she stoops to conquer-第3部分

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TONY。　　The　daughter；　a　tall；　trapesing；　trolloping；　talkative　maypole；　the　son；　a　pretty；　well…bred；　agreeable　youth；　that　everybody　is　fond　of。

MARLOW。　　Our　information　differs　in　this。　　The　daughter　is　said　to　be　well…bred　and　beautiful；　the　son　an　awkward　booby；　reared　up　and　spoiled　at　his　mother's　apron…string。

TONY。　　He…he…hem！Then；　gentlemen；　all　I　have　to　tell　you　is；　that　you　won't　reach　Mr。　Hardcastle's　house　this　night；　I　believe。

HASTINGS。　　Unfortunate！

TONY。　　It's　a　damn'd　long；　dark；　boggy；　dirty；　dangerous　way。　　Stingo；　tell　the　gentlemen　the　way　to　Mr。　Hardcastle's！　　（Winking　upon　the　Landlord。）　　Mr。　Hardcastle's；　of　Quagmire　Marsh；　you　understand　me。

LANDLORD。　　Master　Hardcastle's！　　Lock…a…daisy；　my　masters；　you're　come　a　deadly　deal　wrong！　　When　you　came　to　the　bottom　of　the　hill；　you　should　have　crossed　down　Squash　Lane。

MARLOW。　　Cross　down　Squash　Lane！

LANDLORD。　　Then　you　were　to　keep　straight　forward；　till　you　came　to　four　roads。

MARLOW。　　Come　to　where　four　roads　meet？

TONY。　　Ay；　but　you　must　be　sure　to　take　only　one　of　them。

MARLOW。　　O；　sir；　you're　facetious。

TONY。　　Then　keeping　to　the　right；　you　are　to　go　sideways　till　you　come　upon　Crackskull　Common：　there　you　must　look　sharp　for　the　track　of　the　wheel；　and　go　forward　till　you　come　to　farmer　Murrain's　barn。　　Coming　to　the　farmer's　barn；　you　are　to　turn　to　the　right；　and　then　to　the　left；　and　then　to　the　right　about　again；　till　you　find　out　the　old　mill

MARLOW。　　Zounds；　man！　we　could　as　soon　find　out　the　longitude！

HASTINGS。　　What's　to　be　done；　Marlow？

MARLOW。　　This　house　promises　but　a　poor　reception；　though　perhaps　the　landlord　can　accommodate　us。

LANDLORD。　　Alack；　master；　we　have　but　one　spare　bed　in　the　whole　house。

TONY。　　And　to　my　knowledge；　that's　taken　up　by　three　lodgers　already。　　（After　a　pause；　in　which　the　rest　seem　disconcerted。）　　I　have　hit　it。　　Don't　you　think；　Stingo；　our　landlady　could　accommodate　the　gentlemen　by　the　fire…side；　withthree　chairs　and　a　bolster？

HASTINGS。　　I　hate　sleeping　by　the　fire…side。

MARLOW。　　And　I　detest　your　three　chairs　and　a　bolster。

TONY。　　You　do；　do　you？　then；　let　me　seewhat　if　you　go　on　a　mile　further；　to　the　Buck's　Head；　the　old　Buck's　Head　on　the　hill；　one　of　the　best　inns　in　the　whole　county？

HASTINGS。　　O　ho！　so　we　have　escaped　an　adventure　for　this　night；　however。

LANDLORD。　　（apart　to　TONY）。　　Sure；　you　ben't　sending　them　to　your　father's　as　an　inn；　be　you？

TONY。　　Mum；　you　fool　you。　　Let　THEM　find　that　out。　　（To　them。）　　You　have　only　to　keep　on　straight　forward；　till　you　come　to　a　large　old　house　by　the　road　side。　　You'll　see　a　pair　of　large　horns　over　the　door。　　That's　the　sign。　　Drive　up　the　yard；　and　call　stoutly　about　you。

HASTINGS。　　Sir；　we　are　obliged　to　you。　　The　servants　can't　miss　the　way？

TONY。　　No；　no：　but　I　tell　you；　though；　the　landlord　is　rich；　and　going　to　leave　off　business；　so　he　wants　to　be　thought　a　gentleman；　saving　your　presence；　he！　he！　he！　　He'll　be　for　giving　you　his　company；　and；　ecod；　if　you　mind　him；　he'll　persuade　you　that　his　mother　was　an　alderman；　and　his　aunt　a　justice　of　peace。

LANDLORD。　　A　troublesome　old　blade；　to　be　sure；　but　a　keeps　as　good　wines　and　beds　as　any　in　the　whole　country。

MARLOW。　　Well；　if　he　supplies　us　with　these；　we　shall　want　no　farther　connexion。　　We　are　to　turn　to　the　right；　did　you　say？

