the magic skin(驴皮记)-第15部分

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beating　of　my　heart；　but　took　out　two　twenty…franc　pieces　that　I　seem
to　see　yet。　The　dates　had　been　erased；　and　Bonaparte's　head　simpered
upon　them。　After　I　had　put　back　the　purse　in　my　pocket；　I　returned　to
the　gaming…table　with　the　two　pieces　of　gold　in　the　palms　of　my　damp
hands；　prowling　about　the　players　like　a　sparrow…hawk　round　a　coop　of
chickens。　Tormented　by　inexpressible　terror；　I　flung　a　sudden
clairvoyant　glance　round　me；　and　feeling　quite　sure　that　I　was　seen　by
none　of　my　acquaintance；　betted　on　a　stout；　jovial　little　man；　heaping
upon　his　head　more　prayers　and　vows　than　are　put　up　during　two　or
three　storms　at　sea。　Then；　with　an　intuitive　scoundrelism；　or
Machiavelism；　surprising　in　one　of　my　age；　I　went　and　stood　in　the
door；　and　looked　about　me　in　the　rooms；　though　I　saw　nothing；　for　both
mind　and　eyes　hovered　about　that　fateful　green　cloth。

〃That　evening　fixes　the　date　of　a　first　observation　of　a　physiological
kind；　to　it　I　owe　a　kind　of　insight　into　certain　mysteries　of　our
double　nature　that　I　have　since　been　enabled　to　penetrate。　I　had　my
back　turned　on　the　table　where　my　future　felicity　lay　at　stake；　a
felicity　but　so　much　the　more　intense　that　it　was　criminal。　Between　me
and　the　players　stood　a　wall　of　onlookers　some　five　feet　deep；　who
were　chatting；　the　murmur　of　voices　drowned　the　clinking　of　gold；
which　mingled　in　the　sounds　sent　up　by　this　orchestra；　yet；　despite
all　obstacles；　I　distinctly　heard　the　words　of　the　two　players　by　a
gift　accorded　to　the　passions；　which　enables　them　to　annihilate　time
and　space。　I　saw　the　points　they　made；　I　knew　which　of　the　two　turned
up　the　king　as　well　as　if　I　had　actually　seen　the　cards；　at　a　distance
of　ten　paces；　in　short；　the　fortunes　of　play　blanched　my　face。

〃My　father　suddenly　went　by；　and　then　I　knew　what　the　Scripture　meant
by　'The　Spirit　of　God　passed　before　his　face。'　I　had　won。　I　slipped
through　the　crowd　of　men　who　had　gathered　about　the　players　with　the
quickness　of　an　eel　escaping　through　a　broken　mesh　in　a　net。　My　nerves
thrilled　with　joy　instead　of　anguish。　I　felt　like　some　criminal　on　the
way　to　torture　released　by　a　chance　meeting　with　the　king。　It　happened
that　a　man　with　a　decoration　found　himself　short　by　forty　francs。
Uneasy　eyes　suspected　me；　I　turned　pale；　and　drops　of　perspiration
stood　on　my　forehead；　I　was　well　punished；　I　thought；　for　having
robbed　my　father。　Then　the　kind　little　stout　man　said；　in　a　voice　like
an　angel's　surely；　'All　these　gentlemen　have　paid　their　stakes；'　and
put　down　the　forty　francs　himself。　I　raised　my　head　in　triumph　upon
the　players。　After　I　had　returned　the　money　I　had　taken　from　it　to　my
father's　purse；　I　left　my　winnings　with　that　honest　and　worthy
gentleman；　who　continued　to　win。　As　soon　as　I　found　myself　possessed
of　a　hundred　and　sixty　francs；　I　wrapped　them　up　in　my　handkerchief；
so　that　they　could　neither　move　or　rattle　on　the　way　back；　and　I
played　no　more。

〃　'What　were　you　doing　at　the　card…table？'　said　my　father　as　we
stepped　into　the　carriage。

〃　'I　was　looking　on；'　I　answered；　trembling。

〃　'But　it　would　have　been　nothing　out　of　the　common　if　you　had　been
prompted　by　self…love　to　put　some　money　down　on　the　table。　In　the　eyes
of　men　of　the　world　you　are　quite　old　enough　to　assume　the　right　to
commit　such　follies。　So　I　should　have　pardoned　you；　Raphael；　if　you
had　made　use　of　my　purse。　。　。　。　。'

