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〃Write what I say。  Mr。 Roundhand; as has been agreed by the board
yesterday; quits the clerk's desk and takes the title of secretary
and actuary。  Mr。 Highmore takes his place; Mr。 Abednego follows
him; and I place you as third clerkas


〃third clerk (write); with a salary of a hundred and fifty pounds
per annum。  This news will; I know; gratify my dear mother and you;
who have been a second mother to me all my life。

〃When I was last at home; I remember you consulted me as to the
best mode of laying out a sum of money which was lying useless in
your banker's hands。  I have since lost no opportunity of gaining
what information I could:  and situated here as I am; in the very
midst of affairs; I believe; although very young; I am as good a
person to apply to as many others of greater age and standing。

〃I frequently thought of mentioning to you our Association; but
feelings of delicacy prevented me from doing so。  I did not wish
that anyone should suppose that a shadow of self…interest could
move me in any way。

〃But I believe; without any sort of doubt; that the West Diddlesex
Association offers the best security that you can expect for your
capital; and; at the same time; the highest interest you can
anywhere procure。

〃The situation of the Company; as I have it from THE VERY BEST
AUTHORITY (underline that); is as follows:…

〃The subscribed and bona fide capital is FIVE MILLIONS STERLING。

〃The body of directors you know。  Suffice it to say that the
managing director is John Brough; Esq。; of the firm of Brough and
Hoff; a Member of Parliament; and a man as well known as Mr。
Rothschild in the City of London。  His private fortune; I know for
a fact; amounts to half a million; and the last dividends paid to
the shareholders of the I。 W。 D。 Association amounted to 6。125 per
cent。 per annum。〃


'That I know was the dividend declared by us。'


〃Although the shares in the market are at a very great premium; it
is the privilege of the four first clerks to dispose of a certain
number; 5;000L。 each at par; and if you; my dearest aunt; would
wish for 2;500L。 worth; I hope you will allow me to oblige you by
offering you so much of my new privileges。

〃Let me hear from you immediately upon the subject; as I have
already an offer for the whole amount of my shares at market
price。〃


〃But I haven't; sir;〃 says I。

〃You have; sir。  I will take the shares; but I want YOU。  I want as
many respectable persons in the Company as I can bring。  I want you
because I like you; and I don't mind telling you that I have views
of my own as well; for I am an honest man and say openly what I
mean; and I'll tell you WHY I want you。  I can't; by the
regulations of the Company; have more than a certain number of
votes; but if your aunt takes shares; I expectI don't mind owning
itthat she will vote with me。  NOW do you understand me?  My
object is to be all in all with the Company; and if I be; I will
make it the most glorious enterprise that ever was conducted in the
City of London。〃

So I signed the letter and left it with Mr。 B。 to frank。

The next day I went and took my place at the third clerk's desk;
being led to it by Mr。 B。; who made a speech to the gents; much to
the annoyance of the other chaps; who grumbled about their
services:  though; as for the matter of that; our services were
very much alike:  the Company was only three years old; and the
oldest clerk in it had not six months' more standing in it than I。
〃Look out;〃 said that envious M'Whirter to me。  〃Have you got
money; or have any of your relations money? or are any of them
going to put it into the concern?〃

I did not think fit to answer him; but took a pinch out of his
mull; and was always kind to him; and he; to say the truth; was
always most civil to me。  As for Gus Hoskins; he began to think I
was a superior being; and I must say that the rest of the chaps
behaved very kindly in the matter; and said that if one man were to
be put over their heads before another; they would have pitched
upon me; for I had never harmed any of them; and done little
kindnesses to several。

〃I know;〃 says Abednego; 〃how you got the place。  It was I who got
it you。  I told Brough you were a cousin of Preston's; the Lord of
the Treasury; had venison from him and all that; and depend upon it
he expects that you will be able to do him some good in that
quarter。〃

I think there was some likelihood in what Abednego said; because
our governor; as we called him; frequently spoke to me about my
cousin; told me to push the concern in the West End of the town;
get as many noblemen as we could to insure with us; and so on。  It
was in vain I said I could do nothing with Mr。 Preston。  〃Bah!
bah!〃 says Mr。 Brough; 〃don't tell ME。  People don't send haunches
of venison to you for nothing;〃 and I'm convinced he thought I was
a very cautious prudent fellow; for not bragging about my great
family; and keeping my connection with them a secret。  To be sure
he might have learned the truth from Gus; who lived with me; but
Gus would insist that I was hand in glove with all the nobility;
and boasted about me ten times as much as I did myself。

