the gambler-第31部分

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As　for　what　view　the　General　took　of　myself；　I　think　that　he　never　divined
the　footing　on　which　I　stood　with　Blanche。　True；　he　had　heard；
in　a　dim　sort　of　way；　that　I　had　won　a　good　deal　of　money；　but
more　probably　he　supposed　me　to　be　acting　as　secretaryor　even
as　a　kind　of　servantto　his　inamorata。　At　all　events；　he
continued　to　address　me；　in　his　old　haughty　style；　as　my
superior。　At　times　he　even　took　it　upon　himself　to　scold　me。　One
morning　in　particular；　he　started　to　sneer　at　me　over　our
matutinal　coffee。　Though　not　a　man　prone　to　take　offence；　he
suddenly；　and　for　some　reason　of　which　to　this　day　I　am
ignorant；　fell　out　with　me。　Of　course　even　he　himself　did　not
know　the　reason。　To　put　things　shortly；　he　began　a　speech　which
had　neither　beginning　nor　ending；　and　cried　out；　a　batons
rompus；　that　I　was　a　boy　whom　he　would　soon　put　to　rightsand　so
forth；　and　so　forth。　Yet　no　one　could　understand　what　he　was
saying；　and　at　length　Blanche　exploded　in　a　burst　of　laughter。
Finally　something　appeased　him；　and　he　was　taken　out　for　his
walk。　More　than　once；　however；　I　noticed　that　his　depression　was
growing　upon　him；　that　he　seemed　to　be　feeling　the　want　of
somebody　or　something；　that；　despite　Blanche's　presence；　he　was
missing　some　person　in　particular。　Twice；　on　these　occasions；
did　he　plunge　into　a　conversation　with　me；　though　he　could　not
make　himself　intelligible；　and　only　went　on　rambling　about　the
service；　his　late　wife；　his　home；　and　his　property。　Every　now
and　then；　also；　some　particular　word　would　please　him；　whereupon
he　would　repeat　it　a　hundred　times　in　the　dayeven　though　the
word　happened　to　express　neither　his　thoughts　nor　his　feelings。
Again；　I　would　try　to　get　him　to　talk　about　his　children；　but
always　he　cut　me　short　in　his　old　snappish　way；　and　passed　to
another　subject。　〃Yes；　yesmy　children；〃　was　all　that　I　could
extract　from　him。　〃Yes；　you　are　right　in　what　you　have　said
about　them。〃　Only　once　did　he　disclose　his　real　feelings。　That
was　when　we　were　taking　him　to　the　theatre；　and　suddenly　he
exclaimed：　〃My　unfortunate　children！　Yes；　sir；　they　are
unfortunate　children。〃　Once；　too；　when　I　chanced　to　mention
Polina；　he　grew　quite　bitter　against　her。　〃She　is　an　ungrateful
woman！〃　he　exclaimed。　〃She　is　a　bad　and　ungrateful　woman！　She
has　broken　up　a　family。　If　there　were　laws　here；　I　would　have
her　impaled。　Yes；　I　would。〃　As　for　De　Griers；　the　General　would
not　have　his　name　mentioned。　〃　He　has　ruined　me；〃　he　would　say。
〃He　has　robbed　me；　and　cut　my　throat。　For　two　years　he　was　a
perfect　nightmare　to　me。　For　months　at　a　time　he　never　left　me
in　my　dreams。　Do　not　speak　of　him　again。〃

It　was　now　clear　to　me　that　Blanche　and　he　were　on　the　point　of
coming　to　terms；　yet；　true　to　my　usual　custom；　I　said　nothing。
At　length；　Blanche　took　the　initiative　in　explaining　matters。
She　did　so　a　week　before　we　parted。

〃Il　a　du　chance；〃　she　prattled；　〃for　the　Grandmother　is　now
REALLY　ill；　and　therefore；　bound　to　die。　Mr。　Astley　has　just　sent
a　telegram　to　say　so；　and　you　will　agree　with　me　that　the
General　is　likely　to　be　her　heir。　Even　if　he　should　not　be　so；
he　will　not　come　amiss；　since；　in　the　first　place；　he　has　his
pension；　and；　in　the　second　place；　he　will　be　content　to　live　in
a　back　room；　whereas　I　shall　be　Madame　General；　and　get　into　a
good　circle　of　society〃　（she　was　always　thinking　of　this）　〃and
become　a　Russian　chatelaine。　Yes；　I　shall　have　a　mansion　of　my
own；　and　peasants；　and　a　million　of　money　at　my　back。〃

