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twelfth night; or what you will(及噴屈匚)-及2何蛍

弌傍�� twelfth night; or what you will(及噴屈匚) 忖方�� 耽匈4000忖

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thou let part so�察�Sir Andrew�察�would thou mightst never draw sword again� �

AGUECHEEK。   An   you   part   so�察  �mistress�察  �I   would   I   might   never   draw 

sword again。 Fair lady�察�do you think you have fools in hand�拭�MARIA。 Sir�察�

I have not you by th' hand。 AGUECHEEK。 Marry�察�but you shall have�察�and 

here's my hand。 MARIA。 Now�察�sir�察�thought is free。 I pray you�察�bring your 

hand     to  th'  buttry´bar    and   let  it  drink。   AGUECHEEK。           Wherefore�察�

sweetheart�拭�What's your metaphor�拭�MARIA。 It's dry�察�sir。 AGUECHEEK。 

Why�察�I   think   so�察  �I   am not such   an   ass but   I can   keep   my  hand   dry。  But 

what's your jest�拭�MARIA。 A dry jest�察�sir。 AGUECHEEK。 Are you full of 

them�拭�MARIA。 Ay�察�sir�察�I have them at my fingers' ends�察�marry�察�now I let 

go your hand�察�I am barren。 Exit MARIA SIR TOBY。 O knight�察�thou lack'st 

a cup of canary� �When did I see thee so put down�拭�AGUECHEEK。 Never 

in   your   life�察 �I  think�察 �unless  you   see   canary   put   me   down。    Methinks 

sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian or an ordinary man has�察�but 

I   am   great   eater   of   beef�察  �and   I   believe   that   does   harm   to   my   wit。   SIR 

TOBY。 No question。 AGUECHEEK。 An I thought that�察�I'd forswear it。 I'll 

ride   home   to´morrow�察  �Sir   Toby。   SIR   TOBY。   Pourquoi�察  �my   dear   knight�拭�

AGUECHEEK。 What is 'pourquoi'´ do or not do�拭�I would I had bestowed 

that time in the tongues that I have in fencing�察�dancing�察�and bear´baiting。 

Oh�察  �had   I   but   followed   the   arts�   �SIR   TOBY。   Then   hadst   thou   had   an 

excellent head of hair。 AGUECHEEK。 Why�察�would that have mended my 

hair�拭�SIR TOBY。 Past question�察�for thou seest it will not curl by nature。 

AGUECHEEK。 But it becomes me well enough�察�does't not�拭�SIR TOBY。 

Excellent�察�it hangs like flax on a distaff�察�and I hope to see a huswife take 

thee between her legs and spin it off。 AGUECHEEK。 Faith�察�I'll home to´ 

morrow�察�Sir Toby。 Your niece will not be seen�察�or if she be�察�it's four to one 

she'll none of me�察�the Count himself here hard by woos her。 SIR TOBY。 

She'll none o' th' Count�察�she'll not match above her degree�察�neither in estate�察�



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years�察   �nor   wit�察  �I  have   heard    her   swear't。   Tut�察  �there's  life  in't�察 �man。 

AGUECHEEK。 I'll stay a month longer。 I am a fellow o' th' strangest mind 

i'   th'   world�察  �I   delight   in   masques   and   revels   sometimes   altogether。   SIR 

TOBY。 Art   thou   good   at   these   kickshawses�察  �knight�拭�AGUECHEEK。 As 

any man in Illyria�察�whatsoever he be�察�under the degree of my betters�察�and 

yet I will not compare with an old man。 SIR TOBY。 What is thy excellence 

in a galliard�察�knight�拭�AGUECHEEK。 Faith�察�I can cut a caper。 SIR TOBY。 

And I can cut the mutton to't。 AGUECHEEK。 And I think I have the back´ 

trick   simply   as   strong   as   any   man   in   Illyria。   SIR   TOBY。   Wherefore   are 

these things hid�拭�Wherefore have these gifts a curtain before 'em�拭�Are they 

like   to   take   dust�察  �like   Mistress   Mall's   picture�拭  �Why   dost   thou   not   go   to 

church in a galliard and come home in a coranto�拭�My very walk should be 

a jig�察�I would not so much as make water but in a sink´a´pace。 What dost 

thou mean�拭�Is it a world to hide virtues in�拭�I did think�察�by the excellent 

constitution      of  thy   leg�察 �it  was    form'd    under    the   star  of  a   galliard。 

