mark twain, a biography, 1907-1910-第43部分

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else　considered　it　of　enough　importance　to　tell；　they　would　also　publish
it；　now　that　the　reporters　failed　to　see　anything　in　it　important　enough
to　print。　　And　so　they　startled　the　entire　religious　world　no　doubt　by
solemnly　printing　in　the　Evangelist　the　paragraph　which　heads　this
article。　　They　have　got　their　excommunication…bull　started　at　last。　　It
is　going　along　quite　lively　now；　and　making　considerable　stir；　let　us
hope。　　They　even　know　it　in　Podunk；　wherever　that　may　be。　　It　excited　a
two…line　paragraph　there。　　Happy；　happy　world；　that　knows　at　last　that　a
little　congress　of　congregationless　clergymen　of　whom　it　had　never　heard
before　have　crushed　a　famous　Beecher；　and　reduced　his　audiences　from
fifteen　hundred　down　to　fourteen　hundred　and　seventy…five　at　one　fell
blow！　　Happy；　happy　world；　that　knows　at　last　that　these　obscure
innocents　are　no　longer　responsible　for　the　blemishless　teachings；　the
power；　the　pathos；　the　logic；　and　the　other　and　manifold　intellectual
pyrotechnics　that　seduce；　but　to　damn；　the　Opera　House　assemblages　every
Sunday　night　in　Elmira！　　And　miserable；　O　thrice　miserable　Beecher！　　For
the　Ministerial　Union　of　Elmira　will　never；　no；　never　more　be　responsible
to　God　for　his　shortcomings。　　（Excuse　these　tears。）

（For　the　protection　of　a　man　who　is　uniformly　charged　with　all　the
newspaper　deviltry　that　sees　the　light　in　Elmira　journals；　I　take　this
opportunity　of　stating；　under　oath；　duly　subscribed　before　a　magistrate；
that　Mr。　Beecher　did　not　write　this　article。　　And　further　still；　that　he
did　not　inspire　it。　　And　further　still；　the　Ministerial　Union　of　Elmira
did　not　write　it。　　And　finally；　the　Ministerial　Union　did　not　ask　me　to
write　it。　　No；　I　have　taken　up　this　cudgel　in　defense　of　the　Ministerial
Union　of　Elmira　solely　from　a　love　of　justice。　　Without　solicitation；　I
have　constituted　myself　the　champion　of　the　Ministerial　Union　of　Elmira；
and　it　shall　be　a　labor　of　love　with　me　to　conduct　their　side　of　a
quarrel　in　print　for　them　whenever　they　desire　me　to　do　it；　or　if　they
are　busy；　and　have　not　the　time　to　ask　me；　I　will　cheerfully　do　it
anyhow。　　In　closing　this　I　must　remark　that　if　any　question　the　right　of
the　clergymen　of　Elmira　to　turn　Mr。　Beecher　out　of　the　Ministerial　Union；
to　such　I　answer　that　Mr。　Beecher　recreated　that　institution　after　it　had
been　dead　for　many　years；　and　invited　those　gentlemen　to　come　into　it；
which　they　did；　and　so　of　course　they　have　a　right　to　turn　him　out　if
they　want　to。　　The　difference　between　Beecher　and　the　man　who　put　an
adder　in　his　bosom　is；　that　Beecher　put　in　more　adders　than　he　did；　and
consequently　had　a　proportionately　livelier　time　of　it　when　they　got
warmed　up。）
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Cheerfully；
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　S'CAT。





