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you。　You　have　no　chance。　We　shall　lump　both　cases　into　one；　and

you　watch　out。〃



Judge　Witberg　looked　good　to　Watson。　A　fairly　young　man；　short；

comfortably　stout；　smooth…shaven　and　with　an　intelligent　face；

he　seemed　a　very　nice　man　indeed。　This　good　impression　was

added　to　by　the　smiling　lips　and　the　wrinkles　of　laughter　in

the　corners　of　his　black　eyes。　Looking　at　him　and　studying　him；

Watson　felt　almost　sure　that　his　old　friend's　prognostication

was　wrong。



But　Watson　was　soon　to　learn。　Patsy　Horan　and　two　of　his

satellites　testified　to　a　most　colossal　aggregation　of

perjuries。　Watson　could　not　have　believed　it　possible　without

having　experienced　it。　They　denied　the　existence　of　the　other

four　men。　And　of　the　two　that　testified；　one　claimed　to　have

been　in　the　kitchen；　a　witness　to　Watson's　unprovoked　assault

on　Patsy；　while　the　other；　remaining　in　the　bar；　had　witnessed

Watson's　second　and　third　rushes　into　the　place　as　he　attempted

to　annihilate　the　unoffending　Patsy。　The　vile　language　ascribed

to　Watson　was　so　voluminously　and　unspeakably　vile；　that　he

felt　they　were　injuring　their　own　case。　It　was　so　impossible

that　he　should　utter　such　things。　But　when　they　described　the

brutal　blows　he　had　rained　on　poor　Patsy's　face；　and　the　chair

he　demolished　when　he　vainly　attempted　to　kick　Patsy；　Watson

waxed　secretly　hilarious　and　at　the　same　time　sad。　The　trial

was　a　farce；　but　such　lowness　of　life　was　depressing　to

contemplate　when　he　considered　the　long　upward　climb　humanity

must　make。



Watson　could　not　recognize　himself；　nor　could　his　worst　enemy

have　recognized　him；　in　the　swashbuckling；　rough…housing

picture　that　was　painted　of　him。　But；　as　in　all　cases　of

complicated　perjury；　rifts　and　contradictions　in　the　various

stories　appeared。　The　Judge　somehow　failed　to　notice　them；

while　the　Prosecuting　Attorney　and　Patsy's　attorney　shied　off

from　them　gracefully。　Watson　had　not　bothered　to　get　a　lawyer

for　himself；　and　he　was　now　glad　that　he　had　not。



Still；　he　retained　a　semblance　of　faith　in　Judge　Witberg　when

he　went　himself　on　the　stand　and　started　to　tell　his　story。



〃I　was　strolling　casually　along　the　street；　your　Honor；〃　Watson

began；　but　was　interrupted　by　the　Judge。



〃We　are　not　here　to　consider　your　previous　actions；〃　bellowed

Judge　Witberg。　〃Who　struck　the　first　blow？〃



〃Your　Honor；〃　Watson　pleaded；　〃I　have　no　witnesses　of　the

actual　fray；　and　the　truth　of　my　story　can　only　be　brought　out

by　telling　the　story　fully〃



Again　he　was　interrupted。



〃We　do　not　care　to　publish　any　magazines　here；〃　Judge　Witberg

roared；　looking　at　him　so　fiercely　and　malevolently　that　Watson

could　scarcely　bring　himself　to　believe　that　this　was　same　man

he　had　studied　a　few　minutes　previously。



〃Who　struck　the　first　blow？〃　Patsy's　attorney　asked。



The　Prosecuting　Attorney　interposed；　demanding　to　know　which　of

the　two　cases　lumped　together　was；　and　by　what　right　Patsy's

lawyer；　at　that　stage　of　the　proceedings；　should　take　the

witness。　Patsy's　attorney　fought　back。　Judge　Witberg

interfered；　professing　no　knowledge　of　any　two　cases　being

lumped　together。　All　this　had　to　be　explained。　Battle　royal

raged；　terminating　in　both　attorneys　apologizing　to　the　Court

