the way of all flesh-第48部分

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Here　Mr　Hawke　ended　rather　abruptly；　his　earnest　manner；　striking
countenance　and　excellent　delivery　had　produced　an　effect　greater
than　the　actual　words　I　have　given　can　convey　to　the　reader；　the
virtue　lay　in　the　man　more　than　in　what　he　said；　as　for　the　last　few
mysterious　words　about　his　having　heard　a　voice　by　night；　their
effect　was　magical；　there　was　not　one　who　did　not　look　down　to　the
ground；　nor　who　in　his　heart　did　not　half　believe　that　he　was　the
chosen　vessel　on　whose　especial　behalf　God　had　sent　Mr　Hawke　to
Cambridge。　　Even　if　this　were　not　so；　each　one　of　them　felt　that　he
was　now　for　the　first　time　in　the　actual　presence　of　one　who　had　had
a　direct　communication　from　the　Almighty；　and　they　were　thus
suddenly　brought　a　hundredfold　nearer　to　the　New　Testament　miracles。
They　were　amazed；　not　to　say　scared；　and　as　though　by　tacit　consent
they　gathered　together；　thanked　Mr　Hawke　for　his　sermon；　said　good…
night　in　a　humble　deferential　manner　to　Badcock　and　the　other
Simeonites；　and　left　the　room　together。　　They　had　heard　nothing　but
what　they　had　been　hearing　all　their　lives；　how　was　it；　then；　that
they　were　so　dumbfoundered　by　it？　　I　suppose　partly　because　they　had
lately　begun　to　think　more　seriously；　and　were　in　a　fit　state　to　be
impressed；　partly　from　the　greater　directness　with　which　each　felt
himself　addressed；　through　the　sermon　being　delivered　in　a　room；　and
partly　to　the　logical　consistency；　freedom　from　exaggeration；　and
profound　air　of　conviction　with　which　Mr　Hawke　had　spoken。　　His
simplicity　and　obvious　earnestness　had　impressed　them　even　before　he
had　alluded　to　his　special　mission；　but　this　clenched　everything；
and　the　words　〃Lord；　is　it　I？〃　were　upon　the　hearts　of　each　as　they
walked　pensively　home　through　moonlit　courts　and　cloisters。

I　do　not　know　what　passed　among　the　Simeonites　after　the　Ernest　set
had　left　them；　but　they　would　have　been　more　than　mortal　if　they　had
not　been　a　good　deal　elated　with　the　results　of　the　evening。　　Why；
one　of　Ernest's　friends　was　in　the　University　eleven；　and　he　had
actually　been　in　Badcock's　rooms　and　had　slunk　off　on　saying　good…
night　as　meekly　as　any　of　them。　　It　was　no　small　thing　to　have
scored　a　success　like　this。



CHAPTER　L



Ernest　felt　now　that　the　turning　point　of　his　life　had　come。　　He
would　give　up　all　for　Christeven　his　tobacco。

So　he　gathered　together　his　pipes　and　pouches；　and　locked　them　up　in
his　portmanteau　under　his　bed　where　they　should　be　out　of　sight；　and
as　much　out　of　mind　as　possible。　　He　did　not　burn　them；　because
someone　might　come　in　who　wanted　to　smoke；　and　though　he　might
abridge　his　own　liberty；　yet；　as　smoking　was　not　a　sin；　there　was　no
reason　why　he　should　be　hard　on　other　people。

After　breakfast　he　left　his　rooms　to　call　on　a　man　named　Dawson；　who
had　been　one　of　Mr　Hawke's　hearers　on　the　preceding　evening；　and　who
was　reading　for　ordination　at　the　forthcoming　Ember　Weeks；　now　only
four　months　distant。　　This　man　had　been　always　of　a　rather　serious
turn　of　minda　little　too　much　so　for　Ernest's　taste；　but　times　had
changed；　and　Dawson's　undoubted　sincerity　seemed　to　render　him　a
fitting　counsellor　for　Ernest　at　the　present　time。　　As　he　was　going
through　the　first　court　of　John's　on　his　way　to　Dawson's　rooms；　he
met　Badcock；　and　greeted　him　with　some　deference。　　His　advance　was
received　with　one　of　those　ecstatic　gleams　which　shone　occasionally
upon　the　face　of　Badcock；　and　which；　if　Ernest　had　known　more；　would
have　reminded　him　of　Robespierre。　　As　it　was；　he　saw　it　and
unconsciously　recognised　the　unrest　and　self…seekingness　of　the　man；
but　could　not　yet　formulate　them；　he　disliked　Badcock　more　than
ever；　but　as　he　was　going　to　profit　by　the　spiritual　benefits　which
he　had　put　in　his　way；　he　was　bound　to　be　civil　to　him；　and　civil　he
therefore　was。

