the egoist-第51部分

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Clara　dropped　a　book。　Her　father　started　higher　than　the　nervous
impulse　warranted　in　his　chair。　Vernon　tried　to　win　a　glance；　and
she　was　conscious　of　his　effort；　but　her　angry　and　guilty
feelings；　prompting　her　resolution　to　follow　her　own　counsel；　kept
her　eyelids　on　the　defensive。

〃I　don't　say　he　annoys　me；　sir。　I　am　here　to　give　him　my　advice；
and　if　he　does　not　accept　it　I　have　no　right　to　be　annoyed。
Willoughby　seems　annoyed　that　Colonel　De　Craye　should　talk　of
going　to…morrow　or　next　day。〃

〃He　likes　his　friends　about　him。　Upon　my　word；　a　man　of　a　more
genial　heart　you　might　march　a　day　without　finding。　But　you　have
it　on　the　forehead；　Mr。　Whitford。〃

〃Oh！　no；　sir。〃

〃There；〃　Dr。　Middleton　drew　his　finger　along　his　brows。

Vernon　felt　along　his　own；　and　coined　an　excuse　for　their
blackness；　not　aware　that　the　direction　of　his　mind　toward　Clara
pushed　him　to　a　kind　of　clumsy　double　meaning；　while　he　satisfied
an　inward　and　craving　wrath；　as　he　said：　〃By　the　way；　I　have　been
racking　my　head；　I　must　apply　to　you；　sir。　I　have　a　line；　and　I　am
uncertain　of　the　run　of　the　line。　Will　this　pass；　do　you　think？

　　　　　'In　Asination's　tongue　he　asinates'；

signifying　that　he　excels　any　man　of　us　at　donkey…dialect。〃

After　a　decent　interval　for　the　genius　of　criticism　to　seem　to
have　been　sitting　under　his　frown；　Dr。　Middleton　rejoined　with
sober　jocularity：　〃No；　sir；　it　will　not　pass；　and　your　uncertainty
in　regard　to　the　run　of　the　line　would　only　be　extended　were　the
line　centipedal。　Our　recommendation　is；　that　you　erase　it　before
the　arrival　of　the　ferule。　This　might　do：

　　　　　'In　Assignation's　name　he　assignats'；

signifying　that　he　pre…eminently　flourishes　hypothetical　promises；
to　pay　by　appointment。　That　might　pass。　But　you　will　forbear　to
cite　me　for　your　authority。〃

〃The　line　would　be　acceptable　if　I　could　get　it　to　apply；〃　said
Vernon。

〃Or　this　。　。　。〃　Dr。　Middleton　was　offering　a　second　suggestion；　but
Clara　fled；　astonished　at　men　as　she　never　yet　had　been。　Why；　in　a
burning　world　they　would　be　exercising　their　minds　in　absurdities！
And　those　two　were　scholars；　learned　men！　And　both　knew　they　were
in　the　presence　of　a　soul　in　a　tragic　fever！

A　minute　after　she　had　closed　the　door　they　were　deep　in　their
work。　Dr。　Middleton　forgot　his　alternative　line。

〃Nothing　serious？〃　he　said　in　reproof　of　the　want　of　honourable　
clearness　on　Vernon's　brows。

〃I　trust　not；　sir；　it's　a　case　for　common　sense。〃

〃And　you　call　that　not　serious？〃

〃I　take　Hermann's　praise　of　the　versus　dochmiachus　to　be　not　only
serious　but　unexaggerated；〃　said　Vernon。

Dr。　Middleton　assented　and　entered　on　the　voiceful　ground　of　Greek
metres；　shoving　your　dry　dusty　world　from　his　elbow。


