michael-第41部分

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〃Tell　me；　then；〃　she　said。　　〃You've　seen　your　father？〃

There　was　no　cloud　on　Michael's　face。　　There　was　such　sunlight　where　his　soul　sat　that　no　shadow　could　fall　across　it。

〃Oh；　yes；　I　saw　him；〃　he　said。

He　captured　Sylvia's　hand　again。

〃And　what　is　more　he　saw　me；　so　to　speak；〃　he　said。　　〃He　realised　that　I　had　an　existence　independent　of　him。　　I　used　to　be　aa　sort　of　clock　to　him；　he　could　put　its　hands　to　point　to　any　hour　he　chose。　　Well；　he　has　realisedhe　has　reallythat　I　am　ticking　along　on　my　own　account。　　He　was　quite　respectful；　not　only　to　me；　which　doesn't　matter；　but　to　youwhich　does。〃　　Michael　laughed；　as　he　plaited　his　fingers　in　with　hers。

〃My　father　is　so　comic；〃　he　said；　〃and　unlike　most　great　humourists　his　humour　is　absolutely　unconscious。　　He　was　perfectly　well　aware　that　I　meant　to　marry　you；　for　I　told　him　that　last　Christmas；　adding　that　you　did　not　mean　to　marry　me。　　So　since　then　I　think　he's　got　used　to　you。　　Used　to　youfancy　getting　used　to　you！〃

〃Especially　since　he　had　never　seen　me；〃　said　the　girl。

〃That　makes　it　less　odd。　　Getting　used　to　you　after　seeing　you　would　be　much　more　incredible。　　I　was　saying　that　in　a　way　he　had　got　used　to　you；　just　as　he's　got　used　to　my　being　a　person；　and　not　a　clock　on　his　chimney…piece；　and　what　seems　to　have　made　so　much　difference　is　what　Aunt　Barbara　told　him　last　night；　namely；　that　your　mother　was　a　Tracy。　　Sylvia；　don't　let　it　be　too　much　for　you；　but　in　a　certain　far…away　manner　he　realises　that　you　are　'one　of　us。'　　Isn't　he　a　comic？　　He's　going　to　make　the　best　of　you；　it　appears。　　To　make　the　best　of　you！　　You　can't　beat　that；　you　know。　In　fact；　he　told　me　to　ask　if　he　might　come　and　pay　his　respects　to　your　mother　to…morrow。

〃And　what　about　my　singing；　my　career？〃　she　asked。

Michael　laughed　again。

〃He　was　funny　about　that　also；〃　he　said。　　〃My　father　took　it　absolutely　for　granted　that　having　made　this　tremendous　social　advance；　you　would　bury　your　past；　all　but　the　Tracy　part　of　it；　as　if　it　had　been　something　disgraceful　which　the　exalted　Comber　family　agreed　to　overlook。〃

〃And　what　did　you　say？〃

〃I？　　Oh；　I　told　him　that；　of　course；　you　would　do　as　you　pleased　about　that；　but　that　for　my　part　I　should　urge　you　most　strongly　to　do　nothing　of　the　kind。〃

〃And　he？〃

〃He　got　four　inches　taller。　　What　is　so　odd　is　that　as　long　as　I　never　opposed　my　father's　wishes；　as　long　as　I　was　the　clock　on　the　chimney　piece；　I　was　terrified　at　him。　　The　thought　of　opposing　myself　to　him　made　my　knees　quake。　　But　the　moment　I　began　doing　so；　I　found　there　was　nothing　to　be　frightened　at。〃

Sylvia　got　up　and　began　walking　up　and　down　the　long　room。

〃But　what　am　I　to　do　about　it；　Michael？〃　she　asked。　　〃Oh；　I　blush　when　I　think　of　a　conversation　I　had　with　Hermann　about　you；　just　before　Christmas；　when　I　knew　you　were　going　to　propose　to　me。　　I　said　that　I　could　never　give　up　my　singing。　　Can　you　picture　the　self…importance　of　that？　　Why；　it　doesn't　seem　to　me　to　matter　two　straws　whether　I　do　or　not。　　Naturally；　I　don't　want　to　earn　my　living　by　it　any　more；　but　whether　I　sing　or　not　doesn't　matter。　And　even　as　the　words　are　in　my　mouth　I　try　to　imagine　myself　not　singing　any　more；　and　I　can't。　　It's　become　part　of　me；　and　while　I　blush　to　think　of　what　I　said　to　Hermann；　I　wonder　whether　it's　not　true。〃

