the price she paid-第40部分

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rs　down。''

‘‘But　they've　got　strong　throats；　and　my　throat's　delicate。''

‘‘You　must　go　to　a　better　climate。　　You　ought　to　be　abroad；　anyhow。　　That　was　part　of　my　planfor　us　to　go　abroad''　　He　stopped　in　confusion；　reddened；　went　bravely　on‘‘and　you　to　study　there　and　make　your　debut。''

Mildred　shook　her　head。　　‘‘That's　all　over；''　said　she。　‘‘I've　got　to　change　my　plans　entirely。''

‘‘You're　a　little　depressed；　that's　all。　　For　a　minute　you　almost　convinced　me。　　What　a　turn　you　did　give　me！　　I　forgot　how　your　voice　sounded　the　last　time　I　heard　it。　　No；　you'd　not　be　so　calm；　if　you　didn't　know　everything　was　all　right。''

Her　eyes　lit　up　with　sly　humor。　　‘‘Perhaps　I'm　calm　because　I　feel　that　my　future's　secure　as　your　wife。　What　more　could　a　woman　ask？''

He　forced　an　uncomfortable　laugh。　　‘‘Of　course　of　course；''　he　said　with　a　painful　effort　to　be　easy　and　jocose。

‘‘I　knew　you'd　marry　me；　even　if　I　couldn't　sing　a　note。　　I　knew　your　belief　in　my　career　had　nothing　to　do　with　it。''

He　hesitated；　blurted　out　the　truth。　　‘‘Speaking　seriously；　that　isn't　quite　so；''　said　he。　　‘‘I've　got　my　heart　set　on　your　making　a　great　tearand　I　know　you'll　do　it。''

‘‘And　if　you　knew　I　wouldn't；　you'd　not　want　to　marry　me？''

‘‘I　don't　say　that；''　protested　he。　　‘‘How　can　I　say　how　I'd　feel　if　you　were　different？''

She　nodded。　　‘‘That's　sensible；　and　it's　candid；''　she　said。　　She　laid　her　hand　impulsively　on　his　arm。　　‘‘I　DO　like　you；　Stanley。　　You　have　got　such　a　lot　of　good　qualities。　　Don't　worry。　　I'm　not　going　to　insist　on　your　marrying　me。''

‘‘You　don't　have　to　do　that；　Mildred；''　said　he。　‘‘I'm　staring；　raving　crazy　about　you；　though　I'm　a　damn　fool　to　let　you　know　it。''

‘‘Yes；　it　is　foolish；''　said　she。　　‘‘If　you'd　kept　me　worrying　　Still；　I　guess　not。　　But　it　doesn't　matter。　You　can　protest　and　urge　all　you　please；　quite　safely。　I'm　not　going　to　marry　you。　　Now　let's　talk　business。''

‘‘Let's　talk　marriage；''　said　he。　　‘‘I　want　this　thing　settled。　　You　know　you　intend　to　marry　me；　Mildred。　Why　not　say　so？　　Why　keep　me　gasping　on　the　hook？''

They　heard　the　front　door　open；　and　the　rustling　of　skirts　down　the　hall。　　Mildred　called：

‘‘Mrs。　Brindley！　　Cyrilla！''

An　instant　and　Cyrilla　appeared　in　the　doorway。　When　she　and　Baird　had　shaken　hands；　Mildred　said：

‘‘Cyrilla；　I　want　you　to　tell　the　exact；　honest　truth。　Is　there　any　hope　for　a　woman　with　a　delicate　throat　to　make　a　grand…opera　career？''

Cyrilla　paled；　looked　pleadingly　at　Mildred。

‘‘Tell　him；''　commanded　Mildred。

‘‘Very　little；''　said　Mrs。　Brindley。　　‘‘But''

‘‘Don't　try　to　soften　it；''　interrupted　Mildred。　‘‘The　truth；　the　plain　truth。''

‘‘You've　no　right　to　draw　me　into　this；''　cried　Cyrilla　indignantly；　and　she　started　to　leave　the　room。

‘‘I　want　him　to　know；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘And　he　wants　to　know。''

‘‘I　refuse　to　be　drawn　into　it；''　Cyrilla　said；　and　disappeared。

But　Mildred　saw　that　Stanley　had　been　shaken。　　She　proceeded　to　explain　to　him　at　length　what　a　singer's　career　meantthe　hardships；　the　drafts　on　health　and　strength；　the　absolute　necessity　of　being　reliable；　of　singing　true；　of　not　disappointing　audienceswhat　a　delicate　throat　meanthow　delicate　her　throat　was　how　deficient　she　was　in　the　kind　of　physical　strength　neededmuscular　power　with　endurance　back　of　it。　When　she　finished　he　understood。

