the secret places of the heart-第32部分

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ithout　doing　that。〃　〃But　where？〃　he　asked　unanswered。　。　。　。　〃Meetings　and　partings；〃　she　said。　〃Women　will　be　used　to　seeing　their　lovers　go　away。　Even　to　seeing　them　go　away　to　other　women　who　have　borne　them　children　and　who　have　a　closer　claim　on　them。〃　〃No　one…〃　began　Sir　Richmond；　startled。　〃But　I　don't　mind　very　much。　It's　how　things　are。　If　I　were　a　perfectly　civilized　woman　I　shouldn't　mind　at　all。　If　men　and　women　are　not　to　be　tied　to　each　other　there　must　needs　be　such　things　as　this。〃　〃But　you；〃　said　Sir　Richmond。　I　at　any　rate　am　not　like　that。　I　cannot　bear　the　thought　that　YOU〃　〃You　need　not　bear　it；　my　dear。　I　was　just　trying　to　imagine　this　world　that　is　to　be。　Women　I　think　are　different　from　men　in　their　jealousy。　Men　are　jealous　of　the　other　man；　women　are　jealous　for　their　manand　careless　about　the　other　woman。　What　I　love　in　you　I　am　sure　about。　My　mind　was　empty　when　it　came　to　you　and　now　it　is　full　to　overflowing。　I　shall　feel　you　moving　about　in　the　same　world　with　me。　I'm　not　likely　to　think　of　anyone　else　for　a　very　long　time。　。　。　。　Later　on；　who　knows？　I　may　marry。　I　make　no　vows。　But　I　think　until　I　know　certainly　that　you　do　not　want　me　any　more　it　will　be　impossible　for　me　to　marry　or　to　have　a　lover。　I　don't　know；　but　that　is　how　I　believe　it　will　be　with　me。　And　my　mind　feels　beautifully　clear　now　and　settled。　I've　got　your　idea　and　made　it　my　own；　your　idea　that　we　matter　scarcely　at　all；　but　that　the　work　we　do　matters　supremely。　I'll　find　my　rope　and　tug　it；　never　fear。　Half　way　round　the　world　perhaps　some　day　you　will　feel　me　tugging。〃　〃I　shall　feel　you're　there；〃　he　said；　〃whether　you　tug　or　not。　。　。　。〃　〃Three　miles　left　to　Exeter；〃　he　reported　presently。　She　glanced　back　at　Belinda。　〃It　is　good　that　we　have　loved；　my　dear；〃　she　whispered。　〃Say　it　is　good。〃　〃The　best　thing　in　all　my　life；〃　he　said；　and　lowered　his　head　and　voice　to　say：　〃My　dearest　dear。〃　〃Heart's　desirestill？〃　〃Heart's　delight。　。　。　。　Priestess　of　life。　。　。　。　Divinity。〃　She　smiled　and　nodded　and　suddenly　Belinda；　up　above　their　lowered　heads；　accidentally　and　irrelevantly；　no　doubt；　coughed。　At　Exeter　Station　there　was　not　very　much　time　to　spare　after　all。　Hardly　had　Sir　Richmond　secured　a　luncheon　basket　for　the　two　travellers　before　the　train　came　into　the　station。　He　parted　from　Miss　Grammont　with　a　hand　clasp。　Belinda　was　flushed　and　distressed　at　the　last　but　her　friend　was　quiet　and　still。　〃Au　revoir；〃　said　Belinda　without　conviction　when　Sir　Richmond　shook　her　hand。　Section　8。　Sir　Richmond　stood　quite　still　on　the　platform　as　the　train　ran　out　of　the　station。　He　did　not　move　until　it　had　disappeared　round　the　bend。　Then　he　turned；　lost　in　a　brown　study；　and　walked　very　slowly　towards　the　station　exit。　〃The　most　wonderful　thing　in　my　life；〃　he　thought。　〃And　alreadyit　is　unreal。　〃She　will　go　on　to　her　father　whom　she　knows　ten　thousand　times　more　thoroughly　than　she　knows　me；　she　will　go　on　to　Paris；　she　will　pick　up　all　the　threads　of　her　old　story；　be　reminded　of　endless　things　in　her　life；　but　never　except　in　the　most　casual　way　of　these　days：　they　will　be　cut　off　from　everything　else　that　will　serve　to　keep　them　real；　and　as　for　methis　connects　with　nothing　else　in　my　life　at　all。　。　。　。　It　is　as　disconnected　as　a　dream。　。　。　。　Already　it　is　hardly　more　substantial　than　a　dream。　。　。　。　〃We　shall　write　letters。　