the well-beloved--a sketch of a temperament-第17部分

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pure　accident；　rather　heavily　on　her　fingers。

'I　am　very；　very　sorry！'　Jocelyn　exclaimed。　　'O；　I　have　bruised　the
skin；　Avice！'　　He　seized　her　fingers　to　examine　the　damage　done。

'No；　sir；　you　haven't！'　she　cried　luminously；　allowing　him　to　retain
her　hand　without　the　least　objection。　　'Whythat's　where　I　scratched
it　this　morning　with　a　pin。　　You　didn't　hurt　me　a　bit　with　the　popple…
stone！'

Although　her　gown　was　purple；　there　was　a　little　black　crape　bow　upon
each　arm。　　He　knew　what　it　meant；　and　it　saddened　him。　　'Do　you　ever
visit　your　mother's　grave？'　he　asked。

'Yes；　sir；　sometimes。　　I　am　going　there　tonight　to　water　the　daisies。'

She　had　now　finished　here；　and　they　parted。　　That　evening；　when　the　sky
was　red；　he　emerged　by　the　garden…door　and　passed　her　house。　　The
blinds　were　not　down；　and　he　could　see　her　sewing　within。　　While　he
paused　she　sprang　up　as　if　she　had　forgotten　the　hour；　and　tossed　on
her　hat。　　Jocelyn　strode　ahead　and　round　the　corner；　and　was　halfway　up
the　straggling　street　before　he　discerned　her　little　figure　behind　him。

He　hastened　past　the　lads　and　young　women　with　clinking　buckets　who
were　drawing　water　from　the　fountains　by　the　wayside；　and　took　the
direction　of　the　church。　　With　the　disappearance　of　the　sun　the
lighthouse　had　again　set　up　its　flame　against　the　sky；　the　dark　church
rising　in　the　foreground。　　Here　he　allowed　her　to　overtake　him。

'You　loved　your　mother　much？'　said　Jocelyn。

'I　did；　sir；　of　course　I　did；'　said　the　girl；　who　tripped　so　lightly
that　it　seemed　he　might　have　carried　her　on　his　hand。

Pierston　wished　to　say；　'So　did　I；'　but　did　not　like　to　disclose　events
which　she；　apparently；　never　guessed。　　Avice　fell　into　thought；　and
continued

'Mother　had　a　very　sad　life　for　some　time　when　she　was　about　as　old　as
I。　　I　should　not　like　mine　to　be　as　hers。　　Her　young　man　proved　false
to　her　because　she　wouldn't　agree　to　meet　him　one　night；　and　it　grieved
mother　almost　all　her　life。　　I　wouldn't　ha'　fretted　about　him；　if　I'd
been　she。　　She　would　never　name　his　name；　but　I　know　he　was　a　wicked；
cruel　man；　and　I　hate　to　think　of　him。'

After　this　he　could　not　go　into　the　churchyard　with　her；　and　walked
onward　alone　to　the　south　of　the　isle。　　He　was　wretched　for　hours。　　Yet
he　would　not　have　stood　where　he　did　stand　in　the　ranks　of　an
imaginative　profession　if　he　had　not　been　at　the　mercy　of　every
haunting　of　the　fancy　that　can　beset　man。　　It　was　in　his　weaknesses　as
a　citizen　and　a　national…unit　that　his　strength　lay　as　an　artist；　and
he　felt　it　childish　to　complain　of　susceptibilities　not　only　innate　but
cultivated。

But　he　was　paying　dearly　enough　for　his　Liliths。　　He　saw　a　terrible
vengeance　ahead。　　What　had　he　done　to　be　tormented　like　this？　　The
Beloved；　after　flitting　from　Nichola　Pine…Avon　to　the　phantom　of　a　dead
woman　whom　he　never　adored　in　her　lifetime；　had　taken　up　her　abode　in
the　living　representative　of　the　dead；　with　a　permanence　of　hold　which
the　absolute　indifference　of　that　little　brown…eyed　representative　only
seemed　to　intensify。

