the pit-第59部分

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ndemonstrative　solicitudes　came　precisely　when　and　where　they　were　most　appropriate。　　He　had　never　failed　her。　　Whenever　she　had　needed　him；　or　even；　when　through　caprice　or　impulse　she　had　turned　to　him；　it　always　had　been　to　find　that　long　since　he　had　carefully　prepared　for　that　very　contingency。　　His　thoughtfulness　of　her　had　been　a　thing　to　wonder　at。　He　remembered　for　months；　years　even；　her　most　trivial　fancies；　her　unexpressed　dislikes。　　He　knew　her　tastes；　as　if　by　instinct；　he　prepared　little　surprises　for　her；　and　placed　them　in　her　way　without　ostentation；　and　quite　as　matters　of　course。　　He　never　permitted　her　to　be　embarrassed；　the　little　annoying　situations　of　the　day's　life　he　had　smoothed　away　long　before　they　had　ensnared　her。　　He　never　was　off　his　guard；　never　disturbed；　never　excited。

And　he　amused　her；　he　entertained　her　without　seeming　to　do　so。　　He　made　her　talk；　he　made　her　think。　He　stimulated　and　aroused　her；　so　that　she　herself　talked　and　thought　with　a　brilliancy　that　surprised　herself。　In　fine；　he　had　so　contrived　that　she　associated　him　with　everything　that　was　agreeable。

She　had　sent　him　away　the　first　time；　and　he　had　gone　without　a　murmur；　only　to　come　back　loyal　as　ever；　silent；　watchful；　sympathetic；　his　love　for　her　deeper；　stronger　than　before；　andas　always　timelybringing　to　her　a　companionship　at　the　moment　of　all　others　when　she　was　most　alone。

Now　she　had　driven　him　from　her　again；　and　this　time；　she　very　well　knew；　it　was　to　be　forever。　　She　had　shut　the　door　upon　this　great　love。

Laura　stirred　abruptly　in　her　place；　adjusting　her　hair　with　nervous　fingers。

And；　last　of　all；　it　had　been　Jadwin；　her　husband。　　She　rose　and　went　to　the　window；　and　stood　there　a　long　moment；　looking　off　into　the　night　over　the　park。　　It　was　warm　and　very　still。　　A　few　carriage　lamps　glimpsed　among　the　trees　like　fireflies。　　Along　the　walks　and　upon　the　benches　she　could　see　the　glow　of　white　dresses　and　could　catch　the　sound　of　laughter。　　Far　off　somewhere　in　the　shrubbery；　she　thought　she　heard　a　band　playing。　　To　the　northeast　lay　the　lake；　shimmering　under　the　moon；　dotted　here　and　there　with　the　coloured　lights　of　steamers。

She　turned　back　into　the　room。　　The　great　house　was　still。　　From　all　its　suites　of　rooms；　its　corridors；　galleries；　and　hallways　there　came　no　sound。　　There　was　no　one　upon　the　same　floor　as　herself。　　She　had　read　all　her　books。　　It　was　too　late　to　go　outand　there　was　no　one　to　go　with。　　To　go　to　bed　was　ridiculous。　She　was　never　more　wakeful；　never　more　alive；　never　more　ready　to　be　amused；　diverted；　entertained。

She　thought　of　the　organ；　and　descending　to　the　art　gallery；　played　Bach；　Palestrina；　and　Stainer　for　an　hour；　then　suddenly　she　started　from　the　console；　with　a　sharp；　impatient　movement　of　her　head。

〃Why　do　I　play　this　stupid　music？〃　she　exclaimed。　　She　called　a　servant　and　asked：

〃Has　Mr。　Jadwin　come　in　yet？〃

〃Mr。　Gretry　just　this　minute　telephoned　that　Mr。　Jadwin　would　not　be　home　to…night。〃

When　the　servant　had　gone　out　Laura；　her　lips　compressed；　flung　up　her　head。　　Her　hands　shut　to　hard　fists；　her　eye　flashed。　　Rigid；　erect　in　the　middle　of　the　floor；　her　arms　folded；　she　uttered　a　smothered　exclamation　over　and　over　again　under　her　breath。