She　came　and　sat　down　by　him　again。

〃I　believe　you　have　got　enough　artistic　instinct　to　understand　that；　Michael；〃　she　said；　〃and　to　know　what　a　tremendous　help　it　is　to　one's　art　to　be　a　professional；　and　to　be　judged　seriously。　　I　suppose　that；　ideally；　if　one　loves　music　as　I　do　one　ought　to　be　able　to　do　one's　very　best；　whether　one　is　singing　professionally　or　not；　but　it　is　hardly　possible。　　Why；　the　whole　difference　between　amateurs　and　professionals　is　that　amateurs　sing　charmingly　and　professionals　just　sing。　　Only　they　sing　as　well　as　they　possibly　can；　not　only　because　they　love　it；　but　because　if　they　don't　they　will　be　dropped　on　to；　and　if　they　continue　not　singing　their　best；　will　lose　their　place　which　they　have　so　hardly　won。　　I　can　see　myself；　perhaps；　not　singing　at　all；　literally　never　opening　my　lips　in　song　again；　but　I　can't　see　myself　coming　down　to　the　Drill　Hall　at　Brixton；　extremely　beautifully　dressed；　with　rows　of　pearls；　and　arriving　rather　late；　and　just　singing　charmingly。　　It's　such　a　spur　to　know　that　serious　musicians　judge　one's　performance　by　the　highest　possible　standard。　　It's　so　relaxing　to　think　that　one　can　easily　sing　well　enough；　that　one　can　delight　ninety…nine　hundredths　of　the　audience　without　any　real　effort。　　I　could　sing　'The　Lost　Chord'　and　move　the　whole　Drill　Hall　at　Brixton　to　tears。　　But　there　might　be　one　man　there　who　knew；　you　or　Hermann　or　some　other；　and　at　the　end　he　would　just　shrug　his　shoulders　ever　so　slightly；　and　I　would　wish　I　had　never　been　born。〃

She　paused　a　moment。

〃I'll　not　sing　any　more　at　all；　ever；〃　she　said；　〃or　I　must　sing　to　those　who　will　take　me　seriously　and　judge　me　ruthlessly。　　To　sing　just　well　enough　to　please　isn't　possible。　　I'll　do　either　you　like。〃

Mrs。　Falbe　strayed　in　at　this　moment　with　her　finger　in　her　book；　but　otherwise　as　purposeless　as　a　wandering　mist。

〃I　was　afraid　it　might　be　going　to　get　chilly；〃　she　remarked。　〃After　a　hot　day　there　is　often　a　cool　evening。　　Will　you　stop　and　dine；　LordI　mean；　Michael？〃

〃Please；　certainly！〃　said　Michael。

〃Then　I　hope　there　will　be　something　for　you　to　eat。　　Sylvia；　is　there　something　to　eat？　　No　doubt　you　will　see　to　that；　darling。　　I　shall　just　rest　upstairs　for　a　little　before　dinner；　and　perhaps　finish　my　book。　　So　pleased　you　are　stopping。〃

She　drifted　towards　the　studio　door；　in　thistledown　fashion　catching　at　corners　a　little；　and　then　moving　smoothly　on　again；　talking　gently　half　to　herself；　half　to　the　others。

〃And　Hermann's　not　in　yet；　but　if　LordI　mean；　Michael；　is　going　to　stop　here　till　dinnertime；　it　won't　matter　whether　Hermann　comes　in　in　time　to　dress　or　not；　as　Michael　is　not　dressed　either。　　Oh；　there　is　the　postman's　knock！　　What　a　noise！　　I　am　not　expecting　any　letters。〃

The　knock　in　question；　however；　proved　to　be　Hermann；　who；　as　was　generally　the　case；　had　forgotten　his　latchkey。　　He　ran　into　his　mother　at　the　studio　door；　and　came　and　sat　down；　regardless　of　whether　he　was　wanted　or　not；　between　the　two　on　the　sofa；　and　took　an　arm　of　each。

