beatrix-第35部分

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youth；　this　child。　Beatrix　had　loved　more　than　she　had　been　loved。
After　being　all　her　life　a　slave；　she　suddenly　felt　an　inexplicable
desire　to　be　a　tyrant。　But；　in　the　midst　of　her　pleasure；　as　she　read
and　re…read　the　letter；　she　was　pierced　through　and　through　with　a
cruel　idea。

What　were　Calyste　and　Camille　doing　together　ever　since　Claude
Vignon's　departure？　If；　as　Calyste　said；　he　did　not　love　Camille；　and
if　Camille　knew　it；　how　did　they　employ　their　mornings；　and　why　were
they　alone　together？　Memory　suddenly　flashed　into　her　mind；　in　answer
to　these　questions；　certain　speeches　of　Camille；　a　grinning　devil
seemed　to　show　her；　as　in　a　magic　mirror；　the　portrait　of　that　heroic
woman；　with　certain　gestures；　certain　aspects；　which　suddenly
enlightened　her。　What！　instead　of　being　her　equal；　was　she　crushed　by
Felicite？　instead　of　over…reaching　her；　was　she　being　over…reached
herself？　was　she　only　a　toy；　a　pleasure；　which　Camille　was　giving　to
her　child；　whom　she　loved　with　an　extraordinary　passion　that　was　free
from　all　vulgarity？

To　a　woman　like　Beatrix　this　thought　came　like　a　thunder…clap。　She
went　over　in　her　mind　minutely　the　history　of　the　past　week。　In　a
moment　the　part　which　Camille　was　playing；　and　her　own；　unrolled
themselves　to　their　fullest　extent　before　her　eyes；　she　felt　horribly
belittled。　In　her　fury　of　jealous　anger；　she　fancied　she　could　see　in
Camille's　conduct　an　intention　of　vengeance　against　Conti。　Was　the
hidden　wrath　of　the　past　two　years　really　acting　upon　the　present
moment？

Once　on　the　path　of　these　doubts　and　superstitions；　Beatrix　did　not
pause。　She　walked　up　and　down　her　room；　driven　to　rapid　motion　by　the
impetuous　movements　of　her　soul；　sitting　down　now　and　then；　and　trying
to　decide　upon　a　course；　but　unable　to　do　so。　And　thus　she　remained；　a
prey　to　indecision　until　the　dinner　hour；　when　she　rose　hastily；　and
went　downstairs　without　dressing。　No　sooner　did　Camille　see　her；　than
she　felt　that　a　crisis　had　come。　Beatrix；　in　her　morning　gown；　with　a
chilling　air　and　a　taciturn　manner；　indicated　to　an　observer　as　keen
as　Maupin　the　coming　hostilities　of　an　embittered　heart。

Camille　instantly　left　the　room　and　gave　the　order　which　so　astonished
Calyste；　she　feared　that　he　might　arrive　in　the　midst　of　the　quarrel；
and　she　determined　to　be　alone；　without　witnesses；　in　fighting　this
duel　of　deception　on　both　sides。　Beatrix；　without　an　auxiliary；　would
infallibly　succumb。　Camille　well　knew　the　barrenness　of　that　soul；　the
pettiness　of　that　pride；　to　which　she　had　justly　applied　the　epithet
of　obstinate。

The　dinner　was　gloomy。　Camille　was　gentle　and　kind；　she　felt　herself
the　superior　being。　Beatrix　was　hard　and　cutting；　she　felt　she　was
being　managed　like　a　child。　During　dinner　the　battle　began　with
glances；　gestures；　half…spoken　sentences；not　enough　to　enlighten　the
servants；　but　enough　to　prepare　an　observer　for　the　coming　storm。　When
the　time　to　go　upstairs　came；　Camille　offered　her　arm　maliciously　to
Beatrix；　who　pretended　not　to　see　it；　and　sprang　up　the　stairway
alone。　When　coffee　had　been　served　Mademoiselle　des　Touches　said　to
the　footman；　〃You　may　go；〃a　brief　sentence；　which　served　as　a　signal
for　the　combat。

〃The　novels　you　make；　my　dear；　are　more　dangerous　than　those　you
write；〃　said　the　marquise。