〃But；　suppose　he　should　prove　jealous？　He　might　demand　all
sorts　of　things；　you　know。　Do　you　follow　me？〃

〃Oh；　dear　no！　How　ridiculous　that　would　be　of　him！　Besides；　I
have　taken　measures　to　prevent　it。　You　need　not　be　alarmed。　That
is　to　say；　I　have　induced　him　to　sign　notes　of　hand　in　Albert's
name。　Consequently；　at　any　time　I　could　get　him　punished。　Isn't
he　ridiculous？〃

〃Very　well；　then。　Marry　him。〃

And；　in　truth；　she　did　sothough　the　marriage　was　a　family　one
only；　and　involved　no　pomp　or　ceremony。　In　fact；　she　invited　to
the　nuptials　none　but　Albert　and　a　few　other　friends。　Hortense；
Cleopatre；　and　the　rest　she　kept　firmly　at　a　distance。　As　for
the　bridegroom；　he　took　a　great　interest　in　his　new　position。
Blanche　herself　tied　his　tie；　and　Blanche　herself　pomaded　him
with　the　result　that；　in　his　frockcoat　and　white　waistcoat；　he
looked　quite　comme　il　faut。

〃Il　est；　pourtant；　TRES　comme　il　faut；〃　Blanche　remarked　when
she　issued　from　his　room；　as　though　the　idea　that　he　was　〃TRES
comme　il　faut　〃　had　impressed　even　her。　For　myself；　I　had　so
little　knowledge　of　the　minor　details　of　the　affair；　and　took
part　in　it　so　much　as　a　supine　spectator；　that　I　have　forgotten
most　of　what　passed　on　this　occasion。　I　only　remember　that
Blanche　and　the　Widow　figured　at　it；　not　as　〃de　Cominges；〃　but
as　〃du　Placet。〃　Why　they　had　hitherto　been　〃de　Cominges　〃　I　do
not　know　I　only　know　that　this　entirely　satisfied　the
General；　that　he　liked　the　name　〃du　Placet〃　even　better　than　he
had　liked　the　name　〃de　Cominges。〃　On　the　morning　of　the　wedding；
he　paced　the　salon　in　his　gala　attire　and　kept　repeating　to
himself　with　an　air　of　great　gravity　and　importance：　〃　Mlle。
Blanche　du　Placet！　Mlle。　Blanche　du　Placet；　du　Placet！〃　He
beamed　with　satisfaction　as　he　did　so。　Both　in　the　church　and　at
the　wedding　breakfast　he　remained　not　only　pleased　and
contented；　but　even　proud。　She　too　underwent　a　change；　for　now
she　assumed　an　air　of　added　dignity。

〃I　must　behave　altogether　differently；〃　she　confided　to　me　with
a　serious　air。　〃Yet；　mark　you；　there　is　a　tiresome　circumstance
of　which　I　had　never　before　thoughtwhich　is；　how　best　to
pronounce　my　new　family　name。　Zagorianski；　Zagozianski；　Madame
la　Generale　de　Sago；　Madame　la　Generale　de　Fourteen
Consonantsoh　these　infernal　Russian　names！　The　LAST　of　them
would　be　the　best　to　use；　don't　you　think？〃　

At　length　the　time　had　come　for　us　to　part；　and　Blanche；　the　
egregious　Blanche；　shed　real　tears　as　she　took　her　leave　of　me。　
〃Tu　etais　bon　enfant〃　she　said　with　a　sob。　〃je　te　croyais　bete　et　tu
en　avais　l'air；　but　it　suited　you。〃　Then；　having　given　me　a　final
handshake；　she　exclaimed；　〃Attends！〃；　whereafter；　running　into
her　boudoir；　she　brought　me　thence　two　thousand…franc　notes。　I
could　scarcely　believe　my　eyes！　〃They　may　come　in　handy　for
you；〃　she　explained；　〃for；　though　you　are　a　very　learned
tutor；　you　are　a　very　stupid　man。　More　than　two　thousand　francs；
however；　I　am　not　going　to　give　you；　for　the　reason　that；　if　I
did　so；　you　would　gamble　them　all　away。　Now　good…bye。　Nous
serons　toujours　bons　amis；　and　if　you　win　again；　do　not　fail　to
come　to　me；　et　tu　seras　heureux。〃

