selected writings-第49部分

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might　have　done　whatever　she　liked　with　me。



〃I　was　under　the　charm　of　her　enigmatical　and　mocking　smile；　that

smile　in　which　her　teeth　gleamed　cruelly　between　her　red　lips；

and　glistened　as　if　they　were　ready　to　bite　and　to　heighten　the

pleasure　of　the　most　delightful；　the　most　voluptuous；　kiss　by

pain。



〃I　loved　everything　in　herher　feline　suppleness；　her　languid

looks　which　emerged　from　her　half…closed　lids；　full　of　promises

and　temptation；　her　somewhat　extreme　elegance；　and　her　hands；

those　long；　delicate　white　hands；　with　blue　veins；　like　the

bloodless　hands　of　a　female　saint　in　a　stained　glass　window；　and

her　slender　fingers；　on　which　only　the　large　blood…drop　of　a　ruby

glittered。



〃I　would　have　given　her　all　my　remaining　youth　and　vigor　to　have

laid　my　burning　hands　upon　the　back　of　her　cool；　round　neck；　and

to　feel　that　bright；　silk；　golden　mane　enveloping　me　and

caressing　my　skin。　I　was　never　tired　of　hearing　her　disdainful；

petulant　voice；　those　vibrations　which　sounded　as　if　they

proceeded　from　clear　glass；　whose　music；　at　times；　became　hoarse；

harsh；　and　fierce；　like　the　loud；　sonorous　calls　of　the

Valkyries。



〃Good　heavens！　to　be　her　lover；　to　be　her　chattel；　to　belong　to

her；　to　devote　one's　whole　existence　to　her；　to　spend　one's　last

half…penny　and　to　sink　in　misery；　only　to　have　the　glory　and　the

happiness　of　possessing　her　splendid　beauty；　the　sweetness　of　her

kisses；　the　pink　and　the　white　of　her　demonlike　soul　all　to

myself；　if　only　for　a　few　months！



〃It　makes　you　laugh；　I　know；　to　think　that　I　should　have　been

caught　like　thatI　who　give　such　good；　prudent　advice　to　my

friendsI　who　fear　love　as　I　do　those　quicksands　and　shoals

which　appear　at　low　tide　and　in　which　one　may　be　swallowed　up　and

disappear！



〃But　who　can　answer　for　himself；　who　can　defend　himself　against

such　a　danger；　as　the　magnetic　attraction　that　inheres　in　such　a

woman？　Nevertheless；　I　got　cured　and　perfectly　cured；　and　that

quite　accidentally。　This　is　how　the　enchantment；　which　was

apparently　so　infrangible；　was　broken。



〃On　the　first　night　of　a　play；　I　was　sitting　in　the　stalls　close

to　Lucy；　whose　mother　had　accompanied　her；　as　usual。　They

occupied　the　front　of　a　box；　side　by　side。　From　some

unsurmountable　attraction；　I　never　ceased　looking　at　the　woman

whom　I　loved　with　all　the　force　of　my　being。　I　feasted　my　eyes　on

her　beauty；　I　saw　nobody　except　her　in　the　theater；　and　did　not

listen　to　the　piece　that　was　being　performed　on　the　stage。



〃Suddenly；　however；　I　felt　as　if　I　had　received　a　blow　from　a

dagger　in　my　heart；　and　I　had　an　insane　hallucination。　Lucy　had

moved；　and　her　pretty　head　was　in　profile；　in　the　same　attitude

and　with　the　same　lines　as　her　mother。　I　do　not　know　what　shadow

or　what　play　of　light　had　hardened　and　altered　the　color　of　her

delicate　features；　effacing　their　ideal　prettiness；　but　the　more

I　looked　at　them　both；　at　the　one　who　was　young　and　the　one　who

was　old；　the　greater　the　distressing　resemblance　became。



〃I　saw　Lucy　growing　older　and　older；　striving　against　those

accumulating　years　which　bring　wrinkles　in　the　face；　produce　a

double　chin　and　crow's…feet；　and　spoil　the　mouth。　THEY　ALMOST

LOOKED　LIKE　TWINS。