〃I　probably　intrude；〃　he　said；　〃but　such　is　my　intention。　　I've　just　seen　Lady　Barbara；　who　says　that　the　shock　has　not　been　too　much　for　Mike's　father。　　That　is　a　good　thing；　she　says　he　is　taking　nourishment　much　as　usual。　　I　suppose　I　oughtn't　to　jest　on　so　serious　a　subject；　but　I　took　my　cue　from　Lady　Barbara。　　It　appears　that　we　have　blue　blood　too；　Sylvia；　and　we　must　behave　more　like　aristocrats。　　A　Tracy　in　the　time　of　King　John　flirted；　if　no　more；　with　a　Comber。　　And　what　about　your　career；　Sylvia？　Are　you　going　to　continue　to　urge　your　wild　career；　or　not？　　I　ask　with　a　purpose；　as　Blackiston　proposes　we　should　give　a　concert　together　in　the　third　week　in　July。　　The　Queen's　Hall　is　vacant　one　afternoon；　and　he　thinks　we　might　sing　and　play　to　them。　　I'm　on　if　you　are。　　It　will　be　about　the　last　concert　of　the　season；　too；　so　we　shall　have　to　do　our　best。　　Otherwise　we；　or　I；　anyhow；　will　start　again　in　the　autumn　with　a　black　mark。　　By　the　way；　are　you　going　to　start　again　in　the　autumn？　　It　wouldn't　surprise　me　one　bit　to　hear　that　you　and　Mike　had　been　talking　about　just　that。〃

〃Don't　be　too　clever　to　live；　Hermann；〃　said　Sylvia。

〃I　don't　propose　to　die；　if　you　mean　that。　　Oh；　Blackiston　had　another　suggestion　also。　　He　wanted　to　know　if　we　would　consider　making　a　short　tour　in　Germany　in　the　autumn。　　He　says　that　the　beloved　Fatherland　is　rather　disposed　to　be　interested　in　us。　　He　thinks　we　should　have　good　audiences　at　Leipzig；　and　so　on。　There's　a　tendency；　he　says；　to　recognise　poor　England；　a　cordial　intention；　anyhow。　　I　said　that　in　your　case　there　might　be　domestic　considerations　which　　But　I　think　I　shall　go　in　any　case。　　Lord；　fancy　playing　in　Germany　to　Germans　again。　　Fancy　being　listened　to　by　a　German　audience；　fancy　if　they　approved。〃

Michael　leaned　forward；　putting　his　elbow　into　Hermann's　chest。　Early　December　had　already　been　mentioned　as　a　date　for　their　marriage；　and　as　a　pre…nuptial　journey；　this　seemed　to　him　a　plan　ecstatically　ideal。

〃Yes；　Sylvia；〃　he　said。　　〃The　answer　is　yes。　　I　shall　come　with　you；　you　know。　　I　can　see　it；　a　triumphal　procession；　you　two　making　noises；　and　me　listening。　　A　month's　tour；　Hermann。　　Middle　of　October　till　middle　of　November。　　Yes；　yes。〃

All　his　tremendous　pride　in　her　singing；　dormant　for　the　moment　under　the　wonder　of　his　love；　rose　to　the　surface。　　He　knew　what　her　singing　meant　to　her；　and；　from　their　conversation　together　just　now；　how　keen　was　her　eagerness　for　the　strict　judgment　of　those　who　knew；　how　she　loved　that　austere　pinnacle　of　daylight。　Here　was　an　ideal　opportunity；　never　yet；　since　she　had　won　her　place　as　a　singer；　had　she　sung　in　Germany；　that　Mecca　of　the　musical　artist；　and　in　her　case；　the　land　from　which　she　sprung。　Had　the　scheme　implied　a　postponement　of　their　marriage；　he　would　still　have　declared　himself　for　it；　for　he　unerringly　felt　for　her　in　this；　he　knew　intuitively　what　delicious　beckoning　this　held　for　her。

〃Yes；　yes；〃　he　repeated；　〃I　must　have　you　do　that；　Sylvia。　　I　don't　care　what　Hermann　wants　or　what　you　want。　　I　want　it。〃

〃Yes；　but　who's　to　do　the　playing　and　the　singing？〃　asked　Hermann。　〃Isn't　it　a　question；　perhaps；　for〃

Michael　felt　quite　secure　about　the　feelings　of　the　other　two；　and　rudely　interrupted。

〃No；〃　he　said。　　〃It's　a　question　for　me。　　When　the　Fatherland　hears　that　I　am　there　it　will　no　doubt　ask　me　to　play　and　sing　instead　of　you　two。　　Lord！　　Fancy　marrying　into　such　a　distinguished　family。　I　burst　with　pride！〃

It　required；　then；　little　debate；　since　all　three　were　agreed；　before　Hermann　was　empowered　with　authority　to　make　arrangements；　and　they　remained　simultaneously　talking　till　Mrs。　Falbe；　again　drifting　in；　announced　that　the　bell　for　dinner　had　sounded　some　minutes　before。　　She　had　her　finger　in　the　last　chapter　of　〃Lady　Ursula's　Ordeal；〃　and　laid