〃I　did　not　answer。　When　we　reached　home；　I　returned　the　keys　and　money
to　my　father。　As　he　entered　his　study；　he　emptied　out　his　purse　on　the
mantelpiece；　counted　the　money；　and　turned　to　me　with　a　kindly　look；
saying　with　more　or　less　long　and　significant　pauses　between　each
phrase：

〃　'My　boy；　you　are　very　nearly　twenty　now。　I　am　satisfied　with　you。
You　ought　to　have　an　allowance；　if　only　to　teach　you　how　to　lay　it
out；　and　to　gain　some　acquaintance　with　everyday　business。
Henceforward　I　shall　let　you　have　a　hundred　francs　each　month。　Here　is
your　first　quarter's　income　for　this　year；'　he　added；　fingering　a　pile
of　gold；　as　if　to　make　sure　that　the　amount　was　correct。　'Do　what　you
please　with　it。'

〃I　confess　that　I　was　ready　to　fling　myself　at　his　feet；　to　tell　him
that　I　was　a　thief；　a　scoundrel；　and；　worse　than　all；　a　liar！　But　a
feeling　of　shame　held　me　back。　I　went　up　to　him　for　an　embrace；　but　he
gently　pushed　me　away。

〃　'You　are　a　man　now；　MY　CHILD；'　he　said。　'What　I　have　just　done　was　a
very　proper　and　simple　thing；　for　which　there　is　no　need　to　thank　me。
If　I　have　any　claim　to　your　gratitude；　Raphael；'　he　went　on；　in　a　kind
but　dignified　way；　'it　is　because　I　have　preserved　your　youth　from　the
evils　that　destroy　young　men　in　Paris。　We　will　be　two　friends
henceforth。　In　a　year's　time　you　will　be　a　doctor　of　law。　Not　without
some　hardship　and　privations　you　have　acquired　the　sound　knowledge　and
the　love　of；　and　application　to；　work　that　is　indispensable　to　public
men。　You　must　learn　to　know　me；　Raphael。　I　do　not　want　to　make　either
an　advocate　or　a　notary　of　you；　but　a　statesman；　who　shall　be　the
pride　of　our　poor　house。　。　。　。　Good…night；'　he　added。

〃From　that　day　my　father　took　me　fully　into　confidence。　I　was　an　only
son；　and　ten　years　before；　I　had　lost　my　mother。　In　time　past　my
father；　the　head　of　a　historic　family　remembered　even　now　in　Auvergne；
had　come　to　Paris　to　fight　against　his　evil　star；　dissatisfied　at　the
prospect　of　tilling　the　soil；　with　his　useless　sword　by　his　side。　He
was　endowed　with　the　shrewdness　that　gives　the　men　of　the　south　of
France　a　certain　ascendency　when　energy　goes　with　it。　Almost　unaided；
he　made　a　position　for　himself　near　the　fountain　of　power。　The
revolution　brought　a　reverse　of　fortune；　but　he　had　managed　to　marry
an　heiress　of　good　family；　and；　in　the　time　of　the　Empire；　appeared　to
be　on　the　point　of　restoring　to　our　house　its　ancient　splendor。

