michael-第39部分

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〃There's　something　I　don't　like　about　her　this　evening；〃　she　said。　〃All　day　I　have　been　rather　anxious。　　She　must　be　watched　very　carefully。　　Now　I　want　you　to　get　her　to　come　upstairs；　and　I'll　try　to　make　her　go　to　bed。〃

Michael　felt　his　mouth　go　suddenly　dry。

〃What　do　you　expect？〃　he　said。

〃I　don't　expect　anything；　but　we　must　be　prepared。　　A　change　comes　very　quickly。〃

Michael　nodded；　and　they　went　back　together。

〃Now；　mother　darling；〃　he　said；　〃up　you　go　with　Nurse　Baker。　You've　been　out　all　day；　and　you　must　have　a　good　rest　before　dinner。　　Shall　I　come　up　and　see　you　soon？〃

A　curious；　sly　look　came　into　Lady　Ashbridge's　face。

〃Yes；　but　where　am　I　going　to？〃　she　said。　　〃How　do　I　know　Nurse　Baker　will　take　me　to　my　own　room？〃

〃Because　I　promise　you　she　will；〃　said　Michael。

That　instantly　reassured　her。　　Mood　after　mood；　as　Michael　saw；　were　passing　like　shadows　over　her　mind。

〃Ah；　that's　enough！〃　she　said。　　〃Good…bye；　Missthere！　the　name's　gone　again！　　But　won't　you　sit　here　and　have　a　talk　to　Michael；　and　let　him　show　you　over　the　house　to　see　if　you　like　it　against　the　time　　Oh；　Michael　said　I　mustn't　worry　you　about　that。　　And　won't　you　stop　and　have　dinner　with　us；　and　afterwards　we　can　sing。〃

Michael　put　his　arm　around　her。

〃We'll　talk　about　that　while　you're　resting；〃　he　said。　　〃Don't　keep　Nurse　Baker　waiting　any　longer；　mother。〃

She　nodded　and　smiled。

〃No；　no；　mustn't　keep　anybody　waiting；〃　she　said。　　〃Your　father　taught　me　to　be　punctual。〃

When　they　had　left　the　room　together；　Sylvia　turned　to　Michael。

〃Michael；　my　dear；〃　she　said；　〃I　think　you　arewell；　I　think　you　are　Michael。〃

She　saw　that　at　the　moment　he　was　not　thinking　of　her　at　all；　and　her　heart　honoured　him　for　that。

〃I'm　anxious　about　my　mother　to…night；〃　he　said。　　〃She　has　been　so　I　suppose　you　must　call　itwell　all　day；　but　the　nurse　isn't　easy　about　her。〃

Suddenly　all　his　fears　and　his　fatigue　and　his　trouble　looked　out　of　his　eyes。

〃I'm　frightened；〃　he　said；　〃and　it's　so　unutterably　feeble　of　me。　And　I'm　tired：　you　don't　know　how　tired；　and　try　as　I　may　I　feel　that　all　the　time　it　is　no　use。　　My　mother　is　slipping；　slipping　away。〃

〃But；　my　dear；　no　wonder　you　are　tired；〃　she　said。　　〃Michael；　can't　anybody　help？　　It　isn't　right　you　should　do　everything。〃

He　shook　his　head；　smiling。

〃They　can't　help；〃　he　said。　　〃I'm　the　only　person　who　can　help　her。　And　I〃

He　stood　up；　bracing　mind　and　body。

〃And　I'm　so　brutally　proud　of　it；〃　he　said。　　〃She　wants　me。　　Well；　that's　a　lot　for　a　son　to　be　able　to　say。　　Sylvia；　I　would　give　anything　to　keep　her。〃

Still　he　was　not　thinking　of　her；　and　knowing　that；　she　came　close　to　him　and　put　her　arm　in　his。　　She　longed　to　give　him　some　feeling　of　comradeship。　　She　could　be　sisterly　to　him　over　this　without　suggesting　to　him　what　she　could　not　be　to　him。　　Her　instinct　had　divined　right；　and　she　felt　the　answering　pressure　of　his　elbow　that　acknowledged　her　sympathy；　welcomed　it；　and　thought　no　more　about　it。

〃You　are　giving　everything　to　keep　her；〃　she　said。　　〃You　are　giving　yourself。　　What　further　gift　is　there；　Michael？〃

