confessions of an english opium-eater-第7部分

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ly；　for　it　was　my　intention　to　go　down　as　far　as　Salthill　on　the　Bath　or　Bristol　mail。　　Our　course　lay　through　a　part　of　the　town　which　has　now　all　disappeared；　so　that　I　can　no　longer　retrace　its　ancient　boundariesSwallow　Street；　I　think　it　was　called。　　Having　time　enough　before　us；　however；　we　bore　away　to　the　left　until　we　came　into　Golden　Square；　there；　near　the　corner　of　Sherrard　Street；　we　sat　down；　not　wishing　to　part　in　the　tumult　and　blaze　of　Piccadilly。　　I　had　told　her　of　my　plans　some　time　before；　and　I　now　assured　her　again　that　she　should　share　in　my　good　fortune；　if　I　met　with　any；　and　that　I　would　never　forsake　her　as　soon　as　I　had　power　to　protect　her。　　This　I　fully　intended；　as　much　from　inclination　as　from　a　sense　of　duty；　for　setting　aside　gratitude；　which　in　any　case　must　have　made　me　her　debtor　for　life；　I　loved　her　as　affectionately　as　if　she　had　been　my　sister；　and　at　this　moment　with　sevenfold　tenderness；　from　pity　at　witnessing　her　extreme　dejection。　　I　had　apparently　most　reason　for　dejection；　because　I　was　leaving　the　saviour　of　my　life；　yet　I；　considering　the　shock　my　health　had　received；　was　cheerful　and　full　of　hope。　　She；　on　the　contrary；　who　was　parting　with　one　who　had　had　little　means　of　serving　her；　except　by　kindness　and　brotherly　treatment；　was　overcome　by　sorrow；　so　that；　when　I　kissed　her　at　our　final　farewell；　she　put　her　arms　about　my　neck　and　wept　without　speaking　a　word。　　I　hoped　to　return　in　a　week　at　farthest；　and　I　agreed　with　her　that　on　the　fifth　night　from　that；　and　every　night　afterwards；　she　would　wait　for　me　at　six　o'clock　near　the　bottom　of　Great　Titchfield　Street；　which　had　been　our　customary　haven；　as　it　were；　of　rendezvous；　to　prevent　our　missing　each　other　in　the　great　Mediterranean　of　Oxford　Street。　　This　and　other　measures　of　precaution　I　took；　one　only　I　forgot。　　She　had　either　never　told　me；　or　（as　a　matter　of　no　great　interest）　I　had　forgotten　her　surname。　It　is　a　general　practice；　indeed；　with　girls　of　humble　rank　in　her　unhappy　condition；　not　（as　novel…reading　women　of　higher　pretensions）　to　style　themselves　Miss　Douglas；　Miss　Montague；　&c。；　but　simply　by　their　Christian　namesMary；　Jane；　Frances；　&c。　　Her　surname；　as　the　surest　means　of　tracing　her　hereafter；　I　ought　now　to　have　inquired；　but　the　truth　is；　having　no　reason　to　think　that　our　meeting　could；　in　consequence　of　a　short　interruption；　be　more　difficult　or　uncertain　than　it　had　been　for　so　many　weeks；　I　had　scarcely　for　a　moment　adverted　to　it　as　necessary；　or　placed　it　amongst　my　memoranda　against　this　parting　interview；　and　my　final　anxieties　being　spent　in　comforting　her　with　hopes；　and　in　pressing　upon　her　the　necessity　of　getting　some　medicines　for　a　violent　cough　and　hoarseness　with　which　she　was　troubled；　I　wholly　forgot　it　until　it　was　too　late　to　recall　her。

