the price she paid-第6部分

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ass　without　telling　her　openly　that　she　was　a　beggar　living　off　him；　that　she　would　better　marry　soon　or　he　would　take　drastic　steps　to　release　himself　of　the　burden。　　When　he　attacked　her　before　her　mother；　there　was　a　violent　quarrel　from　which　Mildred　fled　to　hide　in　her　room　or　in　the　remotest　part　of　the　garden。　　When　he　hunted　her　out　to　insult　her　alone；　she　sat　or　stood　with　eyes　down　and　face　ghastly　pale；　mute；　quivering。　　She　did　not　inter…　rupt；　did　not　try　to　escape。　　She　was　like　the　chained　and　spiritless　dog　that　crouches　and　takes　the　shower　of　blows　from　its　cruel　master。

Where　could　she　go？　　Nowhere。　　What　could　she　do？　　Nothing。　　In　the　days　of　prosperity　she　had　regarded　herself　as　proud　and　high　spirited。　　She　now　wondered　at　herself！　　What　had　become　of　the　pride？　What　of　the　spirit？　　She　avoided　looking　at　her　image　in　the　glassthat　thin；　pallid　face；　those　circled　eyes；　the　drawn；　sick　expression　about　the　mouth　and　nose。　‘‘I'm　stunned；''　she　said　to　herself。　　‘‘I've　been　stunned　ever　since　father's　death。　　I've　never　recoverednor　has　mother。''　　And　she　gave　way　to　tearsfor　her　father；　she　fancied；　in　fact；　from　shame　at　her　weakness　and　helplessness。　　She　thoughthopedthat　she　would　not　be　thus　feeble　and　cowardly；　if　she　were　not　living　at　home；　in　the　house　she　loved；　the　house　where　she　had　spent　her　whole　life。　　And　such　a　house！　　Comfort　and　luxury　and　taste；　every　room；　every　corner　of　the　grounds；　full　of　the　tenderest　and　most　beautiful　associations。　　Also；　there　was　her　position　in　Hanging　Rock。　　Everywhere　else　she　would　be　a　stranger　and　would　have　either　no　position　at　all　or　one　worse　than　that　of　the　utter　outsider。　　There；　she　was　of　the　few　looked　up　to　by　the　whole　community。　　No　one　knew；　or　even　suspected；　how　she　was　degraded　by　her　step…　father。　　Before　the　world　he　was　courteous　and　considerate　toward　her　as　toward　everybody。　　Indeed；　Presbury's　natural　instincts　were　gentle　and　kindly。　　His　hatred　of　Mildred　and　his　passion　for　humiliating　her　were　the　result　of　his　conviction　that　he　had　been　tricked　into　the　marriage　and　his　inability　to　gratify　his　resentment　upon　his　wife。　　He　could　not　make　the　mother　suffer；　but　he　could　make　the　daughter　sufferand　he　did。　　Besides；　she　was　of　no　use　to　him　and　would　presently　be　an　expense。

‘‘Your　money　will　soon　be　gone；''　he　said　to　her。　‘‘If　you　paid　your　just　share　of　the　expenses　it　would　be　gone　now。　　When　it　is　gone；　what　will　you　do？''

She　was　silent。

‘‘Your　mother　has　written　to　your　brother　about　you。''

Mildred　lifted　her　head；　a　gleam　of　her　former　spirit　in　her　eyes。　　Then　she　remembered；　and　bent　her　gaze　upon　the　ground。

‘‘But　he；　like　the　cur　that　he　is；　answered　through　a　secretary　that　he　wished　to　have　nothing　to　do　with　either　of　you。''

Mildred　guessed　that　Frank　had　made　the　marriage　an　excuse。

‘‘Surely　some　of　your　relatives　will　do　something　for　you。　　I　have　my　hands　full；　supporting　your　mother。　I　don't　propose　to　have　two　strapping；　worthless　women　hanging　from　my　neck。''

She　bent　her　head　lower；　and　remained　silent。

‘‘I　warn　you　to　bestir　yourself；''　he　went　on。　　‘‘I　give　you　four　months。　　After　the　first　of　the　year　you　can't　stay　here　unless　you　pay　your　shareyour　third。''

No　answer。

‘‘You　hear　what　I　say；　miss？''　he　demanded。

‘‘Yes；''　replied　she。

‘‘If　you　had　any　sense　you　wouldn't　wait　until　your　last　cent　was　gone。　　You'd　go　to　New　York　now　and　get　something　to　do。''

