the law and the lady-第30部分

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I　had　better　shut　up　these　leaves　for　the　night。　It　maddens　me　to
no　purpose　to　think　of　my　position　or　to　write　of　it。〃

The　next　passage；　dated　a　few　days　later；　dwelt　on　the　same
subject。

〃Of　all　the　follies　that　a　man　can　commit；　the　greatest　is　acting
on　impulse。　I　acted　on　impulse　when　I　married　the　unfortunate
creature　who　is　now　my　wife。

〃Helena　was　then　lost　to　me；　as　I　too　hastily　supposed。　She　had
married　the　man　to　whom　she　rashly　engaged　herself　before　she　met
with　me。　He　was　younger　than　I；　and；　to　all　appearance；　heartier
and　stronger　than　I。　So　far　as　I　could　see；　my　fate　was　sealed
for　life。　Helena　had　written　her　farewell　letter；　taking　leave　of
me　in　this　world　for　good。　My　prospects　were　closed；　my　hopes　had
ended。　I　had　not　an　aspiration　left；　I　had　no　necessity　to
stimulate　me　to　take　refuge　in　work。　A　chivalrous　action；　an
exertion　of　noble　self…denial；　seemed　to　be　all　that　was　left　to
me；　all　that　I　was　fit　for。

〃The　circumstances　of　the　moment　adapted　themselves；　with　a　fatal
facility；　to　this　idea。　The　ill…fated　woman　who　had　become
attached　to　me　（Heaven　knowswithout　so　much　as　the　shadow　of
encouragement　on　my　part！）　had；　just　at　that　time；　rashly　placed
her　reputation　at　the　mercy　of　the　world。　It　rested　with　me　to
silence　the　scandalous　tongues　that　reviled　her。　With　Helena　lost
to　me；　happiness　was　not　to　be　expected。　All　women　were　equally
indifferent　to　me。　A　generous　action　would　be　the　salvation　of
this　woman。　Why　not　perform　it？　I　married　her　on　that
impulsemarried　her　just　as　I　might　have　jumped　into　the　water
and　saved　her　if　she　had　been　drowning；　just　as　I　might　have
knocked　a　man　down　if　I　had　seen　him　ill…treating　her　in　the
street！

〃And　now　the　woman　for　whom　I　have　made　this　sacrifice　stands
between　me　and　my　Helenamy　Helena；　free　to　pour　out　all　the
treasures　of　her　love　on　the　man　who　adores　the　earth　that　she
touches　with　her　foot！

〃Fool！　madman！　Why　don't　I　dash　out　my　brains　against　the　wall
that　I　see　opposite　to　me　while　I　write　these　lines？

〃My　gun　is　there　in　the　corner。　I　have　only　to　tie　a　string　to
the　trigger　and　to　put　the　muzzle　to　my　mouthNo！　My　mother　is
alive；　my　mother's　love　is　sacred。　I　have　no　right　to　take　the
life　which　she　gave　me。　I　must　suffer　and　submit。　Oh；　Helena！
Helena！〃

The　third　extractone　among　many　similar　passageshad　been
written　about　two　months　before　the　death　of　the　prisoner's　wife。

〃More　reproaches　addressed　to　me！　There　never　was　such　a　woman
for　complaining；　she　lives　in　a　perfect　atmosphere　of　ill…temper
and　discontent。

〃My　new　offenses　are　two　in　number：　I　never　ask　her　to　play　to　me
now；　and　when　she　puts　on　a　new　dress　expressly　to　please　me；　I
never　notice　it。　Notice　it！　Good　Heavens！　The　effort　of　my　life
is　_not_　to　notice　her　in　anything　she　does　or　says。　How　could　I
keep　my　temper；　unless　I　kept　as　much　as　possible　out　of　the　way
of　private　interviews　with　her？　And　I　do　keep　my　temper。　I　am
never　hard　on　her；　I　never　use　harsh　language　to　her。　She　has　a
double　claim　on　my　forbearance…she　is　a　woman；　and　the　law　has
made　her　my　wife。　I　remember　this；　but　I　am　human。　The　less　I　see
of　herexc　ept　when　visitors　are　presentthe　more　certain　I　can
feel　of　preserving　my　self…control。

