the hungry stones and other stories-第15部分

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My　friend　shook　her　head　in　great　contempt；　when　she　heard　such　old…　fashioned　talk　from　the　lips　of　a　mere　chit　of　a　girl。　　She　went　away　in　disdain。　　But　whatever　might　be　my　answer　at　the　time；　such　words　as　these　left　their　poison；　and　the　venom　was　never　wholly　got　out　of　the　soul；　when　once　they　had　been　uttered。

So　you　see　Calcutta；　with　its　never…ending　gossip；　does　harden　the　heart。　　But　when　I　came　back　to　the　country　all　my　earlier　hopes　and　faiths；　all　that　I　held　true　in　life　during　childhood；　became　fresh　and　bright　once　more。　　God　came　to　me；　and　filled　my　heart　and　my　world。　　I　bowed　to　Him；　and　said：

〃It　is　well　that　Thou　has　taken　away　my　eyes。　　Thou　art　with　me。〃

Ah！　　But　I　said　more　than　was　right。　　It　was　a　presumption　to　say：　〃Thou　art　with　me。〃　　All　we　can　say　is　this：　〃I　must　be　true　to　Thee。〃　　Even　when　nothing　is　left　for　us；　still　we　have　to　go　on　living。

III

We　passed　a　few　happy　months　together。　　My　husband　gained　some　reputation　in　his　profession　as　a　doctor。　　And　money　came　with　it。

But　there　is　a　mischief　in　money。　　I　cannot　point　to　any　one　event；　but；　because　the　blind　have　keener　perceptions　than　other　people；　I　could　discern　the　change　which　came　over　my　husband　along　with　the　increase　of　wealth。

He　had　a　keen　sense　of　justice　when　he　was　younger；　and　had　often　told　me　of　his　great　desire　to　help　the　poor　when　once　he　obtained　a　practice　of　his　own。　　He　had　a　noble　contempt　far　those　in　his　profession　who　would　not　feel　the　pulse　of　a　poor　patient　before　collecting　his　fee。　But　now　I　noticed　a　difference。　　He　had　become　strangely　hard。　　Once　when　a　poor　woman　came；　and　begged　him；　out　of　charity；　to　save　the　life　of　her　only　child；　he　bluntly　refused。　　And　when　I　implored　him　myself　to　help　her；　he　did　his　work　perfunctorily。

While　we　were　less　rich　my　husband　disliked　sharp　practice　in　money　matters。　　He　was　scrupulously　honourable　in　such　things。　　But　since　he　had　got　a　large　account　at　the　bank　he　was　often　closeted　for　hours　with　some　scamp　of　a　landlord's　agent；　for　purposes　which　clearly　boded　no　good。

Where　has　he　drifted？　　What　has　become　of　this　husband　of　mine；　the　husband　I　knew　before　I　was　blind；　the　husband　who　kissed　me　that　day　between　my　brows；　and　enshrined　me　on　the　throne　of　a　Goddess？　　Those　whom　a　sudden　gust　of　passion　brings　down　to　the　dust　can　rise　up　again　with　a　new　strong　impulse　of　goodness。　　But　those　who；　day　by　day；　become　dried　up　in　the　very　fibre　of　their　moral　being；　those　who　by　some　outer　parasitic　growth　choke　the　inner　life　by　slow　degrees；such　wench　one　day　a　deadness　which　knows　no　healing。

The　separation　caused　by　blindness　is　the　merest　physical　trifle。　　But；　ah！　　it　suffocates　me　to　find　that　he　is　no　longer　with　me；　where　he　stood　with　me　in　that　hour　when　we　both　knew　that　I　was　blind。　　That　is　a　separation　indeed！

I；　with　my　love　fresh　and　my　faith　unbroken；　have　kept　to　the　shelter　of　my　heart's　inner　shrine。　　But　my　husband　has　left　the　cool　shade　of　those　things　that　are　ageless　and　unfading。　　He　is　fast　disappearing　into　the　barren；　waterless　waste　in　his　mad　thirst　for　gold。

Sometimes　the　suspicion　comes　to　me　that　things　not　so　bad　as　they　seem：　that　perhaps　I　exaggerate　because　I　am　blind。　　It　may　be　that；　if　my　eyesight　were　unimpaired；　I　should　have　accepted　world　as　I　found　it。　This；　at　any　rate；　was　the　light　in　which　my　husband　looked　at　all　my　moods　and　fancies。