It　was　past　eight　o'clock　when　I　reached　the　Gloucester　Coffee…　house；　and　the　Bristol　mail　being　on　the　point　of　going　off；　I　mounted　on　the　outside。　　The　fine　fluent　motion　｛5｝　of　this　mail　soon　laid　me　asleep：　　it　is　somewhat　remarkable　that　the　first　easy　or　refreshing　sleep　which　I　had　enjoyed　for　some　months；　was　on　the　outside　of　a　mail…coacha　bed　which　at　this　day　I　find　rather　an　uneasy　one。　　Connected　with　this　sleep　was　a　little　incident　which　served；　as　hundreds　of　others　did　at　that　time；　to　convince　me　how　easily　a　man　who　has　never　been　in　any　great　distress　may　pass　through　life　without　knowing；　in　his　own　person　at　least；　anything　of　the　possible　goodness　of　the　human　heartor；　as　I　must　add　with　a　sigh；　of　its　possible　vileness。　　So　thick　a　curtain　of　MANNERS　is　drawn　over　the　features　and　expression　of　men's　NATURES；　that　to　the　ordinary　observer　the　two　extremities；　and　the　infinite　field　of　varieties　which　lie　between　them；　are　all　confounded；　the　vast　and　multitudinous　compass　of　their　several　harmonies　reduced　to　the　meagre　outline　of　differences　expressed　in　the　gamut　or　alphabet　of　elementary　sounds。　　The　case　was　this：　　for　the　first　four　or　five　miles　from　London　I　annoyed　my　fellow…passenger　on　the　roof　by　occasionally　falling　against　him　when　the　coach　gave　a　lurch　to　his：　side；　and　indeed；　if　the　road　had　been　less　smooth　and　level　than　it　is；　I　should　have　fallen　off　from　weakness。　　Of　this　annoyance　he　complained　heavily；　as　perhaps；　in　the　same　circumstances；　most　people　would；　he　expressed　his　complaint；　however；　more　morosely　than　the　occasion　seemed　to　warrant；　and　if　I　had　parted　with　him　at　that　moment　I　should　have　thought　of　him　（if　I　had　considered　it　worth　while　to　think　of　him　at　all）　as　a　surly　and　almost　brutal　fellow。　　However；　I　was　conscious　that　I　had　given　him　some　cause　for　complaint；　and　therefore　I　apologized　to　him；　and　assured　him　I　would　do　what　I　could　to　avoid　falling　asleep　for　the　future；　and　at　the　same　time；　in　as　few　words　as　possible；　I　explained　to　him　that　I　was　ill　and　in　a　weak　state　from　long　suffering；　and　that　I　could　not　afford　at　that　time　to　take　an　inside　place。　　This　man's　manner　changed；　upon　hearing　this　explanation；　in　an　instant；　and　when　I　next　woke　for　a　minute　from　the　noise　and　lights　of　Hounslow　（for　in　spite　of　my　wishes　and　efforts　I　had　fallen　asleep　again　within　two　minutes　from　the　time　I　had　spoken　to　him）　I　found　that　he　had　put　his　arm　round　me　to　protect　me　from　falling　off；　and　for　the　rest　of　my　journey　he　behaved　to　me　with　the　gentleness　of　a　woman；　so　that　at　length　I　almost　lay　in　his　arms；　and　this　was　the　more　kind；　as　he　could　not　have　known　that　I　was　not　going　the　whole　way　to　Bath　or　Bristol。　　Unfortunately；　indeed；　I　DID　go　rather　farther　than　I　intended；　for　so　genial　and　so　refreshing　was　my　sleep；　that　the　next　time　after　leaving　Hounslow　that　I　fully　awoke　was　upon　the　sudden　pulling　up　of　the　mail　（possibly　at　a　post…office）；　and　on　inquiry　I　found　that　we　had　reached　Maidenheadsix　or　seven　miles；　I　think；　ahead　of　Salthill。　　Here　I　alighted；　and　for　the　half…　minute　that　the　mail　stopped　I　was　entreated　by　my　friendly　companion　（who；　from　the　transient　glimpse　I　had　had　of　him　in　Piccadilly；　seemed　to　me　to　be　a　gentleman's　butler；　or　person　of　that　rank）　to　go　to　bed　without　delay。　　This　I　promised；　though　with　no　intention　of　doing　so；　and　in　fact　I　immediately　set　forward；　or　rather　backward；　on　foot。　　It　must　then　have　been　nearly　midnight；　but　so　slowly　did　I　creep　along　that　I　heard　a　clock　in　a　cottage　strike　four　before　I　turned　down　the　lane　from　Slough　to　Eton。　　The　air　and　the　sleep　had　both　refreshed　me；　but　I　was　weary　nevertheless。　　I　remember　a　thought　（obvious　enough；　and　which　has　been　prettily　expressed　by　a　Roman　poet）　which　gave　me　some　consolation　at　that　moment　under　my　poverty。　　There　had　been　some　time　before　a　murder　committed　on　or　near　Hounslow　Heath。　　I　think　I　cannot　be　mistaken　when　I　say　that　the　name　of　the　murdered　person　was　STEELE；　and　that　he　was　the　owner　of　a　lavender　plantation　in　that　neighbourhood。　　Every　step　of　my　progress　was　bringing　me　nearer　to　the　Heath；　and　it　naturally　occurred　to　me　that　I　and　the　accused　murderer；　if　he　were　that　night　abroad；　might　at　every　instant　be　unconsciously　approaching　each　other　through　the　darkness；　in　which　case；　said　Isupposing　I；　instead　of　being　（as　indeed　I　am）　little　better　than　an　outcast　…


