stories by modern american authors-第70部分

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a　mere　puling　lament。　　It　is　not　the　flight　of　years　that　has

brought　me　to　be　this　wreck　of　my　former　self：　had　it　been　so　I

could　have　borne　the　loss　cheerfully；　patiently；　as　the　common　lot

of　all；　but　it　was　no　natural　progress　of　decay　which　has　robbed　me

of　bloom；　of　youth；　of　the　hopes　and　joys　that　belong　to　youth；

snapped　the　link　that　bound　my　heart　to　another's；　and　doomed　me　to

a　lone　old　age。　　I　try　to　be　patient；　but　my　cross　has　been　heavy；

and　my　heart　is　empty　and　weary；　and　I　long　for　the　death　that

comes　so　slowly　to　those　who　pray　to　die。



I　will　try　and　relate；　exactly　as　it　happened；　the　event　which

blighted　my　life。　　Though　it　occurred　many　years　ago；　there　is　no

fear　that　I　should　have　forgotten　any　of　the　minutest

circumstances：　they　were　stamped　on　my　brain　too　clearly　and

burningly；　like　the　brand　of　a　red…hot　iron。　　I　see　them　written　in

the　wrinkles　of　my　brow；　in　the　dead　whiteness　of　my　hair；　which

was　a　glossy　brown　once；　and　has　known　no　gradual　change　from　dark

to　gray；　from　gray　to　white；　as　with　those　happy　ones　who　were　the

companions　of　my　girlhood；　and　whose　honored　age　is　soothed　by　the

love　of　children　and　grandchildren。　　But　I　must　not　envy　them。　　I

only　meant　to　say　that　the　difficulty　of　my　task　has　no　connection

with　want　of　memoryI　remember　but　too　well。　　But　as　I　take　my　pen

my　hand　trembles；　my　head　swims；　the　old　rushing　faintness　and

Horror　comes　over　me　again；　and　the　well…remembered　fear　is　upon

me。　　Yet　I　will　go　on。



This；　briefly；　is　my　story：　I　was　a　great　heiress；　I　believe；

though　I　cared　little　for　the　fact；　but　so　it　was。　　My　father　had

great　possessions；　and　no　son　to　inherit　after　him。　　His　three

daughters；　of　whom　I　was　the　youngest；　were　to　share　the　broad

acres　among　them。　　I　have　said；　and　truly；　that　I　cared　little　for

the　circumstance；　and；　indeed；　I　was　so　rich　then　in　health　and

youth　and　love　that　I　felt　myself　quite　indifferent　to　all　else。

The　possession　of　all　the　treasures　of　earth　could　never　have　made

up　for　what　I　then　hadand　lost；　as　I　am　about　to　relate。　　Of

course；　we　girls　knew　that　we　were　heiresses；　but　I　do　not　think

Lucy　and　Minnie　were　any　the　prouder　or　the　happier　on　that

account。　　I　know　I　was　not。　　Reginald　did　not　court　me　for　my

money。　　Of　THAT　I　felt　assured。　　He　proved　it；　Heaven　be　praised！

when　he　shrank　from　my　side　after　the　change。　　Yes；　in　all　my

lonely　age；　I　can　still　be　thankful　that　he　did　not　keep　his　word；

as　some　would　have　donedid　not　clasp　at　the　altar　a　hand　he　had

learned　to　loathe　and　shudder　at；　because　it　was　full　of　goldmuch

gold！　　At　least　he　spared　me　that。　　And　I　know　that　I　was　loved；

and　the　knowledge　has　kept　me　from　going　mad　through　many　a　weary

day　and　restless　night；　when　my　hot　eyeballs　had　not　a　tear　to

shed；　and　even　to　weep　was　a　luxury　denied　me。



Our　house　was　an　old　Tudor　mansion。　　My　father　was　very　particular

in　keeping　the　smallest　peculiarities　of　his　home　unaltered。　　Thus

the　many　peaks　and　gables；　the　numerous　turrets；　and　the　mullioned

windows　with　their　quaint　lozenge　panes　set　in　lead；　remained　very

nearly　as　they　had　been　three　centuries　back。　　Over　and　above　the

quaint　melancholy　of　our　dwelling；　with　the　deep　woods　of　its　park

