　in　the　Kingdom　of　Ireland　of　the　Counts　Flack

of　the　H。　R。　Empire。　　Sir　Alured　has　issue；　Alured

Caradoc；　born　1819；　Marian；　1811；　Blanche　Adeliza；　Emily

Doria；　Adelaide　Obleans；　Katinka　Rostopchin；　Patrick

Flack；　died　1809。



'Armsa　mull