whirligigs-第6部分

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with　water；　but　the　good　ship　goes　on　unhurt。　　Were　it

not　for　the　separating　bulkheads　one　leak　would　sink

the　vessel。　　Now　it　often　happens　that　while　I　am　occu…

pied　with　clients；　other　clients　with　conflicting　interests

call。　　With　the　assistance　of　Archibald　　an　office　boy

with　a　future　　I　cause　the　dangerous　influx　to　be

diverted　into　separate　compartments；　while　I　sound

with　my　legal　plummet　the　depth　of　each。　　If　neces…

sary；　they　may　be　haled　into　the　hallway　and　permitted

to　escape　by　way　of　the　stairs；　which　we　may　term　the　lee

scuppers。　　Thus　the　good　ship　of　business　is　kept　afloat；

whereas　if　the　element　that　supports　her　were　allowed

to　mingle　freely　in　her　hold　we　might　be　swamped　　ha；

ha；　ha！



The　law　is　dry。　　Good　jokes　are　few。　　Surely　it

might　be　permitted　Lawyer　Gooch　to　mitigate　the　bore

of　briefs；　the　tedium　of　torts　and　the　prosiness　of　processes

with　even　so　light　a　levy　upon　the　good　property　of　humour。



Lawyer　Gooch's　practice　leaned　largely　to　the　settle…

ment　of　marital　infelicities。　　Did　matrimony　languish

through　complications；　he　mediated；　soothed　and　arbi…

trated。　　Did　it　suffer　from　implications；　he　readjusted；

defended　and　championed。　　Did　it　arrive　at　the　extremity

of　duplications；　he　always　got　light　sentences　for　his

clients。



But　not　always　was　Lawyer　Gooch　the　keen；　armed；

wily　belligerent；　ready　with　his　two…edged　sword　to　lop

off　the　shackles　of　Hymen。　　He　had　been　known　to　build

up　instead　of　demolishing；　to　reunite　instead　of　severing；

to　lead　erring　and　foolish　ones　back　into　the　fold　instead

of　scattering　the　flock。　　Often　had　he　by　his　eloquent

and　moving　appeals　sent　husband　and　wife；　weeping；　back

into　each　other's　arms。　　Frequently　he　had　coached

childhood　so　successfully　that；　at　the　psychological

moment　（and　at　a　given　signal）　the　plaintive　pipe　of

〃Papa；　won't　you　turn　home　adain　to　me　and　muvver？〃

had　won　the　day　and　upheld　the　pillars　of　a　tottering　home。



Unprejudiced　persons　admitted　that　Lawyer　Gooch

received　as　big　fees　from　these　revoked　clients　as　would

have　been　paid　him　had　the　cases　been　contested　in　court。

Prejudiced　ones　intimated　that　his　fees　were　doubled。

because　the　penitent　couples　always　came　back　later　for

the　divorce；　anyhow。



There　came　a　season　in　June　when　the　legal　ship　of

Lawyer　Gooch　（to　borrow　his　own　figure）　was　nearly

becalmed。　　The　divorce　mill　grinds　slowly　in　June。　　It

is　the　month　of　Cupid　and　Hymen。



Lawyer　Gooch；　then；　sat　idle　in　the　middle　room　of

his　clientless　suite。　　A　small　anteroom　connected　　or

rather　separated　　this　apartment　from　the　hallway。

Here　was　stationed　Archibald；　who　wrested　from　visitors

their　cards　or　oral　nomenclature　which　he　bore　to　his

master　while　they　waited。



Suddenly；　on　this　day；　there　came　a　great　knocking

at　the　outermost　door。



Archibald；　opening　it；　was　thrust　aside　as　superfluous

by　the　visitor；　who　without　due　reverence　at　once　pene…

trated　to　the　office　of　Lawyer　Gooch　and　threw　himself

with　good…natured　insolence　into　a　comfortable　chair

facing　that　gentlemen。



〃You　are　Phineas　C。　Gooch；　attorney…at…law？〃　　said

the　visitor；　his　tone　of　voice　and　inflection　making　his

