three men on the bummel(三个闲逛的人)-第14部分
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When George asked him in the words of the book； 〃Have you any
hats？〃 he did not get angry； he just stopped and thoughtfully scratched his
chin。
〃Hats；〃 said he。 〃Let me think。 Yes〃here a smile of positive
pleasure broke over his genial countenance〃yes； now I come to think of
it； I believe I have a hat。 But； tell me； why do you ask me？〃
George explained to him that he wished to purchase a cap； a travelling
cap； but the essence of the transaction was that it was to be a 〃good cap。〃
The man's face fell。
〃Ah；〃 he remarked； 〃there； I am afraid； you have me。 Now； if you
had wanted a bad cap； not worth the price asked for it； a cap good for
nothing but to clean windows with； I could have found you the very thing。
But a good capno； we don't keep them。 But wait a minute；〃 he
continued；on seeing the disappointment that spread over George's
expressive countenance； 〃don't be in a hurry。 I have a cap here〃he went
to a drawer and opened it〃it is not a good cap； but it is not so bad as most
of the caps I sell。〃
He brought it forward； extended on his palm。
〃What do you think of that？〃 he asked。 〃Could you put up with
that？〃
George fitted it on before the glass； and； choosing another remark from
the book； said：
〃This hat fits me sufficiently well； but； tell me； do you consider that it
becomes me？〃
The man stepped back and took a bird's…eye view。
〃Candidly；〃 he replied； 〃I can't say that it does。〃
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He turned from George； and addressed himself to Harris and myself。
〃Your friend's beauty；〃 said he； 〃I should describe as elusive。 It is
there； but you can easily miss it。 Now； in that cap； to my mind； you do
miss it。〃
At that point it occurred to George that he had had sufficient fun with
this particular man。 He said：
〃That is all right。 We don't want to lose the train。 How much？〃
Answered the man： 〃The price of that cap； sir； which； in my opinion；
is twice as much as it is worth； is four…and…six。 Would you like it
wrapped up in brown paper； sir； or in white？〃
George said he would take it as it was； paid the man four…and…six in…
silver； and went out。 Harris and I followed。
At Fenchurch Street we compromised with our cabman for five
shillings。 He made us another courtly bow； and begged us to remember
him to the Emperor of Austria。
Comparing views in the train； we agreed that we had lost the game by
two points to one； and George； who was evidently disappointed； threw the
book out of window。
We found our luggage and the bicycles safe on the boat； and with the
tide at twelve dropped down the river。
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CHAPTER V
A necessary digressionIntroduced by story containing moralOne of
the charms of this bookThe Journal that did not command successIts
boast： 〃Instruction combined with Amusement〃 Problem： say what
should be considered instructive and what amusingA popular game
Expert opinion on English lawAnother of the charms of this bookA
hackneyed tuneYet a third charm of this bookThe sort of wood it was
where the maiden lived Description of the Black Forest。
A story is told of a Scotchman who； loving a lassie； desired her for his
wife。 But he possessed the prudence of his race。 He had noticed in his
circle many an otherwise promising union result in disappointment and
dismay； purely in consequence of the false estimate formed by bride or
bridegroom concerning the imagined perfectability of the other。 He
determined that in his own case no collapsed ideal should be possible。
Therefore； it was that his proposal took the following form：
〃I'm but a puir lad； Jennie； I hae nae siller to offer ye； and nae land。〃
〃Ah； but ye hae yoursel'； Davie！〃
〃An' I'm wishfu' it wa' onything else； lassie。 I'm nae but a puir ill…
seasoned loon； Jennie。〃
〃Na； na； there's mony a lad mair ill…looking than yoursel'； Davie。〃
〃I hae na seen him； lass； and I'm just a…thinkin' I shouldna' care to。〃
〃Better a plain man； Davie； that ye can depend a' than ane that would
be a speirin' at the lassies； a…bringin' trouble into the hame wi' his flouting