‘‘I'd　always　thought　of　it　as　an　art；''　he　said　ruefully。　　‘‘Why；　it's　mostly　health　and　muscles　and　things　that　have　nothing　to　do　with　music。''　　He　was　dazed　and　offended　by　this　uncovering　of　the　mechanism　of　the　artby　the　discovery　of　the　coarse　and　painful　toil；　the　grossly　physical　basis；　of　what　had　seemed　to　him　all　idealism。　　He　had　been　full　of　the　delusions　of　spontaneity　and　inspiration；　like　all　laymen；　and　all　artists；　too；　except　those　of　the　higher　ranksthose　who　have　fought　their　way　up　to　the　heights　and；　so；　have　learned　that　one　does　not　achieve　them　by　being　caught　up　to　them　gloriously　in　a　fiery　cloud；　but　by　doggedly　and　dirtily　and　sweatily　toiling　over　every　inch　of　the　cruel　climb。

He　sat　silent　when　she　had　finished。　　She　waited；　then　said：

‘‘Now；　you　see。　　I　release　you；　and　I'll　take　no　more　money　to　waste。''

He　looked　at　her　with　dumb　misery　that　smote　her　heart。　　Then　his　expression　changedto　the　shining；　hungry　eyes；　the　swollen　veins；　the　reddened　countenance；　the　watering　lips　of　desire。　　He　seized　her　in　his　arms；　and　in　a　voice　trembling　with　passion；　he　cried：　‘‘You　must　marry　me；　anyhow！　　I've　GOT　to　have　you；　Mildred。''

If　she　had　loved　him；　his　expression；　his　impassioned　voice　would　have　thrilled　her。　　But　she　did　not　love　him。　It　took　all　her　liking　for　him；　and　the　memory　of　all　she　owed　himthat　unpaid　debt！to　enable　her　to　push　him　away　gently　and　to　say　without　any　show　of　the　repulsion　she　felt：

‘‘Stanley；　you　mustn't　do　that。　　And　it's　useless　to　talk　of　marriage。　　You're　generous；　so　you　are　taking　pity　on　me。　　But　believe　me；　I'll　get　along　somehow。''

‘‘Pity？　　I　tell　you　I　love　you；''　he　cried；　catching　desperately　at　her　hands　and　holding　them　in　a　grip　she　could　not　break。　　‘‘You've　no　right　to　treat　me　like　this。''

It　was　one　of　those　veiled　and　stealthy　reminders　of　obligation　habitually　indulged　in　by　delicate　people　seeking　repayment　of　the　debt；　but　shunning　the　coarseness　of　direct　demand。　　Mildred　saw　her　opportunity。　Said　she　quietly：

‘‘You　mean　you　want　me　to　give　myself　to　you　in　payment；　or　part　payment；　for　the　money　you've　loaned　me？''

He　released　her　hands　and　sprang　up。　　He　had　meant　just　that；　but　he　had　not　had　the　courage；　or　the　meanness；　or　both；　to　admit　boldly　his　own　secret　wish。　She　had　calculated　on　thishad　calculated　well。　‘‘Mildred！''　he　cried　in　a　shocked　voice。　　‘‘YOU　so　lacking　in　delicacy　as　to　say　such　a　thing！''

‘‘If　you　didn't　mean　that；　Stanley；　what　DID　you　mean？''

‘‘I　was　appealing　to　our　friendshipourour　love　for　each　other。''

‘‘Then　you　should　have　waited　until　I　was　free。''

‘‘Good　God！''　he　cried；　‘‘don't　you　see　that's　hopeless？　　Mildred；　be　sensiblebe　merciful。''

‘‘I　shall　never　marry　a　man　when　he　could　justly　suspect　I　did　it　to　live　off　him。''

‘‘What　an　idea！　　It's　a　man's　place　to　support　a　woman！''

‘‘I　was　speaking　only　of　myself。　　_I_　can't　do　it。　And　it's　absurd　for　you　and　me　to　be　talking　about　love　and　marriage　when　anyone　can　see　I'd　be　marrying　you　only　because　I　was　afraid　to　face　poverty　and　a　struggle。''

Her　manner　calmed　him　somewhat。　　‘‘Of　course　it's　obvious　that　you've　got　to　have　money；''　said　he；　‘‘and　that　the　only　way　you　can　get　it　is　by　marriage。　　But　there's　something　else；　too；　and　in　my　opinion　it's　the　principal　thingwe　care　for　each　other。　　Why　not　be　sensible；　Mildred？　　Why　not　thank　God　that　as　long　as　you　have　to　marry；　you　can　marry　someone　you　care　for。''