〃I　suffered　so；　that　I　thought　I　should　go　mad。　Yet　in　spite　of

myself；　instead　of　shaking　off　this　feeling　and　making　my　escape

out　of　the　theater；　far　away　into　the　noise　and　life　of　the

boulevards；　I　persisted　in　looking　at　the　other；　at　the　old　one；

in　examining　her；　in　judging　her；　in　dissecting　her　with　my　eyes。

I　got　excited　over　her　flabby　cheeks；　over　those　ridiculous

dimples；　that　were　half　filled　up；　over　that　treble　chin；　that

dyed　hair；　those　lusterless　eyes；　and　that　nose；　which　was　a

caricature　of　Lucy's　beautiful；　attractive　little　nose。



〃I　had　a　prescience　of　the　future。　I　loved　her；　and　I　should　love

her　more　and　more　every　day；　that　little　sorceress　who　had　so

despotically　and　so　quickly　conquered　me。　I　should　not　allow　any

participation　or　any　intrigue　from　the　day　she　gave　herself　to

me；　and　once　intimately　connected；　who　could　tell　whether；　just

as　I　was　defending　myself　against　it　most；　the　legitimate

terminationmarriagemight　not　come？



〃Why　not　give　one's　name　to　a　woman　whom　one　loves；　and　whom　one

trusts？　The　reason　was　that　I　should　be　tied　to　a　disfigured；

ugly　creature；　with　whom　I　should　not　venture　to　be　seen　in

public。　My　friends　would　leer　at　her　with　laughter　in　their　eyes；

and　with　pity　in　their　hearts　for　the　man　who　was　accompanying

those　remains。



〃And　so；　as　soon　as　the　curtain　had　fallen；　without　saying　good

day　or　good　evening；　I　had　myself　driven　to　the　Moulin　Rouge。



　*　*　*　*　*　*　*



〃Well；〃　Florise　d'Anglet　exclaimed；　〃I　shall　never　take　mamma　to

the　theater　with　me　again；　for　the　men　are　really　going　crazy！〃







A　COUNTRY　EXCURSION



For　five　months　they　had　been　talking　of　going　to　lunch　at　some

country　restaurant　in　the　neighborhood　of　Paris；　on　Madame

Dufour's　birthday；　and　as　they　were　looking　forward　very

impatiently　to　the　outing；　they　had　risen　very　early　that

morning。　Monsieur　Dufour　had　borrowed　the　milkman's　tilted　cart；

and　drove　himself。　It　was　a　very　neat；　two　wheeled　conveyance；

with　a　hood；　and　in　it　Madame　Dufour；　resplendent　in　a　wonderful；

sherry…colored　silk　dress；　sat　by　the　side　of　her　husband。



The　old　grandmother　and　the　daughter　were　accommodated　with　two

chairs；　and　a　yellow…haired　youth；　of　whom；　however；　nothing　was

to　be　seen　except　his　head；　lay　at　the　bottom　of　the　trap。



When　they　got　to　the　bridge　of　Neuilly；　Monsieur　Dufour　said：

〃Here　we　are　in　the　country　at　last！〃　At　that　warning；　his　wife

grew　sentimental　about　the　beauties　of　nature。　When　they　got　to

the　crossroads　at　Courbevoie；　they　were　seized　with　admiration

for　the　tremendous　view　down　there：　on　the　right　was　the　spire　of

Argenteuil　church；　above　it　rose　the　hills　of　Sannois　and　the

mill　of　Orgemont；　while　on　the　left；　the　aqueduct　of　Marly　stood

out　against　the　clear　morning　sky。　In　the　distance　they　could　see

the　terrace　of　Saint…Germain；　and　opposite　to　them；　at　the　end　of

a　low　chain　of　hills；　the　new　fort　of　Cormeilles。　Afara　very

long　way　off；　beyond　the　plains　and　villagesone　could　see　the

somber　green　of　the　forests。



The　sun　was　beginning　to　shine　in　their　faces；　the　dust　got　into

their　eyes；　and　on　either　side　of　the　road　there　stretched　an

interminable　tract　of　bare；　ugly　country；　which　smelled

unpleasantly。　You　would　have　thought　that　it　had　been　ravaged　by

