three men on the bummel-第22部分

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satisfactory　dinner；　we　started　him　on　a　big　cigar；　and；　removing
things　from　his　reach；　told　him　of　this　stratagem　that　for　his　good
we　had　planned。

〃How　many　copies　of　that　statue　did　you　say　we　saw？〃　asked　George；
after　we　had　finished。

〃Three；〃　replied　Harris。

〃Only　three？〃　said　George。　　〃Are　you　sure？〃

〃Positive；〃　replied　Harris。　　〃Why？〃

〃Oh；　nothing！〃　answered　George。

But　I　don't　think　he　quite　believed　Harris。

From　Prague　we　travelled　to　Nuremberg；　through　Carlsbad。　　Good
Germans；　when　they　die；　go；　they　say；　to　Carlsbad；　as　good
Americans　to　Paris。　　This　I　doubt；　seeing　that　it　is　a　small　place
with　no　convenience　for　a　crowd。　　In　Carlsbad；　you　rise　at　five；
the　fashionable　hour　for　promenade；　when　the　band　plays　under　the
Colonnade；　and　the　Sprudel　is　filled　with　a　packed　throng　over　a
mile　long；　being　from　six　to　eight　in　the　morning。　　Here　you　may
hear　more　languages　spoken　than　the　Tower　of　Babel　could　have
echoed。　　Polish　Jews　and　Russian　princes；　Chinese　mandarins　and
Turkish　pashas；　Norwegians　looking　as　if　they　had　stepped　out　of
Ibsen's　plays；　women　from　the　Boulevards；　Spanish　grandees　and
English　countesses；　mountaineers　from　Montenegro　and　millionaires
from　Chicago；　you　will　find　every　dozen　yards。　　Every　luxury　in　the
world　Carlsbad　provides　for　its　visitors；　with　the　one　exception　of
pepper。　　That　you　cannot　get　within　five　miles　of　the　town　for
money；　what　you　can　get　there　for　love　is　not　worth　taking　away。
Pepper；　to　the　liver　brigade　that　forms　four…fifths　of　Carlsbad's
customers；　is　poison；　and；　prevention　being　better　than　cure；　it　is
carefully　kept　out　of　the　neighbourhood。　　〃Pepper　parties〃　are
formed　in　Carlsbad　to　journey　to　some　place　without　the　boundary；
and　there　indulge　in　pepper　orgies。

Nuremberg；　if　one　expects　a　town　of　mediaeval　appearance；
disappoints。　　Quaint　corners；　picturesque　glimpses；　there　are　in
plenty；　but　everywhere　they　are　surrounded　and　intruded　upon　by　the
modern；　and　even　what　is　ancient　is　not　nearly　so　ancient　as　one
thought　it　was。　　After　all；　a　town；　like　a　woman；　is　only　as　old　as
it　looks；　and　Nuremberg　is　still　a　comfortable…looking　dame；　its
age　somewhat　difficult　to　conceive　under　its　fresh　paint　and　stucco
in　the　blaze　of　the　gas　and　the　electric　light。　　Still；　looking
closely；　you　may　see　its　wrinkled　walls　and　grey　towers。



CHAPTER　IX



Harris　breaks　the　lawThe　helpful　man：　　The　dangers　that　beset
himGeorge　sets　forth　upon　a　career　of　crimeThose　to　whom
Germany　would　come　as　a　boon　and　a　blessingThe　English　Sinner：
His　disappointmentsThe　German　Sinner：　　His　exceptional
advantagesWhat　you　may　not　do　with　your　bedAn　inexpensive　vice…
…The　German　dog：　　His　simple　goodnessThe　misbehaviour　of　the
beetleA　people　that　go　the　way　they　ought　to　goThe　German　small
boy：　　His　love　of　legalityHow　to　go　astray　with　a　perambulator
The　German　student：　　His　chastened　wilfulness。

All　three　of　us；　by　some　means　or　another；　managed；　between
Nuremberg　and　the　Black　Forest；　to　get　into　trouble。

Harris　led　off　at　Stuttgart　by　insulting　an　official。　　Stuttgart　is
a　charming　town；　clean　and　bright；　a　smaller　Dresden。　　It　has　the
additional　attraction　of　containing　little　that　one　need　to　go　out
of　one's　way　to　see：　　a　medium…sized　picture　gallery；　a　small
museum　of　antiquities；　and　half　a　palace；　and　you　are　through　with
the　entire　thing　and　can　enjoy　yourself。　　Harris　did　not　know　it
was　an　official　he　was　insulting。　　He　took　it　for　a　fireman　（it
looked　liked　a　fireman）；　and　he　called　it　a　〃dummer　Esel。〃