APPENDIX　J

THE　INDIGNITY　PUT　UPON　THE　REMAINS　OF　GEORGE　HOLLAND　BY　THE
REV。　MR。　SABINE

（See　Chapter　lxxvii）

What　a　ludicrous　satire　it　was　upon　Christian　charity！even　upon　the
vague；　theoretical　idea　of　it　which　doubtless　this　small　saint　mouths
from　his　own　pulpit　every　Sunday。　　Contemplate　this　freak　of　nature；　and
think　what　a　Cardiff　giant　of　self…righteousness　is　crowded　into　his
pigmy　skin。　　If　we　probe；　and　dissect；　and　lay　open　this　diseased；　this
cancerous　piety　of　his；　we　are　forced　to　the　conviction　that　it　is　the
production　of　an　impression　on　his　part　that　his　guild　do　about　all　the
good　that　is　done　on　the　earth；　and　hence　are　better　than　common　clay
hence　are　competent　to　say　to　such　as　George　Holland；　〃You　are　unworthy；
you　are　a　play…actor；　and　consequently　a　sinner；　I　cannot　take　the
responsibility　of　recommending　you　to　the　mercy　of　Heaven。〃　　It　must　have
had　its　origin　in　that　impression；　else　he　would　have　thought；　〃We　are
all　instruments　for　the　carrying　out　of　God's　purposes；　it　is　not　for　me
to　pass　judgment　upon　your　appointed　share　of　the　work；　or　to　praise　or
to　revile　it；　I　have　divine　authority　for　it　that　we　are　all　sinners；　and
therefore　it　is　not　for　me　to　discriminate　and　say　we　will　supplicate　for
this　sinner；　for　he　was　a　merchant　prince　or　a　banker；　but　we　will
beseech　no　forgiveness　for　this　other　one；　for　he　was　a　play…actor。〃

It　surely　requires　the　furthest　possible　reach　of　self…righteousness　to
enable　a　man　to　lift　his　scornful　nose　in　the　air　and　turn　his　back　upon
so　poor　and　pitiable　a　thing　as　a　dead　stranger　come　to　beg　the　last
kindness　that　humanity　can　do　in　its　behalf。　　This　creature　has　violated
the　letter　of　the　Gospel；　and　judged　George　Hollandnot　George　Holland；
either；　but　his　profession　through　him。　　Then　it　is；　in　a　measure；　fair
that　we　judge　this　creature's　guild　through　him。　　In　effect　he　has　said；
〃We　are　the　salt　of　the　earth；　we　do　all　the　good　work　that　is　done；　to
learn　how　to　be　good　and　do　good　men　must　come　to　us；　actors　and　such　are
obstacles　to　moral　progress。〃　　Pray　look　at　the　thing　reasonably　a
moment；　laying　aside　all　biases　of　education　and　custom。　　If　a　common
public　impression　is　fair　evidence　of　a　thing　then　this　minister's
legitimate；　recognized；　and　acceptable　business　is　to　tell　people　calmly；
coldly；　and　in　stiff；　written　sentences；　from　the　pulpit；　to　go　and　do
right；　be　just；　be　merciful；　be　charitable。　　And　his　congregation　forget
it　all　between　church　and　home。　　But　for　fifty　years　it　was　George
Holland's　business　on　the　stage　to　make　his　audience　go　and　do　right；　and
be　just；　merciful；　and　charitablebecause　by　his　living；　breathing；
feeling　pictures　he　showed　them　what　it　was　to　do　these　things；　and　how
to　do　them；　and　how　instant　and　ample　was　the　reward！　　Is　it　not　a
singular　teacher　of　men；　this　reverend　gentleman　who　is　so　poorly
informed　himself　as　to　put　the　whole　stage　under　ban；　and　say；　〃I　do　not
think　it　teaches　moral　lessons〃？　　Where　was　ever　a　sermon　preached　that
could　make　filial　ingratitude　so　hateful　to　men　as　the　sinful　play　of
〃King　Lear〃？　　Or　where　was　there　ever　a　sermon　that　could　so　convince　men
of　the　wrong　and　the　cruelty　of　harboring　a　pampered　and　unanalyzed
jealousy　as　the　sinful　play　of　〃Othello〃？　　And　where　are　there　ten
preachers　who　can　stand　in　the　pulpit　preaching　heroism；　unselfish
devotion；　and　lofty　patriotism；　and　hold　their　own　against　any　one　of
five　hundred　William　Tells　that　can　be　raised　upon　five　hundred　stages　in
the　land　at　a　day's　notice？　　It　is　almost　fair　and　just　to　aver　（although
it　is　profanity）　that　nine…tenths　of　all　the　kindness　and　forbearance　and
Christian　charity　and　generosity　in　the　hearts　of　the　American　people
today　got　there　by　being　filtered　down　from　their　fountain…head；　the
gospel　of　Christ；　through　dramas　and　tragedies　and　comedies　on　the　stage；
and　through　the　despised　novel　and　the　Christmas　story；　and　through　the
thousand　and　one　lessons；　suggestions；　and　narratives　of　generous　deeds
that　stir　the　pulses；　and　exalt　and　augment　the　nobility　of　the　nation
day　by　day　from　the　teeming　columns　of　ten　thousand　newspapers；　and　not
from　the　drowsy　pulpit。

