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buttered side down(懲仔嗟議匯中劾和)-及5何蛍

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     ;Now�察  �Ted�察─  �remonstrated   Jo   Haley�察   �that   way   of   talkin'   won't   help 

matters     none。   As    I  said�察 �I'm   rotten   at  figures。   But   you're   the   first 

investment that ever turned out bad�察�and let me tell you I've handled some 



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mighty bad smelling ones。 Why�察�kid�察�if you had just come to me on the 

quiet and asked for the loan of a hundred or so why; 

     ;What's the joke�察�Jo�拭─�said Ted again�察�slowly。 

     ;This ain't my notion of a joke�察─�came the terse answer。 ;We're three 

hundred short。; 

     The last vestige of Ted Terrill's old´time radiance seemed to flicker and 

die�察�leaving him ashen and old。 

     ;Short�拭─�he repeated。 Then�察 �My God� ─�in a strangely colorless voice 

;My  God� ─  �He  looked   down   at   his   fingers   impersonally�察 �as   though   they 

belonged to some one else。 Then his hand clutched Jo Haley's arm with the 

grip of fear。 ;Jo� �Jo� �That's the thing that has haunted me day and night�察�till 

my nerves are raw。 The fear of doing it again。 Don't laugh at me�察�will you�拭�

I used to lie awake nights going over that   cursed business of the  bank 

over and overtill the cold sweat would break out all over me。 I used to 

figure it   all   out   again�察�step by  step�察 �untilJo�察 �could   a  man   steal   and  not 

know it�拭�Could thinking of a thing like that drive a man crazy�拭�Because if 

it couldif it couldthen; 

     ;I don't know�察─�said Jo Haley�察 �but it sounds darned fishy。; He had a 

hand   on   Ted's   shaking   shoulder�察  �and   was   looking   into   the   white�察  �drawn 

face。 ;I had great plans for you�察�Ted。 But Minnie Wenzel's got it all down 

on   slips   of   paper。   I   might   as   well   call   her�察  �in   again�察  �and   we'll   have   the 

whole blamed thing out。; 

     Minnie Wenzel came。 In her hand were slips of paper�察�and books with 

figures in them�察�and Ted looked and saw things written in his own hand 

that should not have been there。 And he covered his shamed face with his 

two hands and gave thanks that his mother was dead。 

     There   came   three   sharp   raps   at   the   office   door。   The   tense  figures 

within jumped nervously。 

     ;Keep out� ─�called Jo Haley�察 �whoever you are。; Whereupon the door 

opened and Birdie Callahan breezed in。 

     ;Get out�察�Birdie Callahan�察─�roared Jo。 ;You're in the wrong pew。; 

     Birdie closed   the door behind   her composedly  and came   farther into 

the room。 ;Pete th' pasthry cook just tells me that Minnie Wenzel told th' 

day  clerk�察  �who   told   the  barkeep�察  �who   told   th'   janitor�察  �who   told   th'   chef�察�



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who   told   Pete�察  �that   Minnie   had   caught   Ted   stealin'   some   three   hundred 

dollars。; 

     Ted took a quick step forward。 ;Birdie�察�for Heaven's sake keep out of 

this。 You can't make things any better。 You may believe in me�察�but; 

     ;Where's the money�拭─�asked Birdie。 

     Ted stared at her a moment�察�his mouth open ludicrously。 

     ;WhyIdon'tknow�察─  �he   articulated�察  �painfully。   ;I   never   thought   of 

that。; 

     Birdie   snorted   defiantly。   ;I   thought   so。   D'ye   know�察─  �sociably�察   �I   was 

visitin' with my aunt Mis' Mulcahy last evenin'。; 

     There was a quick rustle of silks from Minnie Wenzel's direction。 

     ;Say�察�look here; began Jo Haley�察�impatiently。 

     ;Shut up�察�Jo Haley� ─�snapped Birdie。 ;As I was sayin'�察�I was visitin' 

with   my   aunt   Mis'   Mulcahy。   She   does   fancy   washin'   an'   ironin'   for   the 

swells。 An' Minnie Wenzel�察�there bein' none sweller�察�hires her to do up her 

weddin' linens。 Such smears av hand embridery an' Irish crochet she never 

see th' likes�察�Mis' Mulcahy says�察�and she's seen a lot。 And as a special treat 

to   the   poor   owld   soul�察  �why   Minnie   Wenzel   lets   her   see   some   av   her 

weddin' clo'es。 There never yet was a woman who cud resist showin' her 

weddin'   things   to   every   other   woman   she   cud   lay   hands   on。   Well�察  �Mis' 

Mulcahy�察�she see that grand trewsow and she said she never saw th' beat。 

Dresses� �Well�察�her going away suit alone comes to eighty dollars�察�for it's 

bein' made by Molkowsky�察�the little Polish tailor。 An' her weddin' dress is 

satin�察�do yuh mind� �Oh�察�it was a real treat for my aunt Mis' Mulcahy。; 

     Birdie walked over to where Minnie Wenzel sat�察�very white and still�察�

and pointed a stubby red finger in her face。 ;'Tis the grand manager ye are�察�

Miss Wenzel�察�gettin' satins an' tailor´mades on yer salary。 It takes a woman�察�

Minnie Wenzel�察�to see through a woman's thricks。; 