All　at　once　anger　mastered　heranger　and　a　certain　defiant　recklessness；　an　abrupt　spirit　of　revolt。　　She　straightened　herself　suddenly；　as　one　who　takes　a　decision。　　Then；　swiftly；　she　went　out　of　the　art　gallery；　and；　crossing　the　hallway；　entered　the　library　and　opened　a　great　writing…desk　that　stood　in　a　recess　under　a　small　stained　window。

She　pulled　the　sheets　of　note　paper　towards　her　and　wrote　a　short　letter；　directing　the　envelope　to　Sheldon　Corthell；　The　Fine　Arts　Building；　Michigan　Avenue。

〃Call　a　messenger；〃　she　said　to　the　servant　who　answered　her　ring；　〃and　have　him　takeor　send　him　in　here　when　he　comes。〃

She　rested　the　letter　against　the　inkstand；　and　leaned　back　in　her　chair；　looking　at　it；　her　fingers　plucking　swiftly　at　the　lace　of　her　dress。　　Her　head　was　in　a　whirl。　　A　confusion　of　thoughts；　impulses；　desires；　half…formed　resolves；　half…named　regrets；　swarmed　and　spun　about　her。　　She　felt　as　though　she　had　all　at　once　taken　a　leapa　leap　which　had　landed　her　in　a　place　whence　she　could　see　a　new　and　terrible　country；　an　unfamiliar　placeterrible；　yet　beautifulunexplored；　and　for　that　reason　all　the　more　inviting；　a　place　of　shadows。

Laura　rose　and　paced　the　floor；　her　hands　pressed　together　over　her　heart。　　She　was　excited；　her　cheeks　flushed；　a　certain　breathless　exhilaration　came　and　went　within　her　breast；　and　in　place　of　the　intolerable　ennui　of　the　last　days；　there　came　over　her　a　sudden；　an　almost　wild　animation；　and　from　out　her　black　eyes　there　shot　a　kind　of　furious　gaiety。

But　she　was　aroused　by　a　step　at　the　door。　　The　messenger　stood　there；　a　figure　ridiculously　inadequate　for　the　intensity　of　all　that　was　involved　in　the　issue　of　the　houra　weazened；　stunted　boy；　in　a　uniform　many　sizes　too　large。

Laura；　seated　at　her　desk；　held　the　note　towards　him　resolutely。　　Now　was　no　time　to　hesitate；　to　temporise。　If　she　did　not　hold　to　her　resolve　now；　what　was　there　to　look　forward　to？　　Could　one's　life　be　emptier　than　hersemptier；　more　intolerable；　more　humiliating？

〃Take　this　note　to　that　address；〃　she　said；　putting　the　envelope　and　a　coin　in　the　boy's　hand。　　〃Wait　for　an　answer。〃

The　boy　shut　the　letter　in　his　book；　which　he　thrust　into　his　breast　pocket；　buttoning　his　coat　over　it。　　He　nodded　and　turned　away。

Still　seated；　Laura　watched　him　moving　towards　the　door。　　Well；　it　was　over　now。　　She　had　chosen。　　She　had　taken　the　leap。　　What　new　life　was　to　begin　for　her　to…　morrow？　　What　did　it　all　mean？　　With　an　inconceivable　rapidity　her　thoughts　began　racing　through；　her　brain。

She　did　not　move。　　Her　hands；　gripped　tight　together；　rested　upon　the　desk　before　her。　　Without　turning　her　head；　she　watched　the　retreating　messenger；　from　under　her　lashes。　　He　passed　out　of　the　door；　the　curtain　fell　behind　him。

And　only　then；　when　the　irrevocableness　of　the　step　was　all　but　an　accomplished　fact；　came　the　reaction。

〃Stop！〃　she　cried；　springing　up。　　〃Stop！　Come　back　here。　　Wait　a　moment。〃

What　had　happened？　　She　could　neither　understand　nor　explain。　　Somehow　an　instant　of　clear　vision　had　come；　and　in　that　instant　a　power　within　her　that　was　herself　and　not　herself；　and　laid　hold　upon　her　will。　　No；　no；　she　could　not；　she　could　not；　after　all。　　She　took　the　note　back。

〃I　have　changed　my　mind；〃　she　said；　abruptly。　　〃You　may　keep　the　money。　　There　is　no　message　to　be　sent。〃