CHAPTER　XXV

The　Flight　in　Wild　Weather

The　morning　of　Lucy　Darleton's　letter　of　reply　to　her　friend　Clara
was　fair　before　sunrise；　with　luminous　colours　that　are　an　omen　to
the　husbandman。　Clara　had　no　weather…eye　for　the　rich　Eastern
crimson；　nor　a　quiet　space　within　her　for　the　beauty。　She　looked
on　it　as　her　gate　of　promise；　and　it　set　her　throbbing　with　a
revived　belief　in　radiant　things　which　she　had　once　dreamed　of　to
surround　her　life；　but　her　accelerated　pulses　narrowed　her
thoughts　upon　the　machinery　of　her　project。　She　herself　was　metal；
pointing　all　to　her　one　aim　when　in　motion。　Nothing　came　amiss　to
it；　everything　was　fuel；　fibs；　evasions；　the　serene　battalions　of
white　lies　parallel　on　the　march　with　dainty　rogue　falsehoods。　She
had　delivered　herself　of　many　yesterday　in　her　engagements　for
to…day。　Pressure　was　put　on　her　to　engage　herself；　and　she　did　so
liberally；　throwing　the　burden　of　deceitfulness　on　the　extraordinary
pressure。　〃I　want　the　early　part　of　the　morning；　the　rest　of　the
day　I　shall　be　at　liberty。〃　She　said　it　to　Willoughby；　Miss　Dale；
Colonel　De　Craye；　and　only　the　third　time　was　she　aware　of　the
delicious　double　meaning。　Hence　she　associated　it　with　the
colonel。

Your　loudest　outcry　against　the　wretch　who　breaks　your　rules　is　in
asking　how　a　tolerably　conscientious　person　could　have　done　this
and　the　other　besides　the　main　offence；　which　you　vow　you　could
overlook　but　for　the　minor　objections　pertaining　to　conscience；
the　incomprehensible　and　abominable　lies；　for　example；　or　the
brazen　coolness　of　the　lying。　Yet　you　know　that　we　live　in　an
undisciplined　world；　where　in　our　seasons　of　activity　we　are
servants　of　our　design；　and　that　this　comes　of　our　passions；　and
those　of　our　position。　Our　design　shapes　us　for　the　work　in　hand；
the　passions　man　the　ship；　the　position　is　their　apology：　and　now
should　conscience　be　a　passenger　on　board；　a　merely　seeming
swiftness　of　our　vessel　will　keep　him　dumb　as　the　unwilling　guest
of　a　pirate　captain　scudding　from　the　cruiser　half　in　cloven　brine
through　rocks　and　shoals　to　save　his　black　flag。　Beware　the　false
position。

That　is　easy　to　say：　sometimes　the　tangle　descends　on　us　like　a
net　of　blight　on　a　rose…bush。　There　is　then　an　instant　choice　for
us　between　courage　to　cut　loose；　and　desperation　if　we　do　not。　But
not　many　men　are　trained　to　courage；　young　women　are　trained　to
cowardice。　For　them　to　front　an　evil　with　plain　speech　is　to　be
guilty　of　effrontery　and　forfeit　the　waxen　polish　of　purity；　and
therewith　their　commanding　place　in　the　market。　They　are　trained
to　please　man's　taste；　for　which　purpose　they　soon　learn　to　live
out　of　themselves；　and　look　on　themselves　as　he　looks；　almost　as
little　disturbed　as　he　by　the　undiscovered。　Without　courage；
conscience　is　a　sorry　guest；　and　if　all　goes　well　with　the　pirate
captain；　conscience　will　be　made　to　walk　the　plank　for　being　of　no
service　to　either　party。

Clara's　fibs　and　evasions　disturbed　her　not　in　the　least　that
morning。　She　had　chosen　desperation；　and　she　thought　herself　very
brave　because　she　was　just　brave　enough　to　fly　from　her
abhorrence。　She　was　light…hearted；　or；　more　truly；
drunken…hearted。　　Her　quick　nature　realized　the　out　of　prison　as
vividly　and　suddenly　as　it　had　sunk　suddenly　and　leadenly　under
the　sense　of　imprisonment。　Vernon　crossed　her　mind：　that　was　a
friend！　Yes；　and　there　was　a　guide；　but　he　would　disapprove；　and
even　he；　thwarting　her　way　to　sacred　liberty；　must　be　thrust
aside。

What　would　he　think？　They　might　never　meet；　for　her　to　know。　Or
one　day　in　the　Alps　they　might　meet；　a　middleaged　couple；　he
famous；　she　regretful　only　to　have　fallen　below　his　lofty
standard。　〃For；　Mr。　Whitford；〃　says　she；　very　earnestly；　〃I　did
wish　at　that　time；　believe　me　or　not；　to　merit　your　approbation。〃
The　brows　of　the　phantom　Vernon　whom　she　conjured　up　were　stern；
as　she　had　seen　them　yesterday　in　the　library。

She　gave　herself　a　chiding　for　thinking　of　him　when　her　mind
should　be　intent　on　that　which　he　was　opposed　to。