Did　he　really　wish　to　proceed　to　marriage　with　this　chit　of　a　girl？　　He
did：　　the　wish　had　come　at　last。　　It　was　true　that　as　he　studied　her　he
saw　defects　in　addition　to　her　social　insufficiencies。　　Judgment；
hoodwinked　as　it　was；　told　him　that　she　was　colder　in　nature；　commoner
in　character；　than　that　well　read；　bright　little　woman　Avice　the　First。
But　twenty　years　make　a　difference　in　ideals；　and　the　added　demands　of
middle…age　in　physical　form　are　more　than　balanced　by　its　concessions
as　to　the　spiritual　content。　　He　looked　at　himself　in　the　glass；　and
felt　glad　at　those　inner　deficiencies　in　Avice　which　formerly　would
have　impelled　him　to　reject　her。

There　was　a　strange　difference　in　his　regard　of　his　present　folly　and
of　his　love　in　his　youthful　time。　　Now　he　could　be　mad　with　method；
knowing　it　to　be　madness：　　then　he　was　compelled　to　make　believe　his
madness　wisdom。　　In　those　days　any　flash　of　reason　upon　his　loved　one's
imperfections　was　blurred　over　hastily　and　with　fear。　　Such　penetrative
vision　now　did　not　cool　him。　　He　knew　he　was　the　creature　of　a
tendency；　and　passively　acquiesced。

To　use　a　practical　eye；　it　appeared　that；　as　he　had　once　thought；　this
Caro　familythough　it　might　not　for　centuries；　or　ever；　furbish　up　an
individual　nature　which　would　exactly；　ideally；　supplement　his　own
imperfect　one　and　round　with　it　the　perfect　wholewas　yet　the　only
family　he　had　ever　met；　or　was　likely　to　meet；　which　possessed　the
materials　for　her　making。　　It　was　as　if　the　Caros　had　found　the　clay
but　not　the　potter；　while　other　families　whose　daughters　might　attract
him　had　found　the　potter　but　not　the　clay。



2。　VIII。　　HIS　OWN　SOUL　CONFRONTS　HIM

From　his　roomy　castle　and　its　grounds　and　the　cliffs　hard　by　he　could
command　every　move　and　aspect　of　her　who　was　the　rejuvenated　Spirit　of
the　Past　to　himin　the　effulgence　of　whom　all　sordid　details　were
disregarded。

Among　other　things　he　observed　that　she　was　often　anxious　when　it
rained。　　If；　after　a　wet　day；　a　golden　streak　appeared　in　the　sky　over
Deadman's　Bay；　under　a　lid　of　cloud；　her　manner　was　joyous　and　her
tread　light。

This　puzzled　him；　and　he　found　that　if　he　endeavoured　to　encounter　her
at　these　times　she　shunned　himstealthily　and　subtly；　but
unmistakably。　　One　evening；　when　she　had　left　her　cottage　and　tripped
off　in　the　direction　of　the　under…hill　townlet；　he　set　out　by　the　same
route；　resolved　to　await　her　return　along　the　high　roadway　which
stretched　between　that　place　and　East　Quarriers。

He　reached　the　top　of　the　old　road　where　it　makes　a　sudden　descent　to
the　townlet；　but　she　did　not　appear。　Turning　back；　he　sauntered　along
till　he　had　nearly　reached　his　own　house　again。　　Then　he　retraced　his
steps；　and　in　the　dim　night　he　walked　backwards　and　forwards　on　the
bare　and　lofty　convex　of　the　isle；　the　stars　above　and　around　him；　the
lighthouse　on　duty　at　the　distant　point；　the　lightship　winking　from　the
sandbank；　the　combing　of　the　pebble　beach　by　the　tide　beneath；　the
church　away　south…westward；　where　the　island　fathers　lay。

He　walked　the　wild　summit　till　his　legs　ached；　and　his　heart　ached
till　he　seemed　to　hear　on　the　upper　wind　the　stones　of　the　slingers
whizzing　past；　and　the　voices　of　the　invaders　who　annihilated　them；　and
married　their　wives　and　daughters；　and　produced　Avice　as　the　ultimate
flower　of　the　combined　stocks。　　Still　she　did　not　come。　　It　was　more
than　foolish　to　wait；　yet　he　could　not　help　waiting。　　At　length　he
discerned　a　dot　of　a　figure；　which　he　knew　to　be　hers　rather　by　its
motion　than　by　its　shape。

How　incomparably　the　immaterial　dream　dwarfed　the　grandest　of
substantial　things；　when　here；　between　those　three　sublimitiesthe
sky；　the　rock；　and　the　oceanthe　minute　personality　of　this　washer…
girl　filled　his　consciousness　to　its　extremest　boundary；　and　the
stupendous　inanimate　scene　shrank　to　a　corner　therein。

