the price she paid-第34部分

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　men　in　all　lines　who　think　that　way　about　their　professionsthat　learning　a　little　routine　of　technical　knowledge　makes　a　lawyer　or　a　doctor　or　a　merchant　or　a　financier。''

‘‘Tell　meWHAT　ought　I　to　learn？''

‘‘Learn　to　thinkand　to　persist。　　Learn　to　concentrate。　　Learn　to　make　sacrifices。　　Learn　to　handle　yourself　as　a　great　painter　handles　his　brush　and　colors。　Then　perhaps　you'll　make　a　career　as　a　singer。　　If　not；　it'll　be　a　career　as　something　or　other。''

She　was　watching　him　with　a　wistful；　puzzled　expression。　‘‘Could　I　ever　do　all　that？''

‘‘Anyone　could；　by　working　away　at　it　every　day。　If　you　gain　only　one　inch　a　day；　in　a　year　you'll　have　gained　three　hundred　and　sixty…five　inches。　　And　if　you　gain　an　inch　a　day　for　a　while　and　hold　it；　you　soon　begin　to　gain　a　foot　a　day。　　But　there's　no　need　to　worry　about　that。''　　He　was　gazing　at　her　now　with　an　expression　of　animation　that　showed　how　feverishly　alive　he　was　behind　that　mask　of　calmness。　　‘‘The　day's　workthat's　the　story　of　success。　　Do　the　day's　work　persistently；　thoroughly；　intelligently。　　Never　mind　about　to…morrow。　　Thinking　of　it　means　dreaming　or　despairingboth　futilities。　　Just　the　day's　work。''

‘‘I　begin　to　understand；''　she　said　thoughtfully。　‘‘You　are　right。　　I've　done　nothing。　　Oh；　I've　been　a　foolmore　foolish　even　than　I　thought。''

A　long　silence；　then　she　said；　somewhat　embarrassed　and　in　a　low　voice；　though　there　was　no　danger　of　those　in　front　of　them　hearing：

‘‘I　want　you　to　know　that　there　has　been　nothing　wrongbetween　Stanley　and　me。''

‘‘Do　you　wish　me　to　put　that　to　your　credit　or　to　your　discredit？''　inquired　he。

‘‘What　do　you　mean？''

‘‘Why；　you've　just　told　me　that　you　haven't　given　Stanley　anything　at　all　for　his　moneythat　you've　cheated　him　outright。　　The　thing　itself　is　discreditable；　but　your　tone　suggests　that　you　think　I'll　admire　you　for　it。''

‘‘Do　you　mean　to　say　that　you'd　think　more　highly　of　me　if　I　werewhat　most　women　would　be　in　the　same　circumstances？''

‘‘I　mean　to　say　that　I　think　the　whole　business　is　discreditable　to　both　of　youto　his　intelligence；　to　your　character。''

‘‘You　are　frank；''　said　she；　trying　to　hide　her　anger。

‘‘I　am　frank；''　replied　he；　undisturbed。　　He　looked　at　her。　　‘‘Why　should　I　not　be？''

‘‘You　know　that　I　need　you；　that　I　don't　dare　resent；''　said　she。　　‘‘So　isn't　ita　little　cowardly？''

‘‘Why　do　you　need　me？　　Not　for　money；　for　you　know　you'll　not　get　that。''

‘‘I　don't　want　it；''　cried　she；　agitated。　　‘‘I　never　thought　of　it。''

‘‘Yes；　you've　probably　thought　of　it；''　replied　he　coolly。　　‘‘But　you　will　not　get　it。''

‘‘Well；　that's　settledI'll　not　get　it。''

‘‘Then　why　do　you　need　me？　　Of　what　use　can　I　be　to　you？　　Only　one　use　in　the　world。　　To　tell　you　the　truththe　exact　truth。　　Is　not　that　so？''

‘‘Yes；''　she　said。　　‘‘That　is　what　I　want　from　you　what　I　can't　get　from　anyone　else。　　No　one　else　knows　the　truthnot　even　Mrs。　Brindley；　though　she's　intelligent。　　I　take　back　what　I　said　about　your　being　cowardly。　　Oh；　you　do　stab　my　vanity　so！　　You　mustn't　mind　my　crying　out。　　I　can't　help　itat　least；　not　till　I　get　used　to　you。''

‘‘Cry　out；''　said　he。　　‘‘It　does　no　harm。''

‘‘How　wonderfully　you　understand　me！''　exclaimed　she。　　‘‘That's　why　I　let　you　say　to　me　anything　you　please。''

