the secret places of the heart-第15部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　cattle　land？　Were　these　hills　covered　by　forests？　I　don't　know。　These　archaeologists　don't　know。　Or　if　they　do　they　haven't　told　me；　which　is　just　as　bad。　I　don't　believe　they　know。　〃What　trade　came　here　along　these　tracks？　So　far　as　I　know；　they　had　no　beasts　of　burthen。　But　suppose　one　day　someone　were　to　find　a　potsherd　here　from　early　Knossos；　or　a　fragment　of　glass　from　Pepi's　Egypt。〃　The　place　had　stirred　up　his　imagination。　He　wrestled　with　his　ignorance　as　if　he　thought　that　by　talking　he　might　presently　worry　out　some　picture　of　this　forgotten　world；　without　metals；　without　beasts　of　burthen；　without　letters；　without　any　sculpture　that　has　left　a　trace；　and　yet　with　a　sense　of　astronomical　fact　clear　enough　to　raise　the　great　gnomon　of　Silbury；　and　with　a　social　system　complex　enough　to　give　the　large　and　orderly　community　to　which　the　size　of　Avebury　witnesses　and　the　traffic　to　which　the　green　roads　testify。　The　doctor　had　not　realized　before　the　boldness　and　liveliness　of　his　companion's　mind。　Sir　Richmond　insisted　that　the　climate　must　have　been　moister　and　milder　in　those　days；　he　covered　all　the　downlands　with　woods；　as　Savernake　was　still　covered；　beneath　the　trees　he　restored　a　thicker；　richer　soil。　These　people　must　have　done　an　enormous　lot　with　wood。　This　use　of　stones　here　was　a　freak。　It　was　the　very　strangeness　of　stones　here　that　had　made　them　into　sacred　things。　One　thought　too　much　of　the　stones　of　the　Stone　Age。　Who　would　carve　these　lumps　of　quartzite　when　one　could　carve　good　oak？　Or　beecha　most　carvable　wood。　Especially　when　one's　sharpest　chisel　was　a　flint。　〃It's　wood　we　ought　to　look　for；〃　said　Sir　Richmond。　〃Wood　and　fibre。〃　He　declared　that　these　people　had　their　tools　of　wood；　their　homes　of　wood；　their　gods　and　perhaps　their　records　of　wood。　〃A　peat　bog　here；　even　a　few　feet　of　clay；　might　have　pickled　some　precious　memoranda。　。　。　。　No　such　luck。　。　。　。　Now　in　Glastonbury　marshes　one　found　the　life　of　the　early　iron　agehalf　way　to　our　own　timesquite　beautifully　pickled。〃　Though　they　wrestled　mightily　with　the　problem；　neither　Sir　Richmond　nor　the　doctor　could　throw　a　gleam　of　light　upon　the　riddle　why　the　ditch　was　inside　and　not　outside　the　great　wall。　〃And　what　was　our　Mind　like　in　those　days？〃　said　Sir　Richmond。　〃That；　I　suppose；　is　what　interests　you。　A　vivid　childish　mind；　I　guess；　with　not　a　suspicion　as　yet　that　it　was　Man　ruling　his　Planet　or　anything　of　that　sort。〃　The　doctor　pursed　his　lips。　〃None；〃　he　delivered　judicially。　〃If　one　were　able　to　recall　one's　childhoodat　the　age　of　about　twelve　or　thirteenwhen　the　artistic　impulse　so　often　goes　into　abeyance　and　one　begins　to　think　in　a　troubled；　monstrous　way　about　God　and　Hell；　one　might　get　something　like　the　mind　of　this　place。〃　〃Thirteen。　You　put　them　at　that　already？　。　。　。　These　people；　you　think；　were　religious？〃　〃Intensely。　In　that　personal　way　that　gives　death　a　nightmare　terror。　And　as　for　the　fading　of　the　artistic　impulse；　they've　left　not　a　trace　of　the　paintings　and　drawings　and　scratchings　of　the　Old　Stone　people　who　came　before　them。〃　〃Adults　with　the　minds　of　thirteen…year…old　children。　Thirteen…year…old　children　with　the　strength　of　adultsand　no　one　to　slap　them　or　tell　them　not　to。　。　。　。　After　all；　they　probably　only　thought　of　death　now　and　then。　And　they　never　thought　of　fuel。　They　supposed　there　was　no　end　to　that。　