michael-第11部分

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；　or　rather　can't　choose；　he　thinks　that　his　wishes；　his　authority；　should　be　sufficient　to　make　me　act　as　if　it　was。　　Well；　I　won't　do　that。　　He　may　go　on；〃and　that　pleasant　smile　lit　up　Michael's　plain　face　〃he　may　go　on　being　unaware　of　my　presence　as　long　as　he　pleases。　I　am　very　sorry　it　should　be　so；　but　I　can't　help　it。　　And　the　worst　of　it　is；　that　opposition　of　that　sorthis　sortmakes　me　more　determined　than　ever。〃

Aunt　Barbara　nodded。

〃And　your　friends？〃　she　asked。　　〃What　will　they　think？〃

Michael　looked　at　her　quite　simply　and　directly。

〃Friends？〃　he　said。　　〃I　haven't　got　any。〃

〃Ah；　my　dear；　that's　nonsense！〃　she　said。

〃I　wish　it　was。　　Oh；　Francis　is　a　friend；　I　know。　　He　thinks　me　an　odd　old　thing；　but　he　likes　me。　　Other　people　don't。　　And　I　can't　see　why　they　should。　　I'm　sure　it's　my　fault。　　It's　because　I'm　heavy。　　You　said　I　was；　yourself。〃

〃Then　I　was　a　great　ass；〃　remarked　Aunt　Barbara。　　〃You　wouldn't　be　heavy　with　people　who　understood　you。　　You　aren't　heavy　with　me；　for　instance；　but；　my　dear；　lead　isn't　in　it　when　you　are　with　your　father。〃

〃But　what　am　I　to　do；　if　I'm　like　that？〃　asked　the　boy。

She　held　up　her　large；　fat　hand；　and　marked　the　points　off　on　her　fingers。

〃Three　things；〃　she　said。　　〃Firstly；　get　away　from　people　who　don't　understand　you；　and　whom；　incidentally；　you　don't　understand。　Secondly；　try　to　see　how　ridiculous　you　and　everybody　else　always　are；　and；　thirdly；　which　is　much　the　most　important；　don't　think　about　yourself。　　If　I　thought　about　myself　I　should　consider　how　old　and　fat　and　ugly　I　am。　　I'm　not　ugly；　really；　you　needn't　be　foolish　and　tell　me　so。　　I　should　spoil　my　life　by　trying　to　be　young；　and　only　eating　devilled　codfish　and　drinking　hot　plum…　juice；　or　whatever　is　the　accepted　remedy　for　what　we　call　obesity。　We're　all　odd　old　things；　as　you　say。　　We　can　only　get　away　from　that　depressing　fact　by　doing　something；　and　not　thinking　about　ourselves。　　We　can　all　try　not　to　be　egoists。　　Egoism　is　the　really　heavy　quality　in　the　world。〃

She　paused　a　moment　in　this　inspired　discourse　and　whistled　to　Og；　who　had　stretched　his　weary　limbs　across　a　bed　of　particularly　fine　geraniums。

〃There！〃　she　said；　pointing；　〃if　your　dog　had　done　that；　you　would　be　submerged　in　depression　at　the　thought　of　how　vexed　your　father　would　be。　　That　would　be　because　you　are　thinking　of　the　effect　on　yourself。　　As　it's　my　dog　that　has　done　itdear　me；　they　do　look　squashed　now　he　has　got　upyou　don't　really　mind　about　your　father's　vexation；　because　you　won't　have　to　think　about　yourself。　That　is　wise　of　you；　if　you　were　a　little　wiser　still；　you　would　picture　to　yourself　how　ridiculous　I　shall　look　apologising　for　Og。　Kindly　kick　him；　Michael；　he　will　understand。　　Naughty！　　And　as　for　your　not　having　any　friends；　that　would　be　exceedingly　sad；　if　you　had　gone　the　right　way　to　get　them　and　failed。　　But　you　haven't。　You　haven't　even　gone　among　the　people　who　could　be　your　friends。　Your　friends；　broadly　speaking；　must　like　the　same　sort　of　things　as　you。　　There　must　be　a　common　basis。　　You　can't　even　argue　with　somebody；　or　disagree　with　somebody　unless　you　have　a　common　ground　to　start　from。　　If　I　say　that　black　is　white；　and　you　think　it　is　blue；　we　can't　get　on。　　It　leads　nowhere。　　And；　finally〃

