part 2-第17部分

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the　stairs；　and　she　felt　as　if　everything　inside　her　had　solidi…



fied　and　grown　hard。







　　　　　After　shutting　her　door　and　locking　it；　she　sat　down　on



the　edge　of　her　bed。　　This　place　had　always　been　her　refuge；



but　there　was　a　hostility　in　the　house　now　which　this　door



could　not　shut　out。　　This　would　be　her　last　summer　in　that



room。　　Its　services　were　over；　its　time　was　done。　　She　rose



and　put　her　hand　on　the　low　ceiling。　　Two　tears　ran　down



her　cheeks；　as　if　they　came　from　ice　that　melted　slowly。



She　was　not　ready　to　leave　her　little　shell。　　She　was　being



pulled　out　too　soon。　　She　would　never　be　able　to　think



anywhere　else　as　well　as　here。　　She　would　never　sleep　so



well　or　have　such　dreams　in　any　other　bed；　even　last　night；



such　sweet；　breathless　dreams　　Thea　hid　her　face　in　the



pillow。　　Wherever　she　went　she　would　like　to　take　that　little















bed　with　her。　　When　she　went　away　from　it　for　good；　she



would　leave　something　that　she　could　never　recover；　mem…



ories　of　pleasant　excitement；　of　happy　adventures　in　her



mind；　of　warm　sleep　on　howling　winter　nights；　and　joyous



awakenings　on　summer　mornings。　　There　were　certain



dreams　that　might　refuse　to　come　to　her　at　all　except　in　a



little　morning　cave；　facing　the　sunwhere　they　came　to



her　so　powerfully；　where　they　beat　a　triumph　in　her！







　　　　　The　room　was　hot　as　an　oven。　　The　sun　was　beating



fiercely　on　the　shingles　behind　the　board　ceiling。　　She　un…



dressed；　and　before　she　threw　herself　upon　her　bed　in　her



chemise；　she　frowned　at　herself　for　a　long　while　in　her　look…



ing…glass。　　Yes；　she　and　It　must　fight　it　out　together。　　The



thing　that　looked　at　her　out　of　her　own　eyes　was　the　only



friend　she　could　count　on。　　Oh；　she　would　make　these



people　sorry　enough！　　There　would　come　a　time　when　they



would　want　to　make　it　up　with　her。　　But；　never　again！　　She



had　no　little　vanities；　only　one　big　one；　and　she　would



never　forgive。







　　　　　Her　mother　was　all　right；　but　her　mother　was　a　part　of



the　family；　and　she　was　not。　　In　the　nature　of　things；　her



mother　had　to　be　on　both　sides。　　Thea　felt　that　she　had



been　betrayed。　　A　truce　had　been　broken　behind　her　back。



She　had　never　had　much　individual　affection　for　any　of　her



brothers　except　Thor；　but　she　had　never　been　disloyal；



never　felt　scorn　or　held　grudges。　　As　a　little　girl　she　had



always　been　good　friends　with　Gunner　and　Axel；　whenever



she　had　time　to　play。　　Even　before　she　got　her　own　room；



when　they　were　all　sleeping　and　dressing　together；　like



little　cubs；　and　breakfasting　in　the　kitchen；　she　had　led　an



absorbing　personal　life　of　her　own。　　But　she　had　a　cub



loyalty　to　the　other　cubs。　　She　thought　them　nice　boys　and



tried　to　make　them　get　their　lessons。　　She　once　fought　a



bully　who　〃picked　on〃　Axel　at　school。　　She　never　made



fun　of　Anna's　crimpings　and　curlings　and　beauty…rites。







　　　　　Thea　had　always　taken　it　for　granted　that　her　sister　and















brothers　recognized　that　she　had　special　abilities；　and　that



