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The Bab Ballads
The Bab Ballads
W。 S。 Gilbert
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The Bab Ballads
Ballad�此�Captain Reece
Of all the ships upon the blue�察�No ship contained a better crew Than
that of worthy CAPTAIN REECE�察 �Commanding of THE
MANTELPIECE。
He was adored by all his men�察�For worthy CAPTAIN REECE�察�R。N。�察�
Did all that lay within him to Promote the comfort of his crew。
If ever they were dull or sad�察�Their captain danced to them like mad�察�
Or told�察�to make the time pass by�察�Droll legends of his infancy。
A feather bed had every man�察�Warm slippers and hot´water can�察�Brown
windsor from the captain's store�察�A valet�察�too�察�to every four。
Did they with thirst in summer burn�察 �Lo�察 �seltzogenes at every turn�察�
And on all very sultry days Cream ices handed round on trays。
Then currant wine and ginger pops Stood handily on all the ;tops�察─�
And also�察�with amusement rife�察�A ;Zoetrope�察�or Wheel of Life。;
New volumes came across the sea From MISTER MUDIE'S libraree�察�
THE TIMES and SATURDAY REVIEW Beguiled the leisure of the crew。
Kind´hearted CAPTAIN REECE�察�R。N。�察�Was quite devoted to his men�察�
In point of fact�察�good CAPTAIN REECE Beatified THE MANTELPIECE。
One summer eve�察 �at half´past ten�察 �He said ��addressing all his men���此�
;Come�察�tell me�察�please�察�what I can do To please and gratify my crew。
;By any reasonable plan I'll make you happy if I can�察 �My own
convenience count as NIL�此�It is my duty�察�and I will。;
Then up and answered WILLIAM LEE ��The kindly captain's coxswain
he�察 �A nervous�察 �shy�察 �low´spoken man���察 �He cleared his throat and thus
began�此�
;You have a daughter�察�CAPTAIN REECE�察�Ten female cousins and a
niece�察�A Ma�察�if what I'm told is true�察�Six sisters�察�and an aunt or two。
;Now�察�somehow�察�sir�察�it seems to me�察�More friendly´like we all should
be�察�If you united of 'em to Unmarried members of the crew。
;If you'd ameliorate our life�察�Let each select from them a wife�察�And as
for nervous me�察�old pal�察�Give me your own enchanting gal� ─�
Good CAPTAIN REECE�察�that worthy man�察�Debated on his coxswain's
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The Bab Ballads
plan�此 �I quite agree�察─�he said�察 �O BILL�察�It is my duty�察�and I will。
;My daughter�察�that enchanting gurl�察�Has just been promised to an Earl�察�
And all my other familee To peers of various degree。
;But what are dukes and viscounts to The happiness of all my crew�拭�
The word I gave you I'll fulfil�察�It is my duty�察�and I will。
;As you desire it shall befall�察 �I'll settle thousands on you all�察�And I
shall be�察�despite my hoard�察�The only bachelor on board。;
The boatswain of THE MANTELPIECE�察 �He blushed and spoke to
CAPTAIN REECE�此 �I beg your honour's leave�察─�he said�察 �If you would
wish to go and wed�察�
;I have a widowed mother who Would be the very thing for you ´ She
long has loved you from afar�此�She washes for you�察�CAPTAIN R。;
The Captain saw the dame that day ´ Addressed her in his playful way
´ ;And did it want a wedding ring�拭�It was a tempting ickle sing� �
;Well�察�well�察�the chaplain I will seek�察�We'll all be married this day week
At yonder church upon the hill�察�It is my duty�察�and I will� ─�
The sisters�察�cousins�察�aunts�察�and niece�察�And widowed Ma of CAPTAIN
REECE�察�Attended there as they were bid�察�It was their duty�察�and they did。
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The Bab Ballads
Ballad�此�The Rival Curates
List while the poet trolls Of MR。 CLAYTON HOOPER�察�Who had a
cure of souls At Spiffton´extra´Sooper。
He lived on curds and whey�察�And daily sang their praises�察�And then
he'd go and play With buttercups and daisies。
Wild croquet HOOPER banned�察�And all the sports of Mammon�察 �He
warred with cribbage�察�and He exorcised backgammon。
His helmet was a glance That spoke of holy gladness�察�A saintly smile
his lance�察�His shield a tear of sadness。
His Vicar smiled to see This armour on him buckled�此�With pardonable
glee He blessed himself and chuckled。
;In mildness to abound My curate's sole design is�察�In all the country
round There's none so mild as mine is� ─�
And HOOPER�察�disinclined His trumpet to be blowing�察�Yet didn't think
you'd find A milder curate going。
A friend arrived one day At Spiffton´extra´Sooper�察 �And in this
shameful way He spoke to Mr。 HOOPER�此�
;You think your famous name For mildness can't be shaken�察�That none
can blot your fame ´ But�察�HOOPER�察�you're mistaken� �
;Your mind is not as blank As that of HOPLEY PORTER�察�Who holds
a curate's rank At Assesmilk´cum´Worter。
;HE plays the airy flute�察 �And looks depressed and blighted�察 �Doves
round about him 'toot��' And lambkins dance delighted。
;HE labours more than you At worsted work�察 �and frames it�察 �In old
maids' albums�察�too�察�Sticks seaweed ´ yes�察�and names it� ─�
The tempter said his say�察 �Which pierced him like a needle ´ He
summoned straight away His sexton and his beadle。
��These men were men who could Hold liberal opinions�此�On Sundays
they were good ´ On week´days they were minions。��
;To HOPLEY PORTER go�察�Your fare I will afford you ´ Deal him a
deadly blow�察�And blessings shall reward you。
;But stay ´ I do not like Undue assassination�察�And so before you strike�察�
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Make this communication�此�
;I'll give him this one chance ´ If he'll more gaily bear him�察 �Play
croquet�察�smoke�察�and dance�察�I willingly will spare him。;
They went�察 �those minions true�察 �To Assesmilk´cum´Worter�察�And told
their errand to The REVEREND HOPLEY PORTER。
;What�拭─�said that reverend gent�察 �Dance through my hours of leisure�拭�
Smoke�拭 � bathe myself with scent�拭 � Play croquet�拭 �Oh�察�with pleasure� �
;Wear all my hair in curl�拭�Stand at my door and wink ´ so ´ At every
passing girl�拭�My brothers�察�I should think so� �
;For years I've longed for some Excuse for this revulsion�此 �Now that
excuse has come ´ I do it on compulsion�。。 ─�
He smoked and winked away ´ This REVEREND HOPLEY PORTER
´ The deuce there was to pay At Assesmilk´cum´Worter。
And HOOPER holds his ground�察 �In mildness daily growing ´ They
think him�察�all around�察�The mildest curate going。
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The Bab Ballads
Ballad�此�Only A Dancing Girl
Only a dancing girl�察�With an unromantic style�察�With borrowed colour
and curl�察�With fixed mechanical smile�察�With many a hackneyed wile�察�With
ungrammatical lips�察�And corns that mar her trips。
Hung from the ;flies; in air�察�She acts a palpable lie�察�She's as little a
fairy there As unpoetical I� �I hear you asking�察�Why ´ Why in the world I
sing This tawdry�察�tinselled thing�拭�
No airy fairy she�察 �As she hangs in arsenic green From a highly
impossible tree In a highly impossible scene ��Herself not over´clean��。 For
fays don't suffer�察�I'm told�察�From bunions�察�coughs�察�or cold。
And stately dames that bring Their daughters there to see�察�Pronounce
the ;dancing thing; No better than she should be�察 �With her skirt at her
shameful knee�察�And her painted�察�tainted phiz�此�Ah�察�matron�察�which of us is�拭�
��And�察 �in sooth�察 �it oft occurs That while these matrons sigh�察 �Their
dresses are lower than hers�察�And sometimes half as high�察�And their hair is
hair they buy�察�And they use their glasses�察�too�察�In a way she'd blush to do。��
But change her gold and green For a coarse merino gown�察�And see her
upon the scene Of her home�察 �when coaxing down Her drunken father's
frown�察�In his squalid cheerless den�此�She's a fairy truly�察�then� �
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The Bab Ballads
Ballad�此�General John
The bravest names for fire and flames And all that mortal durst�察�Were
GENERAL JOHN and PRIVATE JAMES�察�Of the Sixty´seventy´first。
GENERAL JOHN was a soldier tried�察 �A chief of warlike dons�察 �A
haughty stride and a withering pride Were MAJOR´GENERAL JOHN'S。
A sneer would play on his martial phiz�察�Superior birth to show�察 �Pish� ─�
was a favourite word of his�察�And he often said ;Ho� �ho� ─�
FULL´PRIVATE JAMES described might be�察�As a man of a mournful
mind�察�No characteristic trait had he Of any distinctive kind。
From the ranks�察 �one day�察 �cried PRIVATE JAMES�察 �Oh� �MAJOR´
GENERAL JOHN�察 �I've doubts of our respective names�察 �My mournful
mind upon。
;A glimmering thought occurs to me ��Its source I can't unearth���察�But
I've a kind of a notion we Were cruelly changed at birth。
;I've a strange idea that each other's names We've each of us here got
on。 Such things have been�察─�said PRIVATE JAMES。 ;They have� ─�sneered
GENERAL JOHN。
;My GENERAL JOHN�察 �I swear upon My oath I think 'tis so ´ ;
;Pish� ─�proudly sneered his GENERAL JOHN�察�And he also said ;Ho� �h