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第26部分

the magic skin-第26部分

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matter of business。 What a child you are! Now; listen to me。 As to

your work; the public will decide upon it; and as for my literary

middle…man; hasn't he devoted eight years of his life to obtaining a

footing in the book…trade; and paid heavily for his experience? You

divide the money and the labor of the book with him very unequally;

but isn't yours the better part? Twenty…five louis means as much to

you as a thousand francs does to him。 Come; you can write historical

memoirs; a work of art such as never was; since Diderot once wrote six

sermons for a hundred crowns!'



〃 'After all;' I said; in agitation; 'I cannot choose but do it。 So;

my dear friend; my thanks are due to you。 I shall be quite rich with

twenty…five louis。'



〃 'Richer than you think;' he laughed。 'If I have my commission from

Finot in this matter; it goes to you; can't you see? Now let us go to

the Bois de Boulogne;' he said; 'we shall see your countess there; and

I will show you the pretty little widow that I am to marrya charming

woman; an Alsacienne; rather plump。 She reads Kant; Schiller; Jean

Paul; and a host of lachrymose books。 She has a mania for continually

asking my opinion; and I have to look as if I entered into all this

German sensibility; and to know a pack of balladsdrugs; all of them;

that my doctor absolutely prohibits。 As yet I have not been able to

wean her from her literary enthusiasms; she sheds torrents of tears as

she reads Goethe; and I have to weep a little myself to please her;

for she has an income of fifty thousand livres; my dear boy; and the

prettiest little hand and foot in the world。 Oh; if she would only say

mon ange and brouiller instead of mon anche and prouiller; she would

be perfection!'



〃We saw the countess; radiant amid the splendors of her equipage。 The

coquette bowed very graciously to us both; and the smile she gave me

seemed to me to be divine and full of love。 I was very happy; I

fancied myself beloved; I had money; a wealth of love in my heart; and

my troubles were over。 I was light…hearted; blithe; and content。 I

found my friend's lady…love charming。 Earth and air and heavenall

natureseemed to reflect Foedora's smile for me。



〃As we returned through the Champs…Elysees; we paid a visit to

Rastignac's hatter and tailor。 Thanks to the 'Necklace;' my

insignificant peace…footing was to end; and I made formidable

preparations for a campaign。 Henceforward I need not shrink from a

contest with the spruce and fashionable young men who made Foedora's

circle。 I went home; locked myself in; and stood by my dormer window;

outwardly calm enough; but in reality I bade a last good…bye to the

roofs without。 I began to live in the future; rehearsed my life drama;

and discounted love and its happiness。 Ah; how stormy life can grow to

be within the four walls of a garret! The soul within us is like a

fairy; she turns straw into diamonds for us; and for us; at a touch of

her wand; enchanted palaces arise; as flowers in the meadows spring up

towards the sun。



〃Towards noon; next day; Pauline knocked gently at my door; and

brought mewho could guess it?a note from Foedora。 The countess

asked me to take her to the Luxembourg; and to go thence to see with

her the Museum and Jardin des Plantes。



〃 'The man is waiting for an answer;' said Pauline; after quietly

waiting for a moment。



〃I hastily scrawled my acknowledgements; and Pauline took the note。 I

changed my dress。 When my toilette was ended; and I looked at myself

with some complaisance; an icy shiver ran through me as I thought:



〃 'Will Foedora walk or drive? Will it rain or shine?No matter;

though;' I said to myself; 'whichever it is; can one ever reckon with

feminine caprice? She will have no money about her; and will want to

give a dozen francs to some little Savoyard because his rags are

picturesque。'



〃I had not a brass farthing; and should have no money till the evening

came。 How dearly a poet pays for the intellectual prowess that method

and toil have brought him; at such crises of our youth! Innumerable

painfully vivid thoughts pierced me like barbs。 I looked out of my

window; the weather was very unsettled。 If things fell out badly; I

might easily hire a cab for the day; but would not the fear lie on me

every moment that I might not meet Finot in the evening? I felt too

weak to endure such fears in the midst of my felicity。 Though I felt

sure that I should find nothing; I began a grand search through my

room; I looked for imaginary coins in the recesses of my mattress; I

hunted about everywhereI even shook out my old boots。 A nervous

fever seized me; I looked with wild eyes at the furniture when I had

ransacked it all。 Will you understand; I wonder; the excitement that

possessed me when; plunged deep in the listlessness of despair; I

opened my writing…table drawer; and found a fair and splendid ten…

franc piece that shone like a rising star; new and sparkling; and

slily hiding in a cranny between two boards? I did not try to account

for its previous reserve and the cruelty of which it had been guilty

in thus lying hidden; I kissed it for a friend faithful in adversity;