Badcock　told　him　that　Mr　Hawke　had　returned　to　town　immediately　his
discourse　was　over；　but　that　before　doing　so　he　had　enquired
particularly　who　Ernest　and　two　or　three　others　were。　　I　believe
each　one　of　Ernest's　friends　was　given　to　understand　that　he　had
been　more　or　less　particularly　enquired　after。　　Ernest's　vanityfor
he　was　his　mother's　sonwas　tickled　at　this；　the　idea　again
presented　itself　to　him　that　he　might　be　the　one　for　whose　benefit
Mr　Hawke　had　been　sent。　　There　was　something；　too；　in　Badcock's
manner　which　conveyed　the　idea　that　he　could　say　more　if　he　chose；
but　had　been　enjoined　to　silence。

On　reaching　Dawson's　rooms；　he　found　his　friend　in　raptures　over　the
discourse　of　the　preceding　evening。　　Hardly　less　delighted　was　he
with　the　effect　it　had　produced　on　Ernest。　　He　had　always　known；　he
said；　that　Ernest　would　come　round；　he　had　been　sure　of　it；　but　he
had　hardly　expected　the　conversion　to　be　so　sudden。　　Ernest　said　no
more　had　he；　but　now　that　he　saw　his　duty　so　clearly　he　would　get
ordained　as　soon　as　possible；　and　take　a　curacy；　even　though　the
doing　so　would　make　him　have　to　go　down　from　Cambridge　earlier；
which　would　be　a　great　grief　to　him。　　Dawson　applauded　this
determination；　and　it　was　arranged　that　as　Ernest　was　still　more　or
less　of　a　weak　brother；　Dawson　should　take　him；　so　to　speak；　in
spiritual　tow　for　a　while；　and　strengthen　and　confirm　his　faith。

An　offensive　and　defensive　alliance　therefore　was　struck　up　between
this　pair　（who　were　in　reality　singularly　ill　assorted）；　and　Ernest
set　to　work　to　master　the　books　on　which　the　Bishop　would　examine
him。　　Others　gradually　joined　them　till　they　formed　a　small　set　or
church　（for　these　are　the　same　things）；　and　the　effect　of　Mr　Hawke's
sermon　instead　of　wearing　off　in　a　few　days；　as　might　have　been
expected；　became　more　and　more　marked；　so　much　so　that　it　was
necessary　for　Ernest's　friends　to　hold　him　back　rather　than　urge　him
on；　for　he　seemed　likely　to　developas　indeed　he　did　for　a　time
into　a　religious　enthusiast。

In　one　matter　only；　did　he　openly　backslide。　　He　had；　as　I　said
above；　locked　up　his　pipes　and　tobacco；　so　that　he　might　not　be
tempted　to　use　them。　　All　day　long　on　the　day　after　Mr　Hawke's
sermon　he　let　them　lie　in　his　portmanteau　bravely；　but　this　was　not
very　difficult；　as　he　had　for　some　time　given　up　smoking　till　after
hall。　　After　hall　this　day　he　did　not　smoke　till　chapel　time；　and
then　went　to　chapel　in　self…defence。　　When　he　returned　he　determined
to　look　at　the　matter　from　a　common　sense　point　of　view。　　On　this　he
saw　that；　provided　tobacco　did　not　injure　his　healthand　he　really
could　not　see　that　it　didit　stood　much　on　the　same　footing　as　tea
or　coffee。