words　at　once　a　question；　an　assertion　and　an　accusation。



Before　committing　himself　by　a　reply；　the　lawyer　esti…

mated　his　possible　client　in　one　of　his　brief　but　shrewd

and　calculating　glances。



The　man　was　of　the　emphatic　type　　large…sized；　active；

bold　and　debonair　in　demeanour；　vain　beyond　a　doubt；

slightly　swaggering；　ready　and　at　ease。　　He　was　well…

clothed；　but　with　a　shade　too　much　ornateness。　　He　was

seeking　a　lawyer；　but　if　that　fact　would　seem　to　saddle

him　with　troubles　they　were　not　patent　in　his　beaming

eye　and　courageous　air。



〃My　name　is　Gooch；〃　at　length　the　lawyer　admitted。

Upon　pressure　he　would　also　have　confessed　to　the　Phineas

C。　But　he　did　not　consider　it　good　practice　to　volunteer

information。　　〃I　did　not　receive　your　card；〃　he　continued；

by　way　of　rebuke；　〃so　I　　〃



〃I　know　you　didn't；〃　remarked　the　visitor；　coolly；

〃And　you　won't　just　yet。　　Light　up？〃　　He　threw　a　leg

over　an　arm　of　his　chair；　and　tossed　a　handful　of　rich…

hued　cigars　upon　the　table。　　Lawyer　Gooch　knew　the

brand。　　He　thawed　just　enough　to　accept　the　invitation

to　smoke。



〃You　are　a　divorce　lawyer；〃　said　the　cardless　visitor。

This　time　there　was　no　interrogation　in　his　voice。　　Nor

did　his　words　constitute　a　simple　assertion。　　They　formed　

a　charge　　a　denunciation　　as　one　would　say　to　a　dog：

〃You　are　a　dog。〃　　Lawyer　Gooch　was　silent　under　the

imputation。



〃You　handle；〃　continued　the　visitor；　〃all　the　various

ramifications　of　busted…up　connubiality。　　You　are　a

surgeon；　we　might　saw；　who　extracts　Cupid's　darts　when

he　shoots　'em　into　the　wrong　parties。　　You　furnish　

patent；　incandescent　lights　for　premises　where　the　torch

of　Hymen　has　burned　so　low　you　can't　light　a　cigar　at　it。

Am　I　right；　Mr。　Gooch？〃



〃I　have　undertaken　cases；〃　said　the　lawyer；　guardedly；

〃in　the　line　to　which　your　figurative　speech　seems　to　refer。

Do　you　wish　to　consult　me　professionally；　Mr。　　〃

The　lawyer　paused；　with　significance。



〃Not　yet；〃　said　the　other；　with　an　arch　wave　of　his

cigar；　〃not　just　yet。　　Let　us　approach　the　subject　with

the　caution　that　should　have　been　used　in　the　original

act　that　makes　this　pow…wow　necessary。　　There　exists　a

matrimonial　jumble　to　be　straightened　out。　　But　before

I　give　you　names　I　want　your　honest　　well；　anyhow；

your　professional　opinion　on　the　merits　of　the　mix…up。

I　want　you　to　size　up　the　catastrophe　　abstractly　　you

understand？　　I'm　Mr。　Nobody；　and　I've　got　a　story　to　tell

you。　　Then　you　say　what's　what。　　Do　you　get　my　wireless？〃



〃You　want　to　state　a　hypothetical　case？〃　　suggested

Lawyer　Gooch。



〃That's　the　word　I　was　after。　　'Apothecary'　was　the

best　shot　I　could　make　at　it　in　my　mind。　　The　hypo…

thetical　goes。　　I'll　state　the　case。　　Suppose　there's　a

woman　　a　deuced　fine…looking　woman　　who　has　run

away　from　her　husband　and　home？　　She's　badly　mashed

on　another　man　who　went　to　her　town　to　work　up　some

real　estate　business。　　Now；　we　may　as　well　call　this

woman's　husband　Thomas　R。　Billings；　for　that's　his

name。　　I'm　giving　you　straight　tips　on　the　cognomens。

The　Lothario　chap　is　Henry　K。　Jessup。　　The　Billingses

lived　in　a　little　town　called　Susanville　　a　good　many

miles　from　here。　　Now；　Jessup　leaves　Susanville　two

weeks　ago。　　The　next　day　Mrs。　Billings　follows　him。

She's　dead　gone　on　this　man　Jessup；　you　can　bet　your