‘‘What？''　she　askedall　she　could　trust　herself　to　speak。

‘‘How　should　_I_　know？''　retorted　he　furiously。　‘‘you　are　a　stranger　to　me。　　You've　been　educated；　I　assume。　　Surely　there's　something　you　can　do。　　You've　been　out　six　years　now；　and　have　had　no　success；　for　you're　neither　married　nor　engaged。　　You　can't　call　it　success　to　be　flattered　and　sought　by　people　who　wanted　invitations　to　this　house　when　it　was　a　social　center。''

He　paused　for　response　from　her。　　None　came。

‘‘You　admit　you　are　a　failure？''　he　said　sharply。

‘‘Yes；''　said　she。

‘‘You　must　have　realized　it　several　years　ago；''　he　went　on。　　‘‘Instead　of　allowing　your　mother　to　keep　on　wasting　money　in　entertaining　lavishly　here　to　give　you　a　chance　to　marry；　you　should　have　been　preparing　yourself　to　earn　a　living。''　　A　pause。　　‘‘Isn't　that　true；　miss？''

He　had　a　way　of　pronouncing　the　word　‘‘miss''　that　made　it　an　epithet；　a　sneer　at　her　unmarried　and　un…　marriageable　state。　　She　colored；　paled；　murmured：

‘‘Yes。''

‘‘Then；　better　late　than　never。　　You'll　do　well　to　follow　my　advice　and　go　to　New　York　and　look　about　you。''

‘‘I'llI'll　think　of　it；''　stammered　she。

And　she　did　think　of　it。　　But　in　all　her　life　she　had　never　considered　the　idea　of　money…making。　　That　was　something　for　men；　and　for　the　middle　and　lower　classes　while　Hanging　Rock　was　regarded　as　most　noisomely　middle　class　by　fashionable　people；　it　did　not　so　regard　itself。　　Money…making　was　not　for　ladies。　　Like　all　her　class；　she　was　a　constant　and　a　severe　critic　of　the　women　of　the　lower　orders　who　worked　for　her　as　milliners；　dressmakers；　shop…attendants；　cooks；　maids。　　But；　as　she　now　realized；　it　is　one　thing　to　pass　upon　the　work　of　others；　it　is　another　thing　to　do　work　oneself。　She　　There　was　literally　nothing　that　she　could　do。　Any　occupation；　even　the　most　menial；　was　either　beyond　her　skill　or　beyond　her　strength；　or　beyond　both。

Suddenly　she　recalled　that　she　could　sing。　　Her　prostrate　spirit　suddenly　leaped　erect。　　Yes；　she　could　sing！　Her　voice　had　been　praised　by　experts。　　Her　singing　had　been　in　demand　at　charity　entertainments　where　amateurs　had　to　compete　with　professionals。　　Then　down　she　dropped　again。　　She　sang　well　enough　to　know　how　badly　she　sangthe　long　and　toilsome　and　expensive　training　that　lay　between　her　and　operatic　or　concert　or　even　music…hall　stage。　　Her　voice　was　fine　at　times。　　Againmost　of　the　timeit　was　unreliable。　No；　she　could　not　hope　to　get　paying　employment　even　as　a　church　choir…singer。　　Miss　Dresser　who　sang　in　the　choir　of　the　Good　Shepherd　for　ten　dollars　a　Sunday；　had　not　nearly　so　good　a　voice　as　she；　but　it　was　reliable。

‘‘There　is　nothing　I　can　donothing！''

All　at　once；　with　no　apparent　bridge　across　the　vast　chasm；　her　heart　went　out；　not　in　pity　but　in　human　understanding　and　sisterly　sympathy；　to　the　women　of　the　pariah　class　at　whom；　during　her　stops　in　New　York；　she　had　sometimes　gazed　in　wonder　and　horror。　　‘‘Why；　we　and　they　are　only　a　step　apart；''　she　said　to　herself　in　amazement。　　‘‘We　and　they　are　much　nearer　than　my　maid　or　the　cook　and　they！''

