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upon a sofa near the fire。 They turned and looked at him with

reproachful doves' eyes。



〃GrannieLady Julia!〃 he exclaimed; 〃I implore your forgiveness。

Pardon me! Appearances are against me; I know。 But some day you may

understand how I am placed。 My position ismymy situationIyou

do not wholly condemn me! Waitwait a few days; I implore you!〃



He rushed out of the room。



The two old ladies seated themselves upon the sofa; and tremblingly

spread abroad their damask skirts。 They looked at each other in

silence; shaking their elegant heads。 Then Mrs。 Merillia said; in a

fluttering voice;



〃Oh; Julia; you were a lady in waiting to Her Majesty; you were kissed

by the great Duketell metell me what it all means!〃



〃Victoria;〃 replied Lady Julia; 〃it means that your grandson has fallen

into the clutches of a dangerous and determined ratcatcher。〃



And then the two old ladies mingled their damask skirts and their lace

caps and wept。







CHAPTER XVIII



THE SILLY LIFE



〃Call a cab for Sir Tiglath; Mr。 Ferdinand;〃 whispered the Prophet〃a

four…wheeler with a lame horse。 I'll take both Mr。 and Madame

Sagittarius in the brougham。〃



〃Must the horse be lame; sir?〃



〃Yes。 I absolutely decline to encourage the practice of using good

horses in four…wheeled cabs。 It's a disgrace to the poor animals。 It

must be a very lame horse。〃



〃Yes; sir。〃



And Mr。 Ferdinand; standing upon the doorstep; whistled to the night。



Strange to say; in about two minutes there appeared round the corner

the very same cabman who had conveyed the Prophet and Lady Enid to the

astronomer's on the previous day; driving the very same horse。



〃This horse will do admirably;〃 said the Prophet to Mr。 Ferdinand。



〃He isn't lame; sir。〃



〃P'r'aps not; but he knows how to tumble down。 Sir Tiglath; here is a

cab for you。 We shall go in the brougham。 Zoological House; Regent's

Park; is the direction。 Let me help you in; Madame。〃



As the Prophet got in to sit bodkin between his old and valued friends;

he whispered to the footman;



〃Tell Simkins to drive as fast as possible。 We are very late。〃



The footman touched his hat。 Just as the carriage moved off; the

Prophet protruded his head from the window; and saw the astronomer

rolling into the four…wheeler; the horse of which immediately fell down

in a most satisfactory manner。



There was no general conversation in the brougham; but the Prophet; who

was obliged to sit partly on Madame; and partly on Mr。 Sagittarius and

partly on air; occasionally heard in the darkness at his back terrible

matrimonial whisperings; whose exact tenor he was unable to catch。 Once

only he heard Madame say sibilantly and with a vicious click;



〃I might have known what to expect when I married a Prophetwhen I

passed over the /pons asinoribus/ to give myself to a /monstram

horrendo/。〃



To this pathetic heart…cry Mr。 Sagittarius made a very prolonged

answer。 The Prophet knew it was prolonged because Mr。 Sagittarius

always whispered in such a manner as to tickle the nape of his neck。

But he could not hear anything except a sound like steam escaping from

a small pipe。 The steam went on escaping until the brougham passed

through a gate; rolled down a declivity; and drew up before an enormous

mansion whose windows blazed with light。



〃Is this the Zoological Gardens?〃 inquired Madame in a stern voice。 〃Is

this the habitation of the woman Bridgeman?〃



〃I suppose this is Zoological House;〃 replied the Prophet; sliding

decorously off Madame's left knee in preparation for descent。



〃My darling! my love!〃 said Mr。 Sagittarius。 〃I swear upon the infant

head of our Capricornus that Mrs。 Bridgeman and I are〃



〃Enough!〃 cried Madame。 〃/Jam satus/! Be sure that I will inquire into

this matter。〃



The carriage door was opened and; with some struggling; the Prophet and

his two valued friends emerged and speedily found themselves in a very

large hall; which was nearly full of very large powdered footmen。 In

the distance there was the sound of united frivolities; a band of

twenty guitars thrumming a wilful /seguidilla/。 Roses bloomed on every

side; and beyond the hall they beheld a vision of illuminated vistas;

down which vague figures came and went。



Evidently when Mrs。 Bridgeman let herself go she let herself go

thoroughly。



Mr。 Sagittarius gazed about him with awe…struck amazement; but Madame

was equal to the occasion。 She cast the rabbit…skins imperially to a

neighbouring flunkey; arranged her hair and fichu before a glass;

kicked out her skirt with the heel of one of the kid boots; nipped the

green chiffon into prominence with decisive fingers; and then; turning

to the Prophet with all the majesty of a suburban empress; said in a

powerful voice;