She　turned　round　and　faced　him　directly。

〃Finally；　don't　be　so　cross；　my　dear；〃　she　said。

〃But　am　I？〃　asked　he。

〃Yes。　　You　don't　know　it；　or　else　probably；　since　you　are　a　very　decent　fellow；　you　wouldn't　be。　　You　expect　not　to　be　liked；　and　that　is　cross　of　you。　　A　good…humoured　person　expects　to　be　liked；　and　almost　always　is。　　You　expect　not　to　be　understood；　and　that's　dreadfully　cross。　　You　think　your　father　doesn't　understand　you；　no　more　he　does；　but　don't　go　on　thinking　about　it。　　You　think　it　is　a　great　bore　to　be　your　father's　only　son；　and　wish　Francis　was　instead。　　That's　cross；　you　may　think　it's　fine；　but　it　isn't；　and　it　is　also　ungrateful。　　You　can　have　great　fun　if　you　will　only　be　good…tempered！〃

〃How　did　you　know　thatabout　Francis；　I　mean？〃　asked　Michael。

〃Does　it　happen　to　be　true？　　Of　course　it　does。　　Every　cross　young　man　wishes　he　was　somebody　else。〃

〃No；　not　quite　that；〃　began　Michael。

〃Don't　interrupt。　　It　is　sufficiently　accurate。　　And　you　think　about　your　appearance；　my　dear。　　It　will　do　quite　well。　　You　might　have　had　two　noses；　or　only　one　eye；　whereas　you　have　two　rather　jolly　ones。　　And　do　try　to　see　the　joke　in　other　people；　Michael。　You　didn't　see　the　joke　in　your　interview　last　night　with　your　father。　　It　must　have　been　excruciatingly　funny。　　I　don't　say　it　wasn't　sad　and　serious　as　well。　　But　it　was　funny　too；　there　were　points。〃

Michael　shook　his　head。

〃I　didn't　see　them；〃　he　said。

〃But　I　should　have；　and　I　should　have　been　right。　　All　dignity　is　funny；　simply　because　it　is　sham。　　When　dignity　is　real；　you　don't　know　it's　dignity。　　But　your　father　knew　he　was　being　dignified；　and　you　knew　you　were　being　dignified。　　My　dear；　what　a　pair　of　you！〃

Michael　frowned。

〃But　is　nothing　serious；　then？〃　he　asked。　　〃Surely　it　was　serious　enough　last　night。　　There　was　I　in　rank　rebellion　to　my　father；　and　it　vexed　him　horribly；　it　did　more；　it　grieved　him。〃

She　laid　her　hand　on　Michael's　knee。

〃As　if　I　didn't　know　that！〃　she　said。　　〃We're　all　sorry　for　that；　though　I　should　have　been　much　sorrier　if　you　had　given　in　and　ceased　to　vex　him。　　But　there　it　is！　　Accept　that；　and　then；　my　dear；　swiftly　apply　yourself　to　perceive　the　humour　of　it。　　And　now；　about　your　plans！〃

〃I　shall　go　to　Baireuth　on　Wednesday；　and　then　on　to　Munich；〃　began　Michael。

〃That；　of　course。　　Perhaps　you　may　find　the　humour　of　a　Channel　crossing。　　I　look　for　it　in　vain。　　Yet　I　don't　know。　。　。　。　　The　man　who　puts　on　a　yachting…cap；　and　asks　if　there's　a　bit　of　a　sea　on。　It　proves　to　be　the　case；　and　he　is　excessively　unwell。　　I　must　look　out　for　him　next　time　I　cross。　　And　then？〃

〃Then　I　shall　settle　in　town　and　study。　　Oh；　here's　my　father　coming　home。〃

Lord　Ashbridge　approached　down　the　terrace。　　He　stopped　for　a　moment　at　the　desecrated　geranium　bed；　saw　the　two　sitting　together；　and　turned　at　right　angles　and　went　into　the　house。　Almost　immediately　a　footman　came　out　with　a　long　dog…lead　and　advanced　hesitatingly　to　Og。　　Og　was　convinced　that　he　had　come　to　play　with　him；　and　crouched　and　growled　and　retreated　and　advanced　with　engaging　affability。　　Out　of　the　windows　of　the　library　looked　Lord　Ashbridge's　baleful　face。　。　。　。　　Aunt　Barbara　swayed　out　of　her　chair；　and　laid　a　trembling　hand　on　Michael's　shoulder。

〃I　shall　go　and　apologise　for　Og；〃　she　said。　　〃I　shall　do　it　quite　sincerely；　my　dear。　　But　there　are　points。〃