Lord　of　my　learning；　and　no　land　beside　…


were；　like　my　friend　Lord　…；　heir　by　general　repute　to　70；000　pounds　per　annum；　what　a　panic　should　I　be　under　at　this　moment　about　my　throat！　　Indeed；　it　was　not　likely　that　Lordshould　ever　be　in　my　situation。　　But　nevertheless；　the　spirit　of　the　remark　remains　true…　…that　vast　power　and　possessions　make　a　man　shamefully　afraid　of　dying；　and　I　am　convinced　that　many　of　the　most　intrepid　adventurers；　who；　by　fortunately　being　poor；　enjoy　the　full　use　of　their　natural　courage；　would；　if　at　the　very　instant　of　going　into　action　news　were　brought　to　them　that　they　had　unexpectedly　succeeded　to　an　estate　in　England　of　50；000　pounds　a…year；　feel　their　dislike　to　bullets　considerably　sharpened；　｛6｝　and　their　efforts　at　perfect　equanimity　and　self…possession　proportionably　difficult。　　So　true　it　is；　in　the　language　of　a　wise　man　whose　own　experience　had　made　him　acquainted　with　both　fortunes；　that　riches　are　better　fitted


To　slacken　virtue；　and　abate　her　edge；　Than　tempt　her　to　do　ought　may　merit　praise。　Paradise　Regained。


I　dally　with　my　subject　because；　to　myself；　the　remembrance　of　these　times　is　profoundly　interesting。　　But　my　reader　shall　not　have　any　further　cause　to　complain；　for　I　now　hasten　to　its　close。　　In　the　road　between　Slough　and　Eton　I　fell　asleep；　and　just　as　the　morning　began　to　dawn　I　was　awakened　by　the　voice　of　a　man　standing　over　me　and　surveying　me。　　I　know　not　what　he　was：　　he　was　an　ill…looking　fellow；　but　not　therefore　of　necessity　an　ill…meaning　fellow；　or；　if　he　were；　I　suppose　he　thought　that　no　person　sleeping　out…of…doors　in　winter　could　be　worth　robbing。　　In　which　conclusion；　however；　as　it　regarded　myself；　I　beg　to　assure　him；　if　he　should　be　among　my　readers；　that　he　was　mistaken。　　After　a　slight　remark　he　passed　on；　and　I　was　not　sorry　at　his　disturbance；　as　it　enabled　me　to　pass　through　Eton　before　people　were　generally　up。　　The　night　had　been　heavy　and　lowering；　but　towards　the　morning　it　had　changed　to　a　slight　frost；　and　the　ground　and　the　trees　were　now　covered　with　rime。　　I　slipped　through　Eton　unobserved；　washed　myself；　and　as　far　as　possible　adjusted　my　dress；　at　a　little　public…house　in　Windsor；　and　about　eight　o'clock　went　down　towards　Pote's。　　On　my　road　I　met　some　junior　boys；　of　whom　I　made　inquiries。　　An　Etonian　is　always　a　gentleman；　and；　in　spite　of　my　shabby　habiliments；　they　answered　me　civilly。　　My　friend　Lordwas　gone　to　the　University　of　　…。　　〃Ibi　omnis　effusus　labor！〃　　I　had；　however；　other　friends　at　Eton；　but　it　is　not　to　all　that　wear　that　name　in　prosperity　that　a　man　is　willing　to　present　himself　in　distress。　　On　recollecting　myself；　however；　I　asked　for　the　Earl　of　D…；　to　whom　（though　my　acquaintance　with　him　was　not　so　intimate　as　with　some　others）　I　should　not　have　shrunk　from　presenting　myself　under　any　circumstances。　　He　was　still　at　Eton；　though　I　believe　on　the　wing　for　Cambridge。　　I　called；　was　received　kindly；　and　asked　to　breakfast。

Here　let　me　st