the club of queer trades-第5部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


tre　of　events　for　something　to　waylay　us　and　lead　us　splendidly　astray。　Now　the　man　who　feels　this　desire　for　a　varied　life　pays　a　yearly　or　a　quarterly　sum　to　the　Adventure　and　Romance　Agency；　in　return；　the　Adventure　and　Romance　Agency　undertakes　to　surround　him　with　startling　and　weird　events。　As　a　man　is　leaving　his　front　door；　an　excited　sweep　approaches　him　and　assures　him　of　a　plot　against　his　life；　he　gets　into　a　cab；　and　is　driven　to　an　opium　den；　he　receives　a　mysterious　telegram　or　a　dramatic　visit；　and　is　immediately　in　a　vortex　of　incidents。　A　very　picturesque　and　moving　story　is　first　written　by　one　of　the　staff　of　distinguished　novelists　who　are　at　present　hard　at　work　in　the　adjoining　room。　Yours；　Major　Brown　（designed　by　our　Mr　Grigsby）；　I　consider　peculiarly　forcible　and　pointed；　it　is　almost　a　pity　you　did　not　see　the　end　of　it。　I　need　scarcely　explain　further　the　monstrous　mistake。　Your　predecessor　in　your　present　house；　Mr　Gurney…Brown；　was　a　subscriber　to　our　agency；　and　our　foolish　clerks；　ignoring　alike　the　dignity　of　the　hyphen　and　the　glory　of　military　rank；　positively　imagined　that　Major　Brown　and　Mr　Gurney…Brown　were　the　same　person。　Thus　you　were　suddenly　hurled　into　the　middle　of　another　man's　story。〃

〃How　on　earth　does　the　thing　work？〃　asked　Rupert　Grant；　with　bright　and　fascinated　eyes。

〃We　believe　that　we　are　doing　a　noble　work；〃　said　Northover　warmly。　〃It　has　continually　struck　us　that　there　is　no　element　in　modern　life　that　is　more　lamentable　than　the　fact　that　the　modern　man　has　to　seek　all　artistic　existence　in　a　sedentary　state。　If　he　wishes　to　float　into　fairyland；　he　reads　a　book；　if　he　wishes　to　dash　into　the　thick　of　battle；　he　reads　a　book；　if　he　wishes　to　soar　into　heaven；　he　reads　a　book；　if　he　wishes　to　slide　down　the　banisters；　he　reads　a　book。　We　give　him　these　visions；　but　we　give　him　exercise　at　the　same　time；　the　necessity　of　leaping　from　wall　to　wall；　of　fighting　strange　gentlemen；　of　running　down　long　streets　from　pursuersall　healthy　and　pleasant　exercises。　We　give　him　a　glimpse　of　that　great　morning　world　of　Robin　Hood　or　the　Knights　Errant；　when　one　great　game　was　played　under　the　splendid　sky。　We　give　him　back　his　childhood；　that　godlike　time　when　we　can　act　stories；　be　our　own　heroes；　and　at　the　same　instant　dance　and　dream。〃

Basil　gazed　at　him　curiously。　The　most　singular　psychological　discovery　had　been　reserved　to　the　end；　for　as　the　little　business　man　ceased　speaking　he　had　the　blazing　eyes　of　a　fanatic。

Major　Brown　received　the　explanation　with　complete　simplicity　and　good　humour。

〃Of　course；　awfully　dense；　sir；〃　he　said。　〃No　doubt　at　all；　the　scheme　excellent。　But　I　don't　think〃　He　paused　a　moment；　and　looked　dreamily　out　of　the　window。　〃I　don't　think　you　will　find　me　in　it。　Somehow；　when　one's　seenseen　the　thing　itself；　you　knowblood　and　men　screaming；　one　feels　about　having　a　little　house　and　a　little　hobby；　in　the　Bible；　you　know；　‘There　remaineth　a　rest'。〃

Northover　bowed。　Then　after　a　pause　he　said：

〃Gentlemen；　may　I　offer　you　my　card。　If　any　of　the　rest　of　you　desire；　at　any　time；　to　communicate　with　me；　despite　Major　Brown's　view　of　the　matter〃

〃I　should　be　obliged　for　your　card；　sir；〃　said　the　Major；　in　his　abrupt　but　courteous　voice。　〃Pay　for　chair。〃

