carson mccullers - the heart is a lonely hunter-第21部分

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hear　him　breathe　deep。　
'You　ought　to　wear　your　specs　all　the　time。'　
'Yeah。'　
'How　come　you　go　around　without　them？'　

95　

The　night　was　very　quiet　and　dark。　Harry　held　her　elbow　when　
they　crossed　the　street。　
'There's　a　certain　young　lady　back　at　the　party　that　thinks　it's　
sissy　for　a　fellow　to　wear　glasses。　This　certain　person—oh　
well；　maybe　I　am　a'　
He　didn't　finish。　Suddenly　he　tightened　up　and　ran　a　few　steps　
and　sprang　for　a　leaf　about　four　feet　above　his　head。　She　just　
could　see　that　high　leaf　in　the　dark。　He　had　a　good　spring　to　


his　jumping　and　he　got　it　the　first　time。　Then　he　put　the　leaf　in
his　mouth　and　shadow…boxed　for　a　few　punches　in　the　dark。
She　caught　up　with　him。
As　usual　a　song　was　in　her　mind。　She　was　humming　to　herself。
'What's　that　you're　singing？
'


。It's　a　piece　by　a　fellow　named　Mozart'
Harry　felt　pretty　good。　He　was　sidestepping　with　his　feet　like　
a
fast　boxer。　'That　sounds　like　a　sort　of　German　name。
'
'I　reckon　so。
'
'Fascist？'　he　asked。
*What？
'
'I　say　is　that　Mozart　a　Fascist　or　a　Nazi？
'
Mick　thought　a　minute。　*No。　They're　new；　and　this　fellow's
been　dead　some　time。
'
'It's　a　good　thing。'　He　began　punching　in　the　dark　again。　He
wanted　her　to　ask　why。
'I　say　it's　a　good　thing；'　he　said　again。
'Why？
'
'Because　I　hate　Fascists。　If　I　met　one　walking　on　the　street　I'd
kill　him。
'
She　looked　at　Harry。　The　leaves　against　the　street　light　made
quick；　freckly　shadows　on　his　face。　He　was　excited。　'How
come？'　she　asked。　'Gosh！　Don't　you　ever　read　the　paper？　You
see；　it's　this
way
'
They　had　come　back　around　the　block。　A　commotion　was
going　on　at　her　house。　People　were　yelling　and　running　on　the
sidewalk。　A　heavy　sickness　came　in　her　belly。
There's　not　time　to　explain　unless　we　prom　around　the　block
again。　I　don't　mind　telling　you　why　I　hate　Fascists。　I'd　like　to
tell　about　it。
'
This　was　probably　the　first　chance　he　had　got　to　spiel96
these　ideas　out　to　somebody。　But　she　didn't　have　time　to　listen。　
She　was　busy　looking　at　what　she　saw　in　the　front　of　her　
house。　'O。K。　I'll　see　you　later。'　The　prom　was　over　now；　so　she　
could　look　and　put　her　mind　on　the　mess　she　saw。　
What　had　happened　while　she　was　gone？　When　she　left　the　
people　were　standing　around　in　the　fine　clothes　and　it　was　a　
real　party。　Now—after　just　five　minutes—the　place　looked　


