their silver wedding journey v3-第34部分

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an　end　to　everything。　　And　that　is　what　I　did；　and　I　shall　always　think
Idid　rightand〃

The　rest　was　lost　in　Agatha's　handkerchief；　which　she　put　up　to　her　eyes。
Mrs。　March　watched　her　from　her　pillow　keeping　the　girl's　unoccupied　hand
in　her　own；　and　softly　pressing　it　till　the　storm　was　past　sufficiently
to　allow　her　to　be　heard。

Then　she　said；　〃Men　are　very　strangethe　best　of　them。　　And　from　the
very　fact　that　he　was　disappointed；　he　would　be　all　the　more　apt　to　rush
into　a　flirtation　with　somebody　else。〃

Miss　Triscoe　took　down　her　handkerchief　from　a　face　that　had　certainly
not　been　beautified　by　grief。　　〃I　didn't　blame　him　for　the　flirting；　or
not　so　much。　　It　was　his　keeping　it　from　me　afterwards。　　He　ought　to　have
told　me　the　very　first　instant　we　were　engaged。　　But　he　didn't。　　He　let
it　go　on；　and　if　I　hadn't　happened　on　that　bouquet　I　might　never　have
known　anything　about　it。　　That　is　what　I　mean　bya　false　nature。
I　wouldn't　have　minded　his　deceiving　me；　but　to　let　me　deceive　myself
Oh；　it　was　too　much！〃

Agatha　hid　her　face　in　her　handkerchief　again。　　She　was　perching　on　the
edge　of　the　berth；　and　Mrs。　March　said；　with　a　glance；　which　she　did　not
see；　toward　the　sofa；　〃I'm　afraid　that's　rather　a　hard　seat　for　you。

〃Oh；　no；　thank　you！　　I'm　perfectly　comfortableI　like　itif　you　don't
mind？〃

Mrs。　March　pressed　her　hand　for　answer；　and　after　another　little　delay；
sighed　and　said；　〃They　are　not　like　us；　and　we　cannot　help　it。　　They　are
more　temporizing。〃

〃How　do　you　mean？〃　Agatha　unmasked　again。

〃They　can　bear　to　keep　things　better　than　we　can；　and　they　trust　to　time
to　bring　them　right；　or　to　come　right　of　themselves。〃

〃I　don't　think　Mr。　March　would　trust　things　to　come　right　of　themselves！〃
said　Agatha　in　indignant　accusal　of　Mrs。　March's　sincerity。

〃Ah；　that's　just　what　he　would　do；　my　dear；　and　has　done；　all　along；　and
I　don't　believe　we　could　have　lived　through　without　it：　we　should　have
quarrelled　ourselves　into　the　grave！〃

〃Mrs。　March！〃

〃Yes；　indeed。　　I　don't　mean　that　he　would　ever　deceive　me。　　But　he　would
let　things　go　on；　and　hope　that　somehow　they　would　come　right　without　any
fuss。〃

〃Do　you　mean　that　he　would　let　anybody　deceive　themselves？〃

〃I'm　afraid　he　wouldif　he　thought　it　would　come　right。　　It　used　to　be　a
terrible　trial　to　me；　and　it　is　yet；　at　times　when　I　don't　remember　that
he　means　nothing　but　good　and　kindness　by　it。　　Only　the　other　day　in
Ansbachhow　long　ago　it　seems！he　let　a　poor　old　woman　give　him　her
son's　address　in　Jersey　City；　and　allowed　her　to　believe　he　would　look
him　up　when　we　got　back　and　tell　him　we　had　seen　her。　　I　don't　believe；
unless　I　keep　right　round　after　him；　as　we　say　in　New　England；　that　he'll
ever　go　near　the　man。〃

Agatha　looked　daunted；　but　she　said；　〃That　is　a　very　different　thing。〃

〃It　isn't　a　different　kind　of　thing。　　And　it　shows　what　men　are；the
sweetest　and　best　of　them；　that　is。　　They　are　terribly　apt　to　be
easy…going。〃