So　they　used　up　their　woods　and　kept　goats　to　nibble　and　kill　the　new　undergrowth。　DID　these　people　have　goats？　〃　〃I　don't　know；〃　said　the　doctor。　So　little　is　known。〃　〃Very　like　children　they　must　have　been。　The　same　unending　days。　They　must　have　thought　that　the　world　went　on　for　ever…　just　as　they　knew　itlike　my　damned　Committee　does。　。　。　。　With　their　fuel　wasting　away　and　the　climate　changing　imperceptibly；　century　by　century。　。　。　。　Kings　and　important　men　followed　one　another　here　for　centuries　and　centuries。　。　。　。　They　had　lost　their　past　and　had　no　idea　of　any　future。　。　。　。　They　had　forgotten　how　they　came　into　the　land　。　。　。　When　I　was　a　child　I　believed　that　my　father's　garden　had　been　there　for　ever。　。　。　。　〃This　is　very　like　trying　to　remember　some　game　one　played　when　one　was　a　child。　It　is　like　coming　on　something　that　one　built　up　with　bricks　and　stones　in　some　forgotten　part　of　the　garden。　。　。　。　〃

〃The　life　we　lived　here；〃　said　the　doctor；　has　left　its　traces　in　traditions；　in　mental　predispositions；　in　still　unanalyzed　fundamental　ideas。〃　〃Archaeology　is　very　like　remembering；〃　said　Sir　Richmond。　〃Presently　we　shall　remember　a　lot　more　about　all　this。　We　shall　remember　what　it　was　like　to　live　in　this　place；　and　the　long　journey　hither；　age　by　age　out　of　the　south。　We　shall　remember　the　sacrifices　we　made　and　the　crazy　reasons　why　we　made　them。　We　sowed　our　corn　in　blood　here。　We　had　strange　fancies　about　the　stars。　Those　we　brought　with　us　out　of　the　south　where　the　stars　are　brighter。　And　what　like　were　those　wooden　gods　of　ours？　I　don't　remember。　。　。　。　But　I　could　easily　persuade　myself　that　I　had　been　here　before。〃　They　stood　on　the　crest　of　the　ancient　wall　and　the　setting　sun　cast　long　shadows　of　them　athwart　a　field　of　springing　wheat。　〃Perhaps　we　shall　come　here　again；〃　the　doctor　carried　on　Sir　Richmond's　fancy；　〃after　another　four　thousand　years　or　so；　with　different　names　and　fuller　minds。　And　then　I　suppose　that　this　ditch　won't　be　the　riddle　it　is　now。〃　〃Life　didn't　seem　so　complicated　then；〃　Sir　Richmond　mused。　〃Our　muddles　were　unconscious。　We　drifted　from　mood　to　mood　and　forgot。　There　was　more　sunshine　then；　more　laughter　perhaps；　and　blacker　despair。　Despair　like　the　despair　of　children　that　can　weep　itself　to　sleep。　。　。　。　It's　over。　。　。　。　Was　it　battle　and　massacre　that　ended　that　long　afternoon　here？　Or　did　the　woods　catch　fire　some　exceptionally　dry　summer；　leaving　black　hills　and　famine？　Or　did　strange　men　bring　a　sicknessmeasles；　perhaps；　or　the　black　death？　Or　was　it　cattle　pest？　Or　did　we　just　waste　our　woods　and　dwindle　away　before　the　new　peoples　that　came　into　the　land　across　the　southern　sea？　I　can't　remember。　。　。　。　〃　Sir　Richmond　turned　about。　〃I　would　like　to　dig　up　the　bottom　of　this　ditch　here　foot　by　footand　dry　the　stuff　and　sift　itvery　carefully。　。　。　。　Then　I　might　begin　to　remember　things。〃　Section　5　In　the　evening；　after　a　pleasant　supper；　they　took　a　turn　about　the　walls　with　the　moon　sinking　over　beyond　Silbury；　and　then　went　in　and　sat　by　lamplight　before　a　brightly　fussy　wood　fire　and　smoked。　There　were　long　intervals　of　friendly　silence。　〃I　don't　in　the　least　want　to　go　on　talking　about　myself；　〃　said　Sir　Richmond　abruptly。　〃Let　it　rest　then；〃　said　the　doctor　generously。　〃To…day；　among　these　ancient　memories；　has　taken　me　out　of　myself　wonderfully。　I　can't　tell　you　how　good　Avebury　has　been　for　me。　This　afternoon　half　my　consciousness　has　seemed　to　be　a　tattooed　creature　wearing　a　knife　of　stone。　