the story of a pioneer-第15部分

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she　had　a　tumor　on　the　brain。　　She　had　had　a　great

shock　in　her　lifethe　tragic　death　of　her　husband

at　sea　during　their　wedding　tour　around　the　world

and　it　was　believed　that　her　disease　dated　from　that

time。　　Nothing　could　be　done　for　her；　and　she　failed

daily　during　our　second　year　together；　and　died　in

March；　1878；　just　before　I　finished　my　theological

course　and　while　I　was　still　temporary　pastor　of　the

church　at　Hingham。　　Every　moment　I　could　take

from　my　parish　and　my　studies　I　spent　with　her；　and

those　were　sorrowful　months。　　In　her　poor；　tortured

brain　the　idea　formed　that　I；　not　she；　was　the　sick

person　in　our　family　of　two；　and　when　we　were　at

home　together　she　insisted　that　I　must　lie　down　and

let　her　nurse　me；　then　for　hours　she　brooded　over

me；　trying　to　relieve　the　agony　she　believed　I　was

experiencing。　　When　at　last　she　was　at　peace　her

father　and　I　took　her　home　to　Cape　Cod　and　laid

her　in　the　graveyard　of　the　little　church　where　we

had　met　at　the　beginning　of　our　brief　and　beautiful

friendship；　and　the　subsequent　loneliness　I　felt

was　far　greater　than　any　I　had　ever　suffered　in　the

past；　for　now　I　had　learned　the　meaning　of　com…

panionship。



Three　months　after　Mrs。　Addy's　death　I　grad…

uated。　　She　had　planned　to　take　me　abroad；　and

during　our　first　winter　together　we　had　spent　count…

less　hours　talking　and　dreaming　of　our　European

wanderings。　　When　she　found　that　she　must　die　she

made　her　will　and　left　me　fifteen　hundred　dollars

for　the　visit　to　Europe；　insisting　that　I　must　carry

out　the　plan　we　had　made；　and　during　her　conscious

periods　she　constantly　talked　of　this　and　made　me

promise　that　I　would　go。　　After　her　death　it　seemed

to　me　that　to　go　without　her　was　impossible。　　Every…

thing　of　beauty　I　looked　upon　would　hold　memories

of　her；　keeping　fresh　my　sorrow　and　emphasizing

my　loneliness；　but　it　was　her　last　expressed　desire

that　I　should　go；　and　I　went。



First；　however；　I　had　graduatedclad　in　a　brand…

new　black　silk　gown；　and　with　five　dollars　in　my

pocket；　which　I　kept　there　during　the　graduation

exercises。　　I　felt　a　special　satisfaction　in　the　pos…

session　of　that　money；　for；　notwithstanding　the

handicap　of　being　a　woman；　I　was　said　to　be　the

only　member　of　my　class　who　had　worked　during

the　entire　course；　graduated　free　from　debt；　and

had　a　new　outfit　as　well　as　a　few　dollars　in　cash。



I　graduated　without　any　special　honors。　　Pos…

sibly　I　might　have　won　some　if　I　had　made　the　effort；

but　my　graduation　year；　as　I　have　just　explained；

had　been　very　difficult。　　As　it　was；　I　was　merely　a

good　average　student；　feeling　my　isolation　as　the

only　woman　in　my　class；　but　certainly　not　spurring

on　my　men　associates　by　the　display　of　any　brilliant

gifts。　　Naturally；　I　missed　a　great　deal　of　class

fellowship　and　class　support；　and　throughout　my

entire　course　I　rarely　entered　my　class…room　with…

out　the　abysmal　conviction　that　I　was　not　really