〃I　wonder　what　it　is　that　makes　her　so　utterly　distasteful　to　me？
She　is　a　plain　woman；　but　I　have　seen　uglier　women　than　she　whose
caresses　I　could　have　endured　without　the　sense　of　shrinking　that
comes　over　me　when　I　am　obliged　to　submit　to　_her_　caresses。　I
keep　the　feeling　hidden　from　her。　She　loves　me；　poor　thingand　I
pity　her。　I　wish　I　could　do　more；　I　wish　I　could　return　in　the
smallest　degree　the　feeling　with　which　she　regards　me。　But　noI
can　only　pity　her。　If　she　would　be　content　to　live　on　friendly
terms　with　me；　and　never　to　exact　demonstrations　of　tenderness；
we　might　get　on　pretty　well。　But　she　wants　love。　Unfortunate
creature；　she　wants　love！

〃Oh；　my　Helena！　I　have　no　love　to　give　her。　My　heart　is　yours。

〃I　dreamed　last　night　that　this　unhappy　wife　of　mine　was　dead。
The　dream　was　so　vivid　that　I　actually　got　out　of　my　bed　and
opened　the　door　of　her　room　and　listened。

〃Her　calm；　regular　breathing　was　distinctly　audible　in　the
stillness　of　the　night。　She　was　in　a　deep　sleep：　I　closed　the
door　again　and　lighted　my　candle　and　read。　Helena　was　in　all　my
thoughts；　it　was　hard　work　to　fix　my　attention　on　the　book。　But
anything　was　better　than　going　to　bed　again；　and　dreaming　perhaps
for　the　second　time　that　I　too　was　free。

〃What　a　life　mine　is！　what　a　life　my　wife's　is！　If　the　house　were
to　take　fire；　I　wonder　whether　I　should　make　an　effort　to　save
myself　or　to　save　her？〃

The　last　two　passages　read　referred　to　later　dates　still。

〃A　gleam　of　brightness　has　shone　over　this　dismal　existence　of
mine　at　last。

〃Helena　is　no　longer　condemned　to　the　seclusion　of　widowhood。
Time　enough　has　passed　to　permit　of　her　mixing　again　in　society。
She　is　paying　visits　to　friends　in　our　part　of　Scotland；　and；　as
she　and　I　are　cousins；　it　is　universally　understood　that　she
cannot　leave　the　North　without　also　spending　a　few　days　at　my
house。　She　writes　me　word　that　the　visit；　however　embarrassing　it
may　be　to　us　privately；　is　nevertheless　a　visit　that　must　be　made
for　the　sake　of　appearances。　Blessings　on　appearances！　I　shall
see　this　angel　in　my　purgatoryand　all　because　Society　in
Mid…Lothian　would　think　it　strange　that　my　cousin　should　be
visiting　in　my　part　of　Scotland　and　not　visit　Me！

〃But　we　are　to　be　very　careful。　Helena　says；　in　so　many　words；　'I
come　to　see　you；　Eustace；　as　a　sister。　You　must　receive　me　as　a
brother；　or　not　receive　me　at　all。　I　shall　write　to　your　wife　to
propose　the　day　for　my　visit。　I　shall　not　forgetdo　you　not
forgetthat　it　is　by　your　wife's　permission　that　I　enter　your
house。'

〃Only　let　me　see　her！　I　will　submit　to　anything　to　obtain　the
unutterable　happiness　of　seeing　her！〃

The　last　extract　followed；　and　consisted　of　these　lines　only：

〃A　new　misfortune！　My　wife　has　fallen　ill。　She　has　taken　to　her
bed　with　a　bad　rheumatic　cold；　just　at　the　time　appointed　for
Helena's　visit　to　Gleninch。　But　on　this　occasion　（I　gladly　own
it！）　she　has　behaved　charmingly。　She　has　written　to　Helena　to　say
that　her　illness　is　not　serious　enough　to　render　a　change
necessary　in　the　arrangements；　and　to　make　it　her　particular
request　that　my　cousin's　visit　shall　take　place　upon　the　day
originally　decided　on。

〃This　is　a　great　sacrifice　made　to　me　on　my　wife's　part。　Jealous
of　every　woman　under　forty　who　comes　near　me；　she　is；　of　course；
jealous　of　Helenaand　she　controls　herself；　and　trusts　me！

〃I　am　bound　to　show　my　gratitude　for　this　and　I　will　show　it。
From　this　day　forth　I　vow　to　live　more　affectionately　with　my
wife。　I　tenderly　embraced　her　this　very　morning；　and　I　hope；　poor
soul；　she　did　not　discover　the　effort　that　it　cost　me。〃