a　pestilence　which　had　even　attacked　the　buildings；　for　skeletons

of　dilapidated　and　deserted　houses；　or　small　cottages　left　in　an

unfinished　state；　as　if　the　contractors　had　not　been　paid；　reared

their　four　roofless　walls　on　each　side。



Here　and　there　tall　factory…chimneys　rose　up　from　the　barren

soil；　the　only　vegetation　on　that　putrid　land；　where　the　spring

breezes　wafted　an　odor　of　petroleum　and　soot；　mingled　with

another　smell　that　was　even　still　less　agreeable。　At　last；

however；　they　crossed　the　Seine　a　second　time。　It　was　delightful

on　the　bridge；　the　river　sparkled　in　the　sun；　and　they　had　a

feeling　of　quiet　satisfaction　and　enjoyment　in　drinking　in　purer

air；　not　impregnated　by　the　black　smoke　of　factories；　nor　by　the

miasma　from　the　deposits　of　night…soil。　A　man　whom　they　met　told

them　that　the　name　of　the　place　was　Bezons；　so　Monsieur　Dufour

pulled　up；　and　read　the　attractive　announcement　outside　an

eating…house：



〃Restaurant　Poulin；　stews　and　fried　fish；　private　rooms；　arbors；

and　swings。〃



〃Well！　Madame　Dufour；　will　this　suit　you？　Will　you　make　up　your

mind　at　last？〃



She　read　the　announcement　in　her　turn；　and　then　looked　at　the

house　for　a　time。



It　was　a　white　country　inn；　built　by　the　road…side；　and　through

the　open　door　she　could　see　the　bright　zinc　of　the　counter；　at

which　two　workmen　out　for　the　day　were　sitting。　At　last　she　made

up　her　mind；　and　said：



〃Yes；　this　will　do；　and；　besides；　there　is　a　view。〃



So　they　drove　into　a　large　yard　studded　with　trees；　behind　the

inn；　which　was　only　separated　from　the　river　by　the　towing…path；

and　got　out。　The　husband　sprang　out　first；　and　held　out　his　arms

for　his　wife。　As　the　step　was　very　high；　Madame　Dufour；　in　order

to　reach　him；　had　to　show　the　lower　part　of　her　limbs；　whose

former　slenderness　had　disappeared　in　fat。　Monsieur　Dufour；　who

was　already　getting　excited　by　the　country　air；　pinched　her　calf；

and　then；　taking　her　in　his　arms；　set　her　on　to　the　ground；　as　if

she　had　been　some　enormous　bundle。　She　shook　the　dust　out　of　the

silk　dress；　and　then　looked　round；　to　see　in　what　sort　of　a　place

she　was。



She　was　a　stout　woman；　of　about　thirty…six；　full…blown　and

delightful　to　look　at。　She　could　hardly　breathe；　as　she　was　laced

too　tightly；　which　forced　the　heaving　mass　of　her　superabundant

bosom　up　to　her　double　chin。　Next；　the　girl　put　her　hand　on　to

her　father's　shoulder；　and　jumped　lightly　down。　The　youth　with

the　yellow　hair　had　got　down　by　stepping　on　the　wheel；　and　he

helped　Monsieur　Dufour　to　get　the　grandmother　out。　Then　they

unharnessed　the　horse；　which　they　tied　up　to　a　tree；　and　the

carriage　fell　back；　with　both　shafts　in　the　air。　The　man　and　boy

took　off　their　coats；　washed　their　hands　in　a　pail　of　water；　and

then　joined　the　ladies；　who　had　already　taken　possession　of　the

swings。



Mademoiselle　Dufour　was　trying　to　swing　herself　standing　up；　but

she　could　not　succeed　in　getting　a　start。　She　was　a　pretty　girl

of　about　eighteen；　one　of　those　women　who　suddenly　excite　your

desire　when　you　meet　them　in　the　street；　and　who　leave　you　with　a

vague　feeling　of　uneasiness　and　of　excited　senses。　She　was　tall；

had　a　small　waist　and　large　hips；　with　a　dark　skin；　very　large

eyes；　and　very　black　hair。　Her　dress　clearly　marked　the　outlines

of　her　firm；　full　figure；　which　was　a