He　was　smiling　peculiarlya　smile　that　somehow　made　her　feel　uncomfortable。　　She　nerved　herself　for　some　still　deeper　stab　into　her　vanity。　　He　said；　his　gaze　upon　her　and　ironical：

‘‘I'm　sorry　I　can't　return　the　compliment。''

‘‘What　compliment？''　asked　she。

‘‘Can't　say　that　you　understand　me。　　Why　do　you　think　I　am　doing　this？''

She　colored。　　‘‘Oh；　no　indeed；　Mr。　Keith；''　she　protested；　‘‘I　don't　think　you　are　in　love　with　meor　anything　of　that　sort。　　Indeed；　I　do　not。　　I　know　you　better　than　that。''

‘‘Really？''　said　he；　amused。　　‘‘Then　you　are　not　human。''

‘‘How　can　you　think　me　so　vain？''　she　protested。

‘‘Because　you　are　so；''　replied　he。　　‘‘You　are　as　vainno　more　so；　but　just　as　much　soas　the　average　pretty　and　attractive　woman　brought　up　as　you　have　been。　　You　are　not　obsessed　by　the　notion　that　your　physical　charms　are　all…powerful；　and　in　that　fact　there　is　hope　for　you。　　But　you　attach　entirely　too　much　importance　to　them。　　You　will　find　them　a　hindrance　for　a　long　time　before　they　begin　to　be　a　help　to　you　in　your　career。　　And　they　will　always　be　a　temptation　to　you　to　take　the　easy；　stupid　way　of　making　a　livingthe　only　way　open　to　most　women　that　is　not　positively　repulsive。''

‘‘I　think　it　is　the　most　repulsive；''　said　Mildred。

‘‘Don't　cant；''　replied　he；　unimpressed。　　‘‘It's　not　so　repulsive　to　your　sort　of　woman　as　manual　labor　or　as　any　kind　of　work　that　means　no　leisure；　no　luxury　and　small　pay。''

‘‘I　wonder；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘II'm　afraid　you're　right。　　But　I　WON'T　admit　it。　　I　don't　dare。''

‘‘That's　the　finest；　truest　thing　I've　ever　heard　you　say；''　said　Keith。

Mildred　was　pleased　out　of　all　proportion　to　the　compliment。　　Said　she　with　frank　eagerness；　‘‘Then　I'm　not　altogether　hopeless？''

‘‘As　a　character；　no　indeed；''　replied　he。　　‘‘But　as　a　career　　I　was　about　to　say；　you　may　set　your　mind　at　rest。　　I　shall　never　try　to　collect　for　my　services。　I　am　doing　all　this　solely　out　of　obstinacy。''

‘‘Obstinacy？''　asked　the　puzzled　girl。

‘‘The　impossible　attracts　me。　　That's　why　I've　never　been　interested　to　make　a　career　in　law　or　politics　or　those　things。　　I　care　only　for　the　thing　that　can't　be　done。　　When　I　saw　you　and　studied　you；　as　I　study　every　new　thing；　I　decided　that　you　could　not　possibly　make　a　career。''

‘‘Why　have　you　changed　your　mind？''　she　interrupted　eagerly。

‘‘I　haven't；''　replied　he。　　‘‘If　I　had；　I　should　have　lost　interest　in　you。　　Just　as　soon　as　you　show　signs　of　making　a　career；　I　shall　lose　interest　in　you。　　I　have　a　friend；　a　doctor；　who　will　take　only　cases　where　cure　is　impossible。　　Looking　at　you；　it　occurred　to　me　that　here　was　a　chance　to　make　an　experiment　more　interesting　than　any　of　his。　　And　as　I　have　no　other　impossible　task　inviting　me　at　present；　I　decided　to　undertake　youif　you　were　willing。''

‘‘Why　do　you　tell　me　this？''　she　asked。　　‘‘To　discourage　me？''

‘‘No。　　Your　vanity　will　prevent　that。''

‘‘Then　why？''

‘‘To　clear　myself　of　all　responsibility　for　you。　　You　understandI　bind　myself　to　nothing。　　I　am　free　to　stop　or　to　go　on　at　any　time。''

‘‘And　I？''　said　Mildred。

‘‘You　must　do　exactly　as　I　tell　you。''

‘‘But　that　is　not　fair；''　cried　she。

‘‘Why　not？''　inquired　he。　　‘‘Without　me　you　have　no　hopenone　whatever。''

‘‘I　don't　believe　that；''　declared　she。　　‘‘It　is　not　true。''