they　were　proud　of　it。　　She　had　done　them　the　honor；　she



told　herself　bitterly；　to　believe　that　though　they　had　no



particular　endowments；　THEY　WERE　OF　HER　KIND；　and　not　of



the　Moonstone　kind。　　Now　they　had　all　grown　up　and　be…



come　persons。　　They　faced　each　other　as　individuals；　and



she　saw　that　Anna　and　Gus　and　Charley　were　among　the



people　whom　she　had　always　recognized　as　her　natural



enemies。　　Their　ambitions　and　sacred　proprieties　were



meaningless　to　her。　　She　had　neglected　to　congratulate



Charley　upon　having　been　promoted　from　the　grocery　de…



partment　of　Commings's　store　to　the　drygoods　depart…



ment。　　Her　mother　had　reproved　her　for　this　omission。　　And



how　was　she　to　know；　Thea　asked　herself；　that　Anna　ex…



pected　to　be　teased　because　Bert　Rice　now　came　and　sat　in



the　hammock　with　her　every　night？　　No；　it　was　all　clear



enough。　　Nothing　that　she　would　ever　do　in　the　world



would　seem　important　to　them；　and　nothing　they　would



ever　do　would　seem　important　to　her。







　　　　　Thea　lay　thinking　intently　all　through　the　stifling　after…



noon。　　Tillie　whispered　something　outside　her　door　once；



but　she　did　not　answer。　　She　lay　on　her　bed　until　the　second



church　bell　rang；　and　she　saw　the　family　go　trooping　up



the　sidewalk　on　the　opposite　side　of　the　street；　Anna



and　her　father　in　the　lead。　　Anna　seemed　to　have　taken



on　a　very　story…book　attitude　toward　her　father；　pat…



ronizing　and　condescending；　it　seemed　to　Thea。　　The　older



boys　were　not　in　the　family　band。　　They　now　took　their



girls　to　church。　　Tillie　had　stayed　at　home　to　get　supper。



Thea　got　up；　washed　her　hot　face　and　arms；　and　put　on



the　white　organdie　dress　she　had　worn　last　night；　it　was



getting　too　small　for　her；　and　she　might　as　well　wear　it　out。



After　she　was　dressed　she　unlocked　her　door　and　went　cau…



tiously　downstairs。　　She　felt　as　if　chilling　hostilities　might



be　awaiting　her　in　the　trunk　loft；　on　the　stairway；　almost



anywhere。　　In　the　dining…room　she　found　Tillie；　sitting　by















the　open　window；　reading　the　dramatic　news　in　a　Denver



Sunday　paper。　　Tillie　kept　a　scrapbook　in　which　she　pasted



clippings　about　actors　and　actresses。







　　　　　〃Come　look　at　this　picture　of　Pauline　Hall　in　tights；



Thea；〃　she　called。　　〃Ain't　she　cute？　　It's　too　bad　you



didn't　go　to　the　theater　more　when　you　was　in　Chicago；



such　a　good　chance！　　Didn't　you　even　get　to　see　Clara



Morris　or　Modjeska？〃







　　　　　〃No；　I　didn't　have　time。　　Besides；　it　costs　money；



Tillie；〃　Thea　replied　wearily；　glancing　at　the　paper　Tillie



held　out　to　her。







　　　　　Tillie　looked　up　at　her　niece。　　〃Don't　you　go　and　be



upset　about　any　of　Anna's　notions。　　She's　one　of　these



narrow　kind。　　Your　father　and　mother　don't　pay　any　atten…



tion　to　what　she　says。　　Anna's　fussy；　she　is　with　me；　but



I　don't　mind　her。〃







　　　　　〃Oh；　I　don't　mind　her。　　That's　all　right；　Tillie。　　I　guess



I'll　take　a　walk。〃







　　　　　Thea　knew　that　Tillie　hoped　she　would　stay　and　talk　to



her　for　a　while；　and　she　would　have　liked　to　please　her。



But　in　a　house　as　small　as　that　one；　everything　was　too



