the beast in the jungle-第3部分
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〃Are you afraid？〃 she asked。
〃Don't leave me now；〃 he went on。
〃Are you afraid？〃 she repeated。
〃Do you think me simply out of my mind？〃 he pursued instead of answering。 〃Do I merely strike you as a harmless lunatic？〃
〃No；〃 said May Bartram。 〃I understand you。 I believe you。〃
〃You mean you feel how my obsessionpoor old thingmay correspond to some possible reality？〃
〃To some possible reality。〃
〃Then you WILL watch with me？〃
She hesitated； then for the third time put her question。 〃Are you afraid？〃
〃Did I tell you I wasat Naples？〃
〃No； you said nothing about it。〃
〃Then I don't know。 And I should like to know；〃 said John Marcher。 〃You'll tell me yourself whether you think so。 If you'll watch with me you'll see。〃
〃Very good then。〃 They had been moving by this time across the room； and at the door； before passing out； they paused as for the full wind…up of their understanding。 〃I'll watch with you；〃 said May Bartram。
CHAPTER II
The fact that she 〃knew〃knew and yet neither chaffed him nor betrayed himhad in a short time begun to constitute between them a goodly bond； which became more marked when； within the year that followed their afternoon at Weatherend； the opportunities for meeting multiplied。 The event that thus promoted these occasions was the death of the ancient lady her great…aunt； under whose wing； since losing her mother； she had to such an extent found shelter； and who； though but the widowed mother of the new successor to the property； had succeededthanks to a high tone and a high temper in not forfeiting the supreme position at the great house。 The deposition of this personage arrived but with her death； which； followed by many changes； made in particular a difference for the young woman in whom Marcher's expert attention had recognised from the first a dependent with a pride that might ache though it didn't bristle。 Nothing for a long time had made him easier than the thought that the aching must have been much soothed by Miss Bartram's now finding herself able to set up a small home in London。 She had acquired property； to an amount that made that luxury just possible； under her aunt's extremely complicated will； and when the whole matter began to be straightened out； which indeed took time； she let him know that the happy issue was at last in view。 He had seen her again before that day； both because she had more than once accompanied the ancient lady to town and because he had paid another visit to the friends who so conveniently made of Weatherend one of the charms of their own hospitality。 These friends had taken him back there； he had achieved there again with Mss Bartram some quiet detachment； and he had in London succeeded in persuading her to more than one brief absence from her aunt。 They went together； on these latter occasions； to the National Gallery and the South Kensington Museum； where； among vivid reminders； they talked of Italy at largenot now attempting to recover； as at first； the taste of their youth and their ignorance。 That recovery； the first day at Weatherend； had served its purpose well； had given them quite enough； so that they were； to Marcher's sense； no longer hovering about the head…waters of their stream； but had felt their boat pushed sharply off and down the current。
They were literally afloat together； for our gentleman this was marked； quite as marked as that the fortunate cause of it was just the buried treasure of her knowledge。 He had with his own hands dug up this little hoard； brought to lightthat is to within reach of the dim day constituted by their discretions and privaciesthe object of value the hiding…place of which he had； after putting it into the ground himself； so strangely； so long forgotten。 The rare luck of his having again just stumbled on the spot made him indifferent to any other question； he would doubtless have devoted more time to the odd accident of his lapse of memory if he hadn't been moved to devote so much to the sweetness； the comfort； as he felt； for the future； that this accident itself had helped to keep fresh。 It had never entered into his plan that any one should 〃know〃； and mainly for the reason that it wasn't in him to tell any one。 That would have been impossible； for nothing but the amusement of a cold world would have waited on it。 Since； however； a mysterious fate had opened his mouth betimes； in spite of him； he would count that a compensation and profit by it to the utmost。 That the right person SHOULD know tempered the asperity of his secret more even than his shyness had permitted him to imagine； and May Bartram was clearly right； becausewell； because there she was。 Her knowledge simply settled it； he would have been sure enough by this time had she been wrong。 There was that in his situation； no doubt； that disposed him too much to see her as a mere confidant； taking all her light for him from the factthe fact onlyof her interest in his predicament； from her mercy； sympathy； seriousness； her consent not to regard him as the funniest of the funny。 Aware； in fine； that her price for him was just in her giving him this constant sense of his being admirably spared； he was careful to remember that she had also a life of her own； with things that might happen to HER； things that in friendship one should likewise take account of。 Something fairly remarkable came to pass with him； for that matter； in this connexionsomething represented by a certain passage of his consciousness； in the suddenest way； from one extreme to the other。
