the deliverance-第61部分

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lf　presently　beside　Jim　Weatherby；　who　was　chatting　merrily　in　Mrs。　Blake's　room。

The　old　lady；　shrivelled　and　faded　as　the　dried　goldenrod　which　filled　the　great　jars　on　the　hearth；　lay　half　hidden　among　the　pillows　in　her　high　white　bed；　her　vacant　eyes　fixed　upon　the　sunshine　which　fell　through　the　little　window。　At　Christopher's　step　her　memory　flickered　back　for　an　instant；　and　the　change　showed　in　the　sudden　animation　of　her　glance。

〃I　was　dreaming　of　your　father；　my　son；　and　you　have　his　voice。〃

〃I　am　like　him　in　other　ways；　I　hope；　mother。〃

〃If　I　could　only　see　you；　Christopherit　is　so　hard　to　remember。　You　had　golden　curls　and　wore　a　white　pinafore。　I　trimmed　it　with　the　embroidery　from　my　last　set　of　petticoats。　And　your　hands　were　dimpled　all　over；　you　would　suck　your　thumb：　there　was　no　breaking　you；　though　I　wrapped　it　in　a　rag　soaked　in　quinine〃

〃That　was　almost　thirty　years　ago；　mother；〃　broke　in　Cynthia；　catching　her　breath　sharply。　〃He　is　a　man　now；　and　bigoh；　so　bigand　his　hair　has　grown　a　little　darker。〃

〃I　know；　Cynthia；　I　know；〃　returned　Mrs。　Blake；　with　a　peevish　movement　of　her　thin　hand；　〃but　you　won't　let　me　remember。　I　am　trying　to　remember。〃　She　fell　to　whimpering　like　a　hurt　child；　and　then　growing　suddenly　quiet；　reached　out　until　she　touched　Christopher's　head。　〃You're　a　man；　I　know；〃　she　said；　〃older　than　your　father　was　when　his　first　child　was　born。　There　have　been　two　crosses　in　my　life；　Christophermy　blindness　and　my　never　having　heard　the　voices　of　my　grandchildren　playing　in　the　house。　Such　a　roomy　old　house；　too；　with　so　much　space　for　them　to　fill　with　cheerful　noise。　I　always　liked　noise；　you　know；　it　tells　of　life；　and　never　disturbs　me　so　long　as　it　is　pleasant。　What　I　hate　is　the　empty　silence　that　reminds　one　of　the　grave。〃

She　was　quite　herself　now；　and；　bending　over；　he　kissed　the　hand　upon　the　counterpane。

〃Oh；　mother；　mother；　if　I　could　only　have　made　you　happy！〃

〃And　you　couldn't；　Christopher？〃

〃I　couldn't　marry；　dear；　I　couldn't。〃

〃There　was　no　one；　you　meanno　woman　whom　you　could　have　loved　and　who　would　have　given　you　children。　Surely　there　are　still　good　and　gentle　women　left　in　the　world。〃

〃There　was　none　for　me。〃

She　sighed　hopelessly。

〃You　have　nevernever　had　a　low　fancy；　Christopher？〃

〃Never；　mother。〃

〃Thank　God；　it　is　one　thing　I　could　not　forgive。　A　gentleman　may　have　his　follies；　your　father　used　to　say；　but　he　must　never　stoop　for　them。　Let　him　keep　to　his　own　level；　even　in　his　indiscretions。　Ah；　your　father　had　his　faults；　my　son；　but　he　never　forgot　for　one　instant　in　his　life　that　he　was　born　a　gentleman。　He　was　a　good　husband；　too；　a　good　husband；　and　I　was　married　to　him　for　nearly　forty　years。　The　greatest　trial　of　my　marriage　was　that　he　would　throw　his　cigar　ashes　on　the　floor。　Women　think　so　much　of　little　things；　you　know；　and　I've　always　felt　that　I　should　have　been　a　happier　woman　if　he　had　learned　to　use　an　ash…tray。　But　he　never　wouldhe　never　would；　though　I　gave　him　one　every　Christmas　for　almost　forty　years。〃

Falling　silent；　her　hands　played　fitfully　upon　the　counterpane；　and　when　next　she　spoke　the　present　had　slipped　from　her　and　her　thoughts　had　gone　back　to　her　early　triumphs。

She　wandered　aimlessly　and　waveringly　on　in　a　feeble　vacancy；　and　Christopher；　after　watching　her　for　an　agonised　moment；　left　the　room　and　went　out　into　the　fresh　air　of　the　yard。　He　could　always　escape　by　flight　from　the　slow　death…bed；　it　was　Cynthia　who　faced　hourly　the　final　tragedy　of　a　long　and　happy　life。

