the deliverance-第41部分

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。　The　time　has　been　when　I'd　have　walked　right　over　that　little　flower　and　not　seen　it；　and　now　it　grows　yellower　each　minute　that　I　look　at　it；　and　each　minute　I　see　it　better　than　I　did　the　one　before。　There's　nothing　in　life；　when　you　come　to　think　of　itnot　Columbus　setting　out　to　sea　nor　Napoleon　starting　on　a　marchmore　wonderful　than　that　brave　little　blossom　putting　up　the　first　of　all　through　the　earth。〃

〃I　can't　see　anything　in　a　dandelion　but　a　nuisance；〃　observed　Christopher；　sitting　down　on　the　bench　and　baring　his　head　to　the　sunshine；　〃but　you　do　manage　to　get　interest　out　of　life；　that's　certain。〃

〃Interest！　Good　Lord！〃　exclaimed　Tucker。　〃If　a　man　can't　find　something　to　interest　him　in　a　world　like　this；　he　must　be　a　dull　fellow　or　else　have　a　serious　trouble　of　the　liver。　So　long　as　I　have　my　eyes；　and　there's　a　different　sky　over　my　head　each　day；　and　earth；　and　trees；　and　flowers　all　around　me；　I　don't　reckon　I'll　begin　to　whistle　to　boredom。　If　I　were　like　Lucy；　now；　I　sometimes　think　things　would　be　up　with　me；　and　yet　Lucy　is　one　of　the　very　happiest　women　I've　ever　known。　Her　brain　is　so　filled　with　pleasant　memories　that　it's　never　empty　for　an　instant。〃

Christopher's　face　softened；　as　it　always　did　at　an　allusion　to　his　mother's　blindness。

〃You're　right；〃　he　said；　〃she　is　happy。〃

〃To　be　sure；　she's　had　her　life；〃　pursued　Tucker；　without　noticing　him。　〃She's　been　a　beauty；　a　belle；　a　sweetheart；　a　wife；　and　a　motherto　say　nothing　of　a　very　spoiled　old　woman；　but　all　the　same；　I　don't　think　I　have　her　magnificent　patience。　Oh；　I　couldn't　sit　in　the　midst　of　all　this　and　not　have　eyes　to　see。〃

With　a　careless　smile　Christopher　glanced　about　himat　the　bright　blue　sky　seen　through　the　bare　trees；　at　the　dried　carrot　flowers　in　the　old　field　across　the　road；　at　the　great　pine　growing　on　the　little　knoll。

〃I　hardly　think　she　misses　much；〃　he　said；　and　added　after　a　moment；　〃Do　you　know　I'd　give　twentyno　forty；　fifty　years　of　this　for　a　single　year　of　the　big　noisy　world　over　there。　I'm　dog…tired　of　stagnation。〃

〃Well；　it's　natural；〃　admitted　Tucker　gently。　〃At　your　age　I　doubtless　felt　the　same。　The　young　want　action；　and　they　ought　to　have　it；　because　it　makes　the　quiet　of　middle　age　seem　all　the　sweeter。　You've　missed　your　duels　and　your　flirtations　and　your　pomades；　and　you've　been　put　into　breeches　and　into　philosophy　at　the　same　time。　Why；　one　might　as　well　stick　a　brier　pipe　in　the　mouth　of　a　boy　who　is　crying　for　his　first　gun　and　tell　him　to　go　sit　in　the　chimney…corner　and　be　happy。　When　I　was　twenty…five　I　travelled　all　the　way　to　New　York　for　the　latest　Parisian　waistcoat；　but　I　can't　remember　that　I　ever　strolled　round　the　corner　to　see　a　peach…tree　in　full　bloom。　I'm　a　lot　happier　now；　heaven　knows；　in　my　homespun　coat；　than　I　was　then　in　that　waistcoat　of　satin　brocade；　so　I　sometimes　catch　myself　wishing　that　I　could　see　again　the　people　I　knew　thenthe　men　I　quarrelled　with　and　the　women　I　kissed。　I'd　like　to　apologise　for　the　young　fool　of　thirty　years　ago。〃

Christopher　stirred　restlessly；　and；　clasping　his　hands　behind　his　head；　stared　at　a　small　white　cloud　drifting　slowly　above　the　great　pine。

〃Well；　it's　the　fool　part　I　envy　you；　all　the　same；〃　he　remarked。

〃You're　welcome　to　it；　my　boy；〃　answered　Tucker；　then　he　paused　abruptly　and　bent　his　ear。　〃Ah；　there's　the　bluebird！　Do　you　hear　him　whistling　in　the　meadow？　God　bless　him；　he's　a　hearty　fellow　and　has　spring　in　his　throat。〃