and　to　each　other。　And　so　it　went；　and　to　Watson　it　had　the

seeming　of　a　group　of　pickpockets　ruffling　and　bustling　an

honest　man　as　they　took　his　purse。　The　machine　was　working；

that　was　all。



〃Why　did　you　enter　this　place　of　unsavory　reputations？〃　was

asked　him。



〃It　has　been　my　custom　for　many　years；　as　a　student　of

economics　and　sociology；　to　acquaint　myself〃



But　this　was　as　far　as　Watson　got。



〃We　want　none　of　your　ologies　here；〃　snarled　Judge　Witberg。　〃It

is　a　plain　question。　Answer　it　plainly。　Is　it　true　or　not　true

that　you　were　drunk？　That　is　the　gist　of　the　question。〃



When　Watson　attempted　to　tell　how　Patsy　had　injured　his　face　in

his　attempts　to　bat　with　his　head；　Watson　was　openly　scouted

and　flouted；　and　Judge　Witberg　again　took　him　in　hand。



〃Are　you　aware　of　the　solemnity　of　the　oath　you　took　to　testify

to　nothing　but　the　truth　on　this　witness　stand？〃　the　Judge

demanded。　〃This　is　a　fairy　story　you　are　telling。　It　is　not

reasonable　that　a　man　would　so　injure　himself；　and　continue　to

injure　himself；　by　striking　the　soft　and　sensitive　parts　of　his

face　against　your　head。　You　are　a　sensible　man。　It　is

unreasonable；　is　it　not？〃



〃Men　are　unreasonable　when　they　are　angry；〃　Watson　answered

meekly。



Then　it　was　that　Judge　Witberg　was　deeply　outraged　and

righteously　wrathful。



〃What　right　have　you　to　say　that？〃　he　cried。　〃It　is　gratuitous。

It　has　no　bearing　on　the　case。　You　are　here　as　a　witness；　sir；

of　events　that　have　transpired。　The　Court　does　not　wish　to　hear

any　expressions　of　opinion　from　you　at　all。〃



〃I　but　answered　your　question；　your　Honor；〃　Watson　protested

humbly。



〃You　did　nothing　of　the　sort；〃　was　the　next　blast。　〃And　let　me

warn　you；　sir；　let　me　warn　you；　that　you　are　laying　yourself

liable　to　contempt　by　such　insolence。　And　I　will　have　you　know

that　we　know　how　to　observe　the　law　and　the　rules　of　courtesy

down　here　in　this　little　courtroom。　I　am　ashamed　of　you。〃



And；　while　the　next　punctilious　legal　wrangle　between　the

attorneys　interrupted　his　tale　of　what　happened　in　the　Vendome；

Carter　Watson；　without　bitterness；　amused　and　at　the　same　time

sad；　saw　rise　before　him　the　machine；　large　and　small；　that

dominated　his　country；　the　unpunished　and　shameless　grafts　of　a

thousand　cities　perpetrated　by　the　spidery　and　vermin…like

creatures　of　the　machines。　Here　it　was　before　him；　a　courtroom

and　a　judge；　bowed　down　in　subservience　by　the　machine　to　a

dive…keeper　who　swung　a　string　of　votes。　Petty　and　sordid　as　it

was；　it　was　one　face　of　the　many…faced　machine　that　loomed

colossally；　in　every　city　and　state；　in　a　thousand　guises

overshadowing　the　land。



A　familiar　phrase　rang　in　his　ears：　〃It　is　to　laugh。〃　At　the

height　of　the　wrangle；　he　giggled；　once；　aloud；　and　earned　a

sullen　frown　from　Judge　Witberg。　Worse；　a　myriad　times；　he

decided；　were　these　bullying　lawyers　and　this　bullying　judge

then　the　bucko　mates　in　first　quality　hell…ships；　who　not　only

did　their　own　bullying　but　protected　themselves　as　well。　These

petty　rapscallions；　on　the　other　hand；　sought　protection　behind

the　majesty　of　the　law。　They　struck；　but　no　one　was　permitted

to　strike　back；　for　behind　them　were　the　prison　cells　and　the

clubs　of　the　stupid　policemenpaid　and　professional　fighters