〃Then　you　think　I　was　all　wrong？〃　the　girl　asked　in　a　tremor。

〃No；　indeed！　　You　were　right；　because　you　really　expected　perfection　of
him。　　You　expected　the　ideal。　　And　that's　what　makes　all　the　trouble；　in
married　life：　we　expect　too　much　of　each　otherwe　each　expect　more　of
the　other　than　we　are　willing　to　give　or　can　give。　　If　I　had　to　begin
over　again；　I　should　not　expect　anything　at　all；　and　then　I　should　be
sure　of　being　radiantly　happy。　　But　all　this　talking　and　all　this　writing
about　love　seems　to　turn　our　brains；　we　know　that　men　are　not　perfect；
even　at　our　craziest；　because　women　are　not；　but　we　expect　perfection　of
them；　and　they　seem　to　expect　it　of　us；　poor　things！　　If　we　could　keep　on
after　we　are　in　love　just　as　we　were　before　we　were　in　love；　and　take
nice　things　as　favors　and　surprises；　as　we　did　in　the　beginning！　　But　we
get　more　and　more　greedy　and　exacting〃

〃Do　you　think　I　was　too　exacting　in　wanting　him　to　tell　me　everything
after　we　were　engaged？〃

〃No；　I　don't　say　that。　　But　suppose　he　had　put　it　off　till　you　were
married？〃　　Agatha　blushed　a　little；　but　not　painfully；　〃Would　it　have
been　so　bad？　　Then　you　might　have　thought　that　his　flirting　up　to　the
last　moment　in　his　desperation　was　a　very　good　joke。　　You　would　have
understood　better　just　how　it　was；　and　it　might　even　have　made　you　fonder
of　him。　　You　might　have　seen　that　he　had　flirted　with　some　one　else
because　he　was　so　heart…broken　about　you。〃

〃Then　you　believe　that　if　I　could　have　waited　tilltill　but　when　I　had
found　out；　don't　you　see　I　couldn't　wait？　　It　would　have　been　all　very
well　if　I　hadn't　known　it　till　then。　　But　as　I　did　know　it。　　Don't　you
see？〃

〃Yes；　that　certainly　complicated　it；〃　Mrs。　March　admitted。　　〃But　I　don't
think；　if　he'd　been　a　false　nature；　he'd　have　owned　up　as　he　did。　　You
see；　he　didn't　try　to　deny　it；　and　that's　a　great　point　gained。〃

〃Yes；　that　is　true；〃　said　Agatha；　with　conviction。　　〃I　saw　that
afterwards。　　But　you　don't　think；　Mrs。　March；　that　I　was　unjust　oror
hasty？〃

〃No；　indeed！　　You　couldn't　have　done　differently　under　the　circumstances。
You　may　be　sure　he　felt　thathe　is　so　unselfish　and　generous〃　Agatha
began　to　weep　into　her　handkerchief　again；　Mrs。　March　caressed　her　hand。
〃And　it　will　certainly　come　right　if　you　feel　as　you　do。〃

〃No；〃　the　girl　protested。　　〃He　can　never　forgive　me；　it's　all　over；
everything　is　over。　　It　would　make　very　little　difference　to　me；　what
happened　nowif　the　steamer　broke　her　shaft；　or　anything。　　But　if　I　can
only　believe　I　wasn't　unjust〃

Mrs。　March　assured　her　once　more　that　she　had　behaved　with　absolute
impartiality；　and　she　proved　to　her　by　a　process　of　reasoning　quite
irrefragable　that　it　was　only　a　question　of　time；　with　which　place　had
nothing　to　do；　when　she　and　Burnamy　should　come　together　again；　and　all
should　be　made　right　between　them。　　The　fact　that　she　did　not　know　where
he　was；　any　more　than　Mrs。　March　herself；　had　nothing　to　do　with　the
result；　that　was　a　mere　detail；　which　would　settle　itself。　　She　clinched
her　argument　by　confessing　that　her　own　engagement　had　been　broken　off；
and　that　it　had　simply　renewed　itself。　　All　you　had　to　do　was　to　keep
willing　it；　and　waiting。　　There　was　something　very　mysterious　in　it。

〃And　how　long　was　it　till〃　Agatha　faltered。

〃Well；　in　our　ease　it　was　two　years。〃

〃Oh！〃　said　the　girl；　but　Mrs。　March　hastened　to　reassure　her。

〃But　our　case　was　very　peculiar。　　I　could　see　afterwards　that　it　needn't
have　been　two　months；　if　I　had　been　willing　to　acknowledge　at　once　that　I
was　in　the　wrong。　　I　waited　till　we　met。〃

〃If　I　felt　that　I　was　in　the　wrong；　I　should　write；〃　said　Agatha。
〃I　shouldn't　care　what　he　thought　of　my　doing　it。〃