AGUECHEEK。            Ay�察  �'tis  strong�察 �and   it  does   indifferent    well   in  flame´ 

colour'd stock。 Shall we set about some revels�拭�SIR TOBY。 What shall we 

do else�拭�Were we not born under Taurus�拭�AGUECHEEK。 Taurus�拭�That's 

sides and heart。 SIR TOBY。 No�察�sir�察�it is legs and thighs。 Let me see the 

caper。 Ha�察�higher� �Ha�察�ha�察�excellent� �Exeunt 



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                      SCENE IV。 The DUKE'S palace 



     Enter VALENTINE�察�and VIOLA in man's attire 

       VALENTINE。          If  the  Duke    continue     these   favours    towards    you�察�

Cesario�察�you are like to be much advanc'd�察�he hath known you but three 

days�察�and already you are no stranger。 VIOLA。 You either fear his humour 

or my negligence�察�that you call in question the continuance of his love。 Is 

he inconstant�察�sir�察�in his favours�拭�VALENTINE。 No�察�believe me。 

       Enter DUKE�察�CURIO�察�and ATTENDANTS 

       VIOLA。      I  thank   you。   Here    comes    the   Count。    DUKE。     Who     saw 

Cesario�察  �ho�拭  �VIOLA。   On   your   attendance�察  �my   lord�察 �here。   DUKE。   Stand 

you awhile aloof。 Cesario�察�Thou know'st no less but all�察�I have unclasp'd 

To thee the book even of my secret soul。 Therefore�察�good youth�察�address 

thy gait unto her�察�Be not denied access�察�stand at her doors�察�And tell them 

there thy fixed foot shall grow Till thou have audience。 VIOLA。 Sure�察�my 

noble lord�察�If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow As it is spoke�察�she never 

will   admit   me。   DUKE。   Be   clamorous   and   leap   all   civil   bounds�察  �Rather 

than make unprofited return。 VIOLA。 Say I do speak with her�察�my  lord�察�

what then�拭  �DUKE。   O�察  �then   unfold   the  passion   of   my  love�察  �Surprise   her 

with discourse of my dear faith� �It shall become thee well to act my woes�此�

She   will   attend   it   better   in   thy   youth   Than   in   a   nuncio's   of   more   grave 

aspect。 VIOLA。 I think not so�察�my lord。 DUKE。 Dear lad�察�believe it�察�For 

they shall yet belie thy happy years That say thou art a man�此�Diana's lip Is 

not   more   smooth   and   rubious�察  �thy   small   pipe   Is   as   the   maiden's   organ�察�

shrill   and   sound�察   �And    all  is  semblative    a  woman's      part。  I  know    thy 

constellation is right apt For this affair。 Some four or five attend him´ All�察�

if you will�察�for I myself am best When least in company。 Prosper well in 

this�察�And   thou   shalt   live   as   freely  as   thy  lord To   call   his   fortunes   thine。 

VIOLA。   I'll   do   my   best   To   woo   your   lady。   ��Aside�А �Yet�察  �a   barful   strife� �

Whoe'er I woo�察�myself would be his wife。 



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                         SCENE V。 OLIVIA'S house 



     Enter MARIA and CLOWN 

       MARIA。 Nay�察�either tell me where thou hast been�察�or I will not open 

my lips so wide as a bristle may enter in way of thy excuse�察�my lady will 

hang   thee   for   thy   absence。   CLOWN。   Let   her   hang   me。   He   that   is   well 

hang'd in this world needs to fear no colours。 MARIA。 Make that good。 

CLOWN。 He shall see none to fear。 MARIA。 A good lenten answer。 I can 

tell   thee   where   that   saying   was   born�察  �of   'I   fear   no   colours。'   CLOWN。 