As　soon　as　the　boy　had　gone　she　opened　the　envelope　and　read　what　she　had　written。　　But　now　the　words　seemed　the　work　of　another　mind　than　her　own。　　They　were　unfamiliar；　they　were　not　the　words　of　the　Laura　Jadwin　she　knew。　　Why　was　it　that　from　the　very　first　hours　of　her　acquaintance　with　this　man；　and　in　every　circumstance　of　their　intimacy；　she　had　always　acted　upon　impulse？　　What　was　there　in　him　that　called　into　being　all　that　was　reckless　in　her？

And　for　how　long　was　she　to　be　able　to　control　these　impulses？　　This　time　she　had　prevailed　once　more　against　that　other　impetuous　self　of　hers。　　Would　she　prevail　the　next　time？　　And　in　these　struggles；　was　she　growing　stronger　as　she　overcame；　or　weaker？　　She　did　not　know。　　She　tore　the　note　into　fragments；　and　making　a　heap　of　them　in　the　pen　tray；　burned　them　carefully。

During　the　week　following　upon　this；　Laura　found　her　trouble　more　than　ever　keen。　　She　was　burdened　with　a　new　distress。　　The　incident　of　the　note　to　Corthell；　recalled　at　the　last　moment；　had　opened　her　eyes　to　possibilities　of　the　situation　hitherto　unguessed。　　She　saw　now　what　she　might　be　capable　of　doing　in　a　moment　of　headstrong　caprice；　she　saw　depths　in　her　nature　she　had　not　plumbed。　　Whether　these　hidden　pitfalls　were　peculiarly　hers；　or　whether　they　were　common　to　all　women　placed　as　she　now　found　herself；　she　did　not　pause　to　inquire。　　She　thought　only　of　results；　and　she　was　afraid。

But　for　the　matter　of　that；　Laura　had　long　since　passed　the　point　of　deliberate　consideration　or　reasoned　calculation。　　The　reaction　had　been　as　powerful　as　the　original　purpose；　and　she　was　even　yet　struggling　blindly；　intuitively。

For　what　she　was　now　about　to　do　she　could　give　no　reason；　and　the　motives　for　this　final　and　supreme　effort　to　conquer　the　league　of　circumstances　which　hemmed　her　in　were　obscure。　　She　did　not　even　ask　what　they　were。　　She　knew　only　that　she　was　in　trouble；　and　yet　it　was　to　the　cause　of　her　distress　that　she　addressed　herself。　　Blindly　she　turned　to　her　husband；　and　all　the　woman　in　her　roused　itself；　girded　itself；　called　up　its　every　resource　in　one　last　test；　in　one　ultimate　trial　of　strength　between　her　and　the　terrible　growing　power　of　that　blind；　soulless　force　that　roared　and　guttered　and　sucked；　down　there　in　the　midst　of　the　city。

She　alone；　one　unaided　woman；　her　only　auxiliaries　her　beauty；　her　wit；　and　the　frayed；　strained　bands　of　a　sorely　tried　love；　stood　forth　like　a　challenger；　against　Charybdis；　joined　battle　with　the　Cloaca；　held　back　with　her　slim；　white　hands　against　the　power　of　the　maelstrom　that　swung　the　Nations　in　its　grip。

In　the　solitude　of　her　room　she　took　the　resolve。　　Her　troubles　were　multiplying；　she；　too；　was　in　the　current；　the　end　of　which　was　a　pita　pit　black　and　without　bottom。　　Once　already　its　grip　had　seized　her；　once　already　she　had　yielded　to　the　insidious　drift。　Now　suddenly　aware　of　a　danger；　she　fought　back；　and　her　hands　beating　the　air　for　help；　turned　towards　the　greatest　strength　she　knew。

〃I　want　my　husband；〃　she　cried；　aloud；　to　the　empty　darkness　of　the　night。　　〃I　want　my　husband。　　I　will　have　him；　he　is　mine；　he　is　mine。　　There　shall　nothing　take　me　from　him；　there　shall　nothing　take　him　from　me。〃

Her　first　opportunity　came　upon　a　Sunday　soon　afterward。　　Jadwin；　wakeful　all　the　Saturday　night；　slept　a　little　in　the　forenoon；　and　after　dinner　Laura　came　to　him　in　his　smoking…room；　as　he　lay　on　the　leather　lounge　trying　to　read。　　His　wife　seated　herself　at　a　writing…table　in　a　corner　of　the　room；　and　by　and　by　began　turning　the　slips　of　a　calendar　that　stood　at　her