One　day　an　old　Musalman　came　to　the　house。　　He　asked　my　husband　to　visit　his　little　grand…daughter。　　I　could　hear　the　old　man　say：　〃Baba；　I　am　a　poor　man；　but　come　with　me；　and　Allah　will　do　you　good。〃　　My　husband　answered　coldly：　〃What　Allah　will　do　won't　help　matters；　I　want　to　know　what　you　can　do　for　me。〃

When　I　heard　it；　I　wondered　in　my　mind　why　God　had　not　made　me　deaf　as　well　as　blind。　　The　old　man　heaved　a　deep　sigh；　and　departed。　　I　sent　my　maid　to　fetch　him　to　my　room。　　I　met　him　at　the　door　of　the　inner　apartment；　and　put　some　money　into　his　hand。

〃Please　take　this　from　me；〃　said　I；　〃for　your　little　grand…daughter；　and　get　a　trustworthy　doctor　to　look　after　her。　　And…pray　for　my　husband。〃

But　the　whole　of　that　day　I　could　take　no　food　at　all。　　In　the　afternoon；　when　my　husband　got　up　from　sleep；　he　asked　me：　〃Why　do　you　look　so　pale？〃

I　was　about　to　say；　as　I　used　to　do　in　the　past：　〃Oh！　It's　nothing　〃；　but　those　days　of　deception　were　over；　and　I　spoke　to　him　plainly。

〃I　have　been　hesitating；〃　I　said；　〃for　days　together　to　tell　you　something。　　It　has　been　hard　to　think　out　what　exactly　it　was　I　wanted　to　say。　　Even　now　I　may　not　be　able　to　explain　what　I　had　in　my　mind。　But　I　am　sure　you　know　what　has　happened。　　Our　lives　have　drifted　apart。〃

My　husband　laughed　in　a　forced　manner；　and　said：　〃Change　is　the　law　of　nature。〃

I　said　to　him：　〃I　know　that。　　But　there　are　some　things　that　are　eternal。〃

Then　he　became　serious。

〃There　are　many　women；〃　said　he；　〃who　have　a　real　cause　for　sorrow。　There　are　some　whose　husbands　do　not　earn　money。　　There　are　others　whose　husbands　do　not　love　them。　　But　you　are　making　yourself　wretched　about　nothing　at　all。〃

Then　it　became　clear　to　me　that　my　very　blindness　had　conferred　on　me　the　power　of　seeing　a　world　which　is　beyond　all　change。　　Yes！　　It　is　true。　I　am　not　like　other　women。　　And　my　husband　will　never　understand　me。

IV

Our　two　lives　went　on　with　their　dull　routine　for　some　time。　　Then　there　was　a　break　in　the　monotony。　　An　aunt　of　my　husband　came　to　pay　us　a　visit。

The　first　thing　she　blurted　out　after　our　first　greeting　was　this：　〃Well；　Krum；　it's　a　great　pity　you　have　become　blind；　but　why　do　you　impose　your　own　affliction　on　your　husband？　　You　must　get　him　to　another　wife。〃

There　was　an　awkward　pause。　　If　my　husband　had　only　said　something　in　jest；　or　laughed　in　her　face；　all　would　have　been　over。　　But　he　stammered　and　hesitated；　and　said　at　last　in　a　nervous；　stupid　way：　〃Do　you　really　think　so？　　Really；　Aunt；　you　shouldn't　talk　like　that〃

His　aunt　appealed　to　me。　〃Was　I　wrong；　Kumo？〃

I　laughed　a　hollow　laugh。

〃Had　not　you　better；〃　said　I；　〃consult　some　one　more　competent　to　decide？　　The　pickpocket　never　asks　permission　from　the　man　whose　pocket　he　is　going　to　pick。〃

〃You　are　quite　right；〃　she　replied　blandly。　〃Abinash；　my　dear；　let　us　have　our　little　conference　in　private。　　What　do　you　say　to　that？〃

After　a　few　days　my　husband　asked　her；　in　my　presence；　if　she　knew　of　any　girl　of　a　decent　family　who　could　come　and　help　me　in　my　household　work。　　He　knew　quite　well　that　I　needed　no　help。　　I　kept　silence。

〃Oh！　　there　are　heaps　of　them；〃　replied　his　aunt。　〃My　cousin　has　a　daughter　who　is　just　of　the　marriageable　age；　and　as　nice　a　girl　as　you　could　wish。　　Her　people　would　be　only　too　glad　to　secure　you　as　a　husband。〃

Again　there　came　from　him　that　forced；　hesitating　laugh；　and　he　said：　〃But　I　never　mentioned　marriage。〃