〃Yes；　the　great　thing　is　to　make　sure　that　you　were　wrong。〃

They　remained　talking　so　long；　that　March　and　the　general　had　exhausted
all　the　topics　of　common　interest；　and　had　even　gone　through　those　they
did　not　care　for。　　At　last　the　general　said；　〃I'm　afraid　my　daughter　will
tire　Mrs。　March。〃

〃Oh；　I　don't　think　she'll　tire　my　wife。　　But　do　you　want　her？〃

〃Well；　when　you're　going　down。〃

〃I　think　I'll　take　a　turn　about　the　deck；　and　start　my　circulation；〃　said
March；　and　he　did　so　before　he　went　below。

He　found　his　wife　up　and　dressed；　and　waiting　provisionally　on　the　sofa。
〃I　thought　I　might　as　well　go　to　lunch；〃　she　said；　and　then　she　told　him
about　Agatha　and　Burnamy；　and　the　means　she　had　employed　to　comfort　and
encourage　the　girl。　　〃And　now；　dearest；　I　want　you　to　find　out　where
Burnamy　is；　and　give　him　a　hint。　　You　will；　won't　you！　　If　you　could　have
seen　how　unhappy　she　was！〃

〃I　don't　think　I　should　have　cared；　and　I'm　certainly　not　going　to
meddle。　　I　think　Burnamy　has　got　no　more　than　he　deserved；　and　that　he's
well　rid　of　her。　　I　can't　imagine　a　broken　engagement　that　would　more
completely　meet　my　approval。　　As　the　case　stands；　they　have　my　blessing。〃

〃Don't　say　that；　dearest！　　You　know　you　don't　mean　it。〃

〃I　do；　and　I　advise　you　to　keep　your　hands　off。　　You've　done　all　and　more
than　you　ought　to　propitiate　Miss　Triscoe。　　You've　offered　yourself　up；
and　you've　offered　me　up〃

〃No；　no；　Basil！　　I　merely　used　you　as　an　illustration　of　what　men　were
the　best　of　them。〃

〃And　I　can't　observe；〃　he　continued；　〃that　any　one　else　has　been
considered　in　the　matter。　　Is　Miss　Triscoe　the　sole　sufferer　by　Burnamy's
flirtation？　　What　is　the　matter　with　a　little　compassion　for　the　pivotal
girl？〃

〃Now；　you　know　you're　not　serious；〃　said　his　wife；　and　though　he　would
not　admit　this；　he　could　not　be　seriously　sorry　for　the　new　interest
which　she　took　in　the　affair。　　There　was　no　longer　any　question　of
changing　their　state…room。　　Under　the　tonic　influence　of　the　excitement
she　did　not　go　back　to　her　berth　after　lunch；　and　she　was　up　later　after
dinner　than　he　could　have　advised。　　She　was　absorbed　in　Agatha；　but　in
her　liberation　from　her　hypochondria；　she　began　also　to　make　a
comparative　study　of　the　American　swells；　in　the　light　of　her　late
experience　with　the　German　highhotes。　　It　is　true　that　none　of　the　swells
gave　her　the　opportunity　of　examining　them　at　close　range；　as　the
highhotes　had　done。　　They　kept　to　their；　state…rooms　mostly；　where；　after
he　thought　she　could　bear　it；　March　told　her　how　near　he　had　come　to
making　her　their　equal　by　an　outlay　of　six　hundred　dollars。　　She　now
shuddered　at　the　thought；　but　she　contended　that　in　their　magnificent
exclusiveness　they　could　give　points　to　European　princes；　and　that　this
showed　again　how　when　Americans　did　try　to　do　a　thing；　they　beat　the
world。　　Agatha　Triscoe　knew　who　they　were；　but　she　did　not　know　them；
they　belonged　to　another　kind　of　set；　she　spoke　of　them　as　〃rich　people；〃
and　she　seemed　content　to　keep　away　from　them　with　Mrs。　March　and　with
the　shy；　silent　old　wife　of　Major　Eltwin；　to　whom　March　sometimes　found
her　talking。

He　never　found　her　father　talking　with　Major　Eltwin。　　General　Triscoe　had
his　own　friends　in　the　smoking…room；　where　he　held　forth　in　a　certain
corner　on　the　chances　of　the　approaching　election　in　New　York；　and　mocked
their　incredulity　when　he　prophesied　the　success　of　Tammany　and　the
return　of　the　King。　　March　himself　much　preferred　Major　Elt