TONY。　　No；　no；　straight　forward。　　I'll　just　step　myself；　and　show　you　a　piece　of　the　way。　　（To　the　Landlord。）　　Mum！

LANDLORD。　　Ah；　bless　your　heart；　for　a　sweet；　pleasantdamn'd　mischievous　son　of　a　whore。　　＇Exeunt。＇



ACT　THE　SECOND。


SCENEAn　old…fashioned　House。


Enter　HARDCASTLE；　followed　by　three　or　four　awkward　Servants。


HARDCASTLE。　　Well；　I　hope　you　are　perfect　in　the　table　exercise　I　have　been　teaching　you　these　three　days。　　You　all　know　your　posts　and　your　places；　and　can　show　that　you　have　been　used　to　good　company；　without　ever　stirring　from　home。

OMNES。　　Ay；　ay。

HARDCASTLE。　　When　company　comes　you　are　not　to　pop　out　and　stare；　and　then　run　in　again；　like　frightened　rabbits　in　a　warren。

OMNES。　　No；　no。

HARDCASTLE。　　You；　Diggory；　whom　I　have　taken　from　the　barn；　are　to　make　a　show　at　the　side…table；　and　you；　Roger；　whom　I　have　advanced　from　the　plough；　are　to　place　yourself　behind　my　chair。　　But　you're　not　to　stand　so；　with　your　hands　in　your　pockets。　　Take　your　hands　from　your　pockets；　Roger；　and　from　your　head；　you　blockhead　you。　　See　how　Diggory　carries　his　hands。　　They're　a　little　too　stiff；　indeed；　but　that's　no　great　matter。

DIGGORY。　　Ay；　mind　how　I　hold　them。　　I　learned　to　hold　my　hands　this　way　when　I　was　upon　drill　for　the　militia。　　And　so　being　upon　drill

HARDCASTLE。　　You　must　not　be　so　talkative；　Diggory。　　You　must　be　all　attention　to　the　guests。　　You　must　hear　us　talk；　and　not　think　of　talking；　you　must　see　us　drink；　and　not　think　of　drinking；　you　must　see　us　eat；　and　not　think　of　eating。

DIGGORY。　　By　the　laws；　your　worship；　that's　parfectly　unpossible。　　Whenever　Diggory　sees　yeating　going　forward；　ecod；　he's　always　wishing　for　a　mouthful　himself。

HARDCASTLE。　　Blockhead！　　Is　not　a　belly…full　in　the　kitchen　as　good　as　a　belly…full　in　the　parlour？　　Stay　your　stomach　with　that　reflection。

DIGGORY。　　Ecod；　I　thank　your　worship；　I'll　make　a　shift　to　stay　my　stomach　with　a　slice　of　cold　beef　in　the　pantry。

HARDCASTLE。　　Diggory；　you　are　too　talkative。Then；　if　I　happen　to　say　a　good　thing；　or　tell　a　good　story　at　table；　you　must　not　all　burst　out　a…laughing；　as　if　you　made　part　of　the　company。

DIGGORY。　　Then　ecod　your　worship　must　not　tell　the　story　of　Ould　Grouse　in　the　gun…room：　I　can't　help　laughing　at　thathe！　he！　he！for　the　soul　of　me。　　We　have　laughed　at　that　these　twenty　yearsha！　ha！　ha！

HARDCASTLE。　　Ha！　ha！　ha！　　The　story　is　a　good　one。　　Well；　honest　Diggory；　you　may　laugh　at　thatbut　still　remember　to　be　attentive。　　Suppose　one　of　the　company　should　call　for　a　glass　of　wine；　how　will　you　behave？　　A　glass　of　wine；　sir；　if　you　please　（to　DIGGORY）。Eh；　why　don't　you　move？

DIGGORY。　　Ecod；　your　worship；　I　never　have　courage　till　I　see　the　eatables　and　drinkables　brought　upo'　the　table；　and　then　I'm　as　bauld　as　a　lion。

HARDCASTLE。　　What；　will　nobody　move？

FIRST　SERVANT。　　I'm　not　to　leave　this　pleace。

SECOND　SERVANT。　　I'm　sure　it's　no　pleace　of　mine。

THIRD　SERVANT。　　Nor　mine；　for　sartain。

DIGGORY。　　Wauns；　and　I'm　sure　it　canna　be　mine。

HARDCASTLE。　　You　numskulls！　and　so　while；　like　your　betters；　you　are　quarrelling　for　places；　the　guests　must　be　starved。　　O　you　dunces！　　I　find　I　must　begin　all　over　againBut　don't　I　hear　a　coach　drive　into　the　yard？　　To　your　posts；　you　blockheads。　　I'll　go　in　the　mean　time　and　give　my　old　friend's　son　a　hearty　reception　at　the　gate。　　＇Exit　HARDCASTLE。＇