It　was　a　livelier　relaxation　to　think　of　young　Crossjay's
shame…faced　confession　presently；　that　he　had　been　a　laggard　in
bed　while　she　swept　the　dews。　She　laughed　at　him；　and　immediately　
Crossjay　popped　out　on　her　from　behind　a　tree；　causing　her　to　clap
hand　to　heart　and　stand　fast。　A　conspirator　is　not　of　the　stuff　to
bear　surprises。　He　feared　he　had　hurt　her；　and　was　manly　in　his
efforts　to　soothe：　he　had　been　up　〃hours〃；　he　said；　and　had　watched
her　coming　along　the　avenue；　and　did　not　mean　to　startle　her：　it
was　the　kind　of　fun　he　played　with　fellows；　and　if　he　had　hurt
her；　she　might　do　anything　to　him　she　liked；　and　she　would　see　if
he　could　not　stand　to　be　punished。　He　was　urgent　with　her　to
inflict　corporal　punishment　on　him。

〃I　shall　leave　it　to　the　boatswain　to　do　that　when　you're　in　the
navy；〃　said　Clara。

〃The　boatswain　daren't　strike　an　officer！　so　now　you　see　what　you
know　of　the　navy；〃　said　Crossjay。

〃But　you　could　not　have　been　out　before　me；　you　naughty　boy；　for　I
found　all　the　locks　and　bolts　when　I　went　to　the　door。〃

〃But　you　didn't　go　to　the　back　door；　and　Sir　Willoughby's　private
door：　you　came　out　by　the　hall　door；　and　I　know　what　you　want；
Miss　Middleton；　you　want　not　to　pay　what　you've　lost。〃

〃What　have　I　lost；　Crossjay？〃

〃Your　wager。〃

〃What　was　that？〃

〃You　know。〃

〃Speak。〃

〃A　kiss。〃

〃Nothing　of　the　sort。　But；　dear　boy；　I　don't　love　you　less　for　not
kissing　you。　All　that　is　nonsense：　you　have　to　think　only　of
learning；　and　to　be　truthful。　Never　tell　a　story：　suffer　anything
rather　than　be　dishonest。〃　She　was　particularly　impressive　upon
the　silliness　and　wickedness　of　falsehood；　and　added：　〃Do　you
hear？〃

〃Yes：　but　you　kissed　me　when　I　had　been　out　in　the　rain　that　day。〃

〃Because　I　promised。〃

〃And；　Miss　Middleton；　you　betted　a　kiss　yesterday。〃

〃I　am　sure；　Crossjayno；　I　will　not　say　I　am　sure：　but　can　you
say　you　are　sure　you　were　out　first　this　morning？　Well；　will　you
say　you　are　sure　that　when　you　left　the　house　you　did　not　see　me
in　the　avenue？　You　can't：　ah！〃

〃Miss　Middleton；　I　do　really　believe　I　was　dressed　first。〃

〃Always　be　truthful；　my　dear　boy；　and　then　you　may　feel　that　Clara
Middleton　will　always　love　you。〃

〃But；　Miss　Middleton；　when　you're　married　you　won't　be　Clara
Middleton。〃

〃I　certainly　shall；　Crossjay。〃

〃No；　you　won't；　because　I'm　so　fond　of　your　name！〃

She　considered；　and　said：　〃You　have　warned　me；　Crossjay；　and　I
shall　not　marry。　I　shall　wait；〃　she　was　going　to　say；　〃for　you；〃
but　turned　the　hesitation　to　a　period。　〃Is　the　village　where　I
posted　my　letter　the　day　before　yesterday　too　far　for　you？〃

Crossjay　howled　in　contempt。　〃Next　to　Clara；　my　favourite's　Lucy；〃
he　said。

〃I　thought　Clara　came　next　to　Nelson；〃　said　she；　〃and　a　long　way
off　too；　if　you're　not　going　to　be　a　landlubber。〃

〃I'm　not　going　to　be　a　landlubber。　Miss　Middleton；　you　may　be
absolutely　positive　on　your　solemn　word。〃

〃You're　getting　to　talk　like　one　a　little　now　and　then；　Crossjay。〃

〃Then　I　won't　talk　at　all。〃

He　stuck　to　his　resolution　for　one　whole　minute。

Clara　hoped　that　on　this　morning　of　a　doubtful　though　imperative　
venture　she　had　done　some　good。

They　walked　fast　to　cover　the　distance　to　the　village　post…office；
and　back　before　the　breakfast　hour：　and　they　had　plenty　of　time；
arriving　too　early　for　the　opening　of　the　door；　so　that　Crossjay
began