michael-第20部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


years；　and　regarded　themselves；　and　were　regarded；　as　members　of　the　family。　　Lucas；　the　parlourmaid；　indeed；　from　the　intense　interest　she　took　in　the　conversation　at　table；　could　not　always　resist　joining　in　it；　and　was　apt　to　correct　Hermann　or　his　sister　if　she　detected　an　inaccuracy　in　their　statements。　　〃No；　Miss　Sylvia；〃　she　would　say；　〃it　was　on　Thursday；　not　Wednesday；〃　and　then　recollecting　herself；　would　add；　〃Beg　your　pardon；　miss。〃

In　this　milieu；　as　new　to　Michael　as　some　suddenly　discovered　country；　he　found　himself　at　once　plunged　and　treated　with　instant　friendly　intimacy。　　Hermann；　so　he　supposed；　must　have　given　him　a　good　character；　for　he　was　made　welcome　before　he　could　have　had　time　to　make　any　impression　for　himself；　as　Hermann's　friend。　　On　the　first　occasion　of　his　visiting　the　house；　for　the　purpose　of　his　music　lesson；　he　had　stopped　to　lunch　afterwards；　where　he　met　Sylvia；　and　was　in　the　presence　of　（you　could　hardly　call　it　more　than　that）　their　mother。

Mrs。　Falbe　had　faded　away　in　some　mist…like　fashion　soon　after；　but　it　was　evident　that　he　was　intended　to　do　no　such　thing；　and　they　had　gone　into　the　studio；　already　comrades；　and　Michael　had　chiefly　listened　while　the　other　two　had　violent　and　friendly　discussions　on　every　subject　under　the　sun。　　Then　Hermann　happened　to　sit　down　at　the　piano；　and　played　a　Chopin　etude　pianissimo　prestissimo　with　finger…tips　that　just　made　the　notes　to　sound　and　no　more；　and　Sylvia　told　him　that　he　was　getting　it　better；　and　then　Sylvia　sang　〃Who　is　Sylvia？〃　and　Hermann　told　her　that　she　shouldn't　have　eaten　so　much　lunch；　or　shouldn't　have　sung；　and　then；　by　transitions　that　Michael　could　not　recollect；　they　played　the　Hailstone　Chorus　out　of　Israel　in　Egypt　（or；　at　any　rate；　reproduced　the　spirit　of　it）；　and　both　sang　at　the　top　of　their　voices。　　Then；　as　usually　happened　in　the　afternoon；　two　or　three　friends　dropped　in；　and　though　these　were　all　intimate　with　their　hosts；　Michael　had　no　impression　of　being　out　in　the　cold　or　among　strangers。　　And　when　he　left　he　felt　as　if　he　had　been　stretching　out　chilly　hands　to　the　fire；　and　that　the　fire　was　always　burning　there；　ready　for　him　to　heat　himself　at；　with　its　welcoming　flames　and　core　of　sincere　warmth；　whenever　he　felt　so　disposed。

At　first　he　had　let　himself　do　this　much　less　often　than　he　would　have　liked；　for　the　shyness　of　years；　his　over…sensitive　modesty　at　his　own　want　of　charm　and　lightness；　was　a　self…erected　barrier　in　his　way。　　He　was；　in　spite　of　his　intimacy　with　Hermann；　desperately　afraid　of　being　tiresome；　of　checking　by　his　presence；　as　he　had　so　often　felt　himself　do　before；　the　ease　and　high　spirits　of　others。　　But　by　degrees　this　broke　down；　he　realised　that　he　was　now　among　those　with　whom　he　had　that　kinship　of　the　mind　and　of　tastes　which　makes　the　foundation　on　which　friendship；　and　whatever　friendship　may　ripen　into；　is　securely　built。　　Never　did　the　simplicity　and　sincerity　of　their　welcome　fail；　the　cordiality　which　greeted　him　was　always　his；　he　felt　that　it　was　intended　that　he　should　be　at　home　there　just　as　much　as　he　cared　to　be。

The　six　working　days　of　the　week；　however；　were　as　a　rule　too　full　both　for　the　Falbes　and　for　Michael　to　do　more　than　have；　apart　from　the　music　lessons；　flying　glimpses　of　each　other；　for　the　day　was　taken　up　with　work；　concerts　and　opera　occurred　often　in　the　evening；　and　the　shuttles　of　London　took　their　threads　in　divergent　directions。　　But　on　Sunday　the　house　at　Maidstone　Crescent　ceased；　as　Hermann　said；　to　be　a　junction；　and　became　a　temporary　terminus。