law　library　on　that。〃



Lawyer　Gooch's　client　said　this　with　such　unctuous

satisfaction　that　even　the　callous　lawyer　experienced　a

slight　ripple　of　repulsion。　　He　now　saw　clearly　in　his

fatuous　visitor　the　conceit　of　the　lady…killer；　the　egoistic

complacency　of　the　successful　trifler。



〃Now；〃　continued　the　visitor；　〃suppose　this　Mrs。

Billings　wasn't　happy　at　home？　　We'll　say　she　and　her

husband　didn't　gee　worth　a　cent。　　They've　got　incom…

patibility　to　burn。　　The　things　she　likes；　Billings　wouldn't

have　as　a　gift　with　trading…stamps。　　It's　Tabby　and

Rover　with　them　all　the　time。　　She's　an　educated　woman

in　science　and　culture；　and　she　reads　things　out　loud　at

meetings。　　Billings　is　not　on。　　He　don't　appreciate　pro…

gress　and　obelisks　and　ethics；　and　things　of　that　sort。　　Old

Billings　is　simply　a　blink　when　it　comes　to　such　things。

The　lady　is　out　and　out　above　his　class。　　Now；　lawyer；

don't　it　look　like　a　fair　equalization　of　rights　and　wrongs

that　a　woman　like　that　should　be　allowed　to　throw　down

Billings　and　take　the　man　that　can　appreciate　her？



〃Incompatibility；〃　said　Lawyer　Gooch；　〃is　undoubt…

edly　the　source　of　much　marital　discord　and　unhappiness。

Where　it　is　positively　proved；　divorce　would　seem　to　be

the　equitable　remedy。　　Are　you　　excuse　me　　is　this

man　Jessup　one　to　whom　the　lady　may　safely　trust

her　future？〃



〃Oh；　you　can　bet　on　Jessup；〃　said　the　client；　with　a

confident　wag　of　his　head。　　〃Jessup's　all　right。　　He'll

do　the　square　thing。　　Why；　he　left　Susanville　just　to　keep

pwple　from　talking　about　Mrs。　Billings。　　But　she　fol…

lowed　him　up；　and　now；　of　course；　he'll　stick　to　her。

When　she　gets　a　divorce；　all　legal　and　proper；　Jessup

the　proper　thing。〃



〃And　now；〃　said　Lawyer　Gooch；　〃continuing　the　hypo…

if　you　prefer；　and　supposing　that　my　services　should

ired　in　the　case；　what　　〃



The　client　rose　impulsively　to　his　feet。



〃Oh；　dang　the　hypothetical　business；〃　he　exclaimed；

impatiently。　　〃Let's　let　her　drop；　and　get　down　to

straight　talk。　　You　ought　to　know　who　I　am　by　this　time。

I　want　that　woman　to　have　her　divorce。　　I'll　pay　for

it。　　The　day　you　set　Mrs。　Billings　free　I'll　pay　you　five

hundred　dollars。〃



Lawyer　Gooch's　client　banged　his　fist　upon　the　table

to　punctuate　his　generosity。



〃If　that　is　the　case　　〃　began　the　lawyer。



〃Lady　to　see　you；　sir；〃　bawled　Archibald；　bouncing

in　from　his　anteroom。　　He　had　orders　to　always　announce

immediately　any　client　that　might　come。　　There　was　no

sense　in　turning　business　away。



Lawyer　Gooch　took　client　number　one　by　the　arm　and

led　him　suavely　into　one　of　the　adjoining　rooms。　　〃Favour

me　by　remaining　here　a　few　minutes；　sir；〃　said　he。　　〃I

will　return　and　resume　our　consultation　with　the　least

possible　delay。　　I　am　rather　expecting　a　visit　from　a

very　wealthy　old　lady　in　connection　with　a　will。　　I　will

not　keep　you　waiting　long。〃



The　breezy　gentleman　seated　himself　with　obliging

acquiescence；　aud　took　up　a　magazine。　　The　lawyer

returned　to　the　middle　office；　carefully　closing　behind

him　the　connecting　door。



〃Show　the　lady　in；　Archibald；〃　he　said　to　the　office

boy；　who　was　awaiting　the　order。



A　tall　lady；　of　commanding　presence　and　sternly　hand…

some；　entered　the　room。　　She　wore　robes　　robes；　not

clothes　　ample　and　fluent。