The chaps used to call me the 〃West Ender。〃

〃See;〃 thought I; 〃what I have gained by Aunt Hoggarty giving me a
diamond…pin!  What a lucky thing it is that she did not give me the
money; as I hoped she would!  Had I not had the pinhad I even
taken it to any other person but Mr。 Polonius; Lady Drum would
never have noticed me; had Lady Drum never noticed me; Mr。 Brough
never would; and I never should have been third clerk of the West
Diddlesex。〃

I took heart at all this; and wrote off on the very evening of my
appointment to my dearest Mary Smith; giving her warning that a
〃certain event;〃 for which one of us was longing very earnestly;
might come off sooner than we had expected。  And why not?  Miss
S。's own fortune was 70L。 a year; mine was 150L。; and when we had
300L。; we always vowed we would marry。  〃Ah!〃 thought I; 〃if I
could but go to Somersetshire now; I might boldly walk up to old
Smith's door〃 (he was her grandfather; and a half…pay lieutenant of
the navy); 〃I might knock at the knocker and see my beloved Mary in
the parlour; and not be obliged to sneak behind hayricks on the
look…out for her; or pelt stones at midnight at her window。〃

My aunt; in a few days; wrote a pretty gracious reply to my letter。
She had not determined; she said; as to the manner in which she
should employ her three thousand pounds; but should take my offer
into consideration; begging me to keep my shares open for a little
while; until her mind was made up。

What; then; does Mr。 Brough do?  I learned afterwards; in the year
1830; when he and the West Diddlesex Association had disappeared
altogether; how he had proceeded。

〃Who are the attorneys at Slopperton?〃 says he to me in a careless
way。

〃Mr。 Ruck; sir;〃 says I; 〃is the Tory solicitor; and Messrs。 Hodge
and Smithers the Liberals。〃  I knew them very well; for the fact
is; before Mary Smith came to live in our parts; I was rather
partial to Miss Hodge; and her great gold…coloured ringlets; but
Mary came and soon put HER nose out of joint; as the saying is。

〃And you are of what politics?〃

〃Why; sir; we are Liberals。〃  I was rather ashamed of this; for Mr。
Brough was an out…and…out Tory; but Hodge and Smithers is a most
respectable firm。  I brought up a packet from them to Hickson;
Dixon; Paxton; and Jackson; OUR solicitors; who are their London
correspondents。

Mr。 Brough only said; 〃Oh; indeed!〃 and did not talk any further on
the subject; but began admiring my diamond…pin very much。

〃Titmarsh; my dear boy;〃 says he; 〃I have a young lady at Fulham
who is worth seeing; I assure you; and who has heard so much about
you from her father (for I like you; my boy; I don't care to own
it); that she is rather anxious to see you too。  Suppose you come
down to us for a week?  Abednego will do your work。〃

〃Law; sir! you are very kind;〃 says I。

〃Well; you shall come down; and I hope you will like my claret。
But hark ye!  I don't think; my dear fellow; you are quite smart
enoughquite well enough dressed。  Do you understand me?〃

〃I've my blue coat and brass buttons at home; sir。〃

〃What! that thing with the waist between your shoulders that you
wore at Mrs。 Brough's party?〃  (It WAS rather high…waisted; being
made in the country two years before。)  〃Nono; that will never
do。  Get some new clothes; sir;two new suits of clothes。〃

〃Sir!〃 says I; 〃I'm already; if the truth must be told; very short
of money for this quarter; and can't afford myself a new suit for a
long time to come。〃

〃Pooh; pooh! don't let that annoy you。  Here's a ten…pound note
but no; on second thoughts; you may as well go to my tailor's。
I'll drive you down there:  and never mind the bill; my good lad!〃
And drive me down he actually did; in his grand coach…and…four; to
Mr。 Von Stiltz; in Clifford Street; who took my measure; and sent
me home two of the finest coats ever seen; a dress…coat and a
frock; a velvet waist…coat; a silk ditto; and three pairs of
pantaloons; of the most beautiful make。  Brough told me to get some
boots and pumps; and silk stockings for evenings; so that when the
time came for me to go down to Fulham; I appeared as handsome as
any young nobleman; and Gus said that 〃I looked; by Jingo; like a
regular tip…top swell。〃

In the meantime the following letter had been sent down to Hodge
and Smithers:…

〃RAM ALLEY; CORNHILL; LONDON:  July 1822。

〃DEAR SIRS;

* * *

'This part being on private affairs relative to the cases of Dixon
v。 Haggerstony; Snodgrass v。 Rubbidge and another; I am not
permitted to extract。'

* * *

〃Likewise we beg to hand you a few more prospectuses of the
Independent West Diddlesex Fire and Life Insurance Company; of
which we have the honour to be the solicitors in London。  We wrote
to you last year; requesting you to accept the Slopperton and
Somerset agency for the same; and have been expecting for some time
back that either shares or assurances should be effected by you。

〃The capital of the Company; as you know; is five millions sterling
(say 5;000;

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