Tobacco　had　nowhere　been　forbidden　in　the　Bible；　but　then　it　had　not
yet　been　discovered；　and　had　probably　only　escaped　proscription　for
this　reason。　　We　can　conceive　of　St　Paul　or　even　our　Lord　Himself　as
drinking　a　cup　of　tea；　but　we　cannot　imagine　either　of　them　as
smoking　a　cigarette　or　a　churchwarden。　　Ernest　could　not　deny　this；
and　admitted　that　Paul　would　almost　certainly　have　condemned　tobacco
in　good　round　terms　if　he　had　known　of　its　existence。　　Was　it　not
then　taking　rather　a　mean　advantage　of　the　Apostle　to　stand　on　his
not　having　actually　forbidden　it？　　On　the　other　hand；　it　was
possible　that　God　knew　Paul　would　have　forbidden　smoking；　and　had
purposely　arranged　the　discovery　of　tobacco　for　a　period　at　which
Paul　should　be　no　longer　living。　　This　might　seem　rather　hard　on
Paul；　considering　all　he　had　done　for　Christianity；　but　it　would　be
made　up　to　him　in　other　ways。

These　reflections　satisfied　Ernest　that　on　the　whole　he　had　better
smoke；　so　he　sneaked　to　his　portmanteau　and　brought　out　his　pipes
and　tobacco　again。　　There　should　be　moderation　he　felt　in　all
things；　even　in　virtue；　so　for　that　night　he　smoked　immoderately。
It　was　a　pity；　however；　that　he　had　bragged　to　Dawson　about　giving
up　smoking。　　The　pipes　had　better　be　kept　in　a　cupboard　for　a　week
or　two；　till　in　other　and　easier　respects　Ernest　should　have　proved
his　steadfastness。　　Then　they　might　steal　out　again　little　by
littleand　so　they　did。

Ernest　now　wrote　home　a　letter　couched　in　a　vein　different　from　his
ordinary　ones。　　His　letters　were　usually　all　common　form　and
padding；　for　as　I　have　already　explained；　if　he　wrote　about　anything
that　really　interested　him；　his　mother　always　wanted　to　know　more
and　more　about　itevery　fresh　answer　being　as　the　lopping　off　of　a
hydra's　head　and　giving　birth　to　half　a　dozen　or　more　new　questions…
…but　in　the　end　it　came　invariably　to　the　same　result；　namely；　that
he　ought　to　have　done　something　else；　or　ought　not　to　go　on　doing　as
he　proposed。　　Now；　however；　there　was　a　new　departure；　and　for　the
thousandth　time　he　concluded　that　he　was　about　to　take　a　course　of
which　his　father　and　mother　would　approve；　and　in　which　they　would
be　interested；　so　that　at　last　he　and　they　might　get　on　more
sympathetically　than　heretofore。　　He　therefore　wrote　a　gushing
impulsive　letter；　which　afforded　much　amusement　to　myself　as　I　read
it；　but　which　is　too　long　for　reproduction。　　One　passage　ran：　　〃I　am
now　going　towards　Christ；　the　greater　number　of　my　college　friends
are；　I　fear；　going　away　from　Him；　we　must　pray　for　them　that　they
may　find　the　peace　that　is　in　Christ　even　as　I　have　myself　found
it。〃　　Ernest　covered　his　face　with　his　hands　for　shame　as　he　read
this　extract　from　the　bundle　of　letters　he　had　put　into　my　hands
they　had　been　returned　to　him　by　his　father　on　his　mother's　death；
his　mother　having　carefully　preserved　them。

〃Shall　I　cut　it　out？〃　said　I；　〃I　will　if　you　like。〃

〃Certainly　not；〃　he　answered；　〃and　if　good…natured　friends　have　kept
more　records　of　my　follies；　pick　out　any　plums　that　may　amuse　the
reader；　and　let　him　have　his　laugh　over　them。〃　　But　fancy　what
effect　a　letter　like　thisso　unled　up　tomust　have　produced　at
Battersby！　　Even　Christina　refrained　from　ecstasy　over　her　son's
having　discovered　the　power　of　Christ's　word；　while　Theobald　was
frightened　out　of　his　wits。　　It　was　well　his　son　was　not　going　to
have　any　doubts　or　difficulties；　and　that　he　would　be　ordained
without　making　a　fuss　over　it；　but　he　smelt　mischief　in　this　sudden
conversion　of　one　who　had　never　yet　shown　any　inclination　towards
religion。　　He　hated　people　who　did　not　kno