He　kept　her　arm　close　pressed　by　him；　and　she　knew　by　the　frankness　of　that　holding　caress　he　was　thinking　of　her　still　either　not　at　all；　or；　she　hoped；　as　a　comrade　who　could　perhaps　be　of　assistance　to　courage　and　clear…sightedness　in　difficult　hours。　　She　wanted　to　be　no　more　than　that　to　him　just　now；　it　was　the　most　she　could　do　for　him；　but　with　a　desire；　the　most　acute　she　had　ever　felt　for　him；　she　wanted　him　to　accept　thatto　take　her　comradeship　as　he　would　have　surely　taken　her　brother's。　　Once；　in　the　last　intimate　moments　they　had　had　together；　he　had　refused　to　accept　that　attitude　from　herhad　felt　it　a　relationship　altogether　impossible。　　She　had　seen　his　point　of　view；　and　recognised　the　justice　of　the　embarrassment。　　Now；　very　simply　but　very　eagerly；　she　hoped；　as　with　some　tugging　strain；　that　he　would　not　reject　it。　　She　knew　she　had　missed　this　brother；　who　had　refused　to　be　brother　to　her。　　But　he　had　been　about　his　own　business；　and　he　had　been　doing　his　own　business；　with　a　quiet　splendour　that　drew　her　eyes　to　him；　and　as　they　stood　there；　thus　linked；　she　wondered　if　her　heart　was　following。　。　。　。　　She　had　seen；　last　December；　how　reasonable　it　was　of　him　to　refuse　this　domestic　sort　of　intimacy　with　her；　now；　she　found　herself　intensely　longing　that　he　would　not　persist　in　his　refusal。

Suddenly　Michael　awoke　to　the　fact　of　her　presence；　and　abruptly　he　moved　away　from　her。

〃Thanks；　Sylvia；〃　he　said。　　〃I　know　I　have　youryour　good　wishes。　Butwell；　I　am　sure　you　understand。〃

She　understood　perfectly　well。　　And　the　understanding　of　it　cut　her　to　the　quick。

〃Have　you　got　any　right　to　behave　like　that　to　me；　Michael？〃　she　asked。　　〃What　have　I　done　that　you　should　treat　me　quite　like　that？〃

He　looked　at　her；　completely　recalled　in　mind　to　her　alone。　　All　the　hopes　and　desires　of　the　autumn　smote　him　with　encompassing　blows。

〃Yes；　every　right；〃　he　said。　　〃I　wasn't　heeding　you。　　I　only　thought　of　my　mother；　and　the　fact　that　there　was　a　very　dear　friend　by　me。　　And　then　I　came　to　myself：　I　remembered　who　the　friend　was。〃

They　stood　there　in　silence；　apart；　for　a　moment。　　Then　Michael　came　closer。　　The　desire　for　human　sympathy；　and　that　the　sympathy　he　most　longed　for；　gripped　him　again。

〃I'm　a　brute；〃　he　said。　　〃It　was　awfully　nice　of　you　toto　offer　me　that。　　I　accept　it　so　gladly。　　I'm　wretchedly　anxious。〃

He　looked　up　at　her。

〃Take　my　arm　again；〃　he　said。

She　felt　the　crook　of　his　elbow　tighten　again　on　her　wrist。　　She　had　not　known　before　how　much　she　prized　that。

〃But　are　you　sure　you　are　right　in　being　anxious；　Mike？〃　she　asked。　〃Isn't　it　perhaps　your　own　tired　nerves　that　make　you　anxious？〃

〃I　don't　think　so；〃　he　said。　　〃I've　been　tired　a　long　time；　you　see；　and　I　never　felt　about　my　mother　like　this。　　She　has　been　so　bright　and　content　all　day；　and　yet　there　were　little　lapses；　if　you　understand。　　It　was　as　if　she　knew：　she　said　good…bye　to　the　lake　and　the　jolly　moor…hens　and　the　grass。　　And　her　nurse　thinks　so；　too。　　She　called　me　out　of　the　room　just　now　to　tell　me　that。　。　。　。　　I　don't　know　why　I　should　tell　you　these　depressing　things。〃

〃Don't　you？〃　she　asked。　　〃But　I　do。　　It's　because　you　know　I　care。　Otherwise　you　wouldn't　tell　me：　you　couldn't。〃

For　a　moment　the　balance　quavered　in　his　mind　between　Sylvia　the　beloved　and　Sylvia　the　friend。　　It　inclined　to　the　friend。

〃Yes；　that's　why；〃　he　said。　　〃And　I　reproach　myself；　you　know。　　All　these　years　I　might；　if　I　had　tried　harder；　have　been　something　to　my　mother。　　I　might　have　managed　it。　　I　thoughtat　least　I　felt　that　she　didn't　encourage　me。　　But　I　was　a　beast　to　have　been　discouraged。　　And　now　her　wanting　me　has　come　just　when　it　isn't　her　unclouded　self　that　wants　me。　　It's　as　ifas　if　it　had　been　raining　all　day；　and　just　on　sunset　there　comes　a　gleam　in　the　west。　　And　so　soon　after　it's　night。〃