〃They　have　one　advantage；　however；〃　replied　Camille；　lighting　a
cigarette。

〃What　is　that？〃　asked　Beatrix。

〃They　are　unpublished；　my　angel。〃

〃Is　the　one　in　which　you　are　putting　me　to　be　turned　into　a　book？〃

〃I've　no　fancy　for　the　role　of　OEdipus；　I　know　you　have　the　wit　and
beauty　of　a　sphinx；　but　don't　propound　conundrums。　Speak　out；　plainly；
my　dear　Beatrix。〃

〃When；　in　order　to　make　a　man　happy；　amuse　him；　please　him；　and　save
him　from　ennui；　we　allow　the　devil　to　help　us〃

〃That　man　would　reproach　us　later　for　our　efforts　on　his　behalf；　and
would　think　them　prompted　by　the　genius　of　depravity；〃　said　Camille；
taking　the　cigarette　from　her　lips　to　interrupt　her　friend。

〃He　forgets　the　love　which　carried　us　away；　and　is　our　sole
justificationbut　that's　the　way　of　men；　they　are　all　unjust　and
ungrateful；〃　continued　Beatrix。　〃Women　among　themselves　know　each
other；　they　know　how　proud　and　noble　their　own　minds　are；　and；　let　us
frankly　say　so；　how　virtuous！　But；　Camille；　I　have　just　recognized　the
truth　of　certain　criticisms　upon　your　nature；　of　which　you　have
sometimes　complained。　My　dear；　you　have　something　of　the　man　about
you；　you　behave　like　a　man；　nothing　restrains　you；　if　you　haven't　all
a　man's　advantages；　you　have　a　man's　spirit　in　all　your　ways；　and　you
share　his　contempt　for　women。　I　have　no　reason；　my　dear；　to　be
satisfied　with　you；　and　I　am　too　frank　to　hide　my　dissatisfaction。　No
one　has　ever　given　or　ever　will　give；　perhaps；　so　cruel　a　wound　to　my
heart　as　that　from　which　I　am　now　suffering。　If　you　are　not　a　woman　in
love；　you　are　one　in　vengeance。　It　takes　a　/woman/　of　genius　to
discover　the　most　sensitive　spot　of　all　in　another　woman's　delicacy。　I
am　talking　now　of　Calyste；　and　the　trickery；　my　dear；that　is　the
word；/trickery/；you　have　employed　against　me。　To　what　depths　have
you　descended；　Camille　Maupin！　and　why？〃

〃More　and　more　sphinx…like！〃　said　Camille；　smiling。

〃You　want　me　to　fling　myself　at　Calyste's　head；　but　I　am　still　too
young　for　that　sort　of　thing。　To　me；　love　is　sacred；　love　is　love　with
all　its　emotions；　jealousies；　and　despotisms。　I　am　not　an　author；　it
is　impossible　for　me　to　see　ideas　where　the　heart　feels　sentiments。〃

〃You　think　yourself　capable　of　loving　foolishly！〃　said　Camille。　〃Make
yourself　easy　on　that　score；　you　still　have　plenty　of　sense。　My　dear；
you　calumniate　yourself；　I　assure　you　that　your　nature　is　cold　enough
to　enable　your　head　to　judge　of　every　action　of　your　heart。〃

The　marquise　colored　high；　she　darted　a　look　of　hatred；　a　venomous
look；　at　Camille；　and　found；　without　searching；　the　sharpest　arrows　in
her　quiver。　Camille　smoked　composedly　as　she　listened　to　a　furious
tirade；　which　rang　with　such　cutting　insults　that　we　do　not　reproduce
it　here。　Beatrix；　irritated　by　the　calmness　of　her　adversary；
condescended　even　to　personalities　on　Camille's　age。

〃Is　that　all？〃　said　Felicite；　when　Beatrix　paused；　letting　a　cloud　of
smoke　exhale　from　her　lips。　〃Do　you　love　Calyste？〃