‘‘Very　well。　　Then　we'll　drop　the　business；''　said　he　tranquilly。　　‘‘If　the　time　comes　when　you　see　that　I'm　your　only　hope；　and　if　then　I'm　in　my　present　humor；　we　will　go　on。''

And　he　lapsed　into　silence　from　which　she　soon　gave　over　trying　to　rouse　him。　　She　thought　of　what　he　had　said；　studied　him；　but　could　make　nothing　of　it。　　She　let　four　days　go　by；　days　of　increasing　unrest　and　unhappiness。　　She　could　not　account　for　herself。　　Donald　Keith　seemed　to　have　cast　a　spell　over　heran　evil　spell。　　Her　throat　gave　her　more　and　more　trouble。　　She　tried　her　voice；　found　that　it　had　vanished。　She　examined　herself　in　the　glass；　and　saw　or　fancied　that　her　looks　were　goingnot　so　that　others　would　note　it；　but　in　the　subtle　ways　that　give　the　first　alarm　to　a　woman　who　has　beauty　worth　taking　care　of　and　thinks　about　it　intelligently。　　She　thought　Mrs。　Brindley　was　beginning　to　doubt　her；　suspected　a　covert　uneasiness　in　Stanley。　　Her　foundations；　such　as　they　were；　seemed　tottering　and　ready　to　disintegrate。　　She　saw　her　own　past　with　clear　vision　for　the　first　time　saw　how　futile　she　had　been；　and　why　Keith　believed　there　was　no　hope　for　her。　　She　made　desperate　efforts　to　stop　thinking　about　past　and　future；　to　absorb　herself　in　present　comfort　and　luxury　and　opportunities　for　enjoyment。　　But　Keith　was　always　thereand　to　see　him　was　to　lose　all　capacity　for　enjoyment。　　She　was　curt；　almost　rude　to　himhad　some　vague　idea　of　forcing　him　to　stay　away。　　Yet　every　time　she　lost　sight　of　him；　she　was　in　terror　until　she　saw　him　again。

She　was　alone　on　the　small　veranda　facing　the　high…　road。　　She　happened　to　glance　toward　the　station；　her　gaze　became　fixed；　her　body　rigid；　for；　coming　leisurely　and　pompously　toward　the　house；　was　General　Siddall；　in　the　full　panoply　of　his　wonderful　tailoring　and　haberdashery。　　She　thought　of　flight；　but　instantly　knew　that　flight　was　useless；　the　little　general　was　not　there　by　accident。　　She　waited；　her　rigidity　giving　her　a　deceptive　seeming　of　calm　and　even　ease。　　He　entered　the　little　yard；　taking　off　his　glossy　hat　and　exposing　the　rampant　toupee。　　He　smiled　at　her　so　slightly　that　the　angle　of　the　needle…pointed　mustaches　and　imperial　was　not　changed。　　The　cold；　expressionless；　fishy　eyes　simply　looked　at　her。

‘‘A　delightful　little　house；''　said　he；　with　a　patronizing　glance　around。　　‘‘May　I　sit　down？''

She　inclined　her　head。

‘‘And　you　are　looking　well；　charming；''　he　went　on；　and　he　seated　himself　and　carefully　planted　his　neat　boots　side　by　side。　　‘‘For　the　summer　there's　nothing　equal　to　the　seashore。　　You　are　surprised　to　see　me？''

‘‘I　thought　you　were　abroad；''　said　Mildred。

‘‘So　I　wasuntil　yesterday。　　I　came　back　because　my　men　had　found　you。　　And　I'm　here　because　I　venture　to　hope　that　you　have　had　enough　of　this　foolish　escapade。　　I　hope　we　can　come　to　an　understanding。　I've　lost　my　taste　for　wandering　about。　　I　wish　to　settle　downto　have　a　home　and　to　stay　in　it。　　By　that　I　mean；　of　course；　two　or　threeor　possibly　four　houses；　according　to　the　season。''　　Mildred　sent　her　glance　darting　about。　　The　little　general　saw　and　began　to　talk　more　rapidly。　　‘‘I've　given　considerable　thought　to　ourour　misunderstanding。　　I　feel　that　I　gave　too　much　importance　to　youryour　　I　did　not　take　your　youth　and　inexperience　of　the　world　and　of　married　life　sufficiently　into　account。　　Also　the　first　Mrs。　Siddall　was　not　a　ladynor　the　second。　　A　lady；　a　young　lady；　was　a　new　experience　to　me。　　I　am　a　generous　man。　　So　I　say　frankly　that　I　ought　to　have　been　more　patient。''

‘‘You　said　you　would　never　see　me　again　until　I　came　to　you；''　said　Mi