Do　letters　breathe　faster　or　slower　as　you　read　them？　〃We　may　meet。　〃Where　are　we　likely　to　meet　again？　。。。　I　never　realized　before　how　improbable　it　is　that　we　shall　meet　again。　And　if　we　meet？　。　。　。　〃Never　in　all　our　lives　shall　we　be　really　TOGETHER　again。　It's　overWith　a　completeness。　。　。　。　〃Like　death。〃　He　came　opposite　the　bookstalls　and　stopped　short　and　stared　with　unseeing　eyes　at　the　display　of　popular　literature。　He　was　wondering　now　whether　after　all　he　ought　to　have　let　her　go。　He　experienced　something　of　the　blank　amazement　of　a　child　who　has　burst　its　toy　balloon。　His　golden　globe　of　satisfaction　in　an　instant　had　gone。　An　irrational　sense　of　loss　was　flooding　every　other　feeling　about　V。V。　If　she　had　loved　him　truly　and　altogether　could　she　have　left　him　like　this？　Neither　of　them　surely　had　intended　so　complete　a　separation。　He　wanted　to　go　back　and　recall　that　train。　A　few　seconds　more；　he　realized；　and　he　would　give　way　to　anger。　Whatever　happened　that　must　not　happen。　He　pulled　himself　together。　What　was　it　he　had　to　do　now？　He　had　not　to　be　angry；　he　had　not　even　to　be　sorry。　They　had　done　the　right　thing。　Outside　the　station　his　car　was　waiting。　He　went　outside　the　station　and　stared　at　his　car。　He　had　to　go　somewhere。　Of　course！　down　into　Cornwall　to　Martin's　cottage。　He　had　to　go　down　to　her　and　be　kind　and　comforting　about　that　carbuncle。　To　be　kind？　。　。　。　If　this　thwarted　feeling　broke　out　into　anger　he　might　be　tempted　to　take　it　out　of　Martin。　That　at　any　rate　he　must　not　do。　He　had　always　for　some　inexplicable　cause　treated　Martin　badly。　Nagged　her　and　blamed　her　and　threatened　her。　That　must　stop　now。　No　shadow　of　this　affair　must　lie　on　Martin。　。　。　。　And　Martin　must　never　have　a　suspicion　of　any　of　this。　。　。　。　The　image　of　Martin　became　very　vivid　in　his　mind。　He　thought　of　her　as　he　had　seen　her　many　times；　with　the　tears　close；　fighting　with　her　back　to　the　wall；　with　all　her　wit　and　vigour　gone；　because　she　loved　him　more　steadfastly　than　he　did　her。　Whatever　happened　he　must　not　take　it　out　of　Martin。　It　was　astonishing　how　real　she　had　become　nowas　V。V。　became　a　dream。　Yes；　Martin　was　astonishingly　real。　And　if　only　he　could　go　now　and　talk　to　Martinand　face　all　the　facts　of　life　with　her；　even　as　he　had　done　with　that　phantom　Martin　in　his　dream。　。　。　。　But　things　were　not　like　that。　He　looked　to　see　if　his　car　was　short　of　water　or　petrol；　both　needed　replenishing；　and　so　he　would　have　to　go　up　the　hill　into　Exeter　town　again。　He　got　into　his　car　and　sat　with　his　fingers　on　the　electric　starter。　Martin！　Old　Friend！　Eight　days　were　still　left　before　the　Committee　met　again；　eight　days　for　golden　kindness。　He　would　distress　Martin　by　no　clumsy　confession。　He　would　just　make　her　happy　as　she　loved　to　be　made　happy。　。　。　。　Nevertheless。　Nevertheless。　。　。　。　Was　it　Martin　who　failed　him　or　he　who　failed　Martin？　Incessant　and　insoluble　dispute。　Well；　the　thing　now　was　to　go　to　Martin。　。　。　。　And　then　the　work！　He　laughed　suddenly。　〃I'll　take　it　out　of　the　damned　Commission。　I'll　make　old　Rumford　Brown　sit　up。〃　He　was　astonished　to　find　himself　thinking　of　the　affairs　of　the　Commission　with　a　lively　interest　and　no　trace　of　fatigue。　He　had　had　his　change；　he　had　taken　his　rest；　he　was　equal　to　his　task　again　already。　He　started　his　engine　and　steered　his　way　past　a　van　and　a　waiting　cab。　〃Fuel；〃　he　said。　