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Part　8




My　poor　afflicted　governess　was　now　as　much　concerned　as　

I；　and　a　great　deal　more　truly　penitent；　though　she　had　no　

prospect　of　being　brought　to　trial　and　sentence。　　Not　but　that　

she　deserved　it　as　much　as　I；　and　so　she　said　herself；　but　she　

had　not　done　anything　herself　for　many　years；　other　than　

receiving　what　I　and　others　stole；　and　encouraging　us　to　steal　

it。　　But　she　cried；　and　took　on　like　a　distracted　body；　wringing　

her　hands；　and　crying　out　that　she　was　undone；　that　she　

believed　there　was　a　curse　from　heaven　upon　her；　that　she　

should　be　damned；　that　she　had　been　the　destruction　of　all　her　

friends；　that　she　had　brought　such　a　one；　and　such　a　one；　and　

such　a　one　to　the　gallows；　and　there　she　reckoned　up　ten　or　

eleven　people；　some　of　which　I　have　given　account　of；　that　

came　to　untimely　ends；　and　that　now　she　was　the　occasion　

of　my　ruin；　for　she　had　persuaded　me　to　go　on；　when　I　would　

have　left　off。　　I　interrupted　her　there。　　'No；　mother；　no；'　said　I；　

'don't　speak　of　that；　for　you　would　have　had　me　left　off　when　

I　got　the　mercer's　money　again；　and　when　I　came　home　from　

Harwich；　and　I　would　not　hearken　to　you；　therefore　you　have　

not　been　to　blame；　it　is　I　only　have　ruined　myself；　I　have　

brought　myself　to　this　misery'；　and　thus　we　spent　many　hours　

together。



Well；　there　was　no　remedy；　the　prosecution　went　on；　and　on　

the　Thursday　I　was　carried　down　to　the　sessions…house；　where　

I　was　arraigned；　as　they　called　it；　and　the　next　day　I　was　

appointed　to　be　tried。　　At　the　arraignment　I　pleaded　'Not　guilty；'　