The　thought　of　Will　had　oppressed　him　like　a　nightmare　for　the　last　two　weeks；　and　it　was　almost　unconsciously　that　he　tuned　now　in　the　direction　of　the　store　and　passed　presently　into　the　shaded　lane　leading　to　Sol　Peterkin's。　His　mood　was　heavy　upon　him；　and　so　deep　was　the　abstraction　in　which　he　walked　that　it　was　only　when　he　heard　his　name　called　softly　from　a　little　distance　that　he　looked　up　to　find　Maria　Fletcher　approaching　him　over　the　pale　gray　shadows　in　the　road。　Her　eyes　were　luminous；　and　she　stretched　her　hand　toward　him　in　a　happy　gesture。

〃Oh；　if　you　only　knew　how　wonderful　I　think　you！〃　she　cried　impulsively。

He　held　her　hand　an　instant；　and　then　letting　it　fall；　withdrew　his　gaze　slowly　from　her　exalted　look。　The　pure　heights　of　her　fervour　were　beyond　the　reach　of　his　more　earthly　level；　and　as　he　turned　from　her　some　old　words　of　her　own　were　respoken　in　his　ears：　〃Faith　and　doubt　are　mere　empty　forms　until　we　pour　out　the　heart's　blood　that　vivifies　them。〃　It　was　her　heart's　blood　that　she　had　put　into　her　dreams；　and　it　was　this；　he　told　himself；　that　gave　her　mystic　visions　their　illusive　appearance　of　reality。　Beauty　enveloped　her　as　an　atmosphere；　it　softened　her　sternest　sacrifice；　it　coloured　her　barest　outlook；　it　transformed　daily　the　common　road　in　which　she　walked；　and　hourly　it　sustained　and　nourished　her；　as　it　nourished　poor；　crippled　Tucker　on　his　old　pine　bench。　The　eye　of　the　spirit　was　theirsthis　Christopher　had　learned　at　last；　and　he　had　learned；　also；　that　for　him　there　still　remained　only　the　weak；　blurred　vision　of　the　flesh。

〃You　make　me　feel　the　veriest　hypocrite；〃　he　said　at　the　end　of　the　long　pause。

She　shook　her　head。　〃And　that　you　are　surely　not。〃

〃So　you　still　believe　in　me？〃

〃It's　not　beliefI　KNOW　in　you。〃

〃Well；　don't　praise　me；　don't　admire　me；　don't　pretend；　for　God's　sake；　that　I'm　anything　better　than　the　brute　you　see。〃

〃I　don't　pretend　anything　better；〃　she　protested；　〃and　when　you　talk　like　this　it　only　makes　me　feel　the　more　keenly　your　wonderful　courage。〃

〃I　haven't　any；〃　he　burst　out　almost　angrily。　〃Not　an　atom；　do　you　hear？　Whatever　I　may　appear　on　top；　at　bottom　I　am　a　great　skulking　coward；　and　nothing　more。　Why；　I　couldn't　even　stay　and　take　my　punishment　the　other　day。　I　sneaked　off　like　a　hound。〃

〃Your　punishment？〃　she　faltered；　and　he　saw　her　lashes　tremble。

〃For　the　other　dayfor　the　afternoon　by　the　poplar　spring。　I've　been　wanting　to　beg　your　pardon　on　my　knees。〃

Her　lashes　were　raised　steadily；　and　she　regarded　him　gravely　while　a　slight　frown　gathered　her　dark　brows。　She　was　still　humanly　feminine　enough　to　find　the　apology　harder　to　forgive　than　the　offense。

〃Oh；　I　had　forgotten；〃　she　said　a　little　coldly。　〃So　that　was；　after　all；　why　you　ran　away？〃

〃It　was　not　the　only　reason。〃

〃And　the　other？〃

He　closed　his　eyes　suddenly　and　drew　back。

〃I　ran　away　because　I　knew　if　I　stayed　I　should　do　it　again　within　two　seconds；〃　he　replied。

A　little　blue　flower　was　growing　in　the　red　clay　wheel…rut　at　her　feet；　and；　stooping；　she　caressed　it　gently　without　plucking　it。

〃It　was　very　foolish；〃　she　said　in　a　quiet　voice；　〃but　I　had　forgotten　it；　and　you　should　have　let　it　rest。　Afterward；　you　did　such　a　brave；　splendid　thing。〃