and hailed it with a cry that found an echo; and made me turn sharply;

to find Pauline with a face grown white。



〃 'I thought;' she faltered; 'that you had hurt yourself! The man who

brought the letter' (she broke off as if something smothered her

voice)。 'But mother has paid him;' she added; and flitted away like a

wayward; capricious child。 Poor little one! I wanted her to share in

my happiness。 I seemed to have all the happiness in the world within

me just then; and I would fain have returned to the unhappy; all that

I felt as if I had stolen from them。



〃The intuitive perception of adversity is sound for the most part; the

countess had sent away her carriage。 One of those freaks that pretty

women can scarcely explain to themselves had determined her to go on

foot; by way of the boulevards; to the Jardin des Plantes。



〃 'It will rain;' I told her; and it pleased her to contradict me。



〃As it fell out; the weather was fine while we went through the

Luxembourg; when we came out; some drops fell from a great cloud;

whose progress I had watched uneasily; and we took a cab。 At the

Museum I was about to dismiss the vehicle; and Foedora (what agonies!)

asked me not to do so。 But it was like a dream in broad daylight for

me; to chat with her; to wander in the Jardin des Plantes; to stray

down the shady alleys; to feel her hand upon my arm; the secret

transports repressed in me were reduced; no doubt; to a fixed and

foolish smile upon my lips; there was something unreal about it all。

Yet in all her movements; however alluring; whether we stood or

whether we walked; there was nothing either tender or lover…like。 When

I tried to share in a measure the action of movement prompted by her

life; I became aware of a check; or of something strange in her that I

cannot explain; or an inner activity concealed in her nature。 There is

no suavity about the movements of women who have no soul in them。 Our

wills were opposed; and we did not keep step together。 Words are

wanting to describe this outward dissonance between two beings; we are

not accustomed to read a thought in a movement。 We instinctively feel

this phenomenon of our nature; but it cannot be expressed。



〃I did not dissect my sensations during those violent seizures of

passion;〃 Raphael went on; after a moment of silence; as if he were

replying to an objection raised by himself。 〃I did not analyze my

pleasures nor count my heartbeats then; as a miser scrutinizes and

weighs his gold pieces。 No; experience sheds its melancholy light over

the events of the past to…day; and memory brings these pictures back;

as the sea…waves in fair weather cast up fragment after fragment of

the debris of a wrecked vessel upon the strand。



〃 'It is in your power to render me a rather important service;' said

the countess; looking at me in an embarrassed way。 'After confiding in

you my aversion to lovers; I feel myself more at liberty to entreat

your good offices in the name of friendship。 Will there not be very

much more merit in obliging me to…day?' she asked; laughing。



〃I looked at her in anguish。 Her manner was coaxing; but in no wise

affectionate; she felt nothing for me; she seemed to be playing a

part; and I thought her a consummate actress。 Then all at once my

hopes awoke once more; at a single look and word。 Yet if reviving love

expressed itself in my eyes; she bore its light without any change in

the clearness of her own; they seemed; like a tiger's eyes; to have a

sheet of metal behind them。 I used to hate her in such moments。



〃 'The influence of the Duc de Navarreins would be very useful to me;

with an all…powerful person in Russia;' she went on; persuasion in

every modulation of her voice; 'whose intervention I need in order to

have justice done me in a matter that concerns both my fortune and my

position in the world; that is to say; the recognition of my marriage

by the Emperor。 Is not the Duc de Navarreins a cousin of yours? A

letter from him would settle everything。'



〃 'I am yours;' I answered; 'command me。'



〃 'You are very nice;' she said; pressing my hand。 'Come and have

dinner with me; and I will tell you everything; as if you were my

confessor。'



〃So this discreet; suspicious woman; who had never been heard to speak

a word about her affairs to any one; was going to consult me。



〃 'Oh; how dear to me is this silence that you have imposed on me!' I

cried; 'but I would rather have had some sharper ordeal still。' And

she smiled upon the intoxication in my eyes; she did not reject my

admiration in any way; surely she loved me!



〃Fortunately; my purse held just enough to satisfy her cab…man。 The

day spent in her house; alone with her; was delicious; it was the

first time

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