〃How　could　you　expect；〃　asked　his　aunt；　〃a　girl　of　decent　family　to　come　and　live　in　your　house　without　marriage？　〃

He　had　to　admit　that　this　was　reasonable；　and　remained　nervously　silent。

I　stood　alone　within　the　closed　doors　of　my　blindness　after　he　had　gone；　and　called　upon　my　God　and　prayed：　〃O　God；　save　my　husband。〃

When　I　was　coming　out　of　the　household　shrine　from　my　morning　worship　a　few　days　later；　his　aunt　took　hold　of　both　my　hands　warmly。

〃Kumo；　here　is　the　girl；〃　said　she；　〃we　were　speaking　about　the　other　day。　　Her　name　is　Hemangini。　　She　will　be　delighted　to　meet　you。　　Hemo；　come　here　and　be　introduced　to　your　sister。〃

My　husband　entered　the　room　at　the　same　moment。　　He　feigned　surprise　when　he　saw　the　strange　girl；　and　was　about　to　retire。　　But　his　aunt　said：　〃Abinash；　my　dear；　what　are　you　running　away　for？　　There　is　no　need　to　do　that。　　Here　is　my　cousin's　daughter；　Hemangini；　come　to　see　you。　　Hemo；　make　your　bow　to　him。〃

As　if　taken　quite　by　surprise；　he　began　to　ply　his　aunt　with　questions　about　the　when　and　why　and　how　of　the　new　arrival。

I　saw　the　hollowness　of　the　whole　thing；　and　took　Hemangini　by　the　hand　and　led　her　to　my　own　room。　　I　gently　stroked　her　face　and　arms　and　hair；　and　found　that　she　was　about　fifteen　years　old；　and　very　beautiful。

As　I　felt　her　face；　she　suddenly　burst　out　laughing　and　said：　〃Why！　what　are　you　doing？　　Are　you　hypnotising　me？〃

That　sweet　ringing　laughter　of　hers　swept　away　in　a　moment　all　the　dark　clouds　that　stood　between　us。　　I　threw　my　right　arm　about　her　neck。

〃Dear　one；〃　said　I；　〃I　am　trying　to　see　you。〃　　And　again　I　stroked　her　soft　face　with　my　left　hand。

〃Trying　to　see　me？　〃　　she　said；　with　a　new　burst　of　laughter。　〃Am　I　like　a　vegetable　marrow；　grown　in　your　garden；　that　you　want　to　feel　me　all　round　to　see　how　soft　I　am？〃

I　suddenly　bethought　me　that　she　did　not　know　I　had　lost　my　sight。

〃Sister；　I　am　blind；〃　said　I。

She　was　silent。　　I　could　feel　her　big　young　eyes；　full　of　curiosity；　peering　into　my　face。　　I　knew　they　were　full　of　pity。　　Then　she　grew　thoughtful　and　puzzled；　and　said；　after　a　short　pause：

〃Oh！　I　see　now。　　That　was　the　reason　your　husband　invited　his　aunt　to　come　and　stay　here。〃

〃No！〃　　I　replied；　〃you　are　quite　mistaken。　　He　did　not　ask　her　to　come。　She　came　of　her　own　accord。〃

Hemangini　went　off　into　a　peal　of　laughter。　〃That's　just　like　my　aunt；〃　said　she。　〃Oh　I　wasn't　it　nice　of　her　to　come　without　any　invitation？　But　now　she's　come；　you　won't　get　her　to　move　for　some　time；　I　can　assure　you！〃

Then　she　paused；　and　looked　puzzled。

〃But　why　did　father　send　me？〃　she　asked。　〃Can　you　tell　me　that？　〃

The　aunt　had　come　into　the　room　while　we　were　talking。　　Hemangini　said　to　her：　〃When　are　you　thinking　of　going　back；　Aunt？　〃

The　aunt　looked　very　much　upset。

〃What　a　question　to　ask！〃　said　she；　〃I've　never　seen　such　a　restless　body　as　you。　　We've　only　just　come；　and　you　ask　when　we're　going　back！〃

〃It　is　all　very　well　for　you；〃　Hemangini　said；　〃for　this　house　belongs　to　your　near　relations。　　But　what　about　me？　　I　tell　you　plainly　I　can't　stop　here。〃　　And　then　she　held　my　hand　and　said：　〃What　do　you　think；　dear？〃

I　drew　her　to　my　heart；　but　said　nothing。　　The　aunt　was　in　a　great　difficulty。　　She　felt　the　situation　was　getting　beyond　her　control；　so　she　proposed　that　she　and　h