more　like　a　crazy　house。　While　she　was　gone　those　kids　had　
come　out　of　the　dark　and　right　into　the　party　itself。　The　nerve　
they　had！　There　was　old　Pete　Wells　banging　out　of　the　front　
door　with　a　cup　of　punch　hi　his　hand。　They　bellowed　and　ran　
and　mixed　with　the　invited　people　—in　their　old　loose…legged　
knickers　and　everyday　clothes。　
Baby　Wilson　messed　around　on　the　front　porch—and　Baby　
wasn't　more　than　four　years　old。　Anybody　could　see　she　ought　
to　be　home　in　bed　by　now；　same　as　Bubber。　She　walked　down　
the　steps　one　at　a　time；　holding　the　punch　high　up　over　her　
head。　There　was　no　reason　for　her　to　be　here　at　all。　Mister　
Brannon　was　her　uncle　and　she　could　get　free　candy　and　
drinks　at　his　place　any　time　she　wanted　to。　As　soon　as　she　was　
on　the　sidewalk　Mick　caught　her　by　the　arm。　'You　go　right　
home；　Baby　Wilson。　Go　on；　now。'　Mick　looked　around　to　see　
what　else　she　could　do　to　straighten　things　out　again　like　they　
ought　to　be。　She　went　up　to　Sucker　Wells。　He　stood　farther　
down　the　sidewalk；　j　where　it　was　dark；　holding　his　paper　
cup　and　looking　at　*　everybody　in　a　dreamy　way。　Sucker　
was　seven　years　old　and　he　had　on　shorts。　His　chest　and　feet　
were　naked。　He　1　wasn't　causing　any　of　the　commotion；　but　
she　was　mad　I　as　hell　at　what　had　happened。　
｜　
She　grabbed　Sucker　by　the　shoulders　and　began　to　shake　him。　
At　first　he　held　his　jaws　tight；　but　after　a　min…　I　ute　his　teeth　
began　to　rattle。　'You　go　home；　Sucker　Wells。　You　quit　
hanging　around　where　you're　not　invited。'　When　she　let　him　
go；　Sucker　tucked　his　tail　and　walked　slowly　down　the　street。　
But　he　didn't　go　all　the　way　home。　After　he　got　to　the　corner　
she　saw　him　sit　down　on　the　curb　and　watch　the　party　where　
he　thought　she　couldn't　see　him。　
For　a　minute　she　felt　good　about　shaking　the　spit　out　of　
Sucker。　And　then　right　afterward　she　had　a　bad　worry　feeling　
in　her　and　she　started　to　let　him　come　back。　The　

big　kids　were　the　ones　who　messed　up　everything。　Real　brats　
they　were；　and　with　the　worst　nerve　she　had　ever　seen。　
Drinking　up　the　refreshments　and　ruining　the　real　party　into　
all　this　commotion。　They　slammed　through　the　front　door　and　


hollered　and　bumped　into　each　other。　She　went　up　to　Pete　
Wells　because　he　was　the　worst　of　all。　He　wore　his　football　
helmet　and　butted　into　people。　Pete　was　every　bit　of　fourteen；　
yet　he　was　still　stuck　in　the　seventh　grade。　She　went　up　to　him；　
but　he　was　too　big　to　shake　like　Sucker。　When　she　told　him　to　
go　home　he　shimmied　and　made　a　nose　dive　at　her。　
'I　been　in　six　different　states。　Florida；　Alabamaf　
TMade　out　of　silver　cloth　with　a　sash…　
The　party　was　all　messed　up。　Everybody　was　talking　at　once。　
The　invited　people　from　Vocational　were　mixed　with　the　
neighborhood　gang。　The　boys　and　the　girls　still　stood　in　
separate　bunches；　though—and　nobody　prommed。　In　the　
house　the　lemonade　was　just　about　gone。　There　was　only　a　
little　puddle　of　water　with　floating　lemon　peels　at　the　bottom　
of　the　bowl。　Her　Dad　always　acted　too　nice　with　kids。　He　had　
served　out　the　punch　to　anybody　who　stuck　a　cup　at　him。　
Portia　was　serving　the　sandwiches　when　she　went　into　the　
dining…room。　In　five　minutes　they　were　all　gone。　She　only　got　
one—a　jelly　kind　with　pink　sops　come　through　the　bread。　
Portia　stayed　in　the　dining…room　to　watch　the　party。　1　having　
too　good　a　time　to　leave；'　she　said。　'I　done　sent　word　to　
Highboy　and　Willie　to　go　on　with　the　Saturday　Night　without　
me。　Everbody　so　excited　here　I　going　to　wait　and　see　the　end　
of　this　party。'　
Excitement—that　was　the　word。　She　could　feel　it　all　through　
the　room　and　on　the　porch　and　the　sidewalk。　She　felt　excited；　
too。　It　wasn't　just　her　dress　and　the　beautiful　way　her　face　
looked　when　she　passed　by　the　hatrack　mirror　and　saw　the　red　
paint　on　her　cheeks　and　the　rhinestone　tiara　in　her　hair。　Maybe　
it　was　the　decoration　and　all　these　Vocational　people　and　kids　
being　jammed　together。　