There　the　readings　from　the　Diary　came　to　an　end。

The　most　unpleasant　pages　in　the　whole　Report　of　the　Trial
wereto　methe　pages　which　contained　the　extracts　from　my
husband's　Diary。　There　were　expressions　here　and　there　which　not
only　pained　me；　but　which　almost　shook　Eustace's　position　in　my
estimation。　I　think　I　would　have　given　everything　I　possessed　to
have　had　the　power　of　annihilating　certain　lines　in　the　Diary。　As
for　his　passionate　expressions　of　love　for　Mrs。　Beauly；　every　one
of　them　went　through　me　like　a　sting。　He　had　whispered　words
quite　as　warm　into　my　ears　in　the　days　of　his　courtship。　I　had　no
reason　to　doubt　that　he　truly　and　dearly　loved　me。　But　the
question　was；　Had　he　just　as　truly　and　dearly　loved　Mrs。　Beauly
before　me？　Had　she　or　Iwon　the　first　love　of　his　heart？　He　had
declared　to　me　over　and　over　again　that　he　had　only　fancied
himself　to　be　in　love　before　the　day　when　we　met。　I　had　believed
him　then。　I　determined　to　believe　him　still。　I　did　believe　him。
But　I　hated　Mrs。　Beauly！

As　for　the　painful　impression　produced　in　Court　by　the　readings
from　the　letters　and　the　Diary；　it　seemed　to　be　impossible　to
increase　it。　Nevertheless　it　_was_　perceptibly　increased。　In
other　words；　it　was　rendered　more　unfavorable　still　toward　the
prisoner　by　the　evidence　of　the　next　and　last　witness　called　on
the　part　of　the　prosecution。

William　Enzie；　under…gardener　at　Gleninch；　was　sworn；　and　deposed
as　follows：

On　the　twentieth　of　October；　at　eleven　o'clock　in　the　forenoon；　I
was　sent　to　work　in　the　shrubbery；　on　the　side　next　to　the　garden
called　the　Dutch　Garden。　There　was　a　summer…house　in　the　Dutch
Garden；　having　its　back　set　toward　the　shrubbery。　The　day　was
wonderfully　fine　andwarm　for　the　time　of　year。

〃Passing　to　my　work；　I　passed　the　back　of　the　summer…house。　I
heard　voices　insidea　man's　voice　and　a　lady's　voice。　The　lady's
voice　was　strange　to　me。　The　man's　voice　I　recognized　as　the
voice　of　my　master。　The　ground　in　the　shrubbery　was　soft；　and　my
curiosity　was　excited。　I　stepped　up　to　the　back　of　the
summer…house　without　being　heard；　and　I　listened　to　what　was
going　on　inside。

〃The　first　words　I　could　distinguish　were　spoken　in　my　master's
voice。　He　said；　'If　I　could　only　have　foreseen　that　you　might　one
day　be　free；　what　a　happy　man　I　might　have　been！'　The　lady's
voice　answered；　'Hush！　you　must　not　talk　so。'　My　master　said　upon
that；　'I　must　talk　of　what　is　in　my　mind；　it　is　always　in　my　mind
that　I　have　lost　you。'　He　stopped　a　bit　there；　and　then　he　said
on　a　sudden；　'Do　me　one　favor；　my　angel！　Promise　me　not　to　marry
again。'　The　lady's　voice　spoke　out　thereupon　sharply　enough；
'What　do　you　mean？'　My　master　said；　'I　wish　no　harm　to　the
unhappy　creature　who　is　a　burden　on　my　life；　but　suppose'
'Suppose　nothing；'　the　lady　said；　'come　back　to　the　house。'

〃She　led　the　way　into　the　garden；　and　turned　round；　beckoning　my
master　to　join　her。　In　that　position　I　saw　her　face　plainly；　and
I　knew　it　for　the　face　of　the　young　widow　lady　who　was　visiting
at　the　house。　She　was　pointed　out　to　me　by　the　head…gardener　when
she　first　arrived；　for　the　purpose　of　warning　me　that　I　was　not
to　interfere　if　I　found　her　picking　the　flowers。　The　gardens　at
Gleninch　were　shown　to　tourists　on　certain　days；　and　we　made　a
difference；