CHAPTER　IV


Michael　practised　a　certain　mature　and　rather　elderly　precision　in　the　ordinary　affairs　of　daily　life。　　His　habits　were　almost　unduly　tidy　and　punctual；　he　answered　letters　by　return　of　post；　he　never　mislaid　things　nor　tore　up　documents　which　he　particularly　desired　should　be　preserved；　he　kept　his　gold　in　a　purse　and　his　change　in　a　trousers…pocket；　and　in　matters　of　travelling　he　always　arrived　at　stations　with　plenty　of　time　to　spare；　and　had　such　creature　comforts　as　he　desired　for　his　journey　in　a　neat　Gladstone　bag　above　his　head。　　He　never　travelled　first…class；　for　the　very　simple　and　adequate　reason　that；　though　very　well　off；　he　preferred　to　spend　his　money　in　ways　that　were　more　productive　of　usefulness　or　pleasure；　and　thus；　when　he　took　his　place　in　the　corner　of　a　second…class　compartment　of　the　Dover…Ostend　express　on　the　Wednesday　morning　following；　he　was　the　only　occupant　of　it。

Probably　he　had　never　felt　so　fully　at　liberty；　nor　enjoyed　a　keener　zest　for　life　and　the　future。　　For　the　first　time　he　had　asserted　his　own　indisputable　right　to　stand　on　his　own　feet；　and　though　he　was　genuinely　sorry　for　his　father's　chagrin　at　not　being　able　to　tuck　him　up　in　the　family　coach；　his　own　sense　of　independence　could　not　but　wave　its　banners。　　There　had　been　a　second　interview；　no　less　fruitless　than　the　first；　and　Lord　Ashbridge　had　told　him　that　when　next　his　presence　was　desired　at　home；　he　would　be　informed　of　the　fact。　　His　mother　had　cried　in　a　mild；　trickling　fashion；　but　it　was　quite　obvious　that　in　her　heart　of　hearts　she　was　more　concerned　with　a　bilious　attack　of　peculiar　intensity　that　had　assailed　Petsy。　　She　wished　Michael　would　not　be　so　disobedient　and　vex　his　father；　but　she　was　quite　sure　that　before　long　some　formula；　in　diplomatic　phrase；　would　be　found　on　which　reconciliation　could　be　based；　whereas　it　was　highly　uncertain　whether　any　formula　could　be　found　that　would　produce　the　desired　effect　on　Petsy；　whose　illness　she　attributed　to　the　shock　of　Og's　sudden　and　disconcerting　appearance　on　Saturday；　when　all　Petsy's　nervous　force　was　required　to　digest　the　copious　cream。　Consequently；　though　she　threw　reproachful　glances　at　Michael；　those　directed　at　Barbara；　who　was　the　cause　of　the　acuter　tragedy；　were　pointed　with　more　penetrating　blame。　　Indeed；　it　is　questionable　whether　Lady　Ashbridge　would　have　cried　at　all　over　Michael's　affairs　had　not　Petsy's　also　been　in　so　lamentable　and　critical　a　state。

Just　as　the　train　began　to　move　out　of　the　station　a　young　man　rushed　across　the　platform；　eluded　the　embrace　of　the　guard　who　attempted　to　stop　him　with　amazing　agility；　and　jumped　into　Michael's　compartment。　　He　slammed　the　door　after　him；　and　leaned　out；　apparently　looking　for　someone；　whom　he　soon　saw。

〃Just　caught　it；　Sylvia；〃　he　shouted。　　〃Send　on　my　luggage；　will　you？　　It's　in　the　taxi　still；　I　think；　and　I　haven't　paid　the　man。　Good…bye；　darling。〃

He　waved　to　her　till　the　curving　line　took　the　platform　out　of　sight；　and　then　sat　down　with　a　laugh；　and　eyes　of　friendly　interest　for　Michael。

〃Narrow　squeak；　wasn't　it？〃　he　said　gleefully。　　〃I　thought　the　guard　had　collared　me。　　And　I　should　have　missed　Parsifal。〃

Michael　had　recognised　him　at　once　as　he　rushed　across　the　platform；　his　shouting　to　Sylvia　had　but　confirmed　the　recognition；　and　here　on　the　day　of　his　entering　into　his　new　kingdom　of　liberty　was　one　of　its　citizens　almost　thrown　into　his　arms。　　But　for　the　moment　his　old　invincible　habit　of　shyness　and　sensitiveness　forbade　any　respon