and　beaters…up　of　men。　Yet　he　was　not　bitter。　The　grossness　and

the　sliminess　of　it　was　forgotten　in　the　simple　grotesqueness

of　it；　and　he　had　the　saving　sense　of　humor。



Nevertheless；　hectored　and　heckled　though　he　was；　he　managed　in

the　end　to　give　a　simple；　straightforward　version　of　the

affair；　and；　despite　a　belligerent　cross…examination；　his　story

was　not　shaken　in　any　particular。　Quite　different　it　was　from

the　perjuries　that　had　shouted　aloud　from　the　perjuries　of

Patsy　and　his　two　witnesses。



Both　Patsy's　attorney　and　the　Prosecuting　Attorney　rested　their

cases；　letting　everything　go　before　the　Court　without　argument。

Watson　protested　against　this；　but　was　silenced　when　the

Prosecuting　Attorney　told　him　that　Public　Prosecutor　and　knew

his　business。



〃Patrick　Horan　has　testified　that　he　was　in　danger　of　his　life

and　that　he　was　compelled　to　defend　himself；〃　Judge　Witberg's

verdict　began。　〃Mr。　Watson　has　testified　to　the　same　thing。

Each　has　sworn　that　the　other　struck　the　first　blow；　each　has

sworn　that　the　other　made　an　unprovoked　assault　on　him。　It　is

an　axiom　of　the　law　that　the　defendant　should　be　given　the

benefit　of　the　doubt。　A　very　reasonable　doubt　exists。

Therefore；　in　the　case　of　the　People　Versus　Carter　Watson　the

benefit　of　the　doubt　is　given　to　said　Carter　Watson　and　he　is

herewith　ordered　discharged　from　custody。　The　same　reasoning

applies　to　the　case　of　the　People　Versus　Patrick　Horan。　He　is

given　the　benefit　of　the　doubt　and　discharged　from　custody。　My

recommendation　is　that　both　defendants　shake　hands　and　make

up。〃



In　the　afternoon　papers　the　first　headline　that　caught　Watson's

eye　was：　〃CARTER　WATSON　ACQUITTED。〃　In　the　second　paper　it　was：

〃CARTER　WATSON　ESCAPES　A　FINE。〃　But　what　capped　everything　was

the　one　beginning：　〃CARTER　WATSON　A　GOOD　FELLOW。〃　In　the　text

he　read　how　Judge　Witberg　had　advised　both　fighters　to　shake

hands；　which　they　promptly　did。　Further；　he　read：　



〃'Let's　have　a　nip　on　it；'　said　Patsy　Horan。



〃'Sure；'　said　Carter　Watson。



〃And；　arm　in　arm；　they　ambled　for　the　nearest　saloon。〃



IV



Now；　from　the　whole　adventure；　Watson　carried　away　no

bitterness。　It　was　a　social　experience　of　a　new　order；　and　it

led　to　the　writing　of　another　book；　which　he　entitled；　〃POLICE

COURT　PROCEDURE：　A　Tentative　Analysis。〃



One　summer　morning　a　year　later；　on　his　ranch；　he　left　his

horse　and　himself　clambered　on　through　a　miniature　canyon　to

inspect　some　rock　ferns　he　had　planted　the　previous　winter。

Emerging　from　the　upper　end　of　the　canyon；　he　came　out　on　one

of　his　flower…spangled　meadows；　a　delightful　isolated　spot；

screened　from　the　world　by　low　hills　and　clumps　of　trees。　And

here　he　found　a　man；　evidently　on　a　stroll　from　the　summer

hotel　down　at　the　little　town　a　mile　away。　They　met　face　to

face　and　the　recognition　was　mutual。　It　was　Judge　Witberg。

Also；　it　was　a　clear　case　of　trespass；　for　Watson　had　trespass

signs　upon　his　boundaries；　though　he　never　enforced　them。



Judge　Witberg　held　out　his　hand；　which　Watson　refused　to　see。



〃Politics　is　a　dirty　trade；　isn't　it；　Judge？〃　he　remarked。　〃Oh；

yes；　I　see　your　hand；　but　I　don't　care　to　take　it。　The　papers

said　I　shook　hands　with　Patsy　Horan　after　the　trial。　You　know　I

did　not；　but　let　me　tell　you　that　I'd　a　thousand　times　rather

shake