In　German　you　are　not　permitted　to　call　an　official　a　〃silly　ass；〃
but　undoubtedly　this　particular　man　was　one。　　What　had　happened　was
this：　　Harris　in　the　Stadgarten；　anxious　to　get　out；　and　seeing　a
gate　open　before　him；　had　stepped　over　a　wire　into　the　street。
Harris　maintains　he　never　saw　it；　but　undoubtedly　there　was　hanging
to　the　wire　a　notice；　〃Durchgang　Verboten！〃　　The　man；　who　was
standing　near　the　gates　stopped　Harris；　and　pointed　out　to　him　this
notice。　　Harris　thanked　him；　and　passed　on。　　The　man　came　after
him；　and　explained　that　treatment　of　the　matter　in　such　off…hand
way　could　not　be　allowed；　what　was　necessary　to　put　the　business
right　was　that　Harris　should　step　back　over　the　wire　into　the
garden。　　Harris　pointed　out　to　the　man　that　the　notice　said　〃going
through　forbidden；〃　and　that；　therefore；　by　re…entering　the　garden
that　way　he　would　be　infringing　the　law　a　second　time。　　The　man　saw
this　for　himself；　and　suggested　that　to　get　over　the　difficulty
Harris　should　go　back　into　the　garden　by　the　proper　entrance；　which
was　round　the　corner；　and　afterwards　immediately　come　out　again　by
the　same　gate。　　Then　it　was　that　Harris　called　the　man　a　silly　ass。
That　delayed　us　a　day；　and　cost　Harris　forty　marks。

I　followed　suit　at　Carlsruhe；　by　stealing　a　bicycle。　　I　did　not
mean　to　steal　the　bicycle；　I　was　merely　trying　to　be　useful。　　The
train　was　on　the　point　of　starting　when　I　noticed；　as　I　thought；
Harris's　bicycle　still　in　the　goods　van。　　No　one　was　about　to　help
me。　　I　jumped　into　the　van　and　hauled　it　out；　only　just　in　time。
Wheeling　it　down　the　platform　in　triumph；　I　came　across　Harris's
bicycle；　standing　against　a　wall　behind　some　milk…cans。　　The
bicycle　I　had　secured　was　not　Harris's；　but　some　other　man's。

It　was　an　awkward　situation。　　In　England；　I　should　have　gone　to　the
stationmaster　and　explained　my　mistake。　　But　in　Germany　they　are
not　content　with　your　explaining　a　little　matter　of　this　sort　to
one　man：　　they　take　you　round　and　get　you　to　explain　it　to　about
half　a　dozen；　and　if　any　one　of　the　half　dozen　happens　not　to　be
handy；　or　not　to　have　time　just　then　to　listen　to　you；　they　have　a
habit　of　leaving　you　over　for　the　night　to　finish　your　explanation
the　next　morning。　　I　thought　I　would　just　put　the　thing　out　of
sight；　and　then；　without　making　any　fuss　or　show；　take　a　short
walk。　　I　found　a　wood　shed；　which　seemed　just　the　very　place；　and
was　wheeling　the　bicycle　into　it　when；　unfortunately；　a　red…hatted
railway　official；　with　the　airs　of　a　retired　field…marshal；　caught
sight　of　me　and　came　up。　　He　said：

〃What　are　you　doing　with　that　bicycle？〃

I　said：　　〃I　am　going　to　put　it　in　this　wood　shed　out　of　the　way。〃
I　tried　to　convey　by　my　tone　that　I　was　performing　a　kind　and
thoughtful　action；　for　which　the　railway　officials　ought　to　thank
me；　but　he　was　unresponsive。

〃Is　it　your　bicycle？〃　he　said。

〃Well；　not　exactly；〃　I　replied。

〃Whose　is　it？〃　he　asked；　quite　sharply。

〃I　can't　tell　you；〃　I　answered。　　〃I　don't　know　whose　bicycle　it
is。〃

〃Where　did　you　get　it　from？〃　was　his　next　question。　　There　was　a
suspiciousness　about　his　tone　that　was　almost　insulting。

