the man who was afraid-第26部分

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st　forward。　His　breast　was　too　narrow　to　hold　his　heart；　which　was　filled　with　wrath。　He　stamped　the　floor　with　heavy　and　measured　steps；　as　though　he　were　forging　his　anger。

〃The　vile　wretchdisguised　herself　as　an　angel！〃　Pelageya　vividly　arose　in　his　memory；　and　he　whispered　malignantly　and　bitterly：

〃Though　a　fallen　woman；　she　is　better。　She　did　not　play　the　hypocrite。　She　at　once　unfolded　her　soul　and　her　body；　and　her　heart　is　surely　just　as　her　breastwhite　and　sound。〃

Sometimes　Hope　would　whisper　timidly　in　his　ear：

〃Perhaps　all　that　was　said　of　her　was　a　lie。〃

But　he　recalled　the　eager　certainty　of　his　godfather；　and　the　power　of　his　words；　and　this　thought　perished。　He　set　his　teeth　more　firmly　together　and　threw　his　chest　still　more　forward。　Evil　thoughts　like　splinters　of　wood　stuck　into　his　heart；　and　his　heart　was　shattered　by　the　acute　pain　they　caused。

By　disparaging　Medinskaya；　Mayakin　made　her　more　accessible　to　his　godson；　and　Foma　soon　understood　this。　A　few　days　passed；　and　Foma's　agitated　feelings　became　calm；　absorbed　by　the　spring　business　cares。　The　sorrow　for　the　loss　of　the　individual　deadened　the　spite　he　owed　the　woman；　and　the　thought　of　the　woman's　accessibility　increased　his　passion　for　her。　And　somehow；　without　perceiving　it　himself；　he　suddenly　understood　and　resolved　that　he　ought　to　go　up　to　Sophya　Pavlovna　and　tell　her　plainly；　openly；　just　what　he　wanted　of　herthat's　all！　He　even　felt　a　certain　joy　at　this　resolution；　and　he　boldly　started　off　to　Medinskaya；　thinking　on　the　way　only　how　to　tell　her　best　all　that　was　necessary。

The　servants　of　Medinskaya　were　accustomed　to　his　visits；　and　to　his　question　whether　the　lady　was　at　home　the　maid　replied：

〃Please　go　into　the　drawing…room。　She　is　there　alone。〃

He　became　somewhat　frightened；　but　noticing　in　the　mirror　his　stately　figure　neatly　clad　with　a　frock…coat；　and　his　swarthy；　serious　face　in　a　frame　of　a　downy　black　beard；　set　with　large　dark　eyeshe　raised　his　shoulders　and　confidently　stepped　forward　through　the　parlour。　Strange　sounds　of　a　string　instrument　were　calmly　floating　to　meet　him；　they　seemed　to　burst　into　quiet；　cheerless　laughter；　complaining　of　something；　tenderly　stirring　the　heart；　as　though　imploring　it　for　attention　and　having　no　hopes　of　getting　it。　Foma　did　not　like　to　hear　musicit　always　filled　him　with　sadness。　Even　when　the　〃machine〃　in　the　tavern　played　some　sad　tune；　his　heart　filled　with　melancholy　anguish；　and　he　would　either　ask　them　to　stop　the　〃machine〃　or　would　go　away　some　little　distance　feeling　that　he　could　not　listen　calmly　to　these　tunes　without　words；　but　full　of　lamentation　and　tears。　And　now　he　involuntarily　stopped　short　at　the　door　of　the　drawing…room。

A　curtain　of　long　strings　of　parti…coloured　glass　beads　hung　over　the　door。　The　beads　had　been　strung　so　as　to　form　a　fantastic　figure　of　some　kind　of　plants；　the　strings　were　quietly　shaking　and　it　seemed　that　pale　shadows　of　flowers　were　soaring　in　the　air。　This　transparent　curtain　did　not　hide　the　inside　of　the　drawing…　room　from　Foma's　eyes。　Seated　on　a　couch　in　her　favourite　corner；　Medinskaya　played　the　mandolin。　A　large　Japanese　umbrella；　fastened　up　to　the　wall；　shaded　the　little　woman　in　black　by　its　mixture　of　colours；　the　high　bronze　lamp　under　a　red　lamp…shade　cast　on　her　the　light　of　sunset。　The　mild　sounds　of　the　slender　strings　were　trembling　sadly　in　the　narrow　room；　which　was　filled　with　soft　and　fragrant　twilight。　Now　the　woman　lowered　the　mandolin　on　her　knees　and　began　running　her　fingers　over　the　strings；　also　to　examine　fixedly　something　before　her。　Foma　heaved　a　sigh。