     ;Well I'll be dinged� ─�exploded Jo Haley。 

     ;Yuh'd better be� ─�retorted Birdie Callahan。 

     Minnie Wenzel stood up�察�her lip caught between her teeth。 

     ;Am I to understand�察�Jo Haley�察�that you dare to accuse me of taking 

your   filthy   money�察  �instead   of   that   miserable   ex´con   there   who   has   done 

time�拭─�



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     ;That'll do�察�Minnie�察─�said Jo Haley�察�gently。 ;That's a´plenty。; 

     ;Prove it�察─�went on Minnie�察�and then looked as though she wished she 

hadn't。 

     ;A business college edjication is a grand foine thing�察─�observed Birdie。 

;Miss   Wenzel   is   a   graduate   av   wan。   They   teach   you   everything   from 

drawin'   birds   with   tail   feathers   to   plain   and   fancy   penmanship。   In   fact�察�

they teach everything in the writin' line except forgery�察�an' I ain't so sure 

they haven't got a coorse in that。; 

     ;I don't care�察─�whimpered Minnie Wenzel suddenly�察�sinking in a limp 

heap on the floor。 ;I had to do it。 I'm marrying a swell fellow and a girl's 

got to have some clothes that don't look like a Bird Center dressmaker's 

work。 He's got three sisters。 I saw their pictures and they're coming to the 

wedding。 They're   the   kind   that   wear  low´necked   dresses   in   the   evening�察�

and have their hair and nails done downtown。 I haven't got a thing but my 

looks。 Could I go to New York dressed like a rube�拭�On the square�察�Jo�察�I 

worked here six years and never took a sou。 But things got away from me。 

The tailor wouldn't finish my suit unless I paid him fifty dollars down。 I 

only took fifty at first�察�intending to pay it back。 Honest to goodness�察�Jo�察�I 

did。; 

     ;Cut   it   out�察─  �said   Jo   Haley�察   �and   get   up。   I   was   going   to   give   you   a 

check   for   your   wedding�察  �though   I   hadn't   counted   on   no   three   hundred。 

We'll call it square。 And I hope you'll be happy�察�but I don't gamble on it。 

You'll be goin' through your man's pants pockets before you're married a 

year。 You can take your hat and fade。 I'd like to know how I'm ever going 

to square this thing with Ted and Birdie。; 

     ;An' me standin' here gassin' while them fool girls in the dinin'´room 

can't set a table decent�察�and dinner in less than ten minutes�察─�cried Birdie�察�

rushing off。 Ted mumbled something unintelligible and was after her。 

     ;Birdie� �I want to talk to you。; 

     ;Say it quick then�察─�said Birdie�察�over her shoulder。 ;The doors open in 

three minnits。; 

     ;I can't tell you how grateful I am。 This is no place to talk to you。 Will 

you let me walk home with you to´night after your work's done�拭─�

     ;Will I�拭─�said Birdie�察�turning to face him。 ;I will not。 Th' swell mob 



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has shook you�察�an' a good thing it is。 You was travelin' with a bunch of 

racers�察�when you was only built for medium speed。 Now you're got your 

chance to a fresh start and don't you ever think I'm going to be the one to 

let you spoil it by beginnin' to walk out with a dinin'´room Lizzie like me。; 

     ;Don't say that�察�Birdie�察─�Ted put in。 

     ;It's the truth�察─�affirmed Birdie。 ;Not that I ain't a perfec'ly respectable 

girrul�察�and ye know it。 I'm a good slob�察�but folks would be tickled for the 

chance to say that you had nobody to go with but the likes av me。 If I was 

to let you walk home with me to´night�察�yuh might be askin' to call next 

week。   Inside   half   a   year�察  �if   yuh   was   lonesome   enough�察  �yuh'd   ask   me   to 

marry yuh。 And b'gorra�察─�she said softly�察�looking down at her unlovely red 

hands�察 �I'm dead scared I'd do it。 Get back to work�察�Ted Terrill�察�and hold 

yer   head   up   high�察  �and   when   yuh   say   your   prayers   to´night�察  �thank   your 

lucky stars I ain't a hussy。; 



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                                      PART。 III 



                                    WHAT SHE WORE 



     Somewhere   in   your   story   you   must   pause   to   describe   your   heroine's 

costume。   It   is   a   ticklish   task。   The   average   reader   likes   his   heroine   well 

dressed。 He is not satisfied with knowing that she looked like a tall�察�fair 

lily。   He   wants   to   be   told   that   her   gown   was   of   green   crepe�察  �with   lace 

ruffles that swirled   at   her  feet。 Writers   used to   go   so   far  as   to   name   the 

dressmaker�察  �and   it   was   a   poor   kind   of   a   heroine   who   didn't   wear   a   red 

velvet   by   Worth。   But   that   has   been   largely   abandoned   in   these   days   of 

commissions。 Still�察�when the heroine goes out on the terrace to spoon after 

dinner ��a quaint old English custom for the origin of which see any novel 

by the ;Duchess�察─�page 179�� the average reader wants to know what sort 

of a filmy wr

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