And　then　her　heart　skipped　a　beat　and　her　skin　grew　cold　and　a　fog　swirled　over　her　brain。　　If　she　should　be　cast　outif　she　could　find　no　work　and　no　one　to　support　herwould　she　　‘‘O　my　God！''　she　moaned。　‘‘I　must　be　crazy；　to　think　such　thoughts。　　I　never　could！　　I'd　die　firstDIE！''　　But　if　anyone　had　pictured　to　her　the　kind　of　life　she　was　now　leadingthe　humiliation　and　degradation　she　was　meekly　enduring　with　no　thought　of　flight；　with　an　ever　stronger　desire　to　stay　on；　regardless　of　pride　and　self…respectif　anyone　had　pictured　this　to　her　as　what　she　would　endure；　what　would　she　have　said？　　She　could　see　herself　flashing　scornful　denial；　saying　that　she　would　rather　kill　herself。　　Yet　she　was　livingand　was　not　even　contemplating　suicide　as　a　way　out！

A　few　days　after　Presbury　gave　her　warning；　her　mother　took　advantage　of　his　absence　for　his　religiously　observed　daily　constitutional　to　say　to　her：

‘‘I　hope　you　didn't　think　I　was　behind　him　in　what　he　said　to　you　about　going　away？''

Mildred　had　not　thought　so；　but　in　her　mother's　guilty　tone　and　guiltier　eyes　she　now　read　that　her　mother　wished　her　to　go。

‘‘It'd　be　awful　for　me　to　be　left　here　alone　with　him；''　wailed　her　mother　insincerely。　　‘‘Of　course　we've　got　no　money；　and　beggars　can't　be　choosers。　　But　it'd　just　about　kill　me　to　have　you　go。''

Mildred　could　not　speak。

‘‘I　don't　know　a　thing　about　money；''　Mrs。　Presbury　went　on。　　‘‘Your　father　always　looked　after　everything。''　She　had　fallen　into　the　way　of　speaking　of　her　first　husband　as　part　of　some　vague；　remote　past；　which；　indeed；　he　had　become　for　her。　　‘‘This　man''　meaning　Presbury‘‘has　only　about　five　thousand　a　year；　as　you　know。　　I　suppose　that's　as　small　as　he　says　it　is。　　I　remember　our　bills　for　one　month　used　to　be　as　much　or　more　than　that。''　　She　waved　her　useless；　pretty　hands　helplessly。　　‘‘I　don't　see　HOW　we　are　to　get　on；　Mildred！''

Her　mother　wished　her　to　go！　　Her　mother　had　fallen　under　the　influence　of　Presburyher　mother；　woman…　like；　or　rather；　ladylike；　was　of　kin　to　the　helpless；　flabby　things　that　float　in　the　sea　and　attach　themselves　to　whatever　they　happen　to　lodge　against。　　Her　mother　wished　her　to　go！

‘‘At　the　same　time；''　Mrs。　Presbury　went　on；　‘‘I　can't　live　without　somebody　here　to　stand　between　me　and　him。　　I'd　kill　him　or　kill　myself。''

Mildred　muttered　some　excuse　and　fled　from　the　room；　to　lock　herself　in。

But　when　she　came　forth　again　to　descend　to　dinner；　she　had　resolved　nothing；　because　there　was　nothing　to　resolve。　　When　she　was　a　child　she　leaned　from　the　nursery　window　one　day　and　saw　a　stable…boy　drowning　a　rat　that　was　in　a　big；　oval；　wire　cage　with　a　wooden　bottom。　　The　boy　pressed　the　cage　slowly　down　in　the　vat　of　water。　　The　rat；　in　the　very　top　of　the　cage；　watched　the　floor　sink；　watched　the　water　rise。　　And　as　it　watched　it　uttered　a　strange；　shrill；　feeble　sound　which　she　could　still　remember　distinctly　and　terribly。　　It　seemed　to　her　now　that　if　she　were　to　utter　any　sound　at　all；　it　would　be　that　one。



II

ON　the　Monday　before　Thanksgiving；　Presbury　went　up　to　New　York　to　look　after　one　of　the　little　speculations　in　Wall　Street　at　which　he　was　so　clever。　Throughout　the　civilized　world　nowadays；　and　especially　in　and　near　the　great　capitals　of　finance；　there　is　a　class　of　men　and　women　of　small　capital　and　of　a　character　in　which　are　combined　iron　self…restraint；　rabbit…like　timidity；　and　great　shrewdness；　who　make　often　a　not　inconsiderable　income　by　gambling　in　stocks。　　They　buy　only　when　the　market　is　advancing　strongly；　they　sell　as　soon　as　they　have　gained　the　scantest　margin　of　profit。　　They　never　permit　themselves　to　be　tempted　by　the　mos