A　soft　sound　of　music　soared　about　Medinskaya；　and　her　face　was　forever　changing　as　though　shadows　were　falling　on　it；　falling　and　melting　away　under　the　flash　of　her　eyes。

Foma　looked　at　her　and　saw　that　when　alone　she　was　not　quite　so　good…looking　as　in　the　presence　of　peoplenow　her　face　looked　older；　more　seriousher　eyes　had　not　the　expression　of　kindness　and　gentleness；　they　had　a　rather　tired　and　weary　look。　And　her　pose；　too；　was　weary；　as　if　the　woman　were　about　to　stir　but　could　not。　Foma　noticed　that　the　feeling　which　prompted　him　to　come　to　her　was　now　changing　in　his　heart　into　some　other　feeling。　He　scraped　with　his　foot　along　the　floor　and　coughed。

〃Who　is　that？〃　asked　the　woman；　starting　with　alarm。　And　the　strings　trembled；　issuing　an　alarmed　sound。

〃It　is　I；〃　said　Foma；　pushing　aside　the　strings　of　the　beads。

〃Ah！　But　how　quietly　you've　entered。　I　am　glad　to　see　you。　Be　seated！　Why　didn't　you　come　for　such　a　long　time？〃

Holding　out　her　hand　to　him；　she　pointed　with　the　other　at　a　small　armchair　beside　her；　and　her　eyes　were　gaily　smiling。

〃I　was　out　on　the　bay　inspecting　my　steamers；〃　said　Foma；　with　exaggerated　ease；　moving　his　armchair　nearer　to　the　couch。

〃Is　there　much　snow　yet　on　the　fields？〃

〃As　much　as　one　may　want。　But　it　is　already　melting　considerably。　There　is　water　on　the　roads　everywhere。〃

He　looked　at　her　and　smiled。　Evidently　Medinskaya　noticed　the　ease　of　his　behaviour　and　something　new　in　his　smile；　for　she　adjusted　her　dress　and　drew　farther　away　from　him。　Their　eyes　metand　Medinskaya　lowered　her　head。

〃Melting！〃　said　she；　thoughtfully；　examining　the　ring　on　her　little　finger。

〃Ye…es；　streams　everywhere。〃　Foma　informed　her；　admiring　his　boots。

〃That's　good。　Spring　is　coming。〃

Now　it　won't　be　delayed　long。〃

〃Spring　is　coming；〃　repeated　Medinskaya；　softly；　as　if　listening　to　the　sounds　of　her　words。

〃People　will　start　to　fall　in　love；〃　said　Foma；　with　a　smile；　and　for　some　reason　or　other　firmly　rubbed　his　hands。

〃Are　you　preparing　yourself？〃　asked　Medinskaya；　drily。

〃I　have　no　need　for　it。　I　have　been　ready　long　ago。　I　am　already　in　love　for　all　my　life。〃

She　cast　a　glance　at　him；　and　started　to　play　again；　looking　at　the　strings　and　saying　pensively：

〃Spring。　How　good　it　is　that　you　are　but　beginning　to　live。　The　heart　is　full　of　power；　and　there　is　nothing　dark　in　it。〃

〃Sophya　Pavlovna！〃　exclaimed　Foma；　softly。She　interrupted　him　with　a　caressing　gesture。

〃Wait；　dearest！　Today　I　can　tell　you　something　good。　Do　you　know；　a　person　who　has　lived　long　has　such　moments　that　when　he　looks　into　his　heart　he　unexpectedly　finds　there　something　long　forgotten。　For　years　it　lay　somewhere　in　the　depth　of　his　heart；　but　lost　none　of　the　fragrance　of　youth；　and　when　memory　touches　it；　then　spring　comes　over　that　person；　breathing　upon　him　the　vivifying　freshness　of　the　morning　of　his　life。　This　is　good；　though　it　is　very　sad。〃

The　strings　trembled　and　wept　under　the　touch　of　her　fingers；　and　it　seemed　to　Foma　that　their　sounds　and　the　soft　voice　of　the　woman　were　touching　his　heart　gently　and　caressingly。　But；　still　firm　in　his　decision；　he　listened　to　her　words　and；　not　knowing　their　meaning；　thought：