ways。〃
〃Dinna ye reckon on that； Jennie； it's nae the bonniest Bubbly Jock
that mak's the most feathers to fly in the kailyard。 I was ever a lad to run
after the petticoats； as is weel kent； an' it's a weary handfu' I'll be to ye； I'm
thinkin'。〃
〃Ah； but ye hae a kind heart； Davie！ an' ye love me weel。 I'm sure
on't。〃
〃I like ye weel enoo'； Jennie； though I canna say how long the feeling
may bide wi' me； an' I'm kind enoo' when I hae my ain way； an' naethin'
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happens to put me oot。 But I hae the deevil's ain temper； as my mither
call tell ye； an' like my puir fayther； I'm a… thinkin'； I'll grow nae better as I
grow mair auld。〃
〃Ay； but ye're sair hard upon yersel'； Davie。 Ye're an honest lad。 I ken
ye better than ye ken yersel'； an' ye'll mak a guid hame for me。〃
〃Maybe； Jennie！ But I hae my doots。 It's a sair thing for wife an'
bairns when the guid man canna keep awa' frae the glass； an' when the
scent of the whusky comes to me it's just as though I hae'd the throat o' a
Loch Tay salmon； it just gaes doon an' doon； an' there's nae filling o' me。〃
〃Ay； but ye're a guid man when ye're sober； Davie。〃
〃Maybe I'll be that； Jennie； if I'm nae disturbed。〃
〃An' ye'll bide wi' me； Davie； an' work for me？〃
〃I see nae reason why I shouldna bide wi' yet Jennie； but dinna ye
clack aboot work to me； for I just canna bear the thoct o't。〃
〃Anyhow； ye'll do your best； Davie？ As the minister says； nae man
can do mair than that。〃
〃An' it's a puir best that mine'll be； Jennie； and I'm nae sae sure ye'll
hae ower muckle even o' that。 We're a' weak； sinfu' creatures； Jennie； an'
ye'd hae some deefficulty to find a man weaker or mair sinfu' than mysel'。〃
〃Weel； weel； ye hae a truthfu' tongue； Davie。 Mony a lad will mak
fine promises to a puir lassie； only to break 'em an' her heart wi' 'em。 Ye
speak me fair； Davie； and I'm thinkin' I'll just tak ye； an' see what comes
o't。〃
Concerning what did come of it； the story is silent； but one feels that
under no circumstances had the lady any right to complain of her bargain。
Whether she ever did or did notfor women do not invariably order their
tongues according to logic； nor men either for the matter of thatDavie；
himself； must have had the satisfaction of reflecting that all reproaches
were undeserved。
I wish to be equally frank with the reader of this book。 I wish here
conscientiously to let forth its shortcomings。 I wish no one to read this
book under a misapprehension。
There will be no useful information in this book。
Anyone who should think that with the aid of this book he would be
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able to make a tour through Germany and the Black Forest would
probably lose himself before he got to the Nore。 That； at all events；
would be the best thing that could happen to him。 The farther away from
home he got； the greater only would be his difficulties。
I do not regard the conveyance of useful information as my forte。 This
belief was not inborn with me； it has been driven home upon me by
experience。
In my early journalistic days； I served upon a paper； the forerunner of
many very popular periodicals of the present day。 Our boast was that we
combined instruction with amusement； as to what should be regarded as
affording amusement and what instruction； the reader judged for himself。
We gave advice to people about to marrylong； earnest advice that would；
had they followed it； have made our circle of readers the envy of the
whole married world。 We told our subscribers how to make fortunes by
keeping rabbits； giving facts and figures。 The thing that must have
surprised them was that we ourselves did not give up journalism and start
rabbit…farming。 Often and often have I proved conclusively from
authoritative sources how a man starting a rabbit farm with twelve
selected rabbits and a little judgment must； at the end of three years； be in
receipt of an income of two thousand a year； rising rapidly； he simply
could not help himself。 He might not want the money。 He might not
know what to do with it when he had it。 But there it was