intimate　and　mixed　up　together。　　The　family　was　the



family；　an　integral　thing。　　One　couldn't　discuss　Anna　there。



She　felt　differently　toward　the　house　and　everything　in　it；



as　if　the　battered　old　furniture　that　seemed　so　kindly；　and



the　old　carpets　on　which　she　had　played；　had　been　nour…



ishing　a　secret　grudge　against　her　and　were　not　to　be



trusted　any　more。







　　　　　She　went　aimlessly　out　of　the　front　gate；　not　know…



ing　what　to　do　with　herself。　　Mexican　Town；　somehow；　was



spoiled　for　her　just　then；　and　she　felt　that　she　would　hide



if　she　saw　Silvo　or　Felipe　coming　toward　her。　　She　walked



down　through　the　empty　main　street。　　All　the　stores　were



closed；　their　blinds　down。　　On　the　steps　of　the　bank　some



idle　boys　were　sitting；　telling　disgusting　stories　because



there　was　nothing　else　to　do。　　Several　of　them　had　gone















to　school　with　Thea；　but　when　she　nodded　to　them　they



hung　their　heads　and　did　not　speak。　　Thea's　body　was



often　curiously　expressive　of　what　was　going　on　in　her



mind；　and　to…night　there　was　something　in　her　walk　and



carriage　that　made　these　boys　feel　that　she　was　〃stuck



up。〃　　If　she　had　stopped　and　talked　to　them；　they　would



have　thawed　out　on　the　instant　and　would　have　been



friendly　and　grateful。　　But　Thea　was　hurt　afresh；　and



walked　on；　holding　her　chin　higher　than　ever。　　As　she



passed　the　Duke　Block；　she　saw　a　light　in　Dr。　Archie's



office；　and　she　went　up　the　stairs　and　opened　the　door　into



his　study。　　She　found　him　with　a　pile　of　papers　and　account…



books　before　him。　　He　pointed　her　to　her　old　chair　at　the



end　of　his　desk　and　leaned　back　in　his　own；　looking　at



her　with　satisfaction。　　How　handsome　she　was　growing！







　　　　　〃I'm　still　chasing　the　elusive　metal；　Thea；〃he　pointed



to　the　papers　before　him；〃I'm　up　to　my　neck　in　mines；



and　I'm　going　to　be　a　rich　man　some　day。〃







　　　　　〃I　hope　you　will；　awfully　rich。　　That's　the　only　thing



that　counts。〃　　She　looked　restlessly　about　the　consulting…



room。　　〃To　do　any　of　the　things　one　wants　to　do；　one　has



to　have　lots　and　lots　of　money。〃







　　　　　Dr。　Archie　was　direct。　　〃What's　the　matter？　　Do　you



need　some？〃







　　　　　Thea　shrugged。　　〃Oh；　I　can　get　along；　in　a　little　way。〃



She　looked　intently　out　of　the　window　at　the　arc　street…



lamp　that　was　just　beginning　to　sputter。　　〃But　it's　silly　to



live　at　all　for　little　things；〃　she　added　quietly。　　〃Living's



too　much　trouble　unless　one　can　get　something　big　out　of



it。〃







　　　　　Dr。　Archie　rested　his　elbows　on　the　arms　of　his　chair；



dropped　his　chin　on　his　clasped　hands　and　looked　at　her。



〃Living　is　no　trouble　for　little　people；　believe　me！〃　he



exclaimed。　　〃What　do　you　want　to　get　out　of　it？〃







　　　　　〃Ohso　many　things！〃　Thea　shivered。







　　　　　〃But　what？　　Money？　　You　mentioned　that。　　Well；　you















can　make　money；　if　you　care　about　that　more　than　any…



thing　else。〃　　He　nodded　prophetically　above　his　interlacing



fingers。







　　　　　〃But　I　don't。　　That's　only　one　thing。　　Anyhow；　I



couldn't　if　I　did。〃　　She　pulled　her　dress　lower　at　the　neck　as



if　she　w