But　all　at　once　the　approaching　figure　had　disappeared。　　He　looked
about；　she　had　certainly　vanished。　　At　one　side　of　the　road　was　a　low
wall；　but　she　could　not　have　gone　behind　that　without　considerable
trouble　and　singular　conduct。　　He　looked　behind　him；　she　had　reappeared
further　on　the　road。

Jocelyn　Pierston　hurried　after；　and；　discerning　his　movement；　Avice
stood　still。　　When　he　came　up；　she　was　slily　shaking　with　restrained
laughter。

'Well；　what　does　this　mean；　my　dear　girl？'　he　asked。

Her　inner　mirth　escaping　in　spite　of　her　she　turned　askance　and　said：
'When　you　was　following　me　to　Street　o'　Wells；　two　hours　ago；　I　looked
round　and　saw　you；　and　huddied　behind　a　stone！　　You　passed　and　brushed
my　frock　without　seeing　me。　　And　when；　on　my　way　backalong；　I　saw　you
waiting　hereabout　again；　I　slipped　over　the　wall；　and　ran　past　you！　　If
I　had　not　stopped　and　looked　round　at　'ee；　you　would　never　have　catched
me！'

'What　did　you　do　that　for；　you　elf！'

'That　you　shouldn't　find　me。'

'That's　not　exactly　a　reason。　　Give　another；　dear　Avice；'　he　said；　as
he　turned　and　walked　beside　her　homeward。

She　hesitated。　　'Come！'　he　urged　again。

''Twas　because　I　thought　you　wanted　to　be　my　young　man；'　she　answered。

'What　a　wild　thought　of　yours！　　Supposing　I　did；　wouldn't　you　have　me？'

'Not　now。　。　。　。　　And　not　for　long；　even　if　it　had　been　sooner　than
now。'

'Why？'

'If　I　tell　you；　you　won't　laugh　at　me　or　let　anybody　else　know？'

'Never。'

'Then　I　will　tell　you；'　she　said　quite　seriously。　　''Tis　because　I　get
tired　o'　my　lovers　as　soon　as　I　get　to　know　them　well。　　What　I　see　in
one　young　man　for　a　while　soon　leaves　him　and　goes　into　another　yonder；
and　I　follow；　and　then　what　I　admire　fades　out　of　him　and　springs　up
somewhere　else；　and　so　I　follow　on；　and　never　fix　to　one。　　I　have　loved
FIFTEEN　a'ready！　　Yes；　fifteen；　I　am　almost　ashamed　to　say；'　she
repeated；　laughing。　　'I　can't　help　it；　sir；　I　assure　you。　　Of　course　it
is　really；　to　ME；　the　same　one　all　through；　on'y　I　can't　catch　him！'
She　added　anxiously；　'You　won't　tell　anybody　o'　this　in　me；　will　you；
sir？　　Because　if　it　were　known　I　am　afraid　no　man　would　like　me。'

Pierston　was　surprised　into　stillness。　　Here　was　this　obscure　and
almost　illiterate　girl　engaged　in　the　pursuit　of　the　impossible　ideal；
just　as　he　had　been　himself　doing　for　the　last　twenty　years。　　She　was
doing　it　quite　involuntarily；　by　sheer　necessity　of　her　organization；
puzzled　all　the　while　at　her　own　instinct。　　He　suddenly　thought　of　its
bearing　upon　himself；　and　said；　with　a　sinking　heart

'Am　Ione　of　them？'

She　pondered　critically。

'You　was；　for　a　week；　when　I　first　saw　you。'

'Only　a　week？'

'About　that。'

'What　made　the　being　of　your　fancy　forsake　my　form　and　go　elsewhere？'

'Wellthough　you　seemed　handsome　and　gentlemanly　at　first'

'Yes？'

'I　found　you　too　old　soon　after。'

'You　are　a　candid　young　person。'

'But　you　asked　me；　sir！'　she　expostulated。

'I　did；　and；　having　been　answered；　I　won't　intrude　upon　you　longer。　　So
cut　along　home　as　fast　as　you　can。　　It　is　getting　late。'

When　she　had　passed　out　of　earshot　he　also　followed　homewards。　　This
seeking　of　the　Well…Beloved　was；　then；　of　the　nature　of　a　knife　w