The　agent　of　Romance　and　Adventure　handed　his　card；　laughing。

It　ran；　〃P。　G。　Northover；　B。A。；　C。Q。T。；　Adventure　and　Romance　Agency；　14　Tanner's　Court；　Fleet　Street。〃

〃What　on　earth　is　〃C。QT。〃？〃　asked　Rupert　Grant；　looking　over　the　Major's　shoulder。

〃Don't　you　know？〃　returned　Northover。　〃Haven't　you　ever　heard　of　the　Club　of　Queer　Trades？〃

〃There　seems　to　be　a　confounded　lot　of　funny　things　we　haven't　heard　of；〃　said　the　little　Major　reflectively。　〃What's　this　one？〃

〃The　Club　of　Queer　Trades　is　a　society　consisting　exclusively　of　people　who　have　invented　some　new　and　curious　way　of　making　money。　I　was　one　of　the　earliest　members。〃

〃You　deserve　to　be；〃　said　Basil；　taking　up　his　great　white　hat；　with　a　smile；　and　speaking　for　the　last　time　that　evening。

When　they　had　passed　out　the　Adventure　and　Romance　agent　wore　a　queer　smile；　as　he　trod　down　the　fire　and　locked　up　his　desk。　〃A　fine　chap；　that　Major；　when　one　hasn't　a　touch　of　the　poet　one　stands　some　chance　of　being　a　poem。　But　to　think　of　such　a　clockwork　little　creature　of　all　people　getting　into　the　nets　of　one　of　Grigsby's　tales；〃　and　he　laughed　out　aloud　in　the　silence。

Just　as　the　laugh　echoed　away；　there　came　a　sharp　knock　at　the　door。　An　owlish　head；　with　dark　moustaches；　was　thrust　in；　with　deprecating　and　somewhat　absurd　inquiry。

〃What！　back　again；　Major？〃　cried　Northover　in　surprise。　〃What　can　I　do　for　you？〃

The　Major　shuffled　feverishly　into　the　room。

〃It's　horribly　absurd；〃　he　said。　〃Something　must　have　got　started　in　me　that　I　never　knew　before。　But　upon　my　soul　I　feel　the　most　desperate　desire　to　know　the　end　of　it　all。〃

〃The　end　of　it　all？〃

〃Yes；〃　said　the　Major。　〃‘Jackals'；　and　the　title…deeds；　and　‘Death　to　Major　Brown'。〃

The　agent's　face　grew　grave；　but　his　eyes　were　amused。

〃I　am　terribly　sorry；　Major；〃　said　he；　〃but　what　you　ask　is　impossible。　I　don't　know　any　one　I　would　sooner　oblige　than　you；　but　the　rules　of　the　agency　are　strict。　The　Adventures　are　confidential；　you　are　an　outsider；　I　am　not　allowed　to　let　you　know　an　inch　more　than　I　can　help。　I　do　hope　you　understand〃

〃There　is　no　one；〃　said　Brown；　〃who　understands　discipline　better　than　I　do。　Thank　you　very　much。　Good　night。〃

And　the　little　man　withdrew　for　the　last　time。

He　married　Miss　Jameson；　the　lady　with　the　red　hair　and　the　green　garments。　She　was　an　actress；　employed　（with　many　others）　by　the　Romance　Agency；　and　her　marriage　with　the　prim　old　veteran　caused　some　stir　in　her　languid　and　intellectualized　set。　She　always　replied　very　quietly　that　she　had　met　scores　of　men　who　acted　splendidly　in　the　charades　provided　for　them　by　Northover；　but　that　she　had　only　met　one　man　who　went　down　into　a　coal…cellar　when　he　really　thought　it　contained　a　murderer。

The　Major　and　she　are　living　as　happily　as　birds；　in　an　absurd　villa；　and　the　former　has　taken　to　smoking。　Otherwise　he　is　unchangedexcept；　perhaps；　there　are　moments　when；　alert　and　full　of　feminine　unselfishness　as　the　Major　is　by　nature；　he　falls　into　a　trance　of　abstraction。　Then　his　wife　recognizes　with　a　concealed　smile；　by　the　blind　look　in　his　blue　eyes；　that　he　is　wondering　what　were　the　title…deeds；　and　why　he　was　not　allowed　to　mention　jackals。　But；　like　so　many　old　soldiers；　Brown　is　religious；　and　believes　that　he　will　realize　the　rest　of　those　purple　adventures　in　a　better　world。