〃The　Restoration；　while　it　brought　back　considerable　property　to　my
mother；　was　my　father's　ruin。　He　had　formerly　purchased　several
estates　abroad；　conferred　by　the　Emperor　on　his　generals；　and　now　for
ten　years　he　struggled　with　liquidators；　diplomatists；　and　Prussian
and　Bavarian　courts　of　law；　over　the　disputed　possession　of　these
unfortunate　endowments。　My　father　plunged　me　into　the　intricate
labyrinths　of　law　proceedings　on　which　our　future　depended。　We　might
be　compelled　to　return　the　rents；　as　well　as　the　proceeds　arising　from
sales　of　timber　made　during　the　years　1814　to　1817；　in　that　case　my
mother's　property　would　have　barely　saved　our　credit。　So　it　fell　out
that　the　day　on　which　my　father　in　a　fashion　emancipated　me；　brought
me　under　a　most　galling　yoke。　I　entered　on　a　conflict　like　a
battlefield；　I　must　work　day　and　night；　seek　interviews　with
statesmen；　surprise　their　convictions；　try　to　interest　them　in　our
affairs；　and　gain　them　over；　with　their　wives　and　servants；　and　their
very　dogs；　and　all　this　abominable　business　had　to　take　the　form　of
pretty　speeches　and　polite　attentions。　Then　I　knew　the　mortifications
that　had　left　their　blighting　traces　on　my　father's　face。　For　about　a
year　I　led　outwardly　the　life　of　a　man　of　the　world；　but　enormous
labors　lay　beneath　the　surface　of　gadding　about；　and　eager　efforts　to
attach　myself　to　influential　kinsmen；　or　to　people　likely　to　be　useful
to　us。　My　relaxations　were　lawsuits；　and　memorials　still　furnished　the
staple　of　my　conversation。　Hitherto　my　life　had　been　blameless；　from
the　sheer　impossibility　of　indulging　the　desires　of　youth；　but　now　I
became　my　own　master；　and　in　dread　of　involving　us　both　in　ruin　by
some　piece　of　negligence；　I　did　not　dare　to　allow　myself　any　pleasure
or　expenditure。

〃While　we　are　young；　and　before　the　world　has　rubbed　off　the　delicate
bloom　from　our　sentiments；　the　freshness　of　our　impressions；　the　noble
purity　of　conscience　which　will　never　allow　us　to　palter　with　evil；
the　sense　of　duty　is　very　strong　within　us；　the　voice　of　honor　clamors
within　us；　and　we　are　open　and　straightforward。　At　that　time　I　was　all
these　things。　I　wished　to　justify　my　father's　confidence　in　me。　But
lately　I　would　have　stolen　a　paltry　sum　from　him；　with　secret　delight；
but　now　that　I　shared　the　burden　of　his　affairs；　of　his　name　and　of
his　house；　I　would　secretly　have　given　up　my　fortune　and　my　hopes　for
him；　as　I　was　sacrificing　my　pleasures；　and　even　have　been　glad　of　the
sacrifice！　So　when　M。　de　Villele　exhumed；　for　our　special　benefit；　an
imperial　decree　concerning　forfeitures；　and　had　ruined　us；　I
authorized　the　sale　of　my　property；　only　retaining　an　island　in　the
middle　of　the　Loire　where　my　mother　was　buried。　Perhaps　arguments　and
evasions；　philosophical；　philanthropic；　and　political　considerations
would　not　fail　me　now；　to　hinder　the　perpetration　of　what　my　solicitor
termed　a　'folly'；　but　at　one…and…twenty；　I　repeat；　we　are　all　aglow
with　generosity　and　affection。　The　tears　that　stood　in　my　father's
eyes　were　to　me　the　most　splendid　of　fortunes；　and　the　thought　of
those　tears　has　often　soothed　my　sorrow。　Ten　months　after　he　had　paid
his　creditors；　my　father　died　of　grief；　I　was　his　idol；　and　he　had
ruined　me！　The　thought　killed　him。　Towards　the　end　of　the　autumn　of
1826；　at　the　age　of　twenty…two；　I　was　the　sole　mourner　at　his
gravesidethe　grave　of　my　father　and　my　earliest　friend。　Not　many
young　men　have　found　themselves　alone　with　their　thoughts　as　they
followed　a　hearse；　or　have　seen　themselves　lost　in　crowded　Paris；　and
without　money　or　prospects。　Orphans　rescued　by　public　charity　have　at
any　rate　the　future　of　the　battlefield　before　them；　and　find　a　shelter
in　some　institution　and　a　father　in　the　government　or　in　the　procureur
du　roi。　I　had　nothing。

〃Three　months　later；　an　agent　made　over　to　me　eleven　hundred　and
twelve　francs；　the　net　proceeds　of　the　winding　up　of　my　father's
affairs。　Our　creditors　had　driven　us　to　sell　our　furniture。　From　my
childhood　I　had　been　used　to　set　a　high　value　on　the　articles　of
luxury　about　us；　and　I　could　not　help　showing　my　astonishment　at　the
sight　of　this　meagre　balance。

〃　'Oh；　rococo；　all　of　it！'　said　the　auctioneer。　A　terrible　word　that
fell　like　a　blight　on　the　sacred　memories　of　my　childhood；　and
dispelled　my　earliest　illusions；　the　dearest　of　all。　My