〃You　made　the　gleam；〃　said　Sylvia。

〃But　so　late；　so　awfully　late。〃

Suddenly　he　stood　stiff；　listening　to　some　sound　which　at　present　she　did　not　hear。　　It　sounded　a　little　louder；　and　her　ears　caught　the　running　of　footsteps　on　the　stairs　outside。　　Next　moment　the　door　opened；　and　Lady　Ashbridge's　maid　put　in　a　pale　face。

〃Will　you　go　to　her　ladyship；　my　lord？〃　she　said。　　〃Her　nurse　wants　you。　　She　told　me　to　telephone　to　Sir　James。〃

Sylvia　moved　with　him；　not　disengaging　her　arm；　towards　the　door。

〃Michael；　may　I　wait？〃　she　said。　　〃You　might　want　me；　you　know。　Please　let　me　wait。〃


Lady　Ashbridge's　room　was　on　the　floor　above；　and　Michael　ran　up　the　intervening　stairs　three　at　a　time。　　He　knocked　and　entered　and　wondered　why　he　had　been　sent　for；　for　she　was　sitting　quietly　on　her　sofa　near　the　window。　　But　he　noticed　that　Nurse　Baker　stood　very　close　to　her。　　Otherwise　there　was　nothing　that　was　in　any　way　out　of　the　ordinary。

〃And　here　he　is；〃　said　the　nurse　reassuringly　as　he　entered。

Lady　Ashbridge　turned　towards　the　door　as　Michael　came　in；　and　when　he　met　her　eyes　he　knew　why　he　had　been　sent　for；　why　at　this　moment　Sir　James　was　being　summoned。　　For　she　looked　at　him　not　with　the　clouded　eyes　of　affection；　not　with　the　mother…spirit　striving　to　break　through　the　shrouding　trouble　of　her　brain；　but　with　eyes　of　blank　non…recognition。　　She　saw　him　with　the　bodily　organs　of　her　vision；　but　the　picture　of　him　was　conveyed　no　further：　there　was　a　blank　wall　behind　her　eyes。

Michael　did　not　hesitate。　　It　was　possible　that　he　still　might　be　something　to　her；　that　he；　his　presence；　might　penetrate。

〃But　you　are　not　resting；　mother；〃　he　said。　　〃Why　are　you　sitting　up？　　I　came　to　talk　to　you；　as　I　said　I　would；　while　you　rested。〃

Suddenly　into　those　blank；　irresponsive　eyes　there　leaped　recognition。　　He　saw　the　pupils　contract　as　they　focused　themselves　on　him；　and　hand　in　hand　with　recognition　there　leaped　into　them　hate。　　Instantly　that　was　veiled　again。　　But　it　had　been　there；　and　now　it　was　not　banished；　it　lurked　behind　in　the　shadows；　crouching　and　waiting。

She　answered　him　at　once；　but　in　a　voice　that　was　quite　toneless。　It　seemed　like　that　of　a　child　repeating　a　lesson　which　it　had　learned　by　heart；　and　could　be　pronounced　while　it　was　thinking　of　something　quite　different。

〃I　was　waiting　till　you　came；　my　dear；〃　she　said。　　〃Now　I　will　lie　down。　　Come　and　sit　by　me；　Michael。〃

She　watched　him　narrowly　while　she　spoke；　then　gave　a　quick　glance　at　her　nurse；　as　if　to　see　that　they　were　not　making　signals　to　each　other。　　There　was　an　easy　chair　just　behind　her　head；　and　as　Michael　wheeled　it　up　near　her　sofa；　he　looked　at　the　nurse。　　She　moved　her　hand　slightly　towards　the　left；　and　interpreting　this；　he　moved　the　chair　a　little　to　the　left；　so　that　he　would　not　sit；　as　he　had　intended；　quite　close　to　the　sofa。

〃And　you　enjoyed　your　day　in　the　country；　mother？〃　asked　Michael。

She　looked　at　him　sideways　and　slowly。　　Then　again；　as　if　recollecting　a　task　she　had　committed　to　memory；　she　answered。

〃Yes；　so　much；〃　she　said。　　〃All　the　trees　and　the　birds　and　the　sunshine。　　I　enjoyed　them　so　much。〃

She　paused　a　moment。

〃Bring　your　chair　a　little　closer；　my　d