and　well　I　might；　for　I　was　indicted　for　felony　and　burglary；　

that　is；　for　feloniously　stealing　two　pieces　of　brocaded　silk；　

value　#46；　the　goods　of　Anthony　Johnson；　and　for　breaking　

open　his　doors；　whereas　I　knew　very　well　they　could　not　

pretend　to　prove　I　had　broken　up　the　doors；　or　so　much　as　

lifted　up　a　latch。



On　the　Friday　I　was　brought　to　my　trial。　　I　had　exhausted　my　

spirits　with　crying　for　two　or　three　days　before；　so　that　I　slept　

better　the　Thursday　night　than　I　expected；　and　had　more　courage　

for　my　trial　than　indeed　I　thought　possible　for　me　to　have。



When　the　trial　began；　the　indictment　was　read；　I　would　have　

spoke；　but　they　told　me　the　witnesses　must　be　heard　first；　and　

then　I　should　have　time　to　be　heard。　　The　witnesses　were　the　

two　wenches；　a　couple　of　hard…mouthed　jades　indeed；　for　

though　the　thing　was　truth　in　the　main；　yet　they　aggravated　it　

to　the　utmost　extremity；　and　swore　I　had　the　goods　wholly　in　

my　possession；　that　I　had　hid　them　among　my　clothes；　that　I　

was　going　off　with　them；　that　I　had　one　foot　over　the　threshold　

when　they　discovered　themselves；　and　then　I　put　t'　other　over；　

so　that　I　was　quite　out　of　the　house　in　the　street　with　the　goods　

before　they　took　hold　of　me；　and　then　they　seized　me；　and　

brought　me　back　again；　and　they　took　the　goods　upon　me。　　The　

fact　in　general　was　all　true；　but　I　believe；　and　insisted　upon　it；　

that　they　stopped　me　before　I　had　set　my　foot　clear　of　the　

threshold　of　the　house。　　But　that　did　not　argue　much；　for　certain　

it　was　that　I　had　taken　the　goods；　and　I　was　bringing　them　away；　

if　I　had　not　been　taken。



But　I　pleaded　that　I　had　stole　nothing；　they　had　lost　nothing；

that　the　door　was　open；　and　I　went　in；　seeing　the　goods　lie

there；　and　with　design　to　buy。　　If；　seeing　nobody　in　the　house；　I　

had　taken　any　of　them　up　in　my　hand　it　could　not　be　concluded　

that　I　intended　to　steal　them；　for　that　I　never　carried　them　

farther　than　the　door　to　look　on　them　with　the　better　light。



The　Court　would　not　allow　that　by　any　means；　and　made　a　

kind　of　a　jest　of　my　intending　to　buy　the　goods；　that　being　no　

shop　for　the　selling　of　anything；　and　as　to　carrying　them　to　the　

door　to　look　at　them；　the　maids　made　their　impudent　mocks　

upon　that；　and　spent　their　wit　upon　it　very　much；　told　the　

Court　I　had　looked　at　them　sufficiently；　and　approved　them　

very　well；　for　I　had　packed　them　up　under　my　clothes；　and　

was　a…going　with　them。



In　short；　I　was　found　guilty　of　felony；　but　acquitted　of　the　

burglary；　which　was　but　small　comfort　to　me；　the　first　bringing　

me　to　a　sentence　of　death；　and　the　last　would　have　done　no　

more。　　The　next　day　I　was　carried　down　to　receive　the　dreadful　

sentence；　and　when　they　came　to　ask　me　what　I　had　to　say　

why　sentence　should　not　pass；　I　stood　mute　a　while；　but　

somebody　that　stood　behind　me　prompted　me　aloud　to　speak　

to　the　judges；　for　that　they　could　represent　things　favourably　

for　me。　　This　encouraged　me　to　speak；　and　I　told　them　I　had　

nothing　to　say　to　stop　the　sentence；　but　that　I　had　much　to　say　

to　bespeak　the　mercy　of　the　Court；　that　I　hoped　they　would　

allow　something　in　such　a　case　for　the　circumstances　of　it；　

that　I　had　broken　no　doors；　had　carried　nothing　off；　that　

nobody　had　lost　anything；　that　the　person　whose　goods　they　

were　was　pleased　to　say　he　desired　mercy　might　be　shown　

（which　indeed　he　very　honestly　did）；　that；　at　the　worst；　it　was　

the　first　offence；　and　that　I　had　never　been　before　any　court　

of　justice　before；　and；　in　a　word；　I　spoke　with　more　courage　

that　I　thought　I　could　have　done；　and　in　such　a　moving　tone；　

and　though　with　tears；　yet　not　so　many　tears　as　to　obstruct　my　

speech；　that　I　could　see　it　moved　others　to　tears　that　heard　me。



The　judges　sat　grave　and　mute；　gave　me　an　easy　hearing；　and　

time　to　say　all　that　I　would；　but；　saying　neither　Yes　nor　No　to　

it；　pronounced　the　sentence　of　death　upon　me；　a　sentence　that　

was　to　me　like　death　itself；　which；　after　it　was　read；　confounded　

me。　　I　had　no　more　spirit　left　in　me；　I　had　no　tongue　to　speak；　

or　eyes　to　look　up　either　to　God　or　man。