All　that　is　great　and　good　in　our　particular　civilization　came　straight
from　the　hand　of　Jesus　Christ；　and　many　creatures；　and　of　divers　sorts；
were　doubtless　appointed　to　disseminate　it；　and　let　us　believe　that　this
seed　and　the　result　are　the　main　thing；　and　not　the　cut　of　the　sower's
garment；　and　that　whosoever；　in　his　way　and　according　to　his　opportunity；
sows　the　one　and　produces　the　other；　has　done　high　service　and　worthy。　
And　further；　let　us　try　with　all　our　strength　to　believe　that　whenever
old　simple…hearted　George　Holland　sowed　this　seed；　and　reared　his　crop　of
broader　charities　and　better　impulses　in　men's　hearts；　it　was　just　as
acceptable　before　the　Throne　as　if　the　seed　had　been　scattered　in　vapid
platitudes　from　the　pulpit　of　the　ineffable　Sabine　himself。

Am　I　saying　that　the　pulpit　does　not　do　its　share　toward　disseminating
the　marrow；　the　meat　of　the　gospel　of　Christ？　　（For　we　are　not　talking　of
ceremonies　and　wire…drawn　creeds　now；　but　the　living　heart　and　soul　of
what　is　pretty　often　only　a　specter。）

No；　I　am　not　saying　that。　　The　pulpit　teaches　assemblages　of　people　twice
a　week　nearly　two　hours　altogetherand　does　what　it　can　in　that　time。　
The　theater　teaches　large　audiences　seven　times　a　week28　or　30　hours
altogetherand　the　novels　and　newspapers　plead；　and　argue；　and
illustrate；　stir；　move；　thrill；　thunder；　urge；　persuade；　and　supplicate；
at　the　feet　of　millions　and　millions　of　people　every　single　day；　and　all
day　long　and　far　into　the　night；　and　so　these　vast　agencies　till　nine…
tenths　of　the　vineyard；　and　the　pulpit　tills　the　other　tenth。　　Yet　now
and　then　some　complacent　blind　idiot　says；　〃You　unanointed　are　coarse
clay　and　useless；　you　are　not　as　we；　the　regenerators　of　the　world；　go；
bury　yourselves　elsewhere；　for　we　cannot　take　the　responsibility　of
recommending　idlers　and　sinners　to　the　yearning　mercy　of　Heaven。〃　　How
does　a　soul　like　that　stay　in　a　carcass　without　getting　mixed　with　the
secretions　and　sweated　out　through　the　pores？　　Think　of　this　insect
condemning　the　whole　theatrical　service　as　a　disseminator　of　bad　morals
because　it　has　Black　Crooks　in　it；　forgetting　that　if　that　were
sufficient　ground　people　would　condemn　the　pulpit　because　it　had　Crooks
and　Kallochs　and　Sabines　in　it！

No；　I　am　not　trying　to　rob　the　pulpit　of　any　atom　of　its　full　share　and
credit　in　the　work　of　disseminating　the　meat　and　marrow　of　the　gospel　of
Christ；　but　I　am　trying　to　get　a　moment's　hearing　for　worthy　agencies　in
the　same　work；　that　with　overwrought　modesty　seldom　or　never　claim　a
recognition　of　their　great　services。　　I　am　aware　that　the　pulpit　does　its
excellent　one…tenth　（and　credits　itself　with　it　now　and　then；　though　most
of　the　time　a　press　of　business　causes　it　to　forget　it）；　I　am　aware　that
in　its　honest　and　well…meaning　way　it　bores　the　people　with　uninflammable
truisms　about　doing　good；　bores　them　with　correct　compositions　on
charity；　bores　them；　chloroforms　them；　stupefies　them　with　argumentative
mercy　without　a　flaw　in　the　grammar　or　an　emotion　which　the　minister
could　put　in　in　the　right　place　if　he　turned　his　back　and　took　his　finger
off　the　manuscript。　　And　in　doing　these　things　the　pulpit　is　doing　its
du