。　。　。　〃　〃The　healing　touch　of　history。〃　〃And　for　the　first　time　my　damned　Committee　has　mattered　scarcely　a　rap。　〃　Sir　Richmond　stretched　himself　in　his　chair　and　blinked　cheerfully　at　his　cigar　smoke。　〃Nevertheless；〃　he　said；　〃this　confessional　business　of　yours　has　been　an　excellent　exercise。　It　has　enabled　me　to　get　outside　myself；　to　look　at　myself　as　a　Case。　Now　I　can　even　see　myself　as　a　remote　Case。　That　I　needn't　bother　about　further。　。　。　。　So　far　as　that　goes；　I　think　we　have　done　all　that　there　is　to　be　done。〃　〃I　shouldn't　say　thatquiteyet；〃　said　the　doctor。　〃I　don't　think　I'm　a　subject　for　real　psychoanalysis　at　all。　I'm　not　an　overlaid　sort　of　person。　When　I　spread　myself　out　there　is　not　much　indication　of　a　suppressed　wish　or　of　anything　masked　or　buried　of　that　sort。　What　you　get　is　a　quite　open　and　recognized　discord　of　two　sets　of　motives。〃　The　doctor　considered。　〃Yes；　I　think　that　is　true。　Your　LIBIDO　is；　I　should　say；　exceptionally　free。　Generally　you　are　doing　what　you　want　to　dooverdoing；　in　fact；　what　you　want　to　do　and　getting　simply　tired。〃　〃Which　is　the　theory　I　started　with。　I　am　a　case　of　fatigue　under　irritating　circumstances　with　very　little　mental　complication　or　concealment。〃　〃Yes；〃　said　the　doctor。　〃I　agree。　You　are　not　a　case　for　psychoanalysis；　strictly　speaking；　at　all。　You　are　in　open　conflict　with　yourself；　upon　moral　and　social　issues。　Practically　open。　Your　problems　are　problems　of　conscious　conduct。〃　〃As　I　said。〃　〃Of　what　renunciations　you　have　consciously　to　make。〃　Sir　Richmond　did　not　answer　that。　。　。　。　〃This　pilgrimage　of　ours；〃　he　said；　presently；　〃has　made　for　magnanimity。　This　day　particularly　has　been　a　good　day。　When　we　stood　on　this　old　wall　here　in　the　sunset　I　seemed　to　be　standing　outside　myself　in　an　immense　still　sphere　of　past　and　future。　I　stood　with　my　feet　upon　the　Stone　Age　and　saw　myself　four　thousand　years　away；　and　all　my　distresses　as　very　little　incidents　in　that　perspective。　Away　there　in　London　the　case　is　altogether　different；　after　three　hours　or　so　of　the　Committee　one　concentrates　into　one　little　inflamed　moment　of　personality。　There　is　no　past　any　longer；　there　is　no　future；　there　is　only　the　rankling　dispute。　For　all　those　three　hours；　perhaps；　I　have　been　thinking　of　just　what　I　had　to　say；　just　how　I　had　to　say　it；　just　how　I　looked　while　I　said　it；　just　how　much　I　was　making　myself　understood；　how　I　might　be　misunderstood；　how　I　might　be　misrepresented；　challenged；　denied。　One　draws　in　more　and　more　as　one　is　used　up。　At　last　one　is　reduced　to　a　little；　raw；　bleeding；　desperately　fighting；　pin…point　of　SELF。　。　。　。　One　goes　back　to　one's　home　unable　to　recover。　Fighting　it　over　again。　All　night　sometimes　。　。　。　。　I　get　up　and　walk　about　the　room　and　curse　。　。　。　。　Martineau；　how　is　one　to　get　the　Avebury　frame　of　mind　to　Westminster？〃　〃When　Westminster　is　as　dead　as　Avebury；〃　said　the　doctor；　unhelpfully。　He　added　after　some　seconds；　〃Milton　knew　of　these　troubles。　'Not　without　dust　and　heat'　he　wrotea　great　phrase。〃　〃But　the　dust　chokes　me；〃　said　Sir　Richmond。　He　took　up　a　copy　of　THE　GREEN　ROADS　OF　ENGLAND　that　lay　beside　him　on　the　table。　But　he　did　not　open　it。　He　held　it　in　his　hand　and　said　the　thing　he　had　had　in　mind　to　say　all　that　evening。　〃I　do　not　think　that　I　shall　stir　up　my　motives　any　more　for　a　time。　Better　to　go　on　into　the　west　country　cooling　my　poor　old　brain　in　these　wide