〃We　burst　from　our　chrysalis；　in　fact；〃　he　said。　　〃If　you　find　it　clearer　to　understand　this　way；　we　burst　from　our　chrysalis　and　become　a　caterpillar。　　Do　chrysalides　become　caterpillars！　　We　do；　anyhow。　　If　you　come　about　eight　you　will　find　food；　if　you　come　later　you　will　also　find　food　of　a　sketchier　kind。　　People　have　a　habit　of　dropping　in　on　Sunday　evening。　　There's　music　if　anyone　feels　inclined　to　make　any；　and　if　they　don't　they　are　made　to。　Some　people　come　early；　others　late；　and　they　stop　to　breakfast　if　they　wish。　　It's　a　gaudeamus；　you　know；　a　jolly；　a　jamboree。　　One　has　to　relax　sometimes。〃

Michael　felt　all　his　old　unfitness　for　dreadful　crowds　return　to　him。

〃Oh；　I'm　so　bad　at　that　sort　of　thing；〃　he　said。　　〃I　am　a　frightful　kill…joy；　Hermann。〃

Hermann　sat　down　on　the　treble　part　of　his　piano。

〃That's　the　most　conceited　thing　I've　heard　you　say　yet；〃　he　remarked。　　〃Nobody　will　pay　any　attention　to　you；　you　won't　kill　anybody's　joy。　　Also　it's　rather　rude　of　you。〃

〃I　didn't　mean　to　be　rude；〃　said　Michael。

〃Then　we　must　suppose　you　were　rude　by　accident。　　That　is　the　worst　sort　of　rudeness。〃

〃I'm　sorry；　I'll　come；〃　said　Michael。

〃That's　right。　　You　might　even　find　yourself　enjoying　it　by　accident；　you　know。　　If　you　don't；　you　can　go　away。　　There's　music；　Sylvia　sings　quite　seriously　sometimes；　and　other　people　sing　or　bring　violins；　and　those　who　don't　like　it；　talkand　then　we　get　less　serious。　　Have　a　try；　Michael。　　See　if　you　can't　be　less　serious；　too。〃

Michael　slipped　despairingly　from　his　seat。

〃If　only　I　knew　how！〃　he　said。　　〃I　believe　my　nurse　never　taught　me　to　play；　only　to　remember　that　I　was　a　little　gentleman。　　All　the　same；　when　I　am　with　you；　or　with　my　cousin　Francis；　I　can　manage　it　to　a　certain　extent。〃

Falbe　looked　at　him　encouragingly。

〃Oh；　you're　getting　on；〃　he　said。　　〃You　take　yourself　more　for　granted　than　you　used　to。　　I　remember　you　when　you　used　to　be　polite　on　purpose。　　It's　doing　things　on　purpose　that　makes　one　serious。　　If　you　ever　play　the　fool　on　purpose；　you　instantly　cease　playing　the　fool。〃

〃Is　that　it？〃　said　Michael。

〃Yes；　of　course。　　So　come　on　Sunday；　and　forget　all　about　it；　except　coming。　　And　now；　do　you　mind　going　away？　　I　want　to　put　in　a　couple　of　hours　before　lunch。　　You　know　what　to　practise　till　Tuesday；　don't　you？〃

That　was　the　first　Sunday　evening　that　Michael　had　spent　with　his　friends；　after　that；　up　till　this　present　date　in　November；　he　had　not　missed　a　single　one　of　those　gatherings。　　They　consisted　almost　entirely　of　men；　and　of　the　men　there　were　many　types；　and　many　ages。　　Actors　and　artists；　musicians　and　authors　were　indiscriminately　mingled；　it　was　the　strangest　conglomeration　of　diverse　interests。　　But　one　interest；　so　it　seemed　to　Michael；　bound　them　all　together；　they　were　all　doing　in　their　different　lives　the　things　they　most　delighted　in　doing。　　There　was　the　key　that　unlocked　all　the　locksnamely；　the　enjoyment　that　inspired　their　work。　　The　freemasonry　of　art　and　the　freemasonry　of　the　eager　mind　that　looks　out　without　verdict；　but　with　only　expectation　and　delight　in　experiment；　passed　like　an　open　secret　among　them；　secret　because　none　spoke　of　it；　open　because　it　was　so　transparently　obvious。　　And　since　this　was　so；　every　member　of　that　heterogeneous　community　had　a　respect　for　his　companions；　the　fact　that　they　were　there　together　showed　that　they　had　all　passed　this　initiation；　and　knew　what　for　them　life　meant。

