the story of a bad boy(顽童故事)-第33部分
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Gang aboot his business。〃
I was wretched away from her； and only less wretched in her presence。
The special cause of my woe was this： I was simply a little boy to Miss
Glentworth。 I knew it。 I bewailed it。 I ground my teeth and wept in secret
over the fact。 If I had been aught else in her eyes would she have
smoothed my hair so carelessly； sending an electric shock through my
whole system？ Would she have walked with me； hand in hand； for hours in
the old garden； and once when I lay on the sofa； my head aching with love
and mortification； would she have stooped down and kissed me if I hadn't
been a little boy？ How I despised little boys！ How I hated one particular
little boy…too little to be loved！
I smile over this very grimly even now。 My sorrow was genuine and
bitter。 It is a great mistake on the part of elderly people； male and female；
to tell a child that he is seeing his happiest days。 Don't you believe a word
of it； my little friend。 The burdens of childhood are as hard to bear as the
crosses that weigh us down later in life； while the happinesses of
childhood are tame compared with those of our maturer years。 And even if
this were not so； it is rank cruelty to throw shadows over the young heart
by croaking； 〃Be merry； for to…morrow you die！〃
As the last days of Nelly's visit drew near； I fell into a very unhealthy
state of mind。 To have her so frank and unconsciously coquettish with me
was a daily torment； to be looked upon and treated as a child was bitter
almonds； but the thought of losing her altogether was distraction。
The summer was at an end。 The days were perceptibly shorter； and
now and then came an evening when it was chilly enough to have a wood…
fire in our sitting…room。 The leaves were beginning to take hectic tints； and
the wind was practising the minor pathetic notes of its autumnal dirge。
Nature and myself appeared to be approaching our dissolution
simultaneously…
One evening； the evening previous to the day set for Nelly's departure…
how well I remember it…I found her sitting alone by the wide chimney…
piece looking musingly at the crackling back log。 There were no candles
in the room。 On her face and hands； and on the small golden cross at her
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throat； fell the flickering firelight…that ruddy； mellow firelight in which
one's grandmother would look poetical。
I drew a low stool from the corner and placed it by the side of her
chair。 She reached out her hand to me； as was her pretty fashion； and so we
sat for several moments silently in the changing glow of the burning logs。
At length I moved back the stool so that I could see her face in profile
without being seen by her。 I lost her hand by this movement； but I couldn't
have spoken with the listless touch of her fingers on mine。 After two or
three attempts I said 〃Nelly〃 a good deal louder than I intended。
Perhaps the effort it cost me was evident in my voice。 She raised
herself quickly in the chair and half turned towards me。
〃W'ell； Tom？〃
〃I…I am very sorry you are going away。〃
〃So am I。 I have enjoyed every hour of my visit。〃
〃Do you think you will ever come back here？〃
〃Perhaps；〃 said Nelly； and her eyes wandered off into the fitful
firelight。
〃I suppose you will forget us all very quickly。〃
〃Indeed I shall not。 I shall always have the pleasantest memories of
Rivermouth。〃
Here the conversation died a natural death。 Nelly sank into a sort of
dream； and I meditated。 Fearing every moment to be interrupted by some
member of the family； I nerved myself to make a bold dash。
〃Nelly。〃
〃Well。〃
〃Do you…〃 I hesitated。
〃Do I what？〃
〃Love anyone very much？〃
〃Why； of course I do；〃 said Nelly； scattering her revery with a merry
laugh。 〃I love Uncle Nutter； and Aunt Nutter； and you…and Towser。〃
Towser； our new dog！ I couldn't stand that。 I pushed back the stool
impatiently and stood in front of her。
〃That's not what I mean；〃 I said angrily。
〃Well； what do you mean？〃
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〃Do you love anyone to marry him？〃
〃The idea of it；〃 cried Nelly； laughing。
〃But you must tell me。〃
〃Must； Tom？〃
〃Indeed you must； Nelly。〃
She had risen from the chair with an amused； perplexed look in her
eyes。 I held her an instant by the dress。
〃Please tell me。〃
〃O you silly boy！〃 cried Nelly。 Then she rumpled my hair all over my
forehead and ran laughing out of the room。
Suppose Cinderella had rumpled the prince's hair all over his forehead；
how would he have liked it？ Suppose the Sleeping Beauty； when the king's
son with a kiss set her and all the old clocks agoing in the spell…bound
castle…suppose the young minx had looked up and coolly laughed in his
eye； I guess the king's son wouldn't have been greatly pleased。
I hesitated a second or two and then rushed after Nelly just in time to
run against Miss Abigail； who entered the room with a couple of lighted
candles。
〃Goodness gracious； Tom！〃 exclaimed Miss Abigail。 〃Are you
possessed？〃
I left her scraping the warm spermaceti from one of her thumbs。
Nelly was in the kitchen talking quite unconcernedly with Kitty
Collins。 There she remained until supper…time。 Supper over； we all
adjourned to the sitting…room。 I planned and plotted； but could manage in
no way to get Nelly alone。 She and the Captain played cribbage all the
evening。
The next morning my lady did not make her appearance until we were
seated at the breakfast…table。 I had got up at daylight myself。 Immediately
after breakfast the carriage arrived to take her to the railway station。 A
gentleman stepped from this carriage； and greatly to my surprise was
warmly welcomed by the Captain and Miss Abigail； and by Miss Nelly
herself； who seemed unnecessarily glad to see him。 From the hasty
conversation that followed I learned that the gentleman had come
somewhat unexpectedly to conduct Miss Nelly to Boston。 But how did he
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know that she was to leave that morning？ Nelly bade farewell to the
Captain and Miss Abigail； made a little rush and kissed me on the nose；
and was gone。
As the wheels of the hack rolled up the street and over my finer
feelings； I turned to the Captain。
〃Who was that gentleman； sir？〃
〃That was Mr。 Waldron。〃
〃A relation of yours； sir？〃 I asked craftily。
〃No relation of mine…a relation of Nelly's；〃 said the Captain； smiling。
〃A cousin；〃 I suggested； feeling a strange hatred spring up in my
bosom for the unknown。
〃Well； I suppose you might call him a cousin for the present。 He's
going to marry little Nelly next summer。〃
In one of Peter Parley's valuable historical works is a description of an
earthquake at Lisbon。 〃At the first shock the inhabitants rushed into the
streets； the earth yawned at their feet and the houses tottered and fell on
every side。〃 I staggered past the Captain into the street； a giddiness came
over me； the earth yawned at my feet； and the houses threatened to fall in
on every side of me。 How distinctly I remember that momentary sense of
confusion when everything in the world seemed toppling over into ruins。
As I have remarked； my love for Nelly is a thing of the past。 I had not
thought of her for years until I sat down to write this chapter； and yet； now
that all is said and done； I shouldn't care particularly to come across Mrs。
Waldron's eldest boy in my afternoon's walk。 He must be fourteen or
fifteen years old by this time…the young villain！
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CHAPTER Nineteen
I Become A Blighted Being
When a young boy gets to be an old boy； when the hair is growing
rather thin on the top of the old boy's head； and he has been tamed
sufficiently to take a sort of chastened pleasure in allowing the baby to
play with his watch…seals…when； I say； an old boy has reached this stage in
the journey of life； he is sometimes apt to indulge in sportive remarks
concerning his first love。
Now； though I bless my stars that it wasn't in my power to marry Miss
Nelly； I am not going to deny my boyish regard for her nor laugh at it。 As
long as it lasted it was a very sincere and unselfish love； and rendered me
proportionately wretched。 I say as long as it lasted； for one's first love
doesn't last forever。
I am