〃I　passed　one　coming　up；〃　said　Christopher。

〃The　same；　I　reckon。　He'll　be　paying　me　a　visit　soon；　and　I've　got　my　crumbs　ready。〃　He　smiled　brightly　and　then　sat　with　his　chin　on　his　crutch；　looking　steadily　across　the　road。　〃You　haven't　had　your　chance；　my　boy；〃　he　resumed　presently；　〃and　a　man　ought　to　have　several　chances　to　look　round　him　in　this　world；　for　otherwise　the　things　he　misses　will　always　seem　to　him　the　only　things　worth　having。　I'm　not　much　of　a　fellow　to　preach；　you'll　saya　hundred　and　eighty　pounds　of　flesh　that　can't　dress　itself　nor　hobble　about　without　crutches　that　are　strapped　on…　…but　if　it's　the　last　word　I　speak　I　wouldn't　change　a　day　in　my　long　life；　and　if　it　came　to　going　over　it　again　I'd　trust　it　all　in　the　Lord's　hands　and　start　blindfolded。　And　yet；　when　I　look　back　upon　it　now；　I　see　that　it　wasn't　much　of　a　life　as　lives　go；　and　the　two　things　I　wanted　most　in　it　I　never　got。〃

Christopher　turned　quickly　with　a　question。

〃Oh；　you　think　I　have　always　been　a　contented；　prosaic　chap；〃　pursued　Tucker；　smiling；　〃but　you　were　never　more　mistaken　since　you　were　born。　Twice　in　my　life　I　came　mighty　near　blowing　out　my　brainsonce　when　I　found　that　I　couldn't　go　to　Paris　and　be　an　artist；　and　the　second　time　when　I　couldn't　get　the　woman　I　wanted　for　my　wife。　I　wasn't　cut　out　for　a　farmer；　you　see；　and　I　had　always　meant　from　the　time　I　was　a　little　boy　to　go　abroad　and　study　painting。　I'd　set　my　heart　on　it；　as　people　say；　but　when　the　time　came　my　father　died　and　I　had　to　stay　at　home　to　square　his　debts　and　run　the　place。　For　a　single　night　I　was　as　clean　crazy　as　a　man　ever　was。　It　meant　the　sacrifice　of　my　career；　you　know；　and　a　career　seemed　a　much　bigger　thing　to　me　then　than　it　does　to…day。〃

〃I　never　heard　that；〃　said　Christopher；　lowering　his　voice。

〃There's　a　lot　we　don't　know　even　about　the　people　we　live　in　a　little　house　with。　You　never　heard；　either；　I　dare　say；　that　I　was　so　madly　in　love　once　that　when　the　woman　threw　me　over　for　a　better　man　I　shut　myself　up　in　a　cabin　in　the　woods　and　did　not　speak　to　a　human　being　for　six　months。　I　was　a　rare　devil；　sure　enough；　though　you'd　never　believe　it　to　see　me　now。　It　took　two　blows　like　that；　a　four　years'　war；　and　the　surgeon's　operating　table　to　teach　me　how　to　be　happy。〃

〃It　was　Miss　Matoaca　Bolling；　I　suppose？〃　suggested　Christopher；　with　a　mild　curiosity。

The　old　soldier　broke　into　his　soft；　full　laugh。

〃Matoaca！　Bless　your　soul；　no。　But　to　think　that　Lucy　should　have　kept　a　secret　for　more　than　thirty　years！　Never　talk　to　me　again　about　a　woman's　letting　anything　out。　If　she's　got　a　secret　that　it　mortifies　her　to　tell　it　will　be　buried　in　the　grave　with　her；　and　most　likely　it　will　never　see　the　light　at　judgment　Day。　Lucy　was　always　ashamed　of　my　being　jilted；　you　know。〃