Where�察�good Mistress Mary�拭�MARIA。 In the wars�察�and that may you be 

bold to say in your foolery。 CLOWN。 Well�察�God give them wisdom that 

have it�察�and those that are fools�察  �let them use their talents。 MARIA。 Yet 

you will be hang'd for being so long absent�察�or to be turn'd away´ is not 

that   as  good    as  a  hanging    to  you�拭   �CLOWN。       Many     a  good   hanging 

prevents   a   bad   marriage�察  �and   for   turning   away�察  �let   summer   bear   it   out。 

MARIA。   You        are   resolute�察 �then�拭  �CLOWN。       Not   so�察 �neither�察  �but  I  am 

resolv'd on two points。 MARIA。 That if one break�察�the other will hold�察�or 

if   both   break�察  �your   gaskins   fall。   CLOWN。 Apt�察  �in   good   faith�察  �very   apt� �

Well�察�go thy way�察�if Sir Toby would leave drinking�察�thou wert as witty a 

piece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria。 MARIA。 Peace�察�you rogue�察�no more 

o' that。 Here comes my lady。 Make your excuse wisely�察�you were best。 Exit 

       Enter OLIVIA and MALVOLIO 

       CLOWN。 Wit�察�an't be thy will�察�put me into good fooling� �Those wits 

that think they have thee do very oft prove fools�察�and I that am sure I lack 

thee may pass for a wise man。 For what says Quinapalus�拭�'Better a witty 

fool than a foolish wit。' God bless thee�察�lady� �OLIVIA。 Take the fool away。 

CLOWN。 Do you not hear�察�fellows�拭�Take away the lady。 OLIVIA。 Go to�察�

y'are   a  dry   fool�察 �I'll  no  more    of  you。   Besides�察   �you   grow    dishonest。 

CLOWN。 Two faults�察�madonna�察�that drink and good counsel will amend�察�

for give the dry fool drink�察�then is the fool not dry。 Bid the dishonest man 

mend himself�此�if he mend�察�he is no longer dishonest�察�if he cannot�察�let the 

botcher   mend      him。   Anything    that's   mended    is   but  patch'd�察  �virtue  that 

transgresses is but patch'd with sin�察�and sin that amends is but patch'd with 

virtue。   If   that   this   simple   syllogism   will   serve�察  �so�察  �if   it   will   not�察  �what 



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                       TWELFTH NIGHT�察�OR�察�WHAT YOU WILL 



remedy�拭�As there is no true cuckold but calamity�察�so beauty's a flower。 The 

lady    bade   take   away    the  fool�察 �therefore�察   �I  say  again�察  �take  her   away。 

OLIVIA。   Sir�察  �I   bade   them   take   away   you。   CLOWN。   Misprision   in   the 

highest   degree�   �Lady�察  �'Cucullus   non   facit   monachum'�察  �that's   as   much   to 

say as I wear not motley in my brain。 Good madonna�察�give me leave to 

prove you a fool。 OLIVIA。 Can you do it�拭�CLOWN。 Dexteriously�察�good 

madonna。 OLIVIA。 Make your proof。 CLOWN。 I must catechize you for 

it�察�madonna。 Good my mouse of virtue�察�answer me。 OLIVIA。 Well�察�sir�察�for 

want of other idleness�察�I'll bide your proof。 CLOWN。 Good madonna�察�why 

mourn'st   thou�拭  �OLIVIA。   Good   fool�察  �for   my   brother's   death。   CLOWN。   I 

think his soul is in hell�察�madonna。 OLIVIA。 I know his soul is in heaven�察�

fool。 CLOWN。 The more fool�察�madonna�察�to mourn for your brother's soul 


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