CHAPTER　THE　NINTH　THE　LAST　DAYS　OF　SIR　RICHMOND　HARDY　Section　1　The　Majority　and　Minority　Reports　of　the　Fuel　Commission　were　received　on　their　first　publication　with　much　heat　and　disputation；　but　there　is　already　a　fairly　general　agreement　that　they　are　great　and　significant　documents；　broadly　conceived　and　historically　important。　They　do　lift　the　questions　of　fuel　supply　and　distribution　high　above　the　level　of　parochial　jealousies　and　above　the　petty　and　destructive　profiteering　of　private　owners　and　traders；　to　a　view　of　a　general　human　welfare。　They　form　an　important　link　in　a　series　of　private　and　public　documents　that　are　slowly　opening　out　a　prospect　of　new　economic　methods；　methods　conceived　in　the　generous　spirit　of　scientific　work；　that　may　yet　arrest　the　drift　of　our　western　civilization　towards　financial　and　commercial　squalor　and　the　social　collapse　that　must　ensue　inevitably　on　that。　In　view　of　the　composition　of　the　Committee；　the　Majority　Report　is　in　itself　an　amazing　triumph　of　Sir　Richmond's　views；　it　is　astonishing　that　he　was　able　to　drive　his　opponents　so　far　　and　then　leave　them　there　securely　advanced　while　he　carried　on　the　adherents　he　had　altogether　won；　including；　of　course；　the　labour　representatives；　to　the　further　altitudes　of　the　Minority　Report。　After　the　Summer　recess　the　Majority　Report　was　discussed　and　adopted。　Sir　Richmond　had　shown　signs　of　flagging　energy　in　June；　but　he　had　come　back　in　September　in　a　state　of　exceptional　vigour；　for　a　time　he　completely　dominated　the　Committee　by　the　passionate　force　of　his　convictions　and　the　illuminating　scorn　he　brought　to　bear　on　the　various　subterfuges　and　weakening　amendments　by　which　the　meaner　interests　sought　to　save　themselves　in　whole　or　in　part　from　the　common　duty　of　sacrifice。　But　toward　the　end　he　fell　ill。　He　had　worked　to　the　pitch　of　exhaustion。　He　neglected　a　cold　that　settled　on　his　chest。　He　began　to　cough　persistently　and　betray　an　increasingly　irritable　temper。　In　the　last　fights　in　the　Committee　his　face　was　bright　with　fever　and　he　spoke　in　a　voiceless　whisper；　often　a　vast　angry　whisper。　His　place　at　table　was　marked　with　scattered　lozenges　and　scraps　of　paper　torn　to　the　minutest　shreds。　Such　good　manners　as　had　hitherto　mitigated　his　behaviour　on　the　Committee　departed　from　him；　He　carried　his　last　points；　gesticulating　and　coughing　and　wheezing　rather　than　speaking。　But　he　had　so　hammered　his　ideas　into　the　Committee　that　they　took　the　effect　of　what　he　was　trying　to　say。　He　died　of　pneumonia　at　his　own　house　three　days　after　the　passing　of　the　Majority　Report。　The　Minority　Report；　his　own　especial　creation；　he　never　signed。　It　was　completed　by　Wast　and　Carmichael。　。　。　。　After　their　parting　at　Salisbury　station　Dr。　Martineau　heard　very　little　of　Sir　Richmond　for　a　time　except　through　the　newspapers；　which　contained　frequent　allusions　to　the　Committee。　Someone　told　him　that　Sir　Richmond　had　been　staying　at　Ruan　in　Cornwall　where　Martin　Leeds　had　a　cottage；　and　someone　else　had　met　him　at　Bath　on　his　way；　he　said；　in　his　car　from　Cornwall　to　a　conference　with　Sir　Peter　Davies　in　Glamorganshire。　But　in　the　interim　Dr。　Martineau　had　the　pleasure　of　meeting　Lady　Hardy　at　a　luncheon　party。　He　was　seated　next　to　her　and　he　found　her　a　very　pleasing　and　sympathetic　person　indeed。　She　talked　to　him　freely　and　simply　of　her　husband　and　of　the　journey　the　two　men　had　taken　together。　Either　she　knew　nothing　of　the　circumstances　of　their　parting　or　if　she　did　she　did　not　betray　her　knowledge。　〃That　holida