and　the　sullen　waters　of　the　mere；　our　neighborhood　was　thinly

peopled　and　primitive；　and　the　people　round　us　were　ignorant；　and

tenacious　of　ancient　ideas　and　traditions。　　Thus　it　was　a

superstitious　atmosphere　that　we　children　were　reared　in；　and　we

heard；　from　our　infancy；　countless　tales　of　horror；　some　mere

fables　doubtless；　others　legends　of　dark　deeds　of　the　olden　time；

exaggerated　by　credulity　and　the　love　of　the　marvelous。　　Our　mother

had　died　when　we　were　young；　and　our　other　parent　being；　though　a

kind　father；　much　absorbed　in　affairs　of　various　kinds；　as　an

active　magistrate　and　landlord；　there　was　no　one　to　check　the

unwholesome　stream　of　tradition　with　which　our　plastic　minds　were

inundated　in　the　company　of　nurses　and　servants。　　As　years　went　on；

however；　the　old　ghostly　tales　partially　lost　their　effects；　and

our　undisciplined　minds　were　turned　more　towards　balls；　dress；　and

partners；　and　other　matters　airy　and　trivial；　more　welcome　to　our

riper　age。　　It　was　at　a　county　assembly　that　Reginald　and　I　first

metmet　and　loved。　　Yes；　I　am　sure　that　he　loved　me　with　all　his

heart。　　It　was　not　as　deep　a　heart　as　some；　I　have　thought　in　my

grief　and　anger；　but　I　never　doubted　its　truth　and　honesty。

Reginald's　father　and　mine　approved　of　our　growing　attachment；　and

as　for　myself；　I　know　I　was　so　happy　then；　that　I　look　back　upon

those　fleeting　moments　as　on　some　delicious　dream。　　I　now　come　to

the　change。　　I　have　lingered　on　my　childish　reminiscences；　my

bright　and　happy　youth；　and　now　I　must　tell　the　restthe　blight

and　the　sorrow。



It　was　Christmas；　always　a　joyful　and　a　hospitable　time　in　the

country；　especially　in　such　an　old　hall　as　our　home；　where　quaint

customs　and　frolics　were　much　clung　to；　as　part　and　parcel　of　the

very　dwelling　itself。　　The　hall　was　full　of　guestsso　full；

indeed；　that　there　was　great　difficulty　in　providing　sleeping

accommodation　for　all。　　Several　narrow　and　dark　chambers　in　the

turretsmere　pigeon…holes；　as　we　irreverently　called　what　had　been

thought　good　enough　for　the　stately　gentlemen　of　Elizabeth's　reign

were　now　allotted　to　bachelor　visitors；　after　having　been　empty

for　a　century。　　All　the　spare　rooms　in　the　body　and　wings　of　the

hall　were　occupied；　of　course；　and　the　servants　who　had　been

brought　down　were　lodged　at　the　farm　and　at　the　keeper's；　so　great

was　the　demand　for　space。　　At　last　the　unexpected　arrival　of　an

elderly　relative；　who　had　been　asked　months　before；　but　scarcely

expected；　caused　great　commotion。　　My　aunts　went　about　wringing

their　hands　distractedly。　　Lady　Speldhurst　was　a　personage　of　some

consequence；　she　was　a　distant　cousin；　and　had　been　for　years　on

cool　terms　with　us　all；　on　account　of　some　fancied　affront　or

slight　when　she　had　paid　her　LAST　visit；　about　the　time　of　my

christening。　　She　was　seventy　years　old；　she　was　infirm；　rich；　and

testy；　moreover；　she　was　my　godmother；　though　I　had　forgotten　the

fact；　but　it　seems　that　though　I　had　formed　no　expectations　of　a

legacy　in　my　favor；　my　aunts　had　done　so　for　me。　　Aunt　Margaret　was

especially　eloquent　on　the　subject。　　〃There　isn't　a　room　left；〃　she

said；　〃was　ever　anything　so　unfortunate！　　We　cannot　put　Lady

Speldhurst　into　the　turrets；　and　yet　where　IS　she　to　sleep？　　And

Rosa's　godmother；　too！　　Poor；　dear　child；　how　dreadful！　　After　all