Chapter　2

The　Painful　Fall　of　a　Great　Reputation

Basil　Grant　and　I　were　talking　one　day　in　what　is　perhaps　the　most　perfect　place　for　talking　on　earththe　top　of　a　tolerably　deserted　tramcar。　To　talk　on　the　top　of　a　hill　is　superb；　but　to　talk　on　the　top　of　a　flying　hill　is　a　fairy　tale。

The　vast　blank　space　of　North　London　was　flying　by；　the　very　pace　gave　us　a　sense　of　its　immensity　and　its　meanness。　It　was；　as　it　were；　a　base　infinitude；　a　squalid　eternity；　and　we　felt　the　real　horror　of　the　poor　parts　of　London；　the　horror　that　is　so　totally　missed　and　misrepresented　by　the　sensational　novelists　who　depict　it　as　being　a　matter　of　narrow　streets；　filthy　houses；　criminals　and　maniacs；　and　dens　of　vice。　In　a　narrow　street；　in　a　den　of　vice；　you　do　not　expect　civilization；　you　do　not　expect　order。　But　the　horror　of　this　was　the　fact　that　there　was　civilization；　that　there　was　order；　but　that　civilisation　only　showed　its　morbidity；　and　order　only　its　monotony。　No　one　would　say；　in　going　through　a　criminal　slum；　〃I　see　no　statues。　I　notice　no　cathedrals。〃　But　here　there　were　public　buildings；　only　they　were　mostly　lunatic　asylums。　Here　there　were　statues；　only　they　were　mostly　statues　of　railway　engineers　and　philanthropiststwo　dingy　classes　of　men　united　by　their　common　contempt　for　the　people。　Here　there　were　churches；　only　they　were　the　churches　of　dim　and　erratic　sects；　Agapemonites　or　Irvingites。　Here；　above　all；　there　were　broad　roads　and　vast　crossings　and　tramway　lines　and　hospitals　and　all　the　real　marks　of　civilization。　But　though　one　never　knew；　in　one　sense；　what　one　would　see　next；　there　was　one　thing　we　knew　we　should　not　seeanything　really　great；　central；　of　the　first　class；　anything　that　humanity　had　adored。　And　with　revulsion　indescribable　our　emotions　returned；　I　think；　to　those　really　close　and　crooked　entries；　to　those　really　mean　streets；　to　those　genuine　slums　which　lie　round　the　Thames　and　the　City；　in　which　nevertheless　a　real　possibility　remains　that　at　any　chance　corner　the　great　cross　of　the　great　cathedral　of　Wren　may　strike　down　the　street　like　a　thunderbolt。

〃But　you　must　always　remember　also；〃　said　Grant　to　me；　in　his　heavy　abstracted　way；　when　I　had　urged　this　view；　〃that　the　very　vileness　of　the　life　of　these　ordered　plebeian　places　bears　witness　to　the　victory　of　the　human　soul。　I　agree　with　you。　I　agree　that　they　have　to　live　in　something　worse　than　barbarism。　They　have　to　live　in　a　fourth…rate　civilization。　But　yet　I　am　practically　certain　that　the　majority　of　people　here　are　good　people。　And　being　good　is　an　adventure　far　more　violent　and　daring　than　sailing　round　the　world。　Besides〃

〃Go　on；〃　I　said。

No　answer　came。

〃Go　on；〃　I　said；　looking　up。

The　big　blue　eyes　of　Basil　Grant　were　standing　out　of　his　head　and　he　was　paying　no　attention　to　me。　He　was　staring　over　the　side　of　the　tram。

〃What　is　the　matter？〃　I　asked；　peering　over　also。

〃It　is　very　odd；〃　said　Grant　at　last；　grimly；　〃that　I　should　have　been　caught　out　like　this　at　the　very　moment　of　my　optimism。　I　said　all　these　people　were　good；　and　there　is　the　wickedest　man　in　England。〃

〃Where？〃　I　asked；　leaning　over　further；　〃where？〃

〃Oh；　I　was　right　enough；〃　he　went　on；　in　that　strange　continuous　and　sleepy　tone　which　always　angered　his　hearers　at　acute　moments；　〃I　was　right　enough　when　I　said　all　these　people　were　good。　They　are　heroes；　they　are　saints。　Now　and　then　they　may　perhaps　steal　a　spoon　or　two；　they　may　beat　a　wife　or　two　with　the　poker。　But　they　are　saints　all　the　same；　they　are　angels；　they　are　robed　in　white；　they　are　clad　with　win