〃Step forward; I beg。 /J'ai pret/。〃



The Prophet; thus encouraged; stepped forward towards an aperture that

on ordinary days contained a door; but that now contained a stout

elderly lady; with henna…dyed hair; a powdered face; black eyebrows and

a yellow gown; on which rested a large number of jewelled ornaments

that looked like small bombs。 At this lady's elbow stood a footman with

an exceedingly powerful bass voice; who shouted the names of

approaching guests in a manner so uncompromising as to be terrific。

Each time he so shouted the stout lady first started and then smiled;

the two operations succeeding one another with almost inconceivable

rapidity and violence。



〃What name; sir?〃 asked the footman of the Prophet; bending his

powdered head till it was only about six feet two inches from the

floor。



〃Mr。 Hennessey Vivian;〃 replied the Prophet; hesitating as to what he

should add。



〃Mr。 Hemmerspeed Vivian!〃 roared the footman。 〃What name; Madame?〃 (to

Madame Sagittarius)。



〃Mr。 and Madame Sagittarius of Sagittarius Lodge; the Mouse!〃 replied

the lady majestically。



〃Mr。and MadameSegerteribusofSegerteribusLodge; the Mouse!〃

bawled the footman。



The stout lady; who was Mrs。 Vane Bridgeman; started and smiled。



〃Delighted to see you; Mr。 Segerteribus!〃 she said to the Prophet。



The Prophet hastened to explain through the uproar of twenty guitars。



〃Mr。 Vivian is my name。 I think Miss Minerva Partridge〃



Mrs。 Bridgeman started and smiled。



〃Of course;〃 she exclaimed。 〃Of course。 You are to be kind enough to

introduce me some day to Mr。 SagiSagisomething or other; and I am

to introduce him to Sir Tiglath Butt; when Sir Tiglath Butt has been

introduced to me by dear Miss Partridge。 It is all to work out

beautifully。 Yes; yes! Charming! charming!〃



〃I have ventured to bring Mr。 and Madame Sagittarius with me to…night;〃

said the Prophet。



Mrs。 Bridgeman started and smiled。



〃They are my old and valued friends; andand here they are。〃



〃Delighted! delighted!〃 said Mrs。 Bridgeman; speaking in a confused

manner through the guitars。 〃How d'you do; Mr。 Sagittarius?〃



And she shook hands warmly with a very small and saturnine clergyman

decorated with a shock of ebon hair; who was passing at the moment。



〃Biggle!〃 said the little clergyman。



Mrs。 Bridgeman started and smiled。



〃Biggle!〃 repeated the little clergyman。 〃Biggle!〃



The guitars rose up with violence; and all the hot; drubbing passion of

Bayswater being Spanish。



〃Yes; indeed; I so agree with you; dear Mr。 Sagittarius;〃 said Mrs。

Bridgeman to the little clergyman。



〃Biggle!〃 the little clergyman cried in a portentous voice。 〃Biggle!

Biggle!〃



〃What does he mean?〃 whispered Mrs。 Bridgeman to the Prophet。 〃How does

one?〃



〃I think that is his name。 These are Mr。 and Madame Sagittarius。〃



Mrs。 Bridgeman started and smiled。



〃Biggleof course;〃 she said to the little clergyman; who passed on

with an air of reliant self…satisfaction。 〃Delighted to see you;〃 she

added; this time addressing the Prophet's old and valued friends。 〃Ah!

Mr。 SagiSagiumI have heard so much of you from dear Miss

Minerva。〃



The wild; high notes of a flute; played by a silly gentleman from

Tooting; shrilled through the tupping of the guitars; and Mr。

Sagittarius; trembling in every limb; hissed in Mrs。 Bridgeman's ear;



〃Hush; ma'am; for mercy's sake!〃



Mrs。 Bridgeman started and forgot to smile。



〃My loved and honoured wife;〃 continued Mr。 Sagittarius; in a loud and

anxious voice; 〃more to me than any lunar guide or starry monitor!

Madame Sagittarius; a lady of deep education; ma'am。〃



〃Delighted!〃 said Mrs。 Bridgeman; making a gracious grimace at Madame;

who inclined herself stonily and replied in a sinister voice;



〃It is indeed time that this renconter took place。 Henceforth; ma'am; I

shall be ever at my husband's side; /per fus et nefus//et nefus/;

ma'am。〃



〃So glad;〃 said Mrs。 Bridgeman。 〃I have been longing for this〃



〃Mr。 Bernard Wilkins!〃 roared the tall footman。



Mr。 Sagittarius started and Mrs。 Bridgeman did the same and smiled。



〃Bernard Wilkins the Prophet!〃 Mr。 Sagittarius exclaimed。 〃From the

Rise!〃



〃Mrs。 Eliza Doubleway!〃 shouted the footman。



〃Mrs。 Eliza!〃 cried Mr。 Sagittarius; in great excitement。 〃That's the

soothsayer from the Beck!〃



〃Madame Charlotte Humm!〃 yelled the footman。



〃Madame Humm!〃 vociferated Mr。 Sagittarius; 〃the crystal…gazer from the

Hill!〃



〃Professor Elijah Chapman!〃 bawled the footman。



〃The nose…reader!〃 piped Mr。 Sagittarius。 〃The nose…reader from the

Butts!〃



〃Verano!〃 screamed the footman; triumphantly submerging the flute and

the twenty guitars。 〃Verano!〃



〃The South American Irish palmist from the Downs! My love;〃 said Mr。

Sagittarius; in a cracking voice; 〃we are in it to…night; we are

indeed; we are fairly and squarely in it。〃



Madame began to bridle and to look as ostentatious as a leviathan。



〃And if we are; Jupiter!〃 she said in a voice that ri

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