these　years　of　estrangement；　and　with　a　hundred　thousand　in　the

funds；　and　no　comfortable；　warm　room　at　her　own　unlimited　disposal

and　Christmas；　of　all　times　in　the　year！〃　　What　WAS　to　be　done？

My　aunts　could　not　resign　their　own　chambers　to　Lady　Speldhurst；

because　they　had　already　given　them　up　to　some　of　the　married

guests。　　My　father　was　the　most　hospitable　of　men；　but　he　was

rheumatic；　gouty；　and　methodical。　　His　sisters…in…law　dared　not

propose　to　shift　his　quarters；　and；　indeed；　he　would　have　far

sooner　dined　on　prison　fare　than　have　been　translated　to　a　strange

bed。　　The　matter　ended　in　my　giving　up　my　room。　　I　had　a　strange

reluctance　to　making　the　offer；　which　surprised　myself。　　Was　it　a

boding　of　evil　to　come？　　I　cannot　say。　　We　are　strangely　and

wonderfully　made。　　It　MAY　have　been。　　At　any　rate；　I　do　not　think

it　was　any　selfish　unwillingness　to　make　an　old　and　infirm　lady

comfortable　by　a　trifling　sacrifice。　　I　was　perfectly　healthy　and

strong。　　The　weather　was　not　cold　for　the　time　of　the　year。　　It　was

a　dark；　moist　Yulenot　a　snowy　one；　though　snow　brooded　overhead

in　the　darkling　clouds。　　I　DID　make　the　offer；　which　became　me；　I

said　with　a　laugh；　as　the　youngest。　　My　sisters　laughed　too；　and

made　a　jest　of　my　evident　wish　to　propitiate　my　godmother。　　〃She　is

a　fairy　godmother；　Rosa；〃　said　Minnie；　〃and　you　know　she　was

affronted　at　your　christening；　and　went　away　muttering　vengeance。

Here　she　is　coming　back　to　see　you；　I　hope　she　brings　golden　gifts

with　her。〃



I　thought　little　of　Lady　Speldhurst　and　her　possible　golden　gifts。

I　cared　nothing　for　the　wonderful　fortune　in　the　funds　that　my

aunts　whispered　and　nodded　about　so　mysteriously。　　But　since　then　I

have　wondered　whether；　had　I　then　showed　myself　peevish　or

obstinatehad　I　refused　to　give　up　my　room　for　the　expected

kinswomanit　would　not　have　altered　the　whole　of　my　life？　　But

then　Lucy　or　Minnie　would　have　offered　in　my　stead；　and　been

sacrificedwhat　do　I　say？better　that　the　blow　should　have　fallen

as　it　did　than　on　those　dear　ones。



The　chamber　to　which　I　removed　was　a　dim　little　triangular　room　in

the　western　wing；　and　was　only　to　be　reached　by　traversing　the

picture…gallery；　or　by　mounting　a　little　flight　of　stone　stairs

which　led　directly　upward　from　the　low…browed　arch　of　a　door　that

opened　into　the　garden。　　There　was　one　more　room　on　the　same

landing…place；　and　this　was　a　mere　receptacle　for　broken　furniture；

shattered　toys；　and　all　the　lumber　that　WILL　accumulate　in　a

country…house。　　The　room　I　was　to　inhabit　for　a　few　nights　was　a

tapestry…hung　apartment；　with　faded　green　curtains　of　some　costly

stuff；　contrasting　oddly　with　a　new　carpet　and　the　bright；　fresh

hangings　of　the　bed；　which　had　been　hurriedly　erected。　　The

furniture　was　half　old；　half　new；　and　on　the　dressing…table　stood　a

very　quaint　oval　mirror；　in　a　frame　of　black　woodunpolished

ebony；　I　think。　　I　can　remember　the　very　pattern　of　the　carpet；　the

number　of　chairs；　the　situation　of　the　bed；　the　figures　on　the

tapestry。　　Nay；　I　can　recollect　not　only　the　color　of　the　dress　I

wore　on　that　fated　evening；　but　the　arrangement　of　every　scrap　of

lace　and　ribbon；　of　every　flower；　every　jewel；　with　a　memory　but

too　perfect。



Scarcely　had　my　maid　finished　spreading　out　my　various　articles　of

attire　for　the　evening　（wh