DIGGORY。　　By　the　elevens；　my　pleace　is　gone　quite　out　of　my　head。

ROGER。　　I　know　that　my　pleace　is　to　be　everywhere。

FIRST　SERVANT。　　Where　the　devil　is　mine？

SECOND　SERVANT。　　My　pleace　is　to　be　nowhere　at　all；　and　so　I'ze　go　about　my　business。　　＇Exeunt　Servants；　running　about　as　if　frightened；　different　ways。＇


Enter　Servant　with　candles；　showing　in　MARLOW　and　HASTINGS。


SERVANT。　　Welcome；　gentlemen；　very　welcome！　　This　way。

HASTINGS。　　After　the　disappointments　of　the　day；　welcome　once　more；　Charles；　to　the　comforts　of　a　clean　room　and　a　good　fire。　　Upon　my　word；　a　very　well…looking　house；　antique　but　creditable。

MARLOW。　　The　usual　fate　of　a　large　mansion。　　Having　first　ruined　the　master　by　good　housekeeping；　it　at　last　comes　to　levy　contributions　as　an　inn。

HASTINGS。　　As　you　say；　we　passengers　are　to　be　taxed　to　pay　all　these　fineries。　　I　have　often　seen　a　good　sideboard；　or　a　marble　chimney…piece；　though　not　actually　put　in　the　bill；　inflame　a　reckoning　confoundedly。

MARLOW。　　Travellers；　George；　must　pay　in　all　places：　the　only　difference　is；　that　in　good　inns　you　pay　dearly　for　luxuries；　in　bad　inns　you　are　fleeced　and　starved。

HASTINGS。　　You　have　lived　very　much　among　them。　　In　truth；　I　have　been　often　surprised；　that　you　who　have　seen　so　much　of　the　world；　with　your　natural　good　sense；　and　your　many　opportunities；　could　never　yet　acquire　a　requisite　share　of　assurance。

MARLOW。　　The　Englishman's　malady。　　But　tell　me；　George；　where　could　I　have　learned　that　assurance　you　talk　of？　　My　life　has　been　chiefly　spent　in　a　college　or　an　inn；　in　seclusion　from　that　lovely　part　of　the　creation　that　chiefly　teach　men　confidence。　　I　don't　know　that　I　was　ever　familiarly　acquainted　with　a　single　modest　womanexcept　my　motherBut　among　females　of　another　class；　you　know

HASTINGS。　　Ay；　among　them　you　are　impudent　enough　of　all　conscience。

MARLOW。　　They　are　of　US；　you　know。

HASTINGS。　　But　in　the　company　of　women　of　reputation　I　never　saw　such　an　idiot；　such　a　trembler；　you　look　for　all　the　world　as　if　you　wanted　an　opportunity　of　stealing　out　of　the　room。

MARLOW。　　Why；　man；　that's　because　I　do　want　to　steal　out　of　the　room。　　Faith；　I　have　often　formed　a　resolution　to　break　the　ice；　and　rattle　away　at　any　rate。　　But　I　don't　know　how；　a　single　glance　from　a　pair　of　fine　eyes　has　totally　overset　my　resolution。　　An　impudent　fellow　may　counterfeit　modesty；　but　I'll　be　hanged　if　a　modest　man　can　ever　counterfeit　impudence。

HASTINGS。　　If　you　could　but　say　half　the　fine　things　to　them　that　I　have　heard　you　lavish　upon　the　bar…maid　of　an　inn；　or　even　a　college　bed…maker

MARLOW。　　Why；　George；　I　can't　say　fine　things　to　them；　they　freeze；　they　petrify　me。　　They　may　talk　of　a　comet；　or　a　burning　mountain；　or　some　such　bagatelle；　but；　to　me；　a　modest　woman；　drest　out　in　all　her　finery；　is　the　most　tremendous　object　of　the　whole　creation。

HASTINGS。　　Ha！　ha！　ha！　　At　this　rate；　man；　how　can　you　ever　expect　to　marry？

MARLOW。　　Never；　unless；　as　among　kings　and　princes；　my　bride　were　to　be　courted　by　proxy。　　If；　indeed；　like　an　Eastern　bridegroom；　one　were　to　be　introduced　to　a　wife　he　never　saw　before；　it　might　be　endured。　　But　to　go　through　all　the　terrors　of　a　formal　courtship；　together　with　the　episode　of　aunts；　grandmothers；　and　cousins；　and　at　last　to　blurt　out　the　broad　staring　question　of；　Madam；　will　you　marry　me？　　No；　no；　that's　a　strain　much　above　me；　I　assure　you。

HASTINGS。　　I　pity　you。　　But　ho