〃No；　of　course　not。〃

〃So　much　the　better；〃　replied　Camille。　〃I　do　love　himfar　too　much
for　my　own　peace　of　mind。　He　may；　perhaps；　have　had　a　passing　fancy
for　you；　for　you　are；　you　know；　enchantingly　fair；　while　I　am　as　black
as　a　crow；　you　are　slim　and　willowy；　while　I　have　a　portly　dignity；　in
short；　you　are　/young/！that's　the　final　word；　and　you　have　not
spared　it　to　me。　You　have　abused　your　advantages　as　a　woman　against
me。　I　have　done　my　best　to　prevent　what　has　now　happened。　However
little　of　a　woman　you　may　think　me；　I　am　woman　enough；　my　dear；　not　to
allow　a　rival　to　triumph　over　me　unless　I　choose　to　help　her。〃　（This
remark；　made　in　apparently　the　most　innocent　manner；　cut　the　marquise
to　the　heart）。　〃You　take　me　for　a　very　silly　person　if　you　believe　all
that　Calyste　tries　to　make　you　think　of　me。　I　am　neither　so　great　nor
so　small；　I　am　a　woman；　and　very　much　of　a　woman。　Come；　put　off　your
grand　airs；　and　give　me　your　hand！〃　continued　Camille；　taking　Madame
de　Rochefide's　hand。　〃You　do　not　love　Calyste；　you　say；　that　is　true；
is　it　not？　Don't　be　angry；　therefore；　be　hard；　and　cold；　and　stern　to
him　to…morrow；　he　will　end　by　submitting　to　his　fate；　especially　after
certain　little　reproaches　which　I　mean　to　make　to　him。　Still；　Calyste
is　a　Breton；　and　very　persistent；　if　he　should　continue　to　pay　court
to　you；　tell　me　frankly；　and　I　will　lend　you　my　little　country　house
near　Paris；　where　you　will　find　all　the　comforts　of　life；　and　where
Conti　can　come　out　and　see　you。　You　said　just　now　that　Calyste
calumniated　me。　Good　heavens！　what　of　that？　The　purest　love　lies
twenty　times　a　day；　its　deceptions　only　prove　its　strength。〃

Camille's　face　wore　an　air　of　such　superb　disdain　that　the　marquise
grew　fearful　and　anxious。　She　knew　not　how　to　answer。　Camille　dealt
her　a　last　blow。

〃I　am　more　confiding　and　less　bitter　than　you；〃　she　said。　〃I　don't
suspect　you　of　attempting　to　cover　by　a　quarrel　a　secret　injury；　which
would　compromise　my　very　life。　You　know　me；　I　shall　never　survive　the
loss　of　Calyste；　but　I　must　lose　him　sooner　or　later。　Still；　Calyste
loves　me　now；　of　that　I　am　sure。〃

〃Here　is　what　he　answered　to　a　letter　of　mine；　urging　him　to　be　true
to　you；〃　said　Beatrix；　holding　out　Calyste's　last　letter。

Camille　took　it　and　read　it；　but　as　she　read　it；　her　eyes　filled　with
tears；　and　presently　she　wept　as　women　weep　in　their　bitterest
sorrows。

〃My　God！〃　she　said；　〃how　he　loves　her！　I　shall　die　without　being
understoodor　loved；〃　she　added。

She　sat　for　a　few　moments　with　her　head　leaning　against　the　shoulder
of　her　companion；　her　grief　was　genuine；　she　felt　to　the　very　core　of
her　being　the　same　terrible　blow　which　the　Baronne　du　Guenic　had
received　in　reading　that　letter。

〃Do　you　love　him？〃　she　said；　straightening　herself　up；　and　looking
fixedly　at　Beatrix。　〃Have　you　that　infinite　worship　for　him　which
triumphs　over　all　pains；　survives　contempt；　betrayal；　the　certainty
that　he　will　never　love　you？　Do　you　love　him　for　himself；　and　for　the
very　joy　of　loving　him？〃

〃Dear　friend；〃　said　the　marquise；　tenderly；　〃be　happy；　be　at　peace；　I
will　leave　this　place　to…morrow。〃

〃No；　do　not　go；　he　loves　you；　I　see　that。　Well；　I　love　him　so　much
that　I　could　not　endure　to　see　him　wretched　and　unhappy。　Still；　I　had
formed　plans　for　him；　projects；　but　if　he　loves　you；　all　is　over。〃

〃And　I　love　him；　Camille；〃　said　the　marquise；　with　a　sort　of
/naivete/；　and　coloring。

〃You　love　him；　and　yet　you　cast　him　off！〃　cried　Camille。　〃Ah！　that　is
not　loving；　you　do　not　love　him。〃

〃I　don't　know　what　fresh　virtue　he　has　roused　in　me；　but　certainly　he
has　made　me　ashamed　of　my　own　self；〃　said　Beatrix。　〃I　would　I　were
virtuous　and　free；　that　I　might　give　him　something　better　than　the
dregs　of　a　heart　and　the　weight　of　my　chains。　I　do　not　want　a　hampered
destiny　either　for　him　or　for　myself。〃

〃Cold　b