。Watch　her　run！
'
'Ouch！　Cut　it　out——
'
'Act　your　age！
'
A　bunch　of　girls　were　running　down　the　street；　holding　up
their　dresses　and　with　the　hair　flying　out　behind　them。98
CARSON　McCULLERS
Some　boys　had　cut　off　the　long；　sharp　spears　of　a　Spanish　
bayonet　bush　and　they　were　chasing　the　girls　with　them。　
Freshmen　in　Vocational　all　dressed　up　for　a　real　prom　party　


and　acting　just　like　kids。　It　was　half　playlike　and　half　not　
playlike　at　all。　A　boy　came　up　to　her　with　a　sticker　and　she　
started　running　too。　
The　idea　of　the　party　was　over　entirely　now。　This　was　just　a　
regular　playing…out。　But　it　was　the　wildest　night　she　had　ever　
seen。　The　kids　had　caused　it。　They　were　like　a　catching　
sickness；　and　their　coming　to　the　party　made　all　the　other　
people　forget　about　High　School　and　being　almost　grown。　It　
was　like　just　before　you　take　a　bath　in　the　afternoon　when　you　
might　wallow　around　in　the　back　yard　and　get　plenty　dirty　just　
for　the　good　feel　of　it　before　getting　into　the　tub。　Everybody　
was　a　wild　kid　playing　out　on　Saturday　night—and　she　felt　
like　the　very　wildest　of　all。　
She　hollered　and　pushed　and　was　the　first　to　try　any　new　stunt。　
She　made　so　much　noise　and　moved　around　so　fast　she　
couldn't　notice　what　anybody　else　was　doing。　Her　breath　
wouldn't　come　fast　enough　to　let　her　do　all　the　wild　things　she　
wanted　to　do。　
The　ditch　down　the　street！　The　ditch！　The　ditch！'　
She　started　for　it　first。　Down　a　block　they　had　put　in　new　pipes　
under　the　street　and　dug　a　swell　deep　ditch。　The　flambeaux　
around　the　edge　were　bright　and　red　in　the　dark。　She　wouldn't　
wait　to　climb　down。　She　ran　until　she　reached　the　little　wavy　
flames　and　then　she　jumped。　
With　her　tennis　shoes　she　would　have　landed　like　a　cat　—but　
the　high　pumps　made　her　slip　and　her　stomach　hit　this　pipe。　
Her　breath　was　stopped。　She　lay　quiet　with　her　eyes　closed。　
The　partyFor　a　long　time　she　remembered　how　
she　thought　it　would　be；　how　she　imagined　the　new　people　at　
Vocational。　And　about　the　bunch　she　wanted　to　be　with　every　
day。　She　would　feel　different　in　the　halls　now；　knowing　that　
they　were　not　something　special　but　like　any　other　kids。　It　was　

O。K。　about　the　ruined　party。　But　it　was　all　over。　It　was　the　
end。　
Mick　climbed　out　of　the　ditch。　Some　kids　were　playing　around　
the　little　pots　of　flames。　The　fire　made　a　red　glow　and　there　
were　long；　quick　shadows。　One　boy　had　gone　home　and　put　on　
a　dough…face　bought　in　advance　for　Hal
99


lowe'en。　Nothing　was　changed　about　the　party　except　her。　


She　walked　home　slowly。　When　she　passed　kids　she　didn't　
speak　or　look　at　them。　The　decoration　in　the　hall　was　torn　
down　and　the　house　seemed　very　empty　because　everyone　had　
gone　outside。　In　the　bathroom　she　took　off　the　blue　evening　
dress。　The　hem　was　torn　and　she　folded　it　so　the　raggedy　place　
wouldn't　show。　The　rhinestone　tiara　was　lost　somewhere。　Her　
old　shorts　and　shirt　were　lying　on　the　floor　just　where　she　had　
left　them。　She　put　them　on。　She　was　too　big　to　wear　shorts　any　
more　after　this。　No　more　after　this　night　Not　any　more。　
Mick　stood　out　on　the　front　porch。　Her　face　was　very　white　
without　the　paint。　She　cupped　her　hands　before　her　mouth　and　
took　a　deep　breath。　'Everybody　go　home！　The　door　is　shut！　
The　party　is　over！'　
In　the　quiet；　secret　night　she　was　by　herself　again。　It　was　not　
late—yellow　squares　of　light　snowed　in　the　windows　of　the　
houses　along　the　streets。　She　walked　slow；　with　her　hands　in　
her　pockets　and　her　head　to　one　side。　For　a　long　time　she　
walked　without　noticing　the　direction。　
Then　the　houses　were　far　apart　from　each　other　and　there　were　
yards　with　big　trees　in　them　and　black　shrubbery。　She　looked　
around　and　saw　she　was　near　this　house　where　she　had　gone　
so　many　times　in　the　summer。　Her　feet　had　just　taken　her　here　
without　her　knowing。　When　she　came　to　the　house