I　myself　had　still　five　hundred　francs　left；　as　well　as　a　watch
worth　a　thousand　francs；　a　few　diamond　studs；　and　so　on。
Consequently；　I　could　subsist　for　quite　a　length　of　time　without
particularly　bestirring　myself。　Purposely　I　have　taken　up　my
abode　where　I　am　now　partly　to　pull　myself　together；　and　partly
to　wait　for　Mr。　Astley；　who；　I　have　learnt；　will　soon　be　here
for　a　day　or　so　on　business。　Yes；　I　know　that；　and　thenand　then
I　shall　go　to　Homburg。　But　to　Roulettenberg　I　shall　not　go　until
next　year；　for　they　say　it　is　bad　to　try　one's　luck　twice　in
succession　at　a　table。　Moreover；　Homburg　is　where　the　best　play
is　carried　on。

XVII

It　is　a　year　and　eight　months　since　I　last　looked　at　these　notes
of　mine。　I　do　so　now　only　because；　being　overwhelmed　with
depression；　I　wish　to　distract　my　mind　by　reading　them　through
at　random。　I　left　them　off　at　the　point　where　I　was　just　going
to　Homburg。　My　God；　with　what　a　light　heart　（comparatively
speaking）　did　I　write　the　concluding　lines！though　it　may　be
not　so　much　with　a　light　heart；　as　with　a　measure　of
self…confidence　and　unquenchable　hope。　At　that　time　had　I　any
doubts　of　myself　？　Yet　behold　me　now。　Scarcely　a　year　and　a　half
have　passed；　yet　I　am　in　a　worse　position　than　the　meanest
beggar。　But　what　is　a　beggar？　A　fig　for　beggary！　I　have　ruined
myself　that　is　all。　Nor　is　there　anything　with　which　I　can
compare　myself；　there　is　no　moral　which　it　would　be　of　any　use
for　you　to　read　to　me。　At　the　present　moment　nothing　could　well
be　more　incongruous　than　a　moral。　Oh；　you　self…satisfied　persons
who；　in　your　unctuous　pride；　are　forever　ready　to　mouth　your
maximsif　only　you　knew　how　fully　I　myself　comprehend　the
sordidness　of　my　present　state；　you　would　not　trouble　to　wag
your　tongues　at　me！　What　could　you　say　to　me　that　I　do　not
already　know？　Well；　wherein　lies　my　difficulty？　It　lies　in　the
fact　that　by　a　single　turn　of　a　roulette　wheel　everything　for
me；　has　become　changed。　Yet；　had　things　befallen　otherwise；
these　moralists　would　have　been　among　the　first　（yes；　I　feel
persuaded　of　it）　to　approach　me　with　friendly　jests　and
congratulations。　Yes；　they　would　never　have　turned　from　me　as
they　are　doing　now！　A　fig　for　all　of　them！　What　am　I？　I　am
zeronothing。　What　shall　I　be　tomorrow？　I　may　be　risen　from　the
dead；　and　have　begun　life　anew。　For　still；　I　may　discover　the　man
in　myself；　if　only　my　manhood　has　not　become　utterly　shattered。

I　went；　I　say；　to　Homburg；　but　afterwards　went　also　to
Roulettenberg；　as　well　as　to　Spa　and　Baden；　in　which　latter
place；　for　a　time；　I　acted　as　valet　to　a　certain　rascal　of　a
Privy　Councillor；　by　name　Heintze；　who　until　lately　was　also　my
master　here。　Yes；　for　five　months　I　lived　my　life　with　lacqueys！
That　was　just　after　I　had　come　out　of　Roulettenberg　prison；
where　I　had　lain　for　a　small　debt　which　I　owed。　Out　of　that
prison　I　was　bailed　byby　whom？　By　Mr。　Astley？　By　Polina？　I　do
not　know。　At　all　events；　the　debt　was　paid　to　the　tune　of　two
hundred　thalers；　and　I　sallied　forth　a　free　man。　But　what　was　I
to　do　with　myself　？　In　my　dilemma　I　had　recourse　to　this
Heintze；　who　was　a　young　scapegrace；　and　the　sort　of　man　who
could　speak　and　write　three　languages。　At　first　I　acted　as　his
secretary；　at　a　salary　of　thirty　gulden　a　month；　but　afterwards
I　became　his　lacquey；　for　the　reason　that　he　could　not　afford　to
keep　a　secretaryonly　an　unpaid　servant。　I　had　nothing　else　to
turn　to；　so　I　remained　with　him；　and　allowed　myself　to　become
his　flunkey。　But　by　stinting　myself　in　m