〃You　may　speak！　And　I　won't　believe　anything　you　may　say。〃

This　thought　irritated　him。　And　he　felt　sorry　that　he　could　not　listen　to　her　words　as　attentively　and　trustfully　as　before。

〃Are　you　thinking　of　how　it　is　necessary　to　live？〃　asked　the　woman。

〃Sometimes　I　think　of　it；　and　then　I　forget　again。　I　have　no　time　for　it！〃　said　Foma　and　smiled。　〃And　then；　what　is　there　to　think　of？　It　is　simple。　You　see　how　others　live。　Well；　consequently；　you　must　imitate　them。〃

〃Ah；　don't　do　this！　Spare　yourself。　You　are　so　good！　There　is　something　peculiar　in　you；　whatI　do　not　know。　But　it　can　be　felt。　And　it　seems　to　me；　it　will　be　very　hard　for　you　to　get　along　in　life。　I　am　sure；　you　will　not　go　along　the　usual　way　of　the　people　of　your　circle。　No！　You　cannot　be　pleased　with　a　life　which　is　wholly　devoted　to　gain；　to　hunts　after　the　rouble；　to　this　business　of　yours。　Oh；　no！　I　know；　you　will　have　a　desire　for　something　else；　will　you　not？〃

She　spoke　quickly；　with　a　look　of　alarm　in　her　eyes。　Looking　at　her；　Foma　thought：

〃What　is　she　driving　at？〃

And　he　answered　her　slowly：

〃Perhaps　I　will　have　a　desire　for　something　else。　Perhaps　I　have　it　already。〃

Drawing　up　closer　to　him；　she　looked　into　his　face　and　spoke　convincingly：

〃Listen！　Do　not　live　like　all　other　people！　Arrange　your　life　somehow　differently。　You　are　strong；　young。　You　are　good！〃

〃And　if　I　am　good　then　there　must　be　good　for　me！〃　exclaimed　Foma；　feeling　that　he　was　seized　with　agitation；　and　that　his　heart　was　beginning　to　beat　with　anxiety。

〃Ah；　but　that　is　not　the　case！　Here　on　earth　it　is　worse　for　the　good　people　than　for　the　bad　ones！〃　said　Medinskaya；　sadly。

And　again　the　trembling　notes　of　music　began　to　dance　at　the　touch　of　her　fingers。　Foma　felt　that　if　he　did　not　start　to　say　at　once　what　was　necessary；　he　would　tell　her　nothing　later。

〃God　bless　me！〃　he　said　to　himself；　and　in　a　lowered　voice；　strengthening　his　heart；　began：

〃Sophya　Pavlovna！　Enough！　I　have　something　to　say。　I　have　come　to　tell　you：　'Enough！'　We　must　deal　fairly；　openly。　At　first　you　have　attracted　me　to　yourself；　and　now　you　are　fencing　away　from　me。　I　cannot　understand　what　you　say。　My　mind　is　dull；　but　I　can　feel　that　you　wish　to　hide　yourself。　I　can　see　itdo　you　understand　now　what　brought　me　here？〃

His　eyes　began　to　flash　and　with　each　word　his　voice　became　warmer　and　louder。　She　moved　her　body　forward　and　said　with　alarm：

〃Oh；　cease。〃

〃No；　I　won't；　I　will　speak！〃

〃I　know　what　you　want　to　say。〃

〃You　don't　know　it　all！〃　said　Foma；　threateningly；　rising　to　his　feet。　〃But　I　know　everything　about　youeverything。〃

〃Yes？　Then　the　better　it　is　for　me；〃　said　Medinskaya；　calmly。

She　also　arose　from　the　couch；　as　though　about　to　go　away　somewhere；　but　after　a　few　seconds　she　again　seated　herself　on　the　couch。　Her　face　was　serious；　her　lips　were　tightly　compressed；　but　her　eyes　were　lowered；　and　Foma　could　not　see　their　expression。　He　thought　that　when　he　told　her；　〃I　know　everything　about　you！〃　she　would　be　frightened；　she　would　feel　ashamed　and　confused；　would　ask　his　forgiveness　for　having　made　sport　of　him。　Then　he　would　embrace　her　and　forgive　her。　But　that　was　not　the　case；　it　was　he　who　was　confused　by　her　calmness。　He　looked　at　her；　searching　for　words　to　resume　his　speech；　but　found　them　not。

〃It　is　better；〃　she　repeated　firmly　and　drily。　〃So　you　have　learned