〃It's　a　new　story　then；　is　it？〃

〃Oh；　it's　as　old　as　the　hills　by　now。　What's　the　funny　part；　though；　is　that　Lucy　has　always　tried　to　persuade　herself　it　was　really　Matoaca　I　cared　for。　You　know；　I　sometimes　think　that　a　woman　can　convince　herself　that　black　is　white　if　she　only　keeps　trying　hard　enoughand　it's　marvellous　that　she　never　sees　the　difference　between　wanting　to　believe　a　thing　and　believing　it　in　earnest。　Now；　if　Matoaca　had　been　the　last　woman　on　this　earth；　and　I　the　last　man；　I　could　never　have　fallen　in　love　with　her；　though　I　may　as　well　confess　that　I　had　my　share　of　fancies　when　I　was　young。　It's　no　use　attempting　to　explain　a　man's　feelings；　of　course。　Matoaca　was　almost　as　great　a　belle　as　Lucy；　and　she　was　the　handsomest　creature　you　ever　laid　eyes　onone　of　those　big；　managing　women　who　are　forever　improving　things　around　them。　Why；　I　don't　believe　she　could　stay　two　seconds　in　a　man's　arms　without　improving　the　set　of　his　cravat。　Some　men　like　that　kind　of　thing；　but　I　never　did；　and　I　often　think　the　reason　I　went　so　mad　about　the　other　woman　was　that　she　came　restful　after　Matoaca。　She　was　the　comforting　kind；　who；　you　might　be　sure；　always　saw　you　at　your　best；　and　no　matter　the　mood　you　were　in；　she　never　wanted　to　pat　and　pull　you　into　shape。　Lucy　always　said　she　couldn't　hold　a　candle　to　Matoaca　in　looks；　and　I　suppose　she　was　right；　but；　pretty　or　plain；　that　girl　had　something　about　her　that　went　straight　to　my　heart　more　than　thirty　years　ago　and　stays　there　still。　Strange　to　say；　I've　tried　to　believe　that　it　was　half　compassion；　for　she　always　reminded　me　of　a　little　wild　bird　that　somebody　had　caught　and　shut　up　in　a　cage；　and　it　used　to　seem　to　me　sometimes　that　I　could　almost　hear　the　fluttering　of　her　soul。　Well；　whatever　it　was；　the　feeling　was　the　sort　that　is　most　worth　while；　though　she　didn't　think　so；　of　course；　and　broke　her　great　heart　over　another　man。　She　married　him　and　had　six　children　and　died　a　few　years　ago。　He　was　a　fortunate　fellow；　I　suppose；　and　yet　I　can't　help　fancying　that　I've　had　the　better　part　and　the　Lord　was　right。　She　was　not　happy；　they　said；　and　he　knew　it；　and　yet　had　to　face　those　eyes　of　hers　every　day。　It　was　like　many　other　marriages；　I　reckon；　he　got　used　to　her　body　and　never　caught　so　much　as　a　single　glimpse　of　her　soul。　Then　she　faded　away　and　died　to　him；　but　to　me　she's　just　the　same　as　when　I　first　saw　her；　and　I　still　believe　that　if　she　could　come　here　and　sit　on　this　old　bench　I　should　be　perfectly　happy。　It's　a　lucky　man；　I　tell　you；　who　can　keep　the　same　desire　for　more　than　thirty　years。〃

He　shook　his　head　slowly；　smiling　as　he　listened　to　the　bluebird　singing　in　the　road。　〃And　now　I'll　be　fetching　my　crumbs；〃　he　added；　struggling　to　his　crutches。

When　he　had　helped　Tucker　to　the　house；　Christopher　came　back　and　sat　down　again　on　the　bench；　closing　his　eyes　to　the　sunshine；　the　spring　sky；　and　the　dandelion　blooming　in　the　mould。　He　was　very　tired；　and　his　muscles　ached　from　the　strain　of　heavy　labour；　yet　as　he　lingered　there　in　the　warm　wind　it　seemed　to　him　that　action　was　the　one　thing　he　desired。　The　restless　season　worked　in　his　blood；　and　he　felt　the　stir　of　old　impulses　that　had　revived　each　year　with　the　quickening　sap　since　the　first　pilgrimage　man　made　on　earth。　He　wanted　to　be　up　and　away　while　he　was　still　young；　and　his　heart　beat　high；　and　at　the　moment　he　would　have　found　positive　delight　in　any　convulsion　of　the　natural　order；　in　any　excuse　for　a　headlong　and　impetuous　plunge　into　life。

He　heard　the　door　open　again；　and　Tucker　shuffled　out　into　the　path　and　began　scattering　his　crumbs　upon　the　gravel。　When　Christopher　passed　a　moment　later；　on　his　way　to　the　house；　the　old　soldier　was　merrily　whistling　an　invitation　to　a　glimpse　of　blue　in　a　tree…top　by　the　road。

The　spring　dragged　slowly；　and　with　June　came　the　transplanting　of　the　young　tobacco。　This　was　the　busiest　season　of　the　year　wi