wanted　there。　　But　some　of　the　men　were　good…

humoredly　cordial；　and　several　of　them　are　among

my　friends　to…day。　　Between　myself　and　my　family

there　still　existed　the　breach　I　had　created　when

I　began　to　preach。　　With　the　exception　of　Mary　and

James；　my　people　openly　regarded　me；　during　my

theological　course；　as　a　dweller　in　outer　darkness；

and　even　my　mother's　love　was　clouded　by　what

she　felt　to　be　my　deliberate　and　persistent　flouting

of　her　wishes。



Toward　the　end　of　my　university　experience；　how…

ever；　an　incident　occurred　which　apparently　changed

my　mother's　viewpoint。　　She　was　now　living　with

my　sister　Mary；　in　Big　Rapids；　Michigan；　and；　on

the　occasion　of　one　of　my　rare　and　brief　visits　to

them　I　was　invited　to　preach　in　the　local　church。　

Here；　for　the　first　time；　my　mother　heard　me。　

Dutifully　escorted　by　one　of　my　brothers；　she　at…

tended　church　that　morning　in　a　state　of　shivering

nervousness。　　I　do　not　know　what　she　expected　me

to　do　or　say；　but　toward　the　end　of　the　sermon　it

became　clear　that　I　had　not　justified　her　fears。　

The　look　of　intense　apprehension　left　her　eyes；　her

features　relaxed　into　placidity；　and　later　in　the　day

she　paid　me　the　highest　compliment　I　had　yet　re…

ceived　from　a　member　of　my　family。



‘‘I　liked　the　sermon　very　much；''　she　peacefully

told　my　brother。　　‘‘Anna　didn't　say　anything　about

hell；　or　about　anything　else！''



When　we　laughed　at　this　handsome　tribute；　she

hastened　to　qualify　it。



‘‘What　I　mean；''　she　explained；　‘‘is　that　Anna

didn't　say　anything　objectionable　in　the　pulpit！''　

And　with　this　recognition　I　was　content。



Between　the　death　of　my　friend　and　my　departure

for　Europe　I　buried　myself　in　the　work　of　the　uni…

versity　and　of　my　little　church；　and　as　if　in　answer

to　the　call　of　my　need；　Mary　E。　Livermore；　who　had

given　me　the　first　professional　encouragement　I

had　ever　received；　re…entered　my　life。　　Her　husband；

like　myself；　was　pastor　of　a　church　in　Hingham；　and

whenever　his　finances　grew　low；　or　there　was　need

of　a　fund　for　some　special　purposeconditions　that

usually　exist　in　a　small　churchhis　brilliant　wife

came　to　his　assistance　and　raised　the　money；　while

her　husband　retired　modestly　to　the　background

and　regarded　her　with　adoring　eyes。　　On　one　of

these　occasions；　I　remember；　when　she　entered　the

pulpit　to　preach　her　sermon；　she　dropped　her　bon…

net　and　coat　on　an　unoccupied　chair。　　A　little　later

there　was　need　of　this　chair；　and　Mr。　Livermore；

who　sat　under　the　pulpit；　leaned　forward；　picked　up

the　garments；　and；　without　the　least　trace　of　self…

consciousness；　held　them　in　his　lap　throughout　the

sermon。　　One　of　the　members　of　the　church；　who

appeared　to　be　irritated　by　the　incident；　later　spoke

of　it　to　him　and　added；　sardonically；　‘‘How　does　it

feel　to　be　merely　‘Mrs。　Livermore's　husband'？''



In　reply　Mr。　Livermore　flashed　on　him　one　of　his

charming　smiles。　　‘‘Why；　I'm　very　proud　of　it；''

he　said；　with　the　utmost　cheerfulness。　　‘‘You　see；

I'm　the　only　man　in　the　world　who　has　that　dis…

tinction。''