〃I　got　it；〃　I　answered；　with　as　much　calm　dignity　as　at　the　moment
I　could　assume；　〃out　of　the　train。〃

〃The　fact　is；〃　I　continued；　frankly；　〃I　have　made　a　mistake。〃

He　did　not　allow　me　time　to　finish。　　He　merely　said　he　thought　so
too；　and　blew　a　whistle。

Recollection　of　the　subsequent　proceedings　is　not；　so　far　as　I　am
concerned；　amusing。　　By　a　miracle　of　good　luckthey　say　Providence
watches　over　certain　of　usthe　incident　happened　in　Carlsruhe；
where　I　possess　a　German　friend；　an　official　of　some　importance。
Upon　what　would　have　been　my　fate　had　the　station　not　been　at
Carlsruhe；　or　had　my　friend　been　from　home；　I　do　not　care　to　dwell；
as　it　was　I　got　off；　as　the　saying　is；　by　the　skin　of　my　teeth。　　I
should　like　to　add　that　I　left　Carlsruhe　without　a　stain　upon　my
character；　but　that　would　not　be　the　truth。　　My　going　scot　free　is
regarded　in　police　circles　there　to　this　day　as　a　grave　miscarriage
of　justice。

But　all　lesser　sin　sinks　into　insignificance　beside　the　lawlessness
of　George。　　The　bicycle　incident　had　thrown　us　all　into　confusion；
with　the　result　that　we　lost　George　altogether。　　It　transpired
subsequently　that　he　was　waiting　for　us　outside　the　police　court；
but　this　at　the　time　we　did　not　know。　　We　thought；　maybe；　he　had
gone　on　to　Baden　by　himself；　and　anxious　to　get　away　from
Carlsruhe；　and　not；　perhaps；　thinking　out　things　too　clearly；　we
jumped　into　the　next　train　that　came　up　and　proceeded　thither。
When　George；　tired　of　waiting；　returned　to　the　station；　he　found　us
gone　and　he　found　his　luggage　gone。　　Harris　had　his　ticket；　I　was
acting　as　banker　to　the　party；　so　that　he　had　in　his　pocket　only
some　small　change。　　Excusing　himself　upon　these　grounds；　he
thereupon　commenced　deliberately　a　career　of　crime　that；　reading　it
later；　as　set　forth　baldly　in　the　official　summons；　made　the　hair
of　Harris　and　myself　almost　to　stand　on　end。

German　travelling；　it　may　be　explained；　is　somewhat　complicated。
You　buy　a　ticket　at　the　station　you　start　from　for　the　place　you
want　to　go　to。　　You　might　think　this　would　enable　you　to　get　there；
but　it　does　not。　　When　your　train　comes　up；　you　attempt　to　swarm
into　it；　but　the　guard　magnificently　waves　you　away。　　Where　are
your　credentials？　　You　show　him　your　ticket。　　He　explains　to　you
that　by　itself　that　is　of　no　service　whatever；　you　have　only　taken
the　first　step　towards　travelling；　you　must　go　back　to　the　booking…
office　and　get　in　addition　what　is　called　a　〃schnellzug　ticket。〃
With　this　you　return；　thinking　your　troubles　over。　　You　are　allowed
to　get　in；　so　far　so　good。　　But　you　must　not　sit　down　anywhere；　and
you　must　not　stand　still；　and　you　must　not　wander　about。　　You　must
take　another　ticket；　this　time　what　is　called　a　〃platz　ticket；〃
which　entitles　you　to　a　place　for　a　certain　distance。

What　a　man　could　do　who　persisted　in　taking　nothing　but　the　one
ticket；　I　have　often　wondered。　　Would　he　be　entitled　to　run　behind
the　train　on　the　six…foot　way？　　Or　could　he　stick　a　label　on
himself　and　get　into　the　goods　van？　　Again；　what　could　be　done　with
the　man　who；　having　taken　his　schnellzug　ticket；　obstinately
refused；　or　had　not　the　money　to　take　a　platz　ticket：　　would　they
let　him　lie　in　the　umbrella　rack；　or　allow　him　to　hang　himself　out
of　the　window？

To　return　to　George；　he　had　just　sufficient　money　to　take　a　third…
class　slow　train　ticket　to　Baden；　and　that　was　all。　　To　avoid　the
inquisitiveness　of　the　guard；　he　waited　till　the　train　was　moving；
a