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                         The Bab Ballads 



The Bab Ballads 



                       W。 S。 Gilbert 



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                                    The Bab Ballads 



                    Ballad�此�Captain Reece 



    Of all the ships upon the blue�察�No ship contained a better crew Than 

that     of    worthy      CAPTAIN         REECE�察      �Commanding         of    THE 

MANTELPIECE。 

    He was adored by all his men�察�For worthy CAPTAIN REECE�察�R。N。�察�

Did all that lay within him to Promote the comfort of his crew。 

    If ever they were dull or sad�察�Their captain danced to them like mad�察�

Or told�察�to make the time pass by�察�Droll legends of his infancy。 

    A feather bed had every man�察�Warm slippers and hot´water can�察�Brown 

windsor from the captain's store�察�A valet�察�too�察�to every four。 

    Did   they   with   thirst   in   summer   burn�察  �Lo�察  �seltzogenes   at   every   turn�察�

And on all very sultry days Cream ices handed round on trays。 

    Then   currant   wine   and   ginger   pops   Stood   handily   on   all   the   ;tops�察─�

And also�察�with amusement rife�察�A ;Zoetrope�察�or Wheel of Life。; 

    New volumes came across the sea From MISTER MUDIE'S libraree�察�

THE TIMES and SATURDAY REVIEW Beguiled the leisure of the crew。 

    Kind´hearted CAPTAIN REECE�察�R。N。�察�Was quite devoted to his men�察�

In point of fact�察�good CAPTAIN REECE Beatified THE MANTELPIECE。 

    One   summer   eve�察  �at   half´past   ten�察  �He   said   ��addressing   all   his   men���此�

;Come�察�tell me�察�please�察�what I can do To please and gratify my crew。 

     ;By    any  reasonable    plan   I'll  make  you   happy   if  I  can�察 �My   own 

convenience count as NIL�此�It is my duty�察�and I will。; 

    Then up and answered WILLIAM LEE ��The kindly captain's coxswain 

he�察  �A   nervous�察  �shy�察 �low´spoken    man���察  �He   cleared   his   throat   and  thus 

began�此�

     ;You have a daughter�察�CAPTAIN REECE�察�Ten female cousins and a 

niece�察�A Ma�察�if what I'm told is true�察�Six sisters�察�and an aunt or two。 

     ;Now�察�somehow�察�sir�察�it seems to me�察�More friendly´like we all should 

be�察�If you united of 'em to Unmarried members of the crew。 

     ;If you'd ameliorate our life�察�Let each select from them a wife�察�And as 

for nervous me�察�old pal�察�Give me your own enchanting gal� ─�

    Good CAPTAIN REECE�察�that worthy man�察�Debated on his coxswain's 



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                                      The Bab Ballads 



plan�此 �I quite agree�察─�he said�察 �O BILL�察�It is my duty�察�and I will。 

     ;My daughter�察�that enchanting gurl�察�Has just been promised to an Earl�察�

And all my other familee To peers of various degree。 

     ;But what are dukes and viscounts to The happiness of all my crew�拭�

The word I gave you I'll fulfil�察�It is my duty�察�and I will。 

     ;As   you   desire   it   shall   befall�察  �I'll   settle   thousands   on   you   all�察�And   I 

shall be�察�despite my hoard�察�The only bachelor on board。; 

     The   boatswain   of   THE   MANTELPIECE�察  �He   blushed   and   spoke   to 

CAPTAIN  REECE�此   �I   beg   your honour's   leave�察─�he   said�察   �If   you   would 

wish to go and wed�察�

     ;I have a widowed mother who Would be the very thing for you ´ She 

long has loved you from afar�此�She washes for you�察�CAPTAIN R。; 

     The Captain saw the dame that day ´ Addressed her in his playful way 

´ ;And did it want a wedding ring�拭�It was a tempting ickle sing� �

     ;Well�察�well�察�the chaplain I will seek�察�We'll all be married this day week 

At yonder church upon the hill�察�It is my duty�察�and I will� ─�

     The sisters�察�cousins�察�aunts�察�and niece�察�And widowed Ma of CAPTAIN 

REECE�察�Attended there as they were bid�察�It was their duty�察�and they did。 



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                Ballad�此�The Rival Curates 



    List while the poet trolls Of  MR。 CLAYTON HOOPER�察�Who had  a 

cure of souls At Spiffton´extra´Sooper。 

    He   lived   on   curds   and   whey�察�And   daily  sang their   praises�察�And   then 

he'd go and play With buttercups and daisies。 

    Wild   croquet   HOOPER   banned�察�And   all   the   sports   of   Mammon�察  �He 

warred with cribbage�察�and He exorcised backgammon。 

    His helmet was a glance That spoke of holy gladness�察�A saintly smile 

his lance�察�His shield a tear of sadness。 

    His Vicar smiled to see This armour on him buckled�此�With pardonable 

glee He blessed himself and chuckled。 

     ;In mildness to abound My curate's sole design is�察�In all the country 

round There's none so mild as mine is� ─�

    And HOOPER�察�disinclined His trumpet to be blowing�察�Yet didn't think 

you'd find A milder curate going。 

    A    friend   arrived   one   day   At   Spiffton´extra´Sooper�察     �And   in   this 