‘‘Could　you　feel　that　I　cared　for　you；　if　I　married　you　now？''　inquired　she。

‘‘Why　not？　　I'm　not　so　entirely　lacking　in　self…　esteem。　　I　feel　that　I　must　count　for　something。''

Mildred　sat　silently　wondering　at　this　phenomenon　so　astounding；　yet　a　commonplace　of　masculine　egotism。　She　had　no　conception　of　this　vanity　which　causes　the　man；　at　whom　the　street　woman　smiles；　to　feel　flattered；　though　he　knows　full　well　what　she　is　and　her　dire　ne…　cessity。　　She　could　not　doubt　that　he　was　speaking　the　truth；　yet　she　could　not　believe　that　conceit　could　so　befog　common　sense　in　a　man　who；　for　all　his　slowness　and　shallowness；　was　more　than　ordinarily　shrewd。

‘‘Even　if　I　thought　I　loved　you；''　said　she；　‘‘I　couldn't　be　sure　in　these　circumstances　that　I　wasn't　after　your　money。''

‘‘Don't　worry　about　that；''　replied　he。　　‘‘I　understand　you　better　than　you　understand　yourself。''

‘‘Let's　stop　talking　about　it；''　said　she　impatiently。　‘‘I　want　to　explain　to　you　the　business　side　of　this。''　She　took　her　purse　from　the　table。　　‘‘Here　are　the　papers。''　　She　handed　him　a　check　and　a　note。　　‘‘I　made　them　out　at　the　bank　this　morning。　　The　note　is　for　what　I　owe　youand　draws　interest　at　four　per　cent。　　The　check　is　for　all　the　money　I　have　left　except　about　four　hundred　dollars。　　I've　some　bills　I　must　pay；　and　also　I　didn't　dare　quite　strip　myself。　　The　note　may　not　be　worth　the　paper　it's　written　on；　but　I　hope''

Before　she　could　prevent　him　he　took　the　two　papers；　and；　holding　them　out　of　her　reach；　tore　them　to　bits。

Her　eyes　gleamed　angrily。　　‘‘I　see　you　despise　me　as　much　as　I've　invited。　　But；　I'll　make　them　out　again　and　mail　them　to　you。''

‘‘You're　a　silly　child；''　said　he　gruffly。　　‘‘We're　going　to　be　married。''

She　eyed　him　with　amused　exasperation。　　‘‘It's　too　absurd！''　she　cried。　　‘‘And　if　I　yielded；　you'd　be　trying　to　get　out　of　it。''　　She　hesitated　whether　to　tell　him　frankly　just　how　she　felt　toward　him。　　She　decided　against　it；　not　through　considerationfor　a　woman　feels　no　consideration　for　a　man　she　does　not　love；　if　he　has　irritated　herbut　through　being　ashamed　to　say　harsh　things　to　one　whom　she　owed　so　much。　　‘‘It's　useless　for　you　to　pretend　and　to　plead；''　she　went　on。　　‘‘I　shall　not　yield。　　You'll　have　to　wait　until　I'm　free　and　independent。''

‘‘You'll　marry　me　then？''

‘‘No；''　replied　she；　laughing。　　‘‘But　I'll　be　able　to　refuse　you　in　such　a　way　that　you'll　believe。''

‘‘But　you've　got　to　marry；　Mildred；　and　right　away。''　A　suspicion　entered　his　mind　and　instantly　gleamed　in　his　eyes。　　‘‘Are　you　in　love　with　someone　else？''

She　smiled　mockingly。

‘‘It　looks　as　if　you　were；''　he　went　on；　arguing　with　himself　aloud。　　‘‘For　if　you　weren't　you'd　marry　me；　even　though　you　didn't　like　me。　　A　woman　in　your　fix　simply　couldn't　keep　herself　from　it。　　Is　THAT　why　you're　so　calm？''

‘‘I'm　not　marrying　anybody；''　said　she。

‘‘Then　what　are　you　going　to　do？''

‘‘You'll　see。''

Once　more　the　passionate　side　of　his　nature　showed　not　merely　grotesque；　unattractive；　repellent；　as　in　the　mood　of　longing；　but　hideous。　　Among　men　Stanley　Baird　passed　for　a　man　of　rather　arrogant　and　violent　temper；　but　that　man　who　had　seen　him　at　his　most　violent　would　have　been　amazed。　　The　temper　men　show　toward　men　bears　small　resemblance　either　in　kind　or　in　degree　to　the　temper　of　jealous　passion　they　show　toward　the　woman　who　baffles　them　or　arouses　their　sus