Very　soon　after　dinner　all　sitting　accommodation；　other　than　the　floor；　was　occupied；　but　then　the　floor　held　the　later　comers；　and　the　smoke　from　many　cigarettes　and　the　babble　of　many　voices　made　a　constantly…ascending　incense　before　the　altar　dedicated　to　the　gods　that　inspire　all　enjoyable　endeavour。　　Then　Sylvia　sang；　and　both　those　who　cared　to　hear　exquisite　singing　and　those　who　did　not　were　alike　silent；　for　this　was　a　prayer　to　the　gods　they　all　worshipped；　and　Falbe　played；　and　there　was　a　quartet　of　strings。

After　that　less　serious　affairs　held　the　rooms；　an　eminent　actor　was　pleased　to　parody　another　eminent　actor　who　was　also　present。　This　led　to　a　scene　in　which　each　caricatured　the　other；　and　a　French　poet　did　gymnastic　feats　on　the　floor　and　upset　a　tray　of　soda…water；　and　a　German　conductor　fluffed　out　his　hair　and　died　like　Marguerite。　　And　when　in　the　earlier　hours　of　the　morning　part　of　the　guests　had　gone　away；　and　part　were　broiling　ham　in　the　kitchen；　Sylvia　sang　again；　quite　seriously；　and　Michael；　in　Hermann's　absence；　volunteered　to　play　her　accompaniment　for　her。　She　stood　behind　him；　and　by　a　finger　on　his　shoulder　directed　him　in　the　way　she　would　have　him　go。　　Michael　found　himself　suddenly　and　inexplicably　understanding　this；　her　finger；　by　its　pressure　or　its　light　tapping；　seemed　to　him　to　speak　in　a　language　that　he　found　himself　familiar　with；　and　he　slowed　down　stroking　the　notes；　or　quickened　with　staccato　touch；　as　she　wordlessly　directed　him。

Out　of　all　these　things；　which　were　but　trivialities；　pleasant；　unthinking　hours　for　all　else　concerned；　several　points　stood　out　for　Michael；　points　new　and　illuminating。　　The　first　was　the　simplicity　of　it　all；　the　spontaneousness　with　which　pleasure　was　born　if　only　you　took　off　your　clothes；　so　to　speak；　and　left　them　on　the　bank　while　you　jumped　in。　　All　his　life　he　had　buttoned　his　jacket　and　crammed　his　hat　on　to　his　head。　　The　second　was　the　sense；　indefinable　but　certain；　that　Hermann　and　Sylvia　between　them　were　the　high　priests　of　this　memorable　orgie。

He　himself　had　met；　at　dreadful；　solemn　evenings　when　Lady　Ashbridge　and　his　father　stood　at　the　head　of　the　stairs；　the　two　eminent　actors　who　had　romped　to…night；　and　found　them　exceedingly　stately　personages；　just　as　no　doubt　they　had　found　him　an　icy　and　awkward　young　man。　　But　they；　like　him；　had　taken　their　note　on　those　different　occasions　from　their　environment。　　Perhaps　if　his　father　and　mother　came　here　。　。　。　but　Michael's　imagination　quailed　before　such　a　supposition。

The　third　point；　which　gradually　through　these　weeks　began　to　haunt　him　more　and　more；　was　the　personality　of　Sylvia。　　He　had　never　come　across　a　girl　who　in　the　least　resembled　her；　probably　because　he　had　not　attempted　even　to　find　in　a　girl；　or　to　display　in　himself；　the　signals；　winked　across　from　one　to　the　other；　of　human　companionship。　　Always　he　had　found　a　difficulty　in　talking　to　a　girl；　because　he　had；　in　his　self…consciousness；　thought　about　what　he　should　say。　　There　had　been　the　cabalistic　question　of　sex　ever　in　front　of　him；　a　thing　that　troubled　and　deterred　him。　　But　Sylvia；　with　her　hand　on　his　shoulder；　absor