My　poor　governess　was　utterly　disconsolate；　and　she　that　was　

my　comforter　before；　wanted　comfort　now　herself；　and　sometimes　

mourning；　sometimes　raging；　was　as　much　out　of　herself；　as　to　

all　outward　appearance；　as　any　mad　woman　in　Bedlam。　　Nor　

was　she　only　disconsolate　as　to　me；　but　she　was　struck　with　

horror　at　the　sense　of　her　own　wicked　life；　and　began　to　look　

back　upon　it　with　a　taste　quite　different　from　mine；　for　she　

was　penitent　to　the　highest　degree　for　her　sins；　as　well　as　

sorrowful　for　the　misfortune。　　She　sent　for　a　minister；　too；　a　

serious；　pious；　good　man；　and　applied　herself　with　such　

earnestness；　by　his　assistance；　to　the　work　of　a　sincere　repentance；　

that　I　believe；　and　so　did　the　minister　too；　that　she　was　a　true　

penitent；　and；　which　is　still　more；　she　was　not　only　so　for　the　

occasion；　and　at　that　juncture；　but　she　continued　so；　as　I　was　

informed；　to　the　day　of　her　death。



It　is　rather　to　be　thought　of　than　expressed　what　was　now　my　

condition。　　I　had　nothing　before　me　but　present　death；　and　as　

I　had　no　friends　to　assist　me；　or　to　stir　for　me；　I　expected　

nothing　but　to　find　my　name　in　the　dead　warrant；　which　was　

to　come　down　for　the　execution；　the　Friday　afterwards；　of　five　

more　and　myself。



In　the　meantime　my　poor　distressed　governess　sent　me　a　

minister；　who　at　her　request　first；　and　at　my　own　afterwards；　

came　to　visit　me。　　He　exhorted　me　seriously　to　repent　of　all　

my　sins；　and　to　dally　no　longer　with　my　soul；　not　flattering　

myself　with　hopes　of　life；　which；　he　said；　he　was　informed　

there　was　no　room　to　expect；　but　unfeignedly　to　look　up　to　

God　with　my　whole　soul；　and　to　cry　for　pardon　in　the　name　

of　Jesus　Christ。　　He　backed　his　discourses　with　proper　quotations　

of　Scripture；　encouraging　the　greatest　sinner　to　repent；　and　turn　

from　their　evil　way；　and　when　he　had　done；　he　kneeled　down　

and　prayed　with　me。



It　was　now　that；　for　the　first　time；　I　felt　any　real　signs　of　

repentance。　　I　now　began　to　look　back　upon　my　past　life　with　

abhorrence；　and　having　a　kind　of　view　into　the　other　side　of　

time；　and　things　of　life；　as　I　believe　they　do　with　everybody　

at　such　a　time；　began　to　look　with　a　different　aspect；　and　quite　

another　shape；　than　they　did　before。　　The　greatest　and　best　

things；　the　views　of　felicity；　the　joy；　the　griefs　of　life；　were　

quite　other　things；　and　I　had　nothing　in　my　thoughts　but　what　

was　so　infinitely　superior　to　what　I　had　known　in　life；　that　it　

appeared　to　me　to　be　the　greatest　stupidity　in　nature　to　lay　

any　weight　upon　anything；　though　the　most　valuable　in　this　

world。



The　word　eternity　represented　itself　with　all　its　incomprehensible　

additions；　and　I　had　such　extended　notions　of　it；　that　I　know　

not　how　to　express　them。　　Among　the　rest；　how　vile；　how　gross；　

how　absurd　did　every　pleasant　thing　look！I　mean；　that　we　

had　counted　pleasant　beforeespecially　when　I　reflected　that　

these　sordid　trifles　were　the　things　for　which　we　forfeited　

eternal　felicity。



With　these　reflections　came；　of　mere　course；　severe　reproaches　

of　my　own　mind　for　my　wretched　behaviour　in　my　past　life；　

that　I　had　forfeited　all　hope　of　any　happiness　in　the　eternity　

that　I　was　just　going　to　enter　into；　and　on　the　contrary　was　

entitled　to　all　that　was　miserable；　or　had　been　conceived　of　

misery；　and　all　this　with　the　frightful　addition　of　its　being　

also　eternal。



I　am　not　capable　of　reading　lectures　of　instruction　to　anybody；　

but　I　relate　this　in　the　very　manner　in　which　things　then　

appeared　to　me；　as　far　as　I　am　able；　but　infinitely　short　of　the　

lively　impressions　which　they　made　on　my　soul　at　that　time；　

indeed；　those　impressions　are　not　to　be　explained　by　words；　

or　if　they　are；　I　am　not　mistress　of　words　enough　to　express　

them。　　It　must　be　the　work　of　every　sober　reader　to　make　just　

reflections　on　them；　as　their　own　circumstances　may　direct；　

and；　without　question；　this　is　what　every　one　at　some　time　or　

other　may　feel　something　of；　I　mean；　a　clearer　sight　into　things　

to　come　than　they　had　here；　and　a　dark　view　of　their　own　

concern　in　them。



But　I　go　back　to　my　own　case。　　The　minister　pressed　me　to　

tell