shameful way He spoke to Mr。 HOOPER�此�

     ;You think your famous name For mildness can't be shaken�察�That none 

can blot your fame ´ But�察�HOOPER�察�you're mistaken� �

     ;Your mind is not as blank As that of HOPLEY PORTER�察�Who holds 

a curate's rank At Assesmilk´cum´Worter。 

     ;HE   plays   the   airy   flute�察  �And   looks   depressed   and   blighted�察  �Doves 

round about him 'toot��' And lambkins dance delighted。 

     ;HE   labours   more   than   you At   worsted   work�察  �and   frames   it�察  �In   old 

maids' albums�察�too�察�Sticks seaweed ´ yes�察�and names             it� ─�

    The    tempter    said  his  say�察 �Which    pierced   him   like  a  needle   ´  He 

summoned straight away His sexton and his beadle。 

    ��These men were men who could Hold liberal opinions�此�On Sundays 

they were good ´ On week´days they were minions。�� 

     ;To HOPLEY PORTER go�察�Your fare I will afford you ´                  Deal him a 

deadly blow�察�And blessings shall reward you。 

     ;But stay ´ I do not like Undue assassination�察�And so before you strike�察�



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Make this communication�此�

     ;I'll   give   him   this   one   chance   ´   If   he'll   more   gaily   bear   him�察  �Play 

croquet�察�smoke�察�and dance�察�I willingly will spare him。; 

     They   went�察  �those   minions   true�察  �To Assesmilk´cum´Worter�察�And   told 

their errand to The REVEREND HOPLEY PORTER。 

     ;What�拭─�said that reverend gent�察 �Dance through my hours of leisure�拭�

Smoke�拭 � bathe myself with scent�拭 � Play croquet�拭               �Oh�察�with pleasure� �

     ;Wear all my hair in curl�拭�Stand at my door and wink ´ so ´ At every 

passing girl�拭�My brothers�察�I should think so� �

     ;For   years   I've   longed  for  some   Excuse   for  this   revulsion�此  �Now  that 

excuse has come ´ I do it on compulsion�。。 ─�

     He smoked and winked away ´ This REVEREND HOPLEY PORTER 

´ The deuce there was to pay At Assesmilk´cum´Worter。 

     And   HOOPER   holds   his   ground�察  �In   mildness   daily   growing   ´   They 

think him�察�all around�察�The mildest curate going。 



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              Ballad�此�Only A Dancing Girl 



     Only a dancing girl�察�With an unromantic style�察�With borrowed colour 

and curl�察�With fixed mechanical smile�察�With many a hackneyed wile�察�With 

ungrammatical lips�察�And corns that mar her trips。 

     Hung from the ;flies; in air�察�She acts a palpable lie�察�She's as little   a 

fairy there As unpoetical I� �I hear you asking�察�Why ´ Why in the world I 

sing This tawdry�察�tinselled thing�拭�

     No    airy  fairy   she�察 �As   she   hangs    in  arsenic   green    From    a  highly 

impossible tree In a highly impossible scene ��Herself not over´clean��。 For 

fays don't suffer�察�I'm told�察�From bunions�察�coughs�察�or cold。 

     And stately dames that bring Their daughters there to see�察�Pronounce 

the   ;dancing   thing;   No   better   than   she   should   be�察  �With   her   skirt   at   her 

shameful knee�察�And her painted�察�tainted phiz�此�Ah�察�matron�察�which of us is�拭�

     ��And�察  �in   sooth�察  �it   oft   occurs   That   while   these   matrons   sigh�察  �Their 

dresses are lower than hers�察�And sometimes half as high�察�And their hair is 

hair they buy�察�And they use their glasses�察�too�察�In a way she'd blush to do。�� 

     But change her gold and green For a coarse merino gown�察�And see her 

upon   the   scene   Of   her   home�察  �when   coaxing   down   Her   drunken   father's 

frown�察�In his squalid cheerless den�此�She's a fairy truly�察�then� �



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                     Ballad�此�General John 



    The bravest names for fire and flames And all that mortal durst�察�Were 

GENERAL JOHN and PRIVATE JAMES�察�Of the Sixty´seventy´first。 

    GENERAL   JOHN   was   a   soldier   tried�察  �A   chief   of   warlike   dons�察  �A 

haughty stride and a withering pride Were MAJOR´GENERAL JOHN'S。 

    A sneer would play on his martial phiz�察�Superior birth to show�察 �Pish� ─�

was a favourite word of his�察�And he often said ;Ho� �ho� ─�

    FULL´PRIVATE JAMES described might be�察�As a man of a mournful 

mind�察�No characteristic trait had he Of any distinctive kind。 

    From   the   ranks�察  �one   day�察 �cried   PRIVATE     JAMES�察   �Oh�     �MAJOR´ 

GENERAL   JOHN�察  �I've   doubts   of   our   respective   names�察  �My   mournful 

mind upon。 

     ;A glimmering thought occurs to me ��Its source I can't unearth���察�But 

I've a kind of a notion we Were cruelly changed at birth。 

     ;I've a strange idea that each other's names We've each of us here got 

on。 Such things have been�察─�said PRIVATE JAMES。 ;They have� ─�sneered 

GENERAL JOHN。 

     ;My   GENERAL   JOHN�察  �I   swear   upon   My   oath   I   think   'tis   so   ´   ; 

;Pish� ─�proudly sneered his GENERAL JOHN�察�And he also said ;Ho� �h

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