They　were　a　charming　couple；　the　Livermores；

and　they　deserved　far　more　than　they　received　from

a　world　to　which　they　gave　so　freely　and　so　richly。

To　me；　as　to　others；　they　were　more　than　kind；　and

I　never　recall　them　without　a　deep　feeling　of　grati…

tude　and　an　equally　deep　sense　of　loss　in　their　passing。



It　was　during　this　period；　also；　that　I　met　Frances

E。　Willard。　　There　was　a　great　Moody　revival　in

progress　in　Boston；　and　Miss　Willard　was　the　right…

hand　assistant　of　Mr。　Moody。　　To　her　that　revival

must　have　been　marked　with　a　star；　for　during　it

she　met　for　the　first　time　Miss　Anna　Gordon；　who

became　her　life…long　friend　and　her　biographer。　

The　meetings　also　laid　the　foundation　of　our　friend…

ship；　and　for　many　years　Miss　Willard　and　I　were

closely　associated　in　work　and　affection。



On　the　second　or　third　night　of　the　revival；　dur…

ing　one　of　the　‘‘mixed　meetings；''　attended　by　both

women　and　men；　Mr。　Moody　invited　those　who　were

willing　to　talk　to　sinners　to　come　to　the　front。　　I

went　down　the　aisle　with　others；　and　found　a　seat

near　Miss　Willard；　to　whom　I　was　then　introduced

by　some　one　who　knew　us　both。　　I　wore　my　hair

short　in　those　days；　and　I　had　a　little　fur　cap　on　my

head。　　Though　I　had　been　preaching　for　several

years；　I　looked　absurdly　youngfar　too　young；　it

soon　became　evident；　to　interest　Mr。　Moody。　　He

was　already　moving　about　among　the　men　and

women　who　had　responded　to　his　invitation；　and

one　by　one　he　invited　them　to　speak；　passing　me

each　time　until　at　last　I　was　left　alone。　　Then　he

took　pity　on　me　and　came　to　my　side　to　whisper

kindly　that　I　had　misunderstood　his　invitation。　

He　did　not　want　young　girls　to　talk　to　his　people；

he　said；　but　mature　women　with　worldly　experi…

ence。　　He　advised　me　to　go　home　to　my　mother；

adding；　to　soften　the　blow；　that　some　time　in　the

future　when　there　were　young　girls　at　the　meeting

I　could　come　and　talk　to　them。



I　made　no　explanations　to　him；　but　started　to

leave；　and　Miss　Willard；　who　saw　me　departing；　fol…

lowed　and　stopped　me。　　She　asked　why　I　was　going；

and　I　told　her　that　Mr。　Moody　had　sent　me　home

to　grow。　　Frances　Willard　had　a　keen　sense　of　humor；

and　she　enjoyed　the　joke　so　thoroughly　that　she

finally　convinced　me　it　was　amusing；　though　at　first

the　humor　of　it　had　escaped　me。　　She　took　me　back

to　Mr。　Moody　and　explained　the　situation　to　him；

and　he　apologized　and　put　me　to　work。　　He　said

he　had　thought　I　was　about　sixteen。　　After　that　I

occasionally　helped　him　in　the　intervals　of　my　other

work。



The　time　had　come　to　follow　Mrs。　Addy's　wishes

and　go　to　Europe；　and　I　sailed　in　the　month　of

June　following　my　graduation；　and　traveled　for　three

months　with　a　party　of　tourists　under　the　direction

of　Eben　Tourgee；　of　the　Boston　Conservatory　of

Music。　　We　landed　in　Glasgow；　and　from　there

went　to　England；　Belgium；　Holland；　Germany；

France；　and　last　of　all　to　Italy。　　Our　company　in…

cluded　many　clergymen　and　a　never…to…be…forgotten

widow　whose　light…hearted　attitude　toward　the　mem…

ory　of　her　departed　spouse　furnished　the　comedy

of　our　first　voyage。　　It　became　a　pet　diversion　to

ask　her　if　her　husband　still　lived；　for　she　always

answered　the　question　in　the　same　mournful　words；

and　with　the　same　manner　of　irrepressible　gaiety。



‘‘Oh　no！''　she　would　chirp。　　‘‘My　dear　departed

has　been　in　our　Heavenly　Father's　house　for　the

past　eight　years！''



At　its　best；　the　vacation　without　my　friend　was

tragically　incomplete；　and　only　a　few　of　its　incidents

stand　out　with　clearness　across　the　forty…six　years

that　have　passed　since　then。　　One　morning；　I　re…

member；　I　preached　an　impromptu　sermon　in　the

Castle　of　Heidelberg　before　a　large　gathering；　and

a　little　later；　in　Genoa；　I　preached　a　very　different

sermon　to　a　wholly　different　congregation。　　There