〃I　did　nothing　but　run　from　you；〃　he　persisted；　losing　his　head。　〃If　I　hadn't　gone　to　Uncle　Isam　I'd　have　done　something　equally　reckless　in　a　different　way。　I　wanted　to　get　away　from　youto　escape　you；　but　I　couldn'tI　couldn't。　You　were　with　me　always；　night　and　day；　in　those　God…forsaken　woods。　I　never　lost　you　for　one　instant；　never。　I　tried　to；　but　I　couldn't。〃

〃You　couldn't；〃　she　repeated；　and；　rising；　faced　him　calmly。　Then　before　the　look　in　his　eyes　her　own　wavered　and　fell　slowly　to　the　ground；　and　he　saw　her　quiver　and　grow　white　as　if　a　rough　wind　blew　over　her。　With　an　effort　he　steadied　himself　and　turned　away。

〃There　is　but　one　thing　to　do；〃　he　said；　holding　his　breath　in　the　pause；　〃it's　a　long　story；　but　if　you　will　listen　patientlyand　it　is　very　longI　will　tell　you　all。〃　Following　him；　she　crossed　the　carpet　of　pine　needles　and　sat　down　upon　the　end　of　a　fallen　log。

〃Tell　me　nothing　that　you　do　not　care　to；〃　she　answered；　and　sat　waiting。

〃It　began　long　ago；　when　we　were　both　little　children；〃　he　went　on；　and　then　going　back　from　her　into　the　lane　he　stood　staring　down　upon　the　little　blue　flower　blooming　in　the　wheel…rut。　She　saw　his　shadow；　stretching　across　the　road；　blurred　into　the　pale　dusk　of　the　wood；　uncertain；　somber；　gigantic　in　its　outline。　His　hat　was　lying　on　the　ground　at　her　feet；　and；　lifting　it；　she　ran　her　fingers　idly　along　the　brim。

For　a　time　the　silence　lasted；　then　coming　back　to　her；　he　sat　down　on　the　log　and　dropped　his　clasped　hands　between　his　knees。　She　heard　his　heavy　breathing；　and　something　in　the　sound　drew　her　toward　him　with　a　sympathetic　movement。

〃Ah；　don't　tell　me；　don't　tell　me；〃　she　entreated。

〃You　must　listen　patiently；〃　he　returned；　without　looking　at　her；　〃and　not　interruptabove　all；　not　interrupt。〃

She　bent　her　head。　〃I　will　not　speak　a　word　nor　move　a　finger　until　the　end；〃　she　promised；　and　leaning　a　little　forward；　with　his　eyes　on　the　ground　and　his　hands　hanging　listlessly　between　his　knees；　he　began　his　story。

The　air　was　so　still　that　his　voice　sounded　strangely　harsh　in　the　silence；　but　presently　she　heard　the　soughing　of　the　pine　trees　far　up　above；　and　while　it　lasted　it　deadened　the　jarring　discord　of　the　human　tones。　She　sat　quite　motionless　upon　the　log；　not　lifting　a　finger　nor　speaking　a　word；　as　she　had　promised；　and　her　gaze　was　fixed　steadily　upon　a　bit　of　dried　fern　growing　between　the　roots　of　a　dead　tree。

〃It　went　on　so　for　five　years；〃　he　slowly　finished；　〃and　it　was　from　beginning　to　end　deliberate；　devilish　revenge。　I　meant　from　the　first　to　make　him　what　he　is　to…day。　I　meant　to　make　him　hate　his　grandfather　as　he　doesI　meant　to　make　him　the　hopeless　drunkard　that　he　is。　It　is　all　my　workevery　bit　of　itas　you　see　it　now。〃

He　paused；　but　her　eyes　clung　to　the　withered　fern；　and　so　quiet　was　her　figure　that　it　seemed　as　if　she　had　not　drawn　breath　since　he　began。　Her　faint　smile　was　still　sketched　about　the　corners　of　her　mouth；　and　her　fingers　were　closed　upon　the　brim　of　his　harvest　hat。

〃For　five　years　I　was　like　that；〃　he　went　on　again。　〃I　did　not　know；　I　did　not　careI　wanted　to　be　a　beast。　Then　you　came　and　it　was　different。〃

For　the　first　time　she　turned　and　looked　at　him。

〃And　it　was　different？〃　she　repeated　beneath　her　breath。

〃Oh；　there's　nothing　to　say　that　will　make　things　better；　I　know　that。　If　you　had　not　come　I　should　never　have　known　myse