He had thought himself； so long as nobody knew； the most disinterested person in the world； carrying his concentrated burden； his perpetual suspense； ever so quietly； holding his tongue about it； giving others no glimpse of it nor of its effect upon his life； asking of them no allowance and only making on his side all those that were asked。 He hadn't disturbed people with the queerness of their having to know a haunted man； though he had had moments of rather special temptation on hearing them say they were forsooth 〃unsettled。〃 If they were as unsettled as he washe who had never been settled for an hour in his lifethey would know what it meant。 Yet it wasn't； all the same； for him to make them； and he listened to them civilly enough。 This was why he had such goodthough possibly such rather colourlessmanners； this was why； above all； he could regard himself； in a greedy world； as decentlyas in fact perhaps even a little sublimelyunselfish。 Our point is accordingly that he valued this character quite sufficiently to measure his present danger of letting it lapse； against which he promised himself to be much on his guard。 He was quite ready； none the less； to be selfish just a little； since surely no more charming occasion for it had come to him。 〃Just a little；〃 in a word； was just as much as Mss Bartram； taking one day with another； would let him。 He never would be in the least coercive； and would keep well before him the lines on which consideration for herthe very highestought to proceed。 He would thoroughly establish the heads under which her affairs； her requirements； her peculiaritieshe went so far as to give them the latitude of that namewould come into their intercourse。 All this naturally was a sign of how much he took the intercourse itself for granted。 There was nothing more to be done about that。 It simply existed； had sprung into being with her first penetrating question to him in the autumn light there at Weatherend。 The real form it should have taken on the basis that stood out large was the form of their marrying。 But the devil in this was that the very basis itself put marrying out of the question。 His conviction； his apprehension； his obsession； in short； wasn't a privilege he could invite a woman to share； and that consequence of it was precisely what was the matter with him。 Something or other lay in wait for him； amid the twists and the turns of the months and the years； like a crouching Beast in the Jungle。 It signified little whether the crouching Beast were destined to slay him or to be slain。 The definite point was the inevitable spring of the creature； and the definite lesson from that was that a man of feeling didn't cause himself to be accompanied by a lady on a tiger…hunt。 Such was the image under which he had ended by figuring his life。
They had at first； none the less； in the scattered hours spent together； made no allusion to that view of it； which was a sign he was handsomely alert to give that he didn't expect； that he in fact didn't care； always to be talking about it。 Such a feature in one's outlook was really like a hump on one's back。 The difference it made every minute of the day existed quite independently of discussion。 One discussed of course LIKE a hunchback； for there was always； if nothing else； the hunchback face。 That remained； and she was watching him； but people watched best； as a general thing； in silence； so that such would be predominantly the manner of their vigil。 Yet he didn't want； at the same time； to be tense and solemn； tense and solemn was what he imagined he too much showed for with other people。 The thing to be； with the one person who knew； was easy and naturalto make the reference rather than be seeming to avoid it； to avoid it rather than be seeming to make it； and to keep it； in any case； familiar； facetious even； rather than pedantic and portentous。 Some such consideration as the latter was doubtless in his mind for instance when he wrote pleasantly to Miss Bartram that perhaps the great thing he had so long felt as in the lap of the gods was no more than this circumstance； which touched him so nearly； of her acquiring a house in London。 It was the first allusion they had yet again made； needing any other hitherto so little； but when she replied； after having given him the news； that she was by no means satisfied with such a trifle as the climax to so special a suspense； she almost set him wondering if she hadn't even a larger conception of singularity for him than he had for himself。 He was at all events destined to become aware